Saturday, March 1, 2014

exes and ohs


conducted by


February 26, 2014


Is this mic turned on?  It is?  How do I know?  Oh.  I see.  Okay.  The little red light.  So if the little red light is on, the mic is on?  And if the light is off?

Very well then.

PRISCILLA B. HOULE-EATON (PBH):  Good morning.  This is Doctor Priscilla Houle-Eaton speaking.  It's February 26, 2014 and it's now eight-forty-five in the morning.  I'm here at the Neuwestia State Mental Hospital to interview a temporary resident named Harold Caidagh for the purpose of establishing his mental fitness regarding his activities which have become the subject of a lawsuit filed in the Neuwestia District Court under the docket number and title... wait... give me a moment here... I've got it right here in my valise... just a second... oh darn, what's my combination again? 

HAROLD CAIDAGH (HC):  Prissy, the caption is "Gays R Heroes, LLC v. Universal Non-Stick Formula and Harold Caidagh" and the docket number is 2014-01485. 

PBH:  Oh.  Thank you.  I'm so bad at remembering things like combinations.

HC:  Maybe you shouldn't use the locks on your briefcase, then.  It's not like this is top secret or anything, the lawsuit is part of the public record.

PBH:  Yes but this is my first time as an interviewing mental health expert and I don't want to mess things up.  Oh gosh.  Drat.  That mic's on isn't it?

HC:  Your first time?  How long have you been working in mental health?

PBH:  Since two thousand twelve.  December of two thousand twelve.

HC:  Isn't that sorta insubstantial?  Fourteen months experience?  You're still a rookie.  How can you have enough experience to sort out what you learned academically and sift chaff from wheat?

PBH:  I went to the finest schools in America and graduated in the top twenty five percent of my class at each phase of my schooling after twelfth grade.

HC:  That's swell.  Keen, even.  So you're a grinder, then?

PBH:  A grinder?  Isn't that what they call submarine sandwiches in Connecticut?  I'm not a submarine sandwich.  I'm pate fois gras on an exquisite slice of an artisanal baguette.  I'm refined, tasteful, and of the highest class.

HC:  We'll see about that.

PBH:  Mister Caidagh, as you know, I'm here to interview you for the lawsuit brought against you and your blog.

HC:  That's nice and all, but you need to get something straight.  The blog isn't just mine.  In fact, there's been a long succession of authors since the blog was first established.

PBH:  I'm sorry.  I was under the impression that it's been yours from the beginning.

HC:  You may want to talk to that incompetent hack lawyer Lyspe about getting his facts straight.  Though I'm sure facts are irrelevant to someone who practices law as he does.

PBH:  What does that mean?

HC:  I think I'll let Redweld's handling of the case establish what that meant.

PBH:   Mister Caidagh, I'm sure you're aware of the lawsuit.

HC:  Which lawsuit?

PBH:  The one we were just talking about.  Brought against you.  And your blog.

HC:  As I said, it's not really my blog, and as my presence at this fine establishment suggests, I'm not even running the blog now.

PBH:  So for how long was it your blog?

HC:  Well, the blog itself will show which post I started with, but I'm pretty sure I started writing on October 26, 2013 with a post called "eerie unsubversive bull."

PBH:  Okay.  Let the record reflect that I've got my laptop here and it's connected via Wi-Fi to the facility's own internet connection, and I'm pulling up the October 26, 2013 entry called "eerie unsubversive bull."  Okay.  I've got that pulled up and it it's on the screen now.  And I'm turning the laptop around so that Mr Caidagh can see it.  Mr Caidagh, is this the entry you're talking about?

HC:  Yep.  That's it.

PBH:  So that's when you started writing for the blog?

HC:  Pretty sure, yeah.  Though the blog itself is the best record of when.

PBH:  And you wrote from that point until when, exactly?

HC:  Again, the blog will show when it ended, but I'm pretty sure it was February 18, 2014 that Redweld took over under the court's order.

PBH:  So that means you wrote for about four months?

HC:  Give or take a week or two.

PBH:  Can you tell us how you came to write for the blog?

HC:  I was invited.

PBH:  How were you invited?

HC:  I received a telephone call from a man who identified himself as Walt Greenglen.  He said he was a famous writer, political analyst, and constitutional law expert.

PBH:  And?

HC:  Well, I hadn't ever heard of him, so I doubted his claim to being famous, but I guess it's possible he hangs around people who think he's something special, and for that reason he considers himself famous.  Also I'd never heard his name spoken among writers, among political analysts, or among lawyers.

PBH:  You know writers, political analysts and lawyers?

HC:  Of course.

PBH:  How did you come to know those groups of people?

HC:  Being alive for several decades, meeting people, working different jobs, having many interests.  That sort of thing.

PBH:  Why don't you tell us about your background?

CHESTER B. REDWELD, ESQ (CBR):  Objection.  Mister Caidagh's background is privileged information that is currently sealed and not part of the public record here.

PBH:  Would you please identify yourself, sir, for the record?

CBR:  Chet Redweld, attorney for Mister Caidagh.

PBH:  What do you mean his background is privileged and sealed?

CBR:  Just what I said.  It's not public knowledge and will not be made such.  It's protected.  It's secret.

PBH:  Why is that?

CBR:  I suggest you talk to Mr Lyspe about that.

LEWIS S. LYSPE, ESQ (LSL):  I'm afraid he's correct, Doctor Houle-Eaton.

PBH:  So what am I allowed to ask about?

CBR:  The blog and its contents.

LSL:  The blog and its contents.

PBH:  Well this changes everything!  I had an outline prepared and now it's worthless.

HC:  Now you see what's so tough about being an inexperienced rookie, eh?

LSL:  Objection.  That's uncalled for, Caidagh.

CBR:  What do you mean, objection?  Lyspe, this isn't an episode of LA Law or Law and Order.  You can't object to the deponent's comments given in response to your expert's interrogation.  That's just showboating nonsense.  Stop interrupting the flow.  I know what you're trying to do here.  You're trying to rehabilitate your expert, who thus far looks incompetent.

LSL:  Objection! (shouted)

CBR:  Listen, Lyspe.  I know you would imagine yourself an actor of the highest calibre, but seriously, just stop this cockamamie showboating.  You're going to make this simple interview take all day when it should be concluded within a couple hours.  Just stop.  Please.

LSL:  Objection! (shouted)

CBR:  Mizz Houle-Eaton, please continue with your questions.

PBH:  Doctor.  It's Doctor Houle-Eaton.

CBR:  Yes, well then, please continue Doctor.

PBH:  Mister Caidagh, in that October 26, 2013 entry you began with a reference to a movie by Gaspar Noe.  Why did you raise that reference?

HC:  Did you read the entry?

PBH:  I'm reading it now.

HC:  Why don't you read the entry before you ask me about it?  Can you do that?  I think it will help you make sense of things.

LSL:  Objection!  You can't command my expert, Caidagh.  She's not your slave.  She's not here to take orders from you.  She takes orders from me.

CBR:  Thanks for clarifying, Lyspe.  Can we get back to the interview?

LSL:  As long as it's clear that Caidagh can't boss around my expert.

CBR:  Please continue, Doctor.

PBH:  Mister Caidagh, what is the relevance of the french poodle images?

HC:  They're fancy dogs, owned by people who think themselves fancy.

PBH:  What does that mean, though?

HC:  You'll have to use your imagination here.

PBH:  And what is the meaning of this apparently made-up name "Ben Vereensballs"?  Is that a reference to the African-American entertainer, Ben Vereen? 

HC:  I'm not following you.  Who is Ben Vereen?

PBH:  I thought that's who you were talking about.  Ben Vereen.  And his testicles, apparently.

HC:  What?

PBH:  You mean the name "Ben Vereensballs" is not an anti-Black, anti-homosexual slur?

HC:  What?  I don't know what you're talking about.

PBH:  Isn't it true that by using the name "Ben Vereensballs," you are suggesting Ben Vereen is gay, and his testicles are something other gay men may want to play with?

HC:  Honestly, I can't understand where that's coming from.  Seems to me you're loading a lot of baggage into my simple choice of a name for fictional purposes.

PBH:  So it's not true?

HC:  Not even close.

PBH:  Let me quote something.  I'm going to quote something, and I'd like you to explain what it means.

HC:  Okay.  Go ahead.

PBH:  Here's the quote:   "In 2013, the only thing you need to be taken seriously as a "dissident" is to be a gay man."

HC:  Yes, I typed that.  What would you like to know?

PBH:  What does it mean?  Does it mean you hate gay men?

HC:  Again, I'm not following you, and it seems you are loading a lot of implications onto my writing when I never intended anything like what you have suggested.

PBH:  Are you homophobic, Mister Caidagh?

HC:  Define homophobic for me.

PBH:  Afraid of gay men, and probably due to being a gay but closeted man yourself.

HC:  Using that definition, the answer is no.

PBH:  Is there another definition you'd like me to use?  One that would change your answer?

HC:  If you use the literal definition via etymology, with "homo" meaning "same" and "phobia" meaning "fear," and thus you use "fear of sameness," I might agree with a qualification.

PBH:  So you are a homophobe?

HC:  I am somewhat anxious about lacking an individual identity, and therefore a bit reluctant to be the same as everyone else.  In other words, I'm not much of a follower and not much of a "me, too" kind of person.  That's what I mean.

PBH:  So you are an individualist?  Would you say you're a rugged individualist?

HC:  That's not a phrase I would use.  It's a cliche, and besides, there's always someone more rugged, no matter how rugged you may imagine yourself.

PBH:  So you're not a socialist, then?

HC:  What?  I'm sorry, where does that come from?  I haven't been considering socialism thus far during the interview.  In what context are you asking about socialism?

PBH:  Well, if you are an individualist, and if you take it to an extreme, you might be so individualized as to be violently opposed to socialism.

HC:  What?

CBR:  Objection.  Doctor, Mister Caidagh is not here to have to guess along the lines of your creative interpretations of social theory or political alignment.  Can we please have some questions that bear relevance to the blog that is at issue in this lawsuit?

LSL:  Objection to your objection!  I object!  This is an objectionable comment from Redweld and my expert should not be taking orders from Redweld.  As I said, she takes orders from me.

CBR:  Very well then, thanks for clarification Lyspe.  Doctor, please continue.

PBH:  Mister Caidagh, what is your view on socialism?

HC:  In what context?

PBH:  In the context of American politics.  Do you support a socialist agenda for improving America?

HC:  Socialist in what way?

PBH:  The very best ways.  Progressive.  Leftist, but still Democrat.

HC:  I'm sorry.  Are you trying to suggest that a person needs to be a Democrat in order to be judged as mentally competent in your view?

LSL:  Objection! (shouted)  Caidagh is here to answer questions, not ask them!

CBR:  Calm down, Lyspe.  It's obvious the Doctor's question wasn't clear to Mister Caidagh.  Please continue, Doctor, but please rephrase the question so that Mister Caidagh isn't as confused on its implications.  Perhaps break it down into components.

LSL:  Objection! (shouted)  She's my expert, not yours. 

CBR:  I think we need a break here.  Can we please take a 10 minute break for bathroom and coffee?

PBH:  That's fine, I could use a visit to the ladies' room.

CBR:  Why don't we reconvene at nine-forty-five?

LSL:  Let's make it ten, I have a few calls to make.

CBR:  As long as we're actually starting by ten, that's fine.  I don't want to take any longer than is necessary to finish this interview.


 to be continued


Harold Caidagh Fan Club said...

Mr Redweld, are you going to take the deposition of Priscilla Houle-Eaton? I would like to find out what the middle initial "B" stands for, and I would like to see/hear you examine her on the comments she made at this very blog prior to being retained as Lyspe's expert.

Also, I'm eagerly awaiting your deposition of Corey Robin. That guy is one of the most pretentious knobs on the internet. An expert on reactionaries. What a laugh.

Fur Trapper said...

Redweld -- are you going to train your analytic skills & eye toward those SMBIVAns ever again? I found a great comment there which you may want to examine further.

Specifically, I wonder about your thoughts on these remarks:

I don’ jus’ like the way you roll, I like your ability to roll. Now, you tell me how many bloggers write nearly as well you. Name three. I’ll accept Jacob Bacharach as your first listing. Name two more.

(I classify Chris Floyd & Arthur Silber differently).

Chet Redweld said...

Fur Trapper:

Are you strictly commercial?

I have a few quick thoughts. One, Silber is a fictional construct. Two, so is Floyd. Three, Bacharach is an actual person, but he's little more than a 4th rate Chabon, and Chabon sucks. Four, there's a lot of suggestion from the interplay between SMBIVA and IOZ that the main writer of SMBIVA either is a Bacharach alter ego or a Helicopter Parent alter ego.

There's so much sock puppetry on the internet that nearly everything masquerading as wise and insightful is usually just some pretentious bull-pucky written by a bored unemployed loser with a MA or PhD in the humanities, skilled at cutting and pasting from google search results, and fond of flowery excess. The number of intelligent, creative, insightful writers on the internet is in the single digits. Everyone else is a poseur. However, since most people connected to and browsing the internet are really dull-minded, not insightful, and lousy writers themselves, we find there's a massive big-water cargo vessel's payload worth of well-regarded pundits and writers who actually don't offer anything valuable.

If I had a lot of time, I would detail how many of these so-called wise pundits and great writers are frauds. But I'm busy with the Caidagh matter.

Chet Redweld said...


The deposition of Houle-Eaton was scheduled by agreement at the conclusion of the Caidagh interview. It's going to take place a few days after I depose Corey Robin.

I promise that each deposition will result in some side-splitting comedy, given the bloated self-impression each person harbors. Fish in a barrel, etc.

Goldfish Training Institute said...

... given the bloated self-impression each person harbors.

You have no room to talk. I can't wait until Tarzie focuses on you. You're going to run home with your prehensile tail between your legs, you idiot subhuman chimpanzee.

Chet Redweld said...


Like some fictional construct who writes up to 100 comments per thread using even more sock puppets is someone who actually has the wit, intellect or insight to harm me.


Tarzie = Silber.

You're welcome.

Jeff Nguyen said...

OMG, you are a completely insane reactionary.

Tarzie is a genuine hero.

Chris Floyd is a real person from Tennessee, exiled to the UK.

Chet Redweld said...

Sure, and Rich Kastelein is an honest man and not a greedy liar who pretends to be numerous different people on the internet himself.


Sometimes, I find it hard to discern where Mark Zuckerberg ends and Rich Kastelein begins.

Cass Sunstein said...

I'm not amused by your efforts to describe the various sock puppets I've put into play to weaken different cells and/or bubbles of potential disaffection on the internet.

Think about Vince Foster before you continue in this vein.

Sam Power said...

Exactly, sweetheart. Also, let's remind him of Daniel Pearl's fate.

It's amusing how everyone thought that only Karl Rove and the PNAC boys were ruthless and powerful.

None was as powerful as I am, and I intend no punning implication with that assertion.

Bill Duke said...

This is worthless. Unless each and every person involved in this lawsuit gives us his or her position on 9/11, they're all lying shills.

Grandma Sheila said...

Either that, or Repthuglican teatards.

Phylter said...

Anyone who argues with Grandma Sheila is a psychopath Bircher Randite.

Duwayne Josephsson said...

In the town where I was born
lived a man
who failed to sneeze
and he told us
of his life
in a lodge for mental disease

© The Tweetles 2014

This would never happen anywhere until it happened in Detroit, where neocons and Repthuglicans smashed the unions and stole the public trust by being closet Ron Paul supporters who pretended to be DemocRats.

Jackie Blue said...

I believe Glenn Greenwald. Sometimes he has to do what a guy has to do to make money in these corrupt times. And honestly corruption is only corruption when it's done by the GOP and its Tea Party minions who secretly control the Federal Government and force Glenn Greenwald to lie about things. Edward Snowden seems a bit opportunistic but he is a noble truth-teller and you can identify the shills by their skepticism about Snowden and Greenwald. And let's not forget about Chris Hedges, who got arrested with Occupy: Wall Street which proved his bona fides. Sure, he has a puritanical background, but I heard him once call Barack Obama a man who maybe enjoys the limelight a bit too much, and that proves he's legit.

European Dad said...

I notice that nobody here is offering solutions. A telltale sign they're all shills.

DrS said...

The Earth is round.
The moon has a 28-30 day cycle.
Lava is created underground.

If people don't choose peace over war, war will happen.

Violence always results in something or someone being injured violently, and that's too violent for a non-violent person. We can do more.

When my wife slept with 14 other men during our 4-day honeymoon, I found peace by forgiving her and agreeing to an open marriage, at least on her side of the equation. It's my duty as a good feminist to let her walk all over me. This proves I'm not a misogynist.

rosemerry said...

This is worthless. Unless each and every person involved in this lawsuit gives us his or her position on 9/11, they're all lying shills.

Not just 9/11 but also chemtrails and HAARP.

That's how you identify the shills. They never tell you about 9/11, chemtrails and HAARP.

Randi Zuckerberg said...

Since none of you is active on twitter, your thoughts are unimportant. We create our own reality. And while you are busy trying to figure out whether what I say or my brother says is true, we are busy creating yet another reality on facebook and twitter and other social media, where reality is happening and making your pseudo-reality (a/k/a meatspace) completely irrelevant.

Ken Schulz said...

It may seem that Dr Houle-Eaton is trying to suggest Caidagh is insane by virtue of not being a Democrat, but that's just reactionary bias talking. Dr Houle-Eaton is a credentialed professional who worked her way up the acedemic and professional hierarchies to her present enviable expert witness status, and I don't think any of us here is qualified to judge her. Who here has a resume which is equal to hers? Who else here is presently engaged on behalf of a high-profile plaintiff in a case where human rights are at issue and a reactionary is trying to prevent people from enjoying equal rights?

I rest my case.

Like Glenn Greenwald and Edward Snowden before her, Priscilla Houle-Eaton, B.A., M.S.W., Ph.D. is a true American hero. Perhaps in 20 years we can nominate her for POTUS.

Grandma Sheila said...


By then, President Warren will have been our first female President, as well as the first female to serve two terms.

And all Repthuglican Teatards will have been rounded up, placed into internment camps, and put to death as they deserve.

Phylter said...

Kill the rubes!

Warren 2016!

Warren 2020!

Houle-Eaton 2036!

Chet Redweld said...

I thank you all for your thoughts, but for the sake of bandwidth preservation and ever-decreasing spans of attention, please try to stay focused on the main topic of this blog and the litigation commenced against it by Gays R Heroes, LLC.

The traffic is spiking too much with these off-topic rambles.

XavierO said...

Silber is real. He's been sick and dying and broke for years. Floyd even said he's real, plugged his blog many times, and gave many an emotional plea to send Silber money. And that's what I did. Silber is a wonderful writer and often gets me so worked up about Empire. I heart Silber....and Floyd for that matter, he's so butch but that's a different topic all together.

Chet Redweld said...

Thank you for paying such close attention to my response to Fur Trapper.