Wednesday, November 4, 2015

eye gradyooayted hye skoo 'n' eye raist bykes for five yeers

Naturally, therefore, I'm a bike journalist.  I write better than most canonically revered novelists, I take better pictures than Ansel Adams could have dreamed about, and online, I shred way harder than you, him, her, that dude over in SLO, and anyone in Boulder.  Seriously.

That's why when I write stuff on my blog, I stick to the perspective of a 12 year old boy who is really insecure about where he fits into his 6th grade classmate social hierarchy.

Yes, it's an energy drink commercial from Europe. However, it's awesome to see mountain biking going more main stream!

Really? It's "awesome" to see that?

Why is that?

Can you name for me one major theme, item, tool, device, concept or principle that was improved, or at least not diminished or weakened in any way, by its "going mainstream"?

Or is it just that Shawn Spomer would like to make 100k/year for writing things from that above-stated perspective of the insecure 12-year-old who really wants peer acceptance and can't stand the fact that he has slightly crooked teeth, freckles, or the wrong clothes?

8 comments:

Pawn Homer said...

It's awesome, damned right it's awesome.

Now you can get a bike with 650B, 650B+, 29, 29+, fatty, uber-fatty, and 26+. Your choice. Any wheel, any time. And that's just MTB. Which has gone mainstream, whether you like it or not.

We also have really boosted the average MTB price. Just 5 years ago, good FS bikes for trail riding were affordable, yes that's true, but now just 5 years later they're really expensive. That means everyone in the industry makes more CHA-CHING, bro.

I've read your angry and arrogant blog before, and I have seen you say that mainstream is ruining trails. You're wrong. More riders have more fun when more trails are more simple and less technical and less skinny. More fun is more spending on more MTBs and MTB gear. Which means I get paid more, advertisers give me bigger margins for my clicks, and everyone wins.

If you see a loss in that, you're just a loser. That's all. Nuff said.

If you were such a great writer and MTB rider, you'd have my job. Sorry you're jelly, loser.

online crusher said...

Totally agree with PH. This asshole is jealous as fuck. The online community respects the industry especially people like Spomer. Reading this asshole might make a fool believe that most people aren't totally stoked to be overwhelmed with the fantastic technologies available thanks to people like Spomer helping bring MTB into the mainstream.

I'll give this asshole an example. Sam Adams beer. That shit sucked when it first came out. About 15 years later, finally the whole New School of microbrews like Sam Adams became old school and mainstream. And that's finally when I could tolerate drinking it.

Here's another example. Smartphones. Remember when they cost like a thousand dollars, because only a few people like Spomer had one? Thanks to Spomer, smartphones are what everyone uses. Or at least everyone who isn't trying to drag us back into the days when humans died at 25 of some sick disease that we now prevent thanks to technology. Spomer's great work promoting technology saves lives, man. Soon everyone will be able to buy a MTN that can do every discipline except race on the road, and who gives a fuck about those lycra pussies anyway? You'll be able to adjust wheel size, wheelbase, head angle, seat angle, travel, and of course saddle height with various new technologies that give you something like 25 bikes in one. It's gonna be sick bro. Too fuckin' bad you hate everyone and won't be able to get one because you hate everyone and so nobody will hire you because you hate everyone and everything.

What an asshole.

online crusher said...

Aw fuckin keyboard on my iPhone. MTB, not MTN. Shit.

Honoria Helper, L.C.S.W. said...

One thing I think holds true, Mr Redweld. Appealing to the mainstream means toning down your opinions. People hate controversy, they like the feeling that everyone agrees with them about everything. So the best writing actually takes no positions at all -- or, at least, when it takes a position, it takes only the position that everyone can agree on. For exmple: Progress is good. Technology is good. Society needs to progress. Society needs technology. Progress in technology is progress in society.

I think you get the picture. I think that's why these commenters above me are so eager to say you are angry, arrogant, and --as Mr Crusher said-- an "asshole."

Perhaps you could water down your views and try to think about things that nobody can disagree with, and then write that sort of essay or entry instead of these entries you've been writing since starting this blog. I spent a few hours last week reading back in the history of this blog and saw anger everywhere. To be honest it gave me pause and made me concerned about your psychological well-being.

Think of Switzerland.

Think of Wonder Bread.

Think of Velveeta.

Think vanilla.

Think progress.

Think growth.

Harold Caidagh said...

What's it like to go through life with a name that is intentionally dumbed-down from the Celtic original?

"Hey, if we use the Celtic, he may get called Seen so we'd better just spell that name phonetically.

Signed,

Mama & Papa Spomer"

I guess when you get teased by people for having a dumbed-down name for a dumbed-down populace, you learn that dumbing everything down is what makes you popular. Otherwise, you might get called "Seen," and FSM knows, that's enough to make a poor little metrosexual hipster contemplate suicide.

Paul Behrer said...

It's more than a smidgen of irony, the fact that all those Spomerblog Boulderites are as PC, wimpy, ineffectual, childish, and afraid of their own shadows. Parker and Stone may as well be talking about the MTB "industry" with their lampooning of Boulder and its environs.

Cory Blackwood, Kona Bikes Cool Guy said...

Better than being sociopathic misogynistic homophobic reactionaries like you.

stuckinsidemyTGRidentity said...

I can't even go for a ride any more, because I spend all my time weighing my options after dissecting the various bike spec and geometry points I've used days, literally days, to memorize. I also memorized everything kidwoo says on TGR and that confuses me even further. Back in June, I did a ride of about 3 or 4 miles. That's another way of saying it was a 2 hour ride. The whole time, I was thinking my tires roll too slowly while also not cornering very well, mostly because my bike came with a tire that kidwoo hadn't approved yet, and he still hasn't approved it. So I've memorized everything he says about tires, and then I want to know why kidwoo doesn't ride a Yelli Screamy, since that's what all the badasses ride. It's why I got one. I can't ride a 26 no matter what kidwoo says. Too fidgety, like the bike won't listen to me. Of course I say a lot and a lot of people don't like listening to me. I'm just going to stop riding until all this great technology settles out and kidwoo tells me what I should ride. Until then I'm just going to drop by occasionally to say

get the red ones

and you can keep considering me as Missoula's most badass skier and MTB rider. Forget Eric Bergoust, forget Sam Schultz, the real hero of Missoula is stuckathuntermtn on TGR. Who is me, and let me tell you, I e-ski and e-ride better than almost anyone. And I'm not even a dentist!