Tuesday, August 11, 2015

emscot p. EK


Maybe if you don't like using words and letters like Plastalina, you won't understand what was just written.


I could try to tell you that I'm talking about mascots, and record producer Phil Ek, and the way urinary catheters pull your urine out of your bladder so you don't have to get out of the hospital bed and try to hobble over to the toilet to empty your pee into its bowl, and how lye is a powerful substance historically used when doing industrial bathroom cleaning.

But that would be a lie.

It would be a lie in service of a blog entry.  Sort of like this:

On the bar TV above H's head a cop picked up a Ferguson protester and threw him to the ground like a wet stuffed animal, and the bar exploded in laughter, some fuck started chanting USA! USA! USA! and the rest of the bar joined in....


Some people need to make up lies like that one, so they can keep being angry at anything that doesn't mirror their own views/beliefs. They try to put the origin of their own pathetic stuck-at-age-15-with-all-the-nascent-independence-it-carries-and-certainly-the-cocksure-eternal-rectitude-of-self viewpoint somewhere outside themselves, preferably stamp it onto redneck parents or redneck christer grandparents who lived in a redneck christer dirt-eater town in redneck christer dirt-eater central/western Pee Eh, and just keep spewing hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate mixed with self-righteousness self-righteousness self-righteousness self-righteousness blended with solipsism solipsism solipsism solipsism and a smattering of perseveration perseveration perseveration perseveration.

But I'm a writer and I like to write fiction!

I'm sure you do.  The question is, why do you suck at it -- and not just suck, but suck really badly and powerfully, like a two dollar hoooer who can pull a golf ball through a garden hose?


I'll settle down when every man, woman and child is a progressive like me.

Yeah.  Keep telling yourself that.  Everyone a pretentious, hyper-judgmental, yet ironically (and not hipster irony either!) robotic regurgitator of the Avowed and Acknowledged (through groupthink) Experts' views on what is permissible and lovable in music, books, movies and generally speaking, life. 

I knew people like the Ding-Dong in HS and college.  They were eager to tell me how much they knew about music, books, movies -- and they did so by repeating the viewpoints of the hipster critics of the era.  Movie ABC was whatever Hipster Critic said about it.  Album JKL was exactly as Hipster Critic said, and the band who made it -- DEF & the GHs -- were re-imagining music for all the most refined sets of ears.  Novelist OPQ certainly was the only one worth reading, the only one who mattered

Because Hipster Critic said so.

And Refined Proto-Hipster Peer had memorized the say-so, so it was gospel.


If you want to know why your pretense at "art" sucks donkey danglers, it's right here:  you don't know how to originate, because your view is enwrapped by Parrotting Others and Emulating Experts.  You know you are sub-normal in creative power, but you want terribly to produce art, and produce art that matters.

But you know you never will.

So you rage, seethe, fume at the world wherever it resembles anything unlike your imagined Valhalla.

And you passive-aggressively blame these christer-cracker-redneck-reactionaries for the unsettled nature of your ego/identity, your mental dis-ease.

I find it funny, but not because you're a gifted purveyor of satire.  Oh no, it isn't that.

It's because you're not that, but you imagine you are that.

That's one ripe huckleberry, Chalupa.


Cats Rule! said...

You are quite obviously jealous of his ability to modify poetry for the 21st Century, and very clearly dumbstruck by his facility with self-promotion on twitter, and this probably happens because you are too technologically disempowered (and/or ignorant) to understand how twitter works. This suggests you are stuck in the 20th Century and like the 20th Century and telephone land-lines, leaded gasoline, film cameras, vinyl LPs, and personal integrity you will fall into the dustbin of history's rendering of irrelevant that which formerly was a cultural staple if not apex. I'd feel pity if you were not so obviously reactionary and not so clearly the kind of USA! USA! chanter that Jeffrey hates with such a virile passion. It's really very sad, actually.

Harold Caidagh said...

Please type whatever comment best reflects your sincere feelings about Your Host's possible psychological profile. Please use as much pop psychology as you can muster. Please defer to the rich, overblown emotional response you have when reading posts left by Your Host -- and please, do not ever bother with verifying whether your projected sentiments have any bearing on Your Host's actual attitudes, beliefs or views. What matters here is that you get to purge all your life's various frustrations, and blame them on Your Host. That's what this Comments section is for.

I love when someone takes those words seriously, as Cats Rule! did directly above. Nice work, CR!

Harold Klemp said...

I am not sure whether you are trying to make fun of my noble religion with your reference to EK, but if you are, my lawyers will be contacting you. Meanwhile your readers should inform themselves regarding my religion and see for themselves that it is nothing to laugh about.