Monday, June 29, 2015

perdoneme, senorita, but my chalupa is under-cooked

Ess Ess Dee Dee, bitches!  Got some crackers to blame!
Can't wait to see Scalia's head explode when he realizes I'm right and he's wrong.
Scalia spends a lot of time worrying about what Jeff Popovich thinks about Con Law
Scalia's jealous he can't do PoMoPoetry like me
Have I told you lately how much I hate cracker christers?
My parents wouldn't let me have a gay orgy at age 13 in the rumpus room.
All the brainiac nerds of my peer group wanted to try ass sex, so I was just facilitating.
I wish my parents were dead and never had sex while alive. 
HOLYFUCK!  Then where would I be?  Fine metaphors abound!
I've never done anything myself, but I worship plenty of others!
I am legally partnered and I have female offspring.  So fuck you, former brainiac nerd peer group!
When I was young, I was uber-hip.  I was the top, the tip, the championship.
Now I'm old, and I consider a two mile walk "exercise," because I'm 50 lbs overweight.
I quit athletics when I failed to make the soccer team in 10th grade.
But my fellow pro soccer fans know I'm really knowledgeable about sports.
Statistically speaking.
Isn't it a delicious irony that I'm a chihuahua, but I hate dogs and LOOOOOOOVE me some cats?
Tarzie is a genius!  Send money to Art-for-Silver!

7 comments:

Cats Rule! said...

Disc golf is athletic. You're just jealous because you can't beat Chalupa the Chihuahua in disc golf. Chalupa also did a radical hike next to the Potomac River, which was RAGING because of rain! I bet you didn't even realize that rain makes rivers swell up. You probably are a Christer yourself. Go die in a fire.

Silverado Arturo, Fan of Esquivel said...

I regret to inform you that my cats are starving and despite my access to Medicaid, I refuse to be treated by anyone other than the nation's leading physicians for each of my 349 maladies, all of which have been plaguing me since I began my internet existence 12 years ago. Please send me some coins so that my beautiful felines may dine on the caviar and snail darters to which they have become accustomed.

Also, I wouldn't be too unhappy if you would cease with this horrid down-punching activity you're engaged in. The genius poet you called "Chalupa" is a national treasure, and his angsty blog proves you're just jealous of his refined tastes and inclusive holistic perspective. He delivers Kindness, and I'm quite sorry to say I can't speak likewise of your patterns.

Harold Caidagh said...

The chihuahua is one of only a handful of canid breeds that wish they were feline rather than canine.

You can score maximumm SJW bonus points if your projected identity contains metaphors for gender confusion, sexuality ambivalence, eternal victimhood, and an earnest eyes-ears-nose-mouth turned toward the exotic.

This has been your friendly Program Transcriber, filling in for C.F. Oxtrot, who remains on unbracketed sabbatical yet retains Minister without Portfolio status.

Hyman M. Lohmann said...

I think the Ding-Dong is gloating because (1) he is tribal, (2) he is tribally Progressive, (3) he imagines the King v Burwell decision proves Progressive (and not Corporate) is the winning view on the ACA, (4) he imagines the Obergefell v Hodges decision proves Progressive is the winning view on marriage, and so (5) the Ding-Dong is WINNING again and again and again because he is aligned with the WINNING positions in those two SCOTUS decisions.

I don't mean to be critical, but I don't think the Ding-Dong understands what is the SCOTUS role in government. Apparently the Ding-Dong thinks the SCOTUS should legislate, even though the Congress has that duty. I suppose this is because the Congress has Teap Artiers and Christers and Crackers and Misognyists and Bigots and Homophobes everywhere you look among its 535 members, so the Congress can't be trusted.

But when SCOTUS delivers judicial activism that favors --as the Ding-Dong calls it-- "Corporate", then obviously the offending Justice(s) should die in a fire.

Did I get it right, Ding-Dong? Are you really fully ignorant of the role of jurisprudence and appellate review, and are you really interested more in social signaling than in social harmony? Will you continue to hate the world until the last cracker christer has been identified, culled and put 6 feet under after being killed by burning at the stake?

Chet Redweld said...

Hy,

You should not be so rough on J-W-D-D. You can't get any kind of understanding of the concept of appellate review, nor of the role of the SCOTUS, by studying poetry on the way to an MFA. Nor can you grasp the full import of constitutional jurisprudence --let alone help maintain its integrity-- by whimsically deciding what is just, what is fair, and what warrants SCOTUS substantive review.

Ever since Roe v Wade, people who identify as anywhere on the spectrum of Josef Stalin's Arch Communism to Bernie Sanders' Fake Socialism/True Centrism (collectively, Team Donkey Faithful Who Grumble About Fake Leftists) have come to believe that the role of the SCOTUS is to put a wet finger into the hot air blasting forth from every progressive safe harbor in American society, take the ideological pulse of that Loo driving hard from the progressive cells, and render statute-regulation-ordinance-organic law as if being cast anew, prior language be damned. Progress warrants this. Progress mandates that anything older than 15 minutes of age should be discarded as fodder for reactionaries who are corporate and probably christian and almost definitely inclined to vote GOP. The only thing of value in Progress-land is raze-and-replace, done optimally with technological sophistication and exotic aesthetic references throughout.

Perhaps J-W-D-D is fully unaware of the irony of taking this reactionary view toward anything aged beyond 15 minutes in situ, while calling self Progressive and/or identifying with the Lefte Banke.

After all, he likes to complain about how the Dead sometimes used to play Casey Jones or Truckin', when all CORE Deadheads know that's Top 40 Shit, bro! J-W-D-D is one of the original CORE BROs.

He does have a rather impressive Online Identity which stands totally TRANS (not CIS) w/r/t his meatspace self.

Paul Behrer said...

Disc golf is athletic. You're just jealous because you can't beat Chalupa the Chihuahua in disc golf

Listen, I don't want to brag too much, but I'm nearly 100% sure that Ding-Dong couldn't beat me in disc golf, and fully 100% sure he couldn't come within 20 strokes of my score for an 18 hole round of the gentleman's game originating in Scotland. Maybe he could pay for me to fly to MD and I could play 18 holes at Monte's mini-golf next to the University of Maryland, assuming that place still exists. Maybe at putt-putt, the Ding-Dong could stand a chance. But I doubt it.

Haven't we been over this dozens of times already? The Ding-Dong has no claims to greatness, not anywhere in his life trajectory. The only way he can feel good about himself is to align with others, identity-wise, and to ensure such others themselves have some claim to greatness. Yet we never should examine whether the claims to greatness equal actual success in any endeavor, and we don't consider success at being a fraud is any kind of greatness -- even if the Ding-Dong might have such "greatness" fully in mind at all times. Even if he is such a charlatan, even if he is as big a loser as his Online Identity suggests, that's not the kind of greatness the world remembers. Maybe he should just drink the hemlock already?

Cats Rule! said...

It figures that you're a jock, the very kind of bully that used to pick on Chalupa when he failed to get the starting striker spot on the soccer team in 10th grade despite spending all of 9th grade and the summer thereafter bragging on his greatness and his likely All-County status at the end of that foreseen 10th grade season with Chalupa at striker.

Jocks tend to be reactionary misogynists who think rape is not just acceptable but preferable. They tend to vote Republican. And they defend Scalia on the internet, which proves they are reactionary repugnican meathead misogynists who should die in a fire.

Hurry up and die in a fire. I'm tired of waiting.


PS: I'm really tired of the way you denigrate The Glorious Feline. I hope the fire you die in is the kind that wakes you up and keeps you awake so you feel immense agony during your final moments. I hate you almost as much as I hate my parents and the stupid redneck rural area they grew up in.