Thursday, February 11, 2016

with which pattern have you made your kilt?

Personally, I would choose the Clan Wallace tartan.  The Wallace Clan motto is pro libertate.

Also, it might be able to claim among its members the deceased D.F. Wallace, who has been in the news lately thanks to the 20th anniversary of Infinite Jest.

Here's D.F. now (actually some time in 1993) with a slightly different take on "the news":

But when you talk about Nabokov and Coover, you’re talking about real geniuses, the writers who weathered real shock and invented this stuff in contemporary fiction. But after the pioneers always come the crank turners, the little gray people who take the machines others have built and just turn the crank, and little pellets of metafiction come out the other end. The crank-turners capitalize for a while on sheer fashion, and they get their plaudits and grants and buy their IRAs and retire to the Hamptons well out of range of the eventual blast radius. There are some interesting parallels between postmodern crank-turners and what’s happened since post-structural theory took off here in the U.S., why there’s such a big backlash against post-structuralism going on now. It’s the crank-turners fault. I think the crank-turners replaced the critic as the real angel of death as far as literary movements are concerned, now.

I suppose we can tolerate grudgingly the crank-turners, the emulators of what's hip at the moment. After all, without them, there would be no blogrolls that pretend to "admire" other bloggers who have in turn "admired" your own regurgitated hipness (and puked up without insight, please to remember!); there would be no Glenn Greenwald or Matt Taibbi or Chris Hedges; there would be no Will Ferrell or Steve Carrell or Jon Stewart or Bill Maher or Dane Cook or other lame uninventive-but-nonetheless-hugely-popular celebrity.

But you -- you, please, should go on with your formulaic lack of insight, your reliable absence of humor, your dependable restatements of what's obvious as though you were offering big revelations. You can always rely on the fact that someone, somewhere, finds dull-witted mediocrity a grand feast of intellectual treats.

Your smallness and your grey pallor are nothing to be ashamed of.  After all, you can probably lay claim to an Obamapostasy like Chalupa, which absolves you of any obligation to have or share insights.  You grasped the obvious well after you might have done if not so much a follower (and so devoid of original insight and so lacking in personal courage).

Poems on graph paper with tempera are what little grey people churn out because they can't come up with worthwhile poems.  So, please pay attention to the graph paper, the ALLCAPS, and the watercolor.  It's what makes the true artist stand apart from the me-toos.

--Karl Franz Ochstradt, possessed of brightness and a yeasty rise, but sadly not angelic.


Narrenschifff said...

Why do I feel like I'm taking crazy pills when I read this blog? I get this weird sense that it's one guy writing stream of consciousness and then replying in various characters to himself.

Harold Caidagh said...

Apparently Narrenschifff has confused this blog with Glenn Greenwald's, or Tom Feeley's, or Michael J. Smith's, or Chris Floyd's, or Tarzie's, or John Michael Greer's blog.

Given the materials covered here, as compared to those just listed, I can't see how Triple F can be so confused. Show me where any of that list of autoerotic autocratic automatic MPD obsessives can cover as many issues with equal finesse.

Not gonna happen.

jonnycoconut the self-obsessed gay man said...

Narrenschifff is one of the bright lights of reddit, and you aren't even on reddit are you mister Pezcandy Talking Head Sugarblock Emitter?

reddit is where all the smart --no, ubersmart to the point of exclusive superiority-- people go to prove to the world that they are genius gay nerds.

Yes, that definitely means I'm a gay genius myself.

Harold Caidagh said...

Isn't reddit where people like Gay Jacob Bacharach and Gay Glenn Greenwald hang out to share sausage treats in e-metaphoric form?

Reddit is like twitter for gay basement-dwelling nerds. Freedom to have more than 140 penis-commas in a comment. Makes a person wonder what is the Ding-Dong's reddit ID. You know the Ding-Dong is on there, it's yet another e-medium opportunity to prove his fag-haggy, white-knighty, Donkey-huffing, down-with-the-hipsters "smarts."

SneakyWoolBlanket said...

Okay, I admit I've read this blog for several years now, mostly because I thought its author was gay and was trolling for a buddy, and I wanted him for my own buddy.

I got somewhat turned off by the Gays R Heroes schtick, though, so I figured the best revenge is to raise this blog's aim/mission on reddit, where other gay genius basement dwellers could weigh in on my assessments.

H.M. Lohmann said...

Apparently Narrenschifff has confused this blog with Glenn Greenwald's, or Tom Feeley's, or Michael J. Smith's, or Chris Floyd's, or Tarzie's, or John Michael Greer's blog.

You left out TLP/Edward Teach.

David Wong said...

Thank you for giving me so many comic ideas, which I filter through my own gender and sexuality confused adolescence. I'm still telling myself I'm hetero, even though I am obsessed with penises and what all the guys did in jr high and high school.

If I had to come up with my own original comic slant on things, I wouldn't get paid to write for Cracked. So thanks for giving me 75% of every entry I write, and no, I'll never tell people I'm reading your blog. They'd realize that I'm like every other little grey man turning the crank.

Harold Caidagh said...

Wong is a funny pen-surname for a follower of 6 pointed stars.

David Wong said...

It's my real surname, and I am a published author: John Dies at the End.

Harold Caidagh said...

Ah, so you have built an entire comedy writing career on stealing observations from this blog? Bully for you. Quite a merchant prince, you are. In the 1600s, you'd have been the guy paying pirates to burn the ships of competing merchants, but in the 2010s, you just steal others' comedy and present it as your own. No arson required.

Kudos. And yes, thanks for never admitting where you get your ideas.

David Wong said...

Look, if you're not well-connected enough like me (or, like Jake Backpack, my pal) to get published then I don't know what to tell you. But I'm glad you're not published, as it gives me many opportunities for profit. Besides, if I don't steal your observations and tweak them by 10% to fit my gay identity hiding behind breeder costume, some other reddit user will do it. I'm not finishing last to those people. I'm a winner.

And you're a loser. Remind me -- what's the name of your novel, and who published it?

Harold Caidagh said...

Well, I guess if stealing my comedy and presenting it as your own is good enough for people like Kevin Bazar/kidwoo, it's definitely ripe for use by a "David Wong."

"Hey, David, suddenly you seem funny. You used to be a self-loathing, barely closeted poodle-boy, but now you're funny. How'd that happen?"

Shit, was it that obvious? No way can I admit I steal others' material and approach like Denis Leary stole Bill Hicks' material and approach, I'd be branded a fraud and I'd go back to my basement-dwelling gay genius status, stuck on reddit hoping to get props from other gay basement dwelling geniuses. WhatamIgonnadu?