Wednesday, February 12, 2014

internet celebrities and their real personalities on display

Once upon a time, I threw verbal darts at Eedjit Pwogs on a political discussion forum that arose out of a mountain bike discussion forum.

These Eedjit Pwogs were self-impressed smug assholes (treble redundancy, mea culpa) who blamed everything on Rethuglicans.

This was the timeframe 2000-2004 (approx.), and at the time, the derision "reactionary" hadn't taken root among the fake-intellectual Eedjit Pwogs, so their best putdowns of the era consisted of saying such things as:

"You ski in jeans, just like Dick Cheney."

This one shows (1) metrosexual style points for fashion primacy; (2) Eedjit Pwog power pulse times eleventy, for citing Dick Cheney; and (3) hip trustafarian cachet for referencing skiing as a relevant cross-thread running between fashion, politics, and socioeconomic hierarchy -- skiing being a thing rarely done by middle class or lower people.

"You would quarrel with Bill Clinton over the definition of is, while Evil Rethuglicans destroyed America!"

This one shows (1) obeisance toward the pre-Obama saviour, Slick Willie Clitdiddler "would you please use your cunt as my humidor" Clinton; (2) Eedjit Pwog power pulse times eleventy, for suggesting sexual mores are irrelevant to a person's integrity; and (3) ego-inflation gone rampant in the use of that clever 4th grade recess playground taunt, "Evil Rethuglican."

Some of the best and brightest Eedjit Pwogs of that era and forum participation are now "famous" sports celebrities on alternative sports forums.  You may know them by their meatspace names:

Kevin Bazar
Wendell Stam
Walt Wehner
Cory Blackwood

These four geniuses continue in their childish tribalist schtick even today, though under new comment forum handles.  Occasionally you will find references to them using their meatspace names, but that's usually when they're in Serious Mode.

For example, Mr Bazar is Quite Serious about being an Expert Skier and Expert Mountain Biker, despite his expertise being imagined in the first case, and then inflated via self-promotion on TGR over a 10-year-period.  He hasn't worked a 40-hour week in his entire life.  We wonder whether he's ever worked for a paycheck at any point since finishing his student years at Choate or St Paul's or wherever it was he lounged until graduating.  He is an impressive writer, though -- if you come at his work product from the perspective of a naive 7th or 8th grader who worships the doodz who star in skiing or MTB promo "edits."  You might even find one of his "funny, well-written" reviews of a skiing or MTB gear piece at the Trust Funder's Journal of Let's Fly to a Different Hemisphere to Pretend Seasons Haven't Changed -- We Can Pay for It Out of Petty Cash.**

Mr Blackwood is a clever dogpiler of the best "me, too! I wanna heap juvenile putdowns on this evil Rethuglican too!" variety.  In meatspace he works for Kona Bicycles as National Fellatio Distributor and Global Bottom, when he's not telling everyone how cool he is since he used to be a DeeJay and once split a Mike's Hard Lemonade with Trent Reznor in the Green Room before a NIN show.

Mr Stam doesn't have to work, because he's flush with money not just from his parents' kind largesse, but also because he married a trust funder just like himself.  Never one to take the easy way out of things, Stam has owned a bike shop that specialized in upselling and overcharging, has run a South American MTB tours business that specialized in awkward pushy gringo-ization of SA, and now is a Mr Mom who makes shitty "bicycle art" which takes him 4 minutes to assemble from junk parts, and for which he asks $200+ when even you, dipshit reader of this moronic blog, could make the same for $15.  But it's worth every penny because our little man Wendy assures you that he's stylish -- and besides, he makes menorahs.

Which brings us to a famous bicycle framebuilder who suffers an immense solipsism problem.  Mr Wehner, who enjoyed a stupefyingly unsuccessful career as a bike racer about 15 years back, is sure that he knows all about what makes a good mtn bike design -- and he knows this because he basically was someone who raced on 6-foot wide, perfect horizon dirt circuits, perfecting his stamina and power and never developing his bike handling skills.  Naturally he would know what makes for a good MTB in settings other than NORBA XC.  Just ask him.  He'll tell you that while he may not have any descending or bike handling skills, he knows what makes a bike descend well.  And on top of that, he hates the GOP, so that definitely counts for something.

These four little boys spent a great part of their weekly energy trying to piss me off during that 2000-2004 period, and two of them have continued their efforts right up to the present.  I don't hear from Wehner or Blackwood any more -- though I could if I wanted to spend time on Zuckbuck, where each of those eedjits spends a bit of energy telling the world how cool and hip and politically correct he is.  But I do get to witness the stunning maturity and humor of the average 15 year old boy who thinks himself smart and studly, whenever I browse the forums at TGR or ridemonkey and run across a post by rideit or kidwoo.

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In reading the comment threads at reason.com, I've come to recognize entities who are close parallels to Bazar, Stam, Wehner & Blackwood.

Palin's Buttplug = Cory Blackwood

Bo Cara, Esq = Kevin Bazar

Tony = Wendell Stam

HazelMeade = Walt Wehner.

So, if you know the four fucktards I've just told you about, go read the threads at reason.com and see if you agree with me!

Meanwhile, I think I'm gonna build some Bicycle Art that I can sell for $500 after 20 mins labor, only my angle is gonna be crucifix-based rather than menorah-based.

for thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever and ever.  amen.

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** Which also is known as blister gear review.



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