Saturday, February 13, 2016

eye raist bykz ennats gudonov

Seriously.

I raced bikes, so that means I'm a good writer.

Flip it, eh?  I'm a good writer, so that means I'll win bike races.

It's pretty stupid, isn't it?

But it explains this:

Yesterday we started with Andes Pacifico 2016. This year It will 5 day of pure mountain bike from the Andes Mountain to the Pacific Ocean in Chile. More than 10.000 meters drop in the 21 special stages will be what the riders will have to make to complete this adventure.

La Parva Ski Resort, received a total of 64 riders from around the world to compete in the 3rd version of Santa Cruz 2016 Pacific Andes by Montenbaik.
The Special Stage Valle Amarillo that started at 3500 meters was the initial test of the “Dakar" of mountain bikes after this and 4 other stages,the Chilean pilot from team Extreme Zone, Nicolas Prudencio stands as leader with a total time of 41 : 26.5, followed by the scottish Mark Scott with a solid stride.

Very close in third position is the Frenchman Francois Bailly - Maitre with 41.33.4, that is also fighting for a place on the podium. In fourth is the Chilean Milciades Jaque from Curico, after cutting his chain in the fifth special Lomas del Viento, despite this mishap is less than 1 minute from Prudencio.

Meanwhile in the ladies category 3 times world champion Tracy Moseley Britain achieves the first day, followed by the French Pauline Dieffenthaler with a time of 51.22.2.

With a total of almost 4000 meters of descent and 5 Special ends on the first day of competition in the Andes. For the second day waiting another 5 special on a rocky and dissolved squeezing the skills of each rider.

Nice work, 40something-with-a-7-yr-old's-command-of-English-language.  Explain those highlighted portions, will you?  Especially that random comma after "Resort" -- what's that about?

Between Sven Martin and Shawn Spomer, they might be able to get a D+ on a 4th grade English essay.  Kudos, kiddies.  You don't need better compositional or grammar skills because your audience is as ignorant as you.  Way to have and hold and pursue high standards, you mental midgets!

16 comments:

Sven Martin said...

Oi, eye raist bykz AND skaytid, you seen me kikflipin on Earthed, so fukyu fukker, eym sowthafriken we use Dutch-glish. Eyegotz strayt ayz in skoo in sowthafriken.

Shawn Spomer said...

Look I seen you callin me Pawn Homer that aint funneh. I got moar shimz so fuck you.

Karl Franz Ochstradt said...

Apparently, when you spend your jr high and HS years riding bikes instead of learning elementary writing and grammar, that's good enough for journalism.

"Man that Sven Martin sucks as a writer."

"Yeah, but he raced on the World Cup, so that makes up for it."

"And that Spomer, still a teenager in his late 30s, what's up with that?"

"Well, hipness and friendship with industry insiders gives him leeway on his failed writing."

Such professionals!

Sven Martin said...

Stoopid fukur itz rittn bye Proovians who have Spannesh 4 theyr mane langwidge, eye think they dun prittie gude. Doan see yew ritin Spannesh fukur.

Chet Redweld said...

So, you don't bother polishing up their 2d rate English language skills, because literacy is a low priority?

Shawn Spomer said...

Lowsee brane yerself fukur. We been jernaliss fer ten yeerz now, yew member littermag ryte fukur? Yeah well see, so fukyu eyema jernaliss.

Montenbaik said...

Sin señores Spomer y Martin, no puedamos escribir por un grupo Americano. Entonces tenemos gratitud hacia Srs Spomer y Martin.

Chimpus Ridemonkeyus said...

You think the Silverback should write better? I'd like to see you compete in UCI World Cup DH in Men's Elite.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Spomer takes great photos, how about you?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

I'm an industry insider with lots of experience after getting my BS in industrial design. What about you? Do you even understand the industry, or engineering, or physics?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

So you're not a great photographer, haven't raced world cup DH, aren't in the industry. Why should we care what you think? Are you setting any trends? Are you helping to grow the sport?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

You're just a copycat hack who imitates Team Robot, but without the bike riding experience of Sponsel. Go fuck yourself.

Paul Behrer said...

I like when Sven Martin interviews someone, he's always boxing them into "is it THIS or was it THAT," as if only Sven's limited imagination can describe all possibilities. If Sven thinks it was This vs That, that's all it could ever be!

When you went over the bars just after the 1st split, were you trying to get back on your bike quickly, or were you looking for your iPhone to tweet about it?, asked Sven Martin, clearly aware of all the possibilities!

Chimpus Ridemonkeyus said...

You're just jealous because you don't have an uber-cool first name like "Sven," which guarantees all the ladies will think you're a scandi sex god. His parents probably named him after a character in I Am Curious (Yellow). Of course you'd be jealous of someone like that.

Wendell Stam said...

Apparently, when you spend your jr high and HS years riding bikes instead of learning elementary writing and grammar, that's good enough for journalism.

Yeah well apparently if you spend a big chunk of your life with your head in the books and working as a corporate lawyer douchebag repthuglican misogynist patriarchy-promoter of bigotry and Tea Party sympathies, and then get disbarred, you think that means you are better than my friends Sven and Shawn, who have spent lots of time at my house in the Tetons where I am Mr Mom a/k/a Joey Weil from the Upper West Side. Fuck you, reactionary failed houselawyer.

H.M. Lohmann said...

Nobody's as cool, hip, wise, informed, inside, and well-worshiped as Wendy's Square Hamburger Prepared with Grass-Fed, Artisanally Raised Argentine Beef, and if you doubt this, just ask Wendell. He'll tell you. He's quite a salesman.

Harold Caidagh said...

Wendell's TGR/RM handle describes Wendell's urge when he sees a dildo.

Harold Caidagh said...

He's funny with the "disbarred" comment, just like he is when posting as "Harry" on TGR. Incredibly funny. I mean, think about it: someone talks about how Wendell tried to rip him off by offering a piece of bike junk in trade for a $300 value fork, and Wendell in reply makes up a "funny" remark about the critic's "disbarment". Gosh, Wendy, that's hilarious! Someone speaks the truth about you, and you find it necessary to lie about them. Fantastic, really. Truly hilarious. Not narcissistic, not egomaniacal, and not Joey Weil-ish either. Truly.

Wendell Stam said...

You just wish you could manipulate others' emotions for personal gain as well as I do, you misogynistic loser who is a failure at law and with the ladies. Cory Blackwood was right about you, you're a misogynist bigot reactionary fucktard and that's why you're not married to a righteous manipulator babe like I am or like Cory is. You're just jealous that you didn't marry a woman whose family supports you when you practice confidence tricks seeking a quick buck.

It's not funny when you tell the truth about me, but it's hilarious as fuck when I spread lies about you. Think about when I called you a child molester. That was hilarious. Especially since it's not true, but mostly because it's something I said and wanted others to believe -- and they believed me! Why are you such a loser?

Cory Blackwood said...

You'd never say any of this to my face, or to Wendell's, Sven's, Shawn's, or anyone elses. You're just a keyboard hero who can't get laid because he's such a misogynist reactionary Tea Party insane Randroid who hates women. If you don't stop talking trash about industry insiders, I'm going to make sure Kona never lets you buy a bike.