Saturday, April 30, 2016

three blind mice

Transcript of recorded conversation at UNSF HQ, 28 April 2016.


"Yo.  Chet.  You been reading the stuff lately from our favorite copycats?"

"Uh...what's that, Karl?  Copycats?  You mean ones that I'm familiar with since I got hired by Hal in early 2014?  Or ones that you people dealt with before my time here?"

"C'mon, Chet, I know you've read every damned post and comment here, you're the most thorough lawyer that everyone I know knows.  You know who have the historical copycat leadership honors."

"Why don't you refresh my recollection, just so I don't get it wrong?"

"Jesus.  What a lazy bum.  Won't even kickstart your memory for this, eh?"

"You know the hourly rate, Karl.  I can bill you, or I can not.  I'm not working, then I'm not billing.  I'm working, I'm billing."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Okay.  Two hints.  Susan d'Ochridec.  Steampunk agrarian code writer."

"Ahhh.  Little fraud Tarzie, and the self-proclaimed Arch-Druid, neither of whom really ever shares anything insightful, unless offering something found here as if it were his/her/its own idea."

"You got it.  So have you read them?"

"I read Archie routinely, mostly to track his sock puppetry skills, to witness those lengthy 'conversations' he has with himself in the comment threads.  And Tarzie?  There's nothing at that blog worth reading."

"I agree about Tarzie, I agree about Archie.  But have you seen each one's most recent entries?"

"I saw Archie took a leave of absence then returned with an essay that was essentially lifted from the back pages of this blog's collective wisdom, but one week later was back to his Baffle-Ball game of Topical Hot Potato, with no coherence tying things together despite many promises that such is precisely what he's doing.  I haven't seen Tarzie's blog since Hal told me to take a look at it for an example of one of the biggest copycats this blog experiences.  I can't imagine I'm missing anything, since I'm not interested in gay men, fashion, gossip-pretending-at-investigation, furries/trannies/traps/ho-tramps, or the whining screeches of a flamboyant Brooklyn hipster-wannabe trustafarian.  Those are the only things I saw at Tarzie's shrieking imitation of Rip Taylor as an infosec journo."

"Yeah, Archie came back from his break with some half-decent ideas for chewing, but then instead of following up on those ideas, he got into the SWPL game of check-your-privilege for a whole essay -- and you know how wordy that bastard is."

"Oh I saw that.  Gave me a right crackin' headache it did.  He's a progressive, deep in his coeur-du-bosque.  Of course that's obvious to me and was to all of you here too, eh?  But what about Tarzie?"

"Faggoty Fag-Fag --I can call him that, since his schtick is Gayer than Liberace!-- is back on the Snowden game, only now pretending he didn't spend over a year's worth of essays defending the Snow Job and the Greenback Grab of Greenwald.  Now he's pretending he's always thought Snowden a con.  If the dude-ish swish really had an audience rather than no audience but an Arch-Druid-like ability to pen "comments" under many different names, that audience would have to hold a person or two who read Little Swish doing the Hero Worship of Glenn and Eddie for months on end."

"I should care about that... why, exactly, Karl?  One read of a Tarzie blog entry tells me all I need to know:  he's a swell guy, bachelor for life, would live at the YMCA if this were the 60s, and he got where he is --nowhere, really, as a writer or thinker of note-- by getting on his knees, or clasping his own ankles, for career advancement.  He's not anyone who'd have insights on political chicanery, unless we're talking about the politics of same sex sex-haver snark warfare."

"I just meant it's funny that Tarzie still gets linked by Chalupa, along with other idiots of blogtopia.  Is Chalupa linking them out of mockery, admiration, or "irony"?  Will we ever know?"

"Chalupa?  That sad clown?  Maybe if he stuck to commenting on irrelevant artists instead of pretending he's the Great Seer of sociopolitics, if he kept his eyes pinned to sports statistics and the horrors of people actually hunting down the meat they consume at their meals, maybe he'd be worth bothering myself about.  I class him in the same league with Archie and Tarzie -- sad, deluded, and smugly passive-aggressive as if always correct, but as said: deluded, especially on own wisdom."

"Yeah but he's better now since he walked on a 40 foot wide path in the woods, with 49 other people.  That's truly regenerative recreation right there!  And he threw a plastic disc at an array of chain and metal tubing, along with 53 others.  Better now!"

"Don't remind me.  That kind of self-abasement those three bloggers conduct is perfect for capturing the zeitgeist of the first 25 years of the 21st Century."

12 comments:

Harold Caidagh said...

I'm wondering whether the mention of Swish-Boy will cause the return of diane! and I'm tough!, or mennonite hoe fracas, or Rack Jake-or-Back. It's been a while since the comments threads were inundated by the Pink Triangle Triad. Those guys (they are all genetically XY by birth, right?) are regular SNARK NINJAS!

"OMIGOSH. Glenn's haircut! Will the person playing Glenn Greenwald in the new Snowden movie be as big a genius, as horse-hung in the crotch, as sartorially gifted as The Original Sock Puppet King himself?"

"Timely questions, MHF. As long as the actor playing Glenn is gay, I'll be writing 5/5 or 10/10 reviews for Snowden. I'm even slated to help Kurt Loder write his for reason.com!"

"HOMOPHOBES will be protesting the genius of Snowden and Greenwald and the heroism of Laura Poitras, Jeremy Scahill and Pierre Omidyar. Stupid reactionary breeder morons, why don't they go kill each other at a NASCAR race or something?"

"Agreed."

"Snowden is the most heroic American since George Washington admitted he chopped down the cherry tree."

"Agreed."

"Greenwald is the gay male icon for the 21st Century -- media superstar!"

"Agreed."

"We all agree with each other so readily, how can anyone else in the world possibly not see things our way?"

"Maybe because they have that sick disease of being attracted to women?"

Chalupa, Lord Garth of the Internet's Elba II said...

My deep mockery is too deep for you, apparently. I'm amused that you can't see how people like me and Tarzie work: whatever we know right now, we've always known. Two months from now, when popular opinion is against what we know right now, we'll shift to mirror popular opinion, and deny that we ever thought or argued or believed otherwise. You're just jealous because you didn't have an Obamapostasy like me, and where Tarzie's concerned, you're a total jelly-belly because Tarzie's famous and you're, like, y'know, ummm, totally SOOOOOOO not famous.

Excuse me, but it's time to go have sex with my cats.

Paul Behrer said...

Chalupa's shrink's notes:

"Admits to torturing cats and dogs when he was an elementary school student. Crocodile almost-tears were nearly emitted. Presently has 7 feral cats attending his water and food dishes when the mood strikes them. Does he think caring for feral cats hides his bubbling anger toward everyone unlike himself? And that blog of his -- actually, used to be like 15 of them at once -- what is he doing there? It's like he wishes he was a professor in a graduate arts program, rather than being a sexually confused and career-ambition-stifled librarian who remains nearly invisible to the prestigious faculty surrounding him. Classic self-delusion situation, with so many rationalizations covering over those things about himself he can't bear to accept. Maybe this is why his most frequently used word at his blogs is HOLYFUCK."

Classy Showerstream said...

Honey, if you're that jealous of la Tarz, why don't you just ask him out and get it over with. Isn't that closet getting a little small? If you join us, we can all pee on each other, shit on each other, fuck each other's many holes, and congratulate ourselves for being gay by temperament and by sexual orientation -- and naturally that's why you're jelly.

ps-- used to be Sassy Sourstein, but these days all of us Tribals are anglicizing.

Chet Redweld said...

Yep, this is a bit like what I thought might happen.

Please. I insist. Go right ahead, "Classy" and Chalupa and whomever or whatever else you need to call yourself, and please do continue that life of escapist delusion manifest in a series of internet comments.

We're all well used to the show. Don't forget to be "ironic" in that neoplastic sense of the word.

Karl Franz Ochstradt said...

All we need now, Chet, is some Sprytel J Chimchim and Jacquie Creaux nonsense, and the Pink Triangle Triad will be triumphant.

Frilly blouses, man-on-man sex, and male feminism for the win -- eh, patrones de la izquierda?

Charles F. Oxtrot said...

It must really, really suck (from an existential angst perspective, I mean) to have built an elaborate facade of

Enlightened Progressive

or

Egalitarian Leftist Who Hates Religion But Loves Israel & Judaism and redefines egalitarian as "purge all whom I accuse of holding or advancing Rightist views"

and then learning you're a massive fraud who has assumed all the wrong things about "truth" and "reality". Like pretending you're in the vanguard of investigative talent when you bring "breaking news" about a thumb drive taken by Fast Eddie and handed to Gooey Glenn but dauntingly sequestered by faceless editors at The Guardian UK forcing you to jump ship to Glowingly Great and Generous Gazillionaire, Pierre Omidyar and his new meta-reality, The Intercept. Once you've done that, you can't really turn around and say

hah hah hah, Snowden is a psy-op!

unless you're actually saying

hah hah hah, I got duped like a Down Syndrome victim, but please consider me as holding all the most precious and rare insights you won't find anywhere else!

You can see some parallel in the Chalupa-Doo Senior Obamapostate's current political chatter, where he pretends he's never been an idiot tribalist who would vote for Hillary because it's her turn even if you did that very thing in 2008 and 2012 for Obama and for Black folks because it was their turn then.

"Their", in that case, was the "corporate" and "greedy" and "reactionary" and "dumbfuck" and "capitalist" urges behind your and every other person's "support" of all those Donkeys, whom you "supported" just to piss off someone who you identified as a Rep-thug-li-KKK-an

He's just too meta- for Loretta, bro.

H.M. Lohmann said...

I'm guessing the Snowden hagiographic pseudo-biopic might shoehorn extracurricular observations regarding "reactionaries" and abortion "rights" and GOP-blaming into the narrative. Obviously Olly Stone is interested in being the author of the Official Lie on The GreenSnow Long Con, but when you get so many pals in Hollywood by being the semi-official Director of the Democratic National Committee, there's really nobody else they'd choose for this picture. Christopher Nolan, maybe, but Nolan's movies don't have a history of "exposing" the "truth" while hiding that veractity-laden recitation of factual reality under the cloudy "exposee."

People like to say that bankers have all the power, but in the 21st Century, it's the celebrities who dictate public opinion, not the bankers. Though the bankers will always find influx via celebrities, since Hollywood is a banker's town at bottom, and one which really can't ever see enough "growth" in profit -- not ever, not in a million years.

Karl Franz Ochstradt said...

Jeez, Hy. You sound more like Pablo there than yourself. Has your time here caused a shift in your views or writing style? I'm not complaining -- I agree with what you just said and how you said it. But you seem to have more certainty these days, compared to 2-3 years ago, when you seemed mostly timid.

H.M. Lohmann said...

I'm not sure, Karl. It may be the resurgence of Bernie Sanders as savior that's led me here. I was thinking it was going to be Elizabeth Warren, I like her more than I like Hillary Clinton, I think most people feel the same way. If we're going to have the First Woman President, she'd be a better choice. For the progressive image, I mean. If what they really wanted was to make a u-turn from the present direction, they could have chosen Cynthia McKinney, she's both a woman and an African-American, and she understands at least some of the problems in the Capital, unlike the other Democratic candidates who are themselves the problems in the Capital. But the way Bernie is leading everyone to Hillary? That's probably it, Karl.

Karl Franz Ochstradt said...

Plausible and sincere-sounding, Hy. Also, it paves the way for you to be like Chalupa, but your apostasy isn't limited to one candidate, one vote, at one POTUS election is it? You're rejecting the whole of the Donkey Squad, including the progressives?

Watershed event, Hy. Take a bow.

Charles F. Oxtrot said...

So where does that leave Hy standing, as a man without a tribe? What will he do next? Do we institute a suicide watch?

No offense, Hy, it's just that I'm reminded of how popular it is among certain people to recant on apostasy, depending on the audience receiving the avowed apostate. Tribalism is a powerful urge, and most can't handle being self-reliant.

I'd agree it's a watershed event if you can make it stick, Hy. In other words, if it's not just a pose, and you can live with being that.