Tuesday, June 14, 2016

if you wonder why people can possess an MFA or PhD in English and still can't write

...then you only need to look at Fred the Boorish Bore's new blog.  It's chock full of brilliant whacks of word-sculpture, such as the following:

My Research Philosophy

My research reflects the hybridity that I have always pursued as an academic. I believe in the practical, theoretical, and empirical value that can be derived from working within the intersection(s) of rhetoric and composition, literacy education, and applied linguistics. Rhetoric and composition gives us the traditional values of the hum­­anities, such as the value of narrative and skepticism towards universalizing and certain knowledge claims, as well as a focus on tailoring our communicative acts towards particular audiences and purposes. Literacy education research allows us to better educate students from across the age range, and to influence policy decisions in a way that protects those students and traditional values of liberal education and humanism. Applied linguistics provides techniques and technologies that help us to investigate language use in large samples, helping direct our teaching and our administrative policies in a way that benefits students and educators alike.


I'm sure he's gonna backpedal with "it's all a meta-satire, bro. YOU GOT CATFISHED, BRO!"

Just like Chalupa.


I sort of think that block quote above tells you all you need to know about the people Karl used to call the Frilly Blouse Squad, also known in Hal's lingo as the Transgender Scouting Troop. Overwrought syllable multiplication, rare words nobody ever uses in conversation, and zero information conveyed despite the word count and word diversity.

Fluffy, ornate writing.

No wonder they're such dupes. They spend their meagre brainpower trying to out-do each other for most circuitous path taken by a collection of letters, spaces and punctuation marks.


Of course, to the True, Pure-Hearted Leftists of the Transgender Scouting Troop/Frilly Blouse Squad, this sort of writing is money personified. We can consult Dame Fernanda herself.

When asked, Fred said, in that passive aggressive mode where he's most fluent, "please tell ________ __________* that my blog raised enough money in one day to pay 4 months worth of rent."**

Now you know why people like Chalupa spend 40 years chasing rarefied exquisite expressions of poetastery, thinking selves geniuses of sociopolitical analysis merely because they know who is the most admired suitor to the legacies of Christopher "Floyd" Isherwood, Spermin' Herman Melville, and Armistead "Never Orlando in Frisco" Maupin.

-- Paul Behrer, observer of the most absurd forms of pretense, self-delusion, and haughty false grandeur


* Insert name of random Not Gay-Pride-Left Enough for Freddy blogger/tweeterer for true measure of Fernanda's feline fury of furry fracas-foo-foo.

** No shit.

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