Thursday, February 27, 2014


Hey fuck that fuckin' Redweld shark, dude just wants to take my money and do no work.  I wrangled the blog back from his control, he's stupid in an IT way, that dipshit.  Plus I needed to rant about something.  He says it will hurt my case if I post again but fuck that noise.

Hey did you hear about the Olympian carpetbagger nordic ski competitors who bought and lied their way to Warholian short-attention-span fame?

What a creepy parallel to Wee Glennie and Fast Eddie.

--Harold Caidagh, defying the stupid court's order.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

tiara for Ps, tee-are-oh for Ds


Gays R Heroes, LLC vs. Universal Non-Stick Formula and Harold Caidagh
Docket No. 2014-01485

February 18, 2014

Lewis S. Lyspe, Esq.
Butz, Cox & Dynia P.C.
2697 Peter Aste Way
Rimmington, Neuwestia 50196
Attorneys for Plaintiff

Chester B. Redweld, Esq.
Law Offices of Chester B. Redweld
5291 Scheperdeis Court
McBoulder, Neuwestia 50189
Attorney for Defendants

Dear Counsel:

This letter memorandum and order contains the Court's decision and rationale concerning the initial Temporary Restraining Order requested by Plaintiff, Gays R Heroes, LLC's in the same filing as Plaintiff's Complaint. For the reasons set forth below, the Court grants the Temporary Restraining Order sought by Plaintiff, but amended as described in this Memorandum's discussion below.


Plaintiff Gays R Heroes, LLC is a lobbying and advocacy organization whose charter states its mission as:

to advance, and advocate for, the notion of granting to all gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, cross-dressing, gender-confused, sexuality-ambivalent Americans the same rights and advantages enjoyed by heterosexual Americans.

See Plaintiff's Brief in Support of Temporary Restraining Order, p. 6.

On or about June 6, 2009, one or more members of Plaintiff's collective found themselves browsing the internet and specifically landing on the URL address,  One such member of Plaintiff's collective, a Mr. Serge Spoogian, decided to bookmark that URL and return at a later date.  On some unspecified date thereafter, but no later than July 4, 2009, Mr. Spoogian forwarded the URL address to a Mr. Byggr Klyvlen Stiemer, the Public Affairs Coordinator at Plaintiff's place of business.

On or shortly after July 5, 2009, Mr. Stiemer sent a Company Alert email to the entirety of Plaintiff's membership, notifying them of Trigger Alerts regarding the website found at the URL.*1

As described in the Company Alert:
Please be advised that the website found at is hereby officially recognized as warranting Trigger Alert cautions for our Membership.  Our review of the website found numerous insensitive remarks suggesting a homophobic, misogynistic, bigoted, reactionary and, very likely, Republican authorial perspective which manifests itself callously and with little to no regard for its readership's individual trigger points and other possible dangers leading to a potential self-harm episode for one or more of our Members.
Thereafter, Mr Steimer claims, he made weekly visits to the URL to check on whether the Trigger Alert could or should be lifted.  At no point did he find a reason to lift the Trigger Alert and, according to Mr Steimer's affidavit, the Trigger Alert remains active today.

In its application for a Temporary Restraining Order, Plaintiff requested that the Court visit the URL and review the materials published there.  Plaintiff suggested that it should take "no more than ten or fifteen minutes of reading" to determine that the materials published at the URL were not only offensive, but rose to the level of infringing the civil rights and liberties of Plaintiff's various members.

The Court's review of the URL and the materials located within gave sufficient reason for issuance of a Temporary Restraining Order.  The Court found numerous instances of homophobia, misogyny, racial bigotry, religious bigotry, and incitements toward violent implementation of the aforementioned negative social behaviors.

For example, the Court found at least 78 references to "fucking whacked out feminists," at least 35 derogatory references to gay men as "pomeranians nipping at [the author's] heels," at least 7 derisive references to "fellators," and at least 24 references to "Zion = Death."  There were also at least 17 open appeals toward anarchism, and 18 enticements to engage in "rock 'em sock 'em robots."

It is possible that with more time spent reviewing the site more closely, these numbers could increase by significant amounts.

Standard of Review

In an application for a Temporary Restraining Order, Plaintiff must show (1) the possibility of irreparable harm to Plaintiff and/or its membership, (2) caused directly by Defendant's activity, (3) with Defendant refusing to curtail such activity when requested, and (4) the irreparable harm to Plaintiff(s) cannot be remedied by payment of money damages.  Tiezer v. Kochauld, 341 Neu. App. 118, 125 (2003).

Ex parte considerations of a Plaintiff's request for Temporary Restraining Order are available only when Plaintiff shows (1) egregious repeated harmful conduct by Defendant, (2) numerous attempts to obtain Defendant's agreement to reduce and/or cease the harmful conduct, (3) notice to Defendant of Plaintiff's intent to seek a T.R.O. was given at least 48 hours before the application was made, and (4) Defendant fails to respond to Plaintiff's notice of intent and does not file responsive papers with the Court.  Drei Karte Monte, Inc. v.  Steugezenmarx, 356 Neu. App. 492, 508 (2006).

In the present matter, Plaintiff contends that it notified Defendants on at least 635 occasions, via comments left after blog posts and via emails sent to the blog operator, of its request to have Defendants work toward minimizing and, eventually, eliminating the various Trigger Points regularly found in Defendants' web content.  See Stiemer Aff. at pp. 5-16.  Plaintiff further asserts that it gave Defendants advance notice of 5 business days before filing its Complaint and Motion for Temporary Restraining Order, yet heard no response from Defendants at any time.  Id. at 17.

The Court did not hear from Defendants nor their counsel at any point prior to the issuance of this Memorandum and Order.  No opposition papers were filed regarding the present T.R.O.  No response to the Complaint was filed.  Thus, the Court proceeded as an ex parte matter.

Issues, Analysis and Decision

Plaintiff asserts that Defendants' website content creates a living, perpetual incitement for readers to initiate violence against Plaintiff's membership, consistently defames Plaintiff's membership, and repeatedly encourages readers to organize for the purpose of oppressing Plaintiff's members and denying them the civil liberties and rights to which they are entitled.*2

The Court agrees.

Neuwestia law allows free speech with a broad scope of protection for speech, in order to enable a vigorous public debate and vibrant public policy discussion on all matters that capture the imagination and attention of Neuwestia's citizens.

However, there are limits to such speech.  One such recognized limit is that which is imposed when a citizen's speech encourages violent action.  In the landmark case of IMO Video Activity of Chris Crocker d/b/a Tarzie, 396 Neu. App. 1, 47 (2012), we held:

Plaintiffs here, a collective of gossip columnists and twitter commenters, contend that they are entitled to say whatever they like about Britney S__________, because Ms. S is a public figure and therefore not entitled to protection from defamation laws.  What Plaintiffs fail to note, however, is the destructive emotional impact upon Chris Crocker, d/b/a Tarzie, as demonstrated by the heartfelt video that Crocker produced and published here.  The propensity for Crocker, d/b/a Tarzie, to engage in self-harming, self-mutilation, or suicide as a result of exposure to Plaintiffs' gossip and snark regarding Ms. S, means that Plaintiffs cannot avail themselves of the normally extant defamation shield which is operative when the subject is a public figure.  Reversed.

The Court finds the Crocker d/b/a Tarzie opinion and reasoning dispositive here.  Defendants here are not entitled to any form of shielding from the ramifications of their provocative conduct on the blog here at issue.  The Court therefore GRANTS the Temporary Restraining Order sought by Plaintiff.  A copy of the Order is attached hereto as Appendix A.

So say we all.



Hon. Manus Rist Flappe, Neuwestia District Judge


*1 "Trigger Alert," as defined by Mr. Stiemer in his February 9, 2014 Affidavit, is "a sensitivity warning given to Plaintiff's members regarding various materials found within American culture which are deemed to be potential triggers of negative or counter-productive psychological and emotional reactions, with the capacity to influence certain sensitive persons toward suicidal ideation."  See Stiemer Aff. at p. 4.

*2 Plaintiff also asserts that the content of Defendants' blog is objectionable because it is likely favorable toward, and endorsed by, the Republican Party and its membership.  While the Court fully understands Plaintiff's argument, it does not accept the assertion that these quasi-Republican traits are actionable under the laws of Neuwestia.  See, e.g., Lindsay's Log Cabin v. The Fabulous Poodles, 348 Neu. App. 274, 279 (2004).

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

you got your orders


By Order of the Neuwestia District Court, the Hon. Manus Rist Flappe presiding, this blog's operations are SUSPENDED and its proprietor Harold Caidagh is PROHIBITED from further publication of his thoughts, opinions, recitations, provocations, enticements, quibbles, quarrels, whinges, complaints, blusters, and any other published form of communication.

The suspension is effective immediately.

The blog has been placed into my custody and henceforth shall post new material only when new developments arise in the lawsuit filed against this blog and Mr Caidagh.

--Chet Redweld

new suit, custom-tailored by the emperor's own bespoke seamster

Law Offices of Chester B. Redweld
5291 Scheperdeis Court
McBoulder, Neuwestia 50189
(555) 431-8902

February 18, 2014
Transmitted via email

Harold Caidagh, Proprietor
Universal Non-Stick Formula

RE:  Gays R Heroes, LLC vs. Universal Non-Stick Formula and Harold Caidagh, Neuwestia District Court, Docket No. 2014-01485.

Dear Mr. Caidagh:

Thank you for retaining me to defend your interests in the above-named litigation.  I have reviewed the complaint in all its particulars, and am preparing an appropriate answer along with a motion to dismiss the complaint for failure to state a claim upon which relief may be granted.

Please let me take a few moments to give you my general impressions of the lawsuit's validity and the risks posed to yourself and your online publication activities.

Generally, the types of injuries alleged by the GRH plaintiffs are not quantifiable in any meaningful way, and therefore the litigation proceeds as a matter of emotional appeals and, to be frank, showmanship on the part of the plaintiffs' counsel and the various witnesses who may be offered at trial.

While I am not often persuaded to tell clients to think of television legal dramas when they are confronted with an actual lawsuit in real life, in this case, with this lawsuit, I would suggest that you prepare yourself for histrionics, hamfisted acting, outright lying, and people trying to become overnight celebrities via one lawsuit's exposure to courtroom time.

In other words, when you think of how this lawsuit will play out, think of the most poorly written and sloppily acted TV courtroom drama, crossed with Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills -- and that may help you understand how this litigation will proceed if we cannot succeed in our motion to dismiss.

What is at stake for you and your publication?  Well, to be blunt, the plaintiffs want not only to shut down your website, but also to silence you permanently.  They would like you banished from all internet-based and cloud-computing-based activity of all types.  They also seek the extreme recourse of silencing you in your actual physical, non-internet, non-ethereal activities.  Effectively they want to have the court issue a "gag order" to silence you from all proclamations of any kind.  Also, they are seeking the broad scope of silencing you during all your waking hours.  This would mean that they want you silenced even if you are behind closed doors in your own personal dwelling.

The only ground their desired gag order does not cover is possible talking-while-asleep.  And to be honest, I'm sure this omission is but an oversight on their part.

Those are the civil remedies the plaintiffs are pursuing in the litigation you have asked me to handle for you.

To my present knowledge, they are not pursuing any criminal charges.  However, given the scope, tone and tenor of the complaint in the civil lawsuit we should not rule out their lobbying of the state attorney general, the county attorney, and the city attorney for prosecution under some conjured criminal offense.  These plaintiffs are angry, and they appear to be interested in punishing you as much as is possible within whatever is the permissible scope of the law as of February 2014.

Given the soft, unquantifiable nature of the injuries and damages alleged, we are essentially dealing with a thumbnail version of the mudslinging types of political discussion that are commonplace in America right now.  The plaintiffs will use hot-button emotional appeals toward jurors' empathies and sympathies in these general arenas:

* bullying
* bigotry
* homophobia
* misogyny
* racism

Their strategy will be to paint you as a "reactionary" who fears "progress" and especially "social" or "cultural" kinds of "progress."  They will assert you are a Republican and will likely present witnesses who compare you to the Tea Party, Ayn Rand fans, Rush Limbaugh fans, Ann Coulter fans, Glenn Beck fans.  They will, in essence, play up the Democrat vs Republican dynamic at play in America today, and they will pitch their arguments as Democrats, and tar you with the Republican affiliation.

I don't know your political thoughts or associations, Mr. Caidagh, and I do not know how much time you spend following arguments in the media or on campaign trails, or down at the local bar or coffee shop.  If you are not familiar with the style of political argument used in 2014, I would advise you to familiarize yourself with it, as soon as possible.  This will help you prepare for the kinds of arguments the plaintiffs will advance.

In short, it would be best to view this lawsuit as a character assassination vehicle, with ambitions toward silencing you permanently.

On the positive side, I can offer this small comfort:  be thankful we are not completely converted into a totalitarian police state, and be grateful that the plaintiffs are a small interest group and not the national Democratic Party.  Even if they succeed on every claim and receive every requested remedy, they cannot have you killed.  So there's some small comfort in that.

I will have the answer and motion to dismiss prepared by the end of this week, and will forward a final draft of each as soon as I have them ready.  Meanwhile, please call me if you have any questions.



Chet Redweld

Monday, February 17, 2014



if you were there


It's real journalism.  I swear it is.

I appreciate the uncredited shout-out.  Good to see others swinging a pickaxe in my ore-laden cave.


The Spirit of Jack Crow is alive and well on the internutz:

Well, the bad form of the interviewer seems to be doing a good job of distracting from Miller's generally bad behavior with respect to women. That whole custody thing is shameful & would have made a very legit target for an interviewer. Apparently the more you look the uglier it gets. Certainly has colored my view of Miller.

Well, Spindrift Crow, Miller got married within the last year, year-and-a-half or so, and his wife seems to not mind the alleged "bad behavior with respect to women," and y'know, in case you didn't notice, his wife is a... errr, ahhh... ummmm, like... woman.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

you 'n' yunz

Tagging along, like Scrappy Doo, after my thoughts on that UAW post a couple days ago.

Hey lefty.

You wanna talk about unions and their utility?

Why don't you go read these linked stories and threads, and then come back here and comment on how ski teachers and ski coaches should "unionize" or "organize"?

Tipping Etiquette for ski instructors
Full time ski instructors' level of satisfaction with pay
Instructor's beef with Aspen Skiing Co. goes beyond pay
Ski instructor, Aspen Skiing Co. settle labor dispute
Exempt Employees - Colorado Minimum Wage Order Number 30
Mike Kaplan, President and CEO of Aspen Skiing Company Visits the White House
No more unemployment checks for seasonal workers
Con Games: Snow Job in Aspen Skico Pay Stinkeroo
Ski-town song hits sour note
Power Couples (scroll down to comments)
Mount Snow prohibits its employees from working at Haystack
Who put the special interest provisions in the immigration bill? Almost everybody!
Immigration law

That should get you started.

You're not helping me, I'm not working in that field now.

The eye, it liked to think

Perhaps I was just a bit snappy in my judgment of those e-riders in my last post.  Maybe they're not all 30-, 40- and 50-something dentists architects doctors lawyers engineers and "developers," but instead are just-after-HS or -college kiddies who were Cheerleader Parented, and they think the reason they can't shred the radbrognar on their $7,000 Turner Burner is due to their lack of self-confidence in anything at which they're not an expert, and maybe there's not much (if anything) in the world at which they're an expert, so everyone else must have got where they are --able to shred the radbrognar on a fully rigid $750 bike with 26" wheels, for example-- by being a Born Expert.

So it never dawns on them to work on riding more, and practicing their skills while doing that extra riding.

After all, if you couldn't bunny-hop at least 18" vert on your first attempt at age _____, then you'll never be any good until you get a $10,000 wonderbike that fills all your e-Rider's Wish List needs.

Nobody ever improved as a cyclist through hard work and lots of saddle time.  Those top riders in any cycling discipline, they were born at their current level and have simply slacked the entire time between birth and now.

Same with skiers.  Good skiers are born.  Nobody who started as a lousy, awkward, tip-crossing back seat driver has ever amounted to anything.  No ski racer who was a bottom-of-the-pack racer at age 14 ever has amounted to anything.

Just ask Ted Ligety.


I find it mind-numbingly sad, then side-splittingly funny, that e-riders think they can't ride what they imagine themselves being able to ride radbrognarishly on existing Turner trail bikes.

Oh you can't do "enduro" on current Burner framed bikes?

You need 1" or 0.75" more travel to get rad on a Burner?

I tell you what, e-rider.  Go take some video footage of yourself getting radbrognar on your brand-spankin'-new Burner and show & then describe how your riding is limited by that frame's design (including travel amount and head angle).

I'll be waiting, bated-breath style, for your proofs. 

Don't forget to use your e-engineering and e-framebuilder and e-designer skills to bolster your proofs!

Reminds me of skiers who can't handle 3-D snow on their current wizardshape skis -- and the reason they can't, that just has to be that current ski designs are holding them back!

Please, Dave Turner -- make the fantasy bike that I swear I need in order to be "competitive" at the Radbrognar Enduro that's happening July 2014 in my locale of Deadflatuntechnical, Midwesternstate USA!

Saturday, February 15, 2014

dinosaur tears

Whenever lefty whingers crow about unions being the way forward, unions being the only way workers can leverage their worker-power, blah blah blah, I am quick to think them dinosaurs for living in the WW2 era of industrialization and early- (relative to now) stage power plays at work in the social fabric.  They won't admit unions have become tools of management, they won't admit unions have become money-washing facilities for Fat Tony's Brown Bag of Cash, they won't admit unions serve to standardize worker dissatisfactions and further homogenize the top-down power assembly by focusing workers on their humans-as-robots role in the process.

Apparently, some workers in the UAW power field disagree with the lefty dinosaurs.

At Vokswagen’s Chattanooga factory, the UAW was actually welcomed by the employer. No union-busting propganada sessions. VW, which already has a powerful union back home in Europe, wanted to set up German-style “works councils,” where rank and file employees could have a say in production decisions. But, according to many U.S. labor lawyers, it needed a union partner — otherwise, under the Wagner Act the works councils would be considered an illegal “company union.” The UAW seemed ready to be that partner. UAW organizers were allowed in the plant to make their case. Management didn’t argue back.**

And the workers still said no. In the secret ballot election that concluded Friday, VW’s Chattanooga employees voted against unionizing by a margin of 712 to 626. The UAW couldn’t even win an election it had been handed on a silver platter by management.

* * * *

**–Though local politicians, like Sen. Bob Corker, did. President Obama sided with the UAW, at least behind closed doors.

What will the dinosaurs think now? Will they claim the workers were "wrong"? Hmmm.

I thought "union organizing" was for the laborers' benefit! Those laborers must be wrong! Lefty dinosaurs stuck in a 70-years-ago dynamic assure us that unions are the only way forward for laborers!

Well, maybe I just don't know.  We can probably dismiss the reporting done in the block quote above because of its source, and because that source allowed a typo of "propganada" to pass muster into publication.

I know that's what I'm going to do, because otherwise, my lefty valhalla seems to be illusory.


Maybe this is just evidence that among those Chattanooga VW plant employees, 712 of them need to be rectified by intimidation, threats to physical and financial well-being, and constant shame-blasting with such wicked verbal corrections as "scab" and "reactionary."

Or maybe, giving the wheezy old white-chin-whiskered innaleckshuls their due, this is just a sign that these Chattanooga cats still need a union -- just not this particular union.  But what a quandary that presents!  It requires admitting UAW-Chattanooga is defunct in its workers' rights assertions.  Which admits union imperfection.  Which admits union failure, at least in some relevant capacity for galley slave empowerment.

The innaleckshuls are going to have to wrassle with their hallowed "meme" of cognitive dissonance on this one.  In other words, they're gonna have to admit that cogdis isn't just something that reactionaries suffer.

Friday, February 14, 2014

fuckin' Call-a-Rat-Oh!

First they shove everyone out of the way to prove they can commercialize cannabis better than AK, CA, WA.

(but fail there, because they chose tax-and-regulate, thanks to Jewish Progressives being a driver in the state's social fabric)

Here's a true landmark, though.  And I say that because of the Jewish Progressives in the state's mix, who tend to want to pacify and pave over every rough point in the human or physical landscape.  The JPs tend to not like things rough-and-tumble, they prefer fresh asphalt, lots of street lights, fancy eateries, and other ways to one-up your neighbor through consumerist habit and experiment.

I wonder if that's at play here?  JPs who grew up soft and mushy in Philadelphia, NYC, Bethesda, or Bergen County and have now moved to Boulder for the Outdoor Lifestyle Competition Every Waking Moment, they can brag to their JP friends who haven't yet Made the Move, telling them that they live where it's Rugged and Rough.

With asphalt, lights aplenty, fancy eateries & boutiques, etc.


Avalanches within the boundaries of open runs at Colorado ski resorts are an inherent danger, and operators do not have to warn skiers or close runs, even when risk is high, the Colorado Court of Appeals ruled Thursday.

From the Denver Post.**


That's a good decision.  Skiing is risky.  Nobody should head out for a day of skiing or snowboarding in the alpine (rather than nordic) context, and assume that someone else is handling all the risks or some significant part of the risks.

If you're riding on snow, you have to know that snow-riding is risky.

The standard should be that assumption of all risk related to the actual sliding on snow, it falls on the skier/snowboarder.

Ski areas might be liable for failure of a lift and resultant injury, but they're not liable for the snow itself nor the terrain on which the snow falls.

It's your job, Outdoor Lifestyler, to assess the risks associated with sliding on snow.  YOUR JOB.  Not someone else's.

Good job, Colorado Court of Appeals.  Thank you for laying down a half-decent opinion.


** I changed the link embedded in the quote, from a link to another Denver Post article, to a link reaching the actual opinion of the CO Ct of Appeals.

you stupid, pretentious fuck

You want a solution to the problems in the "economy" as they relate to "jobs" or "employment", pretentious PowerNoggin fuck?

Here's your solution.

The national standard is changed from 40 hrs/week to 20 hrs/week.

Twice the number of people employed.

It's that simple.


PowerNoggin fucks like the Simulated Beavers once tried to tear apart this proposal of mine.  PowerNoggin fucks like David Graeber, commenting under a "unique" handle, tried to soft-criticize this proposal of mine. 

These fucktard putzes are limited by their understanding of the world.  They see only through the lens roughly ground not by Carl Zeiss but by Karl Marx.  This lens requires that you see the world as Glossy Karl did.  You can't see the world any other way.  So the question then becomes, would Glossy Karl have approved of Harold Caidagh's proposal.

The PowerNoggin collective, found blogging at various waypoints along the BlogTrust highway, assures us that the Caidagh proposal cannot work. 

Because Glossy Karl never suggested it could work.  And we know that Glossy Karl knew everything, including how life would play out for Americans in 2014.

Are you starting to see why Marxists are always wrong, you eedjit fuckstick pimple on the ass of the internet?


What are the real problems with 40 to 20 reduction?

1) Doubling the number of employees means doubling the overhead required at the employer's expenses end of things.  

I'm pretty sure the increased productivity of the now-20-not-40 worker will offset these expenses.  You'll see it only as a bottom line issue, Mistah Cappy Tollist, but there's more to life than a balance sheet where jobs are concerned, and you can't measure worker happiness or productivity through an accounting exercise -- no matter how creative your accountant.

2) Halving the work week means halving the individual worker's income, while life remains at the same expense/cost.  So the worker has half as much to live on.

This is true for the already working 40 hrs person. 

This is untrue for the unemployed 0 hrs person, who gets a big windfall and probably gets off public assistance.

Is your measure "jobs" or "employment," Mistah Powuh Nogen?  Or is it "purchasing power"? 

If it's "purchasing power," then isn't the 0 hrs person increasing purchasing power likely to offset the losses felt by the 40 hrs person diminishing to 20 hrs?  Don't answer reflexively here.  Think about it.

3) Splitting shifts will cause new, off-hours "rush hour" commuter headaches, will mess with "lunch hour" planning at eateries, will stress public transit facilities.

Imagined fears are not equal to actual problems to solve.  Why not try it, and see how it works.  I'm guessing eateries would happily prefer several surges of activity rather than only one.  I'm guessing the commuter headaches will include reductions at current peak times as well as increases at current "off-peak" times. 

In other words, it'll balance on its own.  If you can only trust it.


Am I missing something?  Maybe.  Everyone misses something when analyzing problems.  I've never known anyone who caught every possible hitch and resolved it smoothly and accurately when examining such spectral social problems.

I bet I'm adding solution far more than I'm creating problem.

I bet that no matter what "problem" you say I've created, I can show you how it's not a problem at all.

You wanna take the bet, you drooling eedjit fucktard misogynist rapist bigot homophobe reader of this reactionary moron blog?

Thursday, February 13, 2014

not just pretentious, but totally empty and fully meaningless

Here's a stalwart "lefty" internet persona, doing what he does best:  acting like he's smarter than you, and telling you how you're wrong about everything while he's absolutely inescapably and constantly correct about every single fucking detail of life and his commentary regarding it.

A reason to care about history (broadly conceived) is that the past is to some extent determinative of the present, just as the present is to some extent determinative of the future

I'm going to translate that fucking maelstrom of pretentious lies, because unlike "mistah charley, phd" I am actually generous and I am not busying myself trying to be your lecturer for this installment of PowerNoggin Pretense.

Here's my translation of the above.

A reason to care about history is my devotion of every waking moment of my life, post-high-school, to believing that history and the past are the most relevant determinants of the present. They define the present, they limit our present options. The only way to understand anything is by splitting hairs over which historian's story is correct. The eventually rectified story of the past now confines our choices in the present as well as the outcomes of the future. All of this is true because I say it is true, and I have a Pee Aitch Dee, so hurry up and get on your knees and suck my pretentious academic cock and please swallow because I'm your superior and you're a misogynist rapist reactionary bigot homophobe if you don't suck and swallow.

History is nothing. Your choices now, in this moment, are confined only by what you face right now. They are not limited by some pretentious PowerNoggin fucktard's dissertation. What you can do right now, in this moment, is limited only by you and your willingness to try something in this moment.

The longer you worry over "history" the more you look like one of those Fifty-Plus bloggers and tweeters who still tries to prove to you that he is definitely one of the Cool Kids.

Everyone else long ago forgot about not being a Cool Kid in HS, but the "historian" with a Pee Aitch Dee is still trying to show that he really was mistakenly omitted from the general consensus tally of who is a Cool Kid.

lakshmi told gaia who told elodie and then we saw it in a tweet from pedge who heard it from a guy doing A&R at a micro

jesus fucking christ

you're still trying to out-hip your peers and you're in your 50s or 60s? holy cannoli, what a fucking waste of a life.

"but Harold I can't do anything about the really important stuff that is going on right now, so my best path is to revert to HS days and play that gig for all it's worth"

yeah don't forget to consult Pitchfork and then ask a few 20somethings what sites tell them about the latest shitfest from some bunch of self-promoters who have blended Billy Squier, Katrina & the Waves, Weezer, Cat Power and Stereolab into a new sound that shifts genres every 15 seconds to prove their imaginary impressive musical scholarship chops since there isn't any real creativity among the bunch and their only skills are aping and parroting -- outside their very impressive talent for self-promotion and image management, I mean.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

what's really modafoggin' sad a blogger who also tweets and whose blog and tweet activity is designed to help him feel better and more "popular" at the age of Fifty-Plus, when he's still trying to make up for his Immense Butthurt felt while in grades 7-12 because he wasn't "popular" then and because now, at Fifty-Plus, he's not as famous as he thought he would be when forecasting the future while in grades 7-12 or perhaps while earning the batch-o-luhrs, the massuh's, or the Pretty Hilariously Dumb (and this parchment tries to disprove that).

How fucking pathetic is it to have to make public every fucking fart emanating from your cloaca, every booger you pick with your finely manicured metrosexual hand, every momentary thought about some shitty poem, lousy song, or pretentious and really fucking horrible novel written by the Latest Academic Hipster Fad Promotion Darling?

The easiest way to soothe that perpetually fractured and splitting eggshell ego is to say it's all a "gag" and to think you can proclaim "gotcha" when someone (like me) sees your sad ego projection bullshit and thinks to himself (or herself), "what a pathetic middle aged loser trying desperately to regain the hip status which passed him by at age 17!"

internet celebrities and their real personalities on display

Once upon a time, I threw verbal darts at Eedjit Pwogs on a political discussion forum that arose out of a mountain bike discussion forum.

These Eedjit Pwogs were self-impressed smug assholes (treble redundancy, mea culpa) who blamed everything on Rethuglicans.

This was the timeframe 2000-2004 (approx.), and at the time, the derision "reactionary" hadn't taken root among the fake-intellectual Eedjit Pwogs, so their best putdowns of the era consisted of saying such things as:

"You ski in jeans, just like Dick Cheney."

This one shows (1) metrosexual style points for fashion primacy; (2) Eedjit Pwog power pulse times eleventy, for citing Dick Cheney; and (3) hip trustafarian cachet for referencing skiing as a relevant cross-thread running between fashion, politics, and socioeconomic hierarchy -- skiing being a thing rarely done by middle class or lower people.

"You would quarrel with Bill Clinton over the definition of is, while Evil Rethuglicans destroyed America!"

This one shows (1) obeisance toward the pre-Obama saviour, Slick Willie Clitdiddler "would you please use your cunt as my humidor" Clinton; (2) Eedjit Pwog power pulse times eleventy, for suggesting sexual mores are irrelevant to a person's integrity; and (3) ego-inflation gone rampant in the use of that clever 4th grade recess playground taunt, "Evil Rethuglican."

Some of the best and brightest Eedjit Pwogs of that era and forum participation are now "famous" sports celebrities on alternative sports forums.  You may know them by their meatspace names:

Kevin Bazar
Wendell Stam
Walt Wehner
Cory Blackwood

These four geniuses continue in their childish tribalist schtick even today, though under new comment forum handles.  Occasionally you will find references to them using their meatspace names, but that's usually when they're in Serious Mode.

For example, Mr Bazar is Quite Serious about being an Expert Skier and Expert Mountain Biker, despite his expertise being imagined in the first case, and then inflated via self-promotion on TGR over a 10-year-period.  He hasn't worked a 40-hour week in his entire life.  We wonder whether he's ever worked for a paycheck at any point since finishing his student years at Choate or St Paul's or wherever it was he lounged until graduating.  He is an impressive writer, though -- if you come at his work product from the perspective of a naive 7th or 8th grader who worships the doodz who star in skiing or MTB promo "edits."  You might even find one of his "funny, well-written" reviews of a skiing or MTB gear piece at the Trust Funder's Journal of Let's Fly to a Different Hemisphere to Pretend Seasons Haven't Changed -- We Can Pay for It Out of Petty Cash.**

Mr Blackwood is a clever dogpiler of the best "me, too! I wanna heap juvenile putdowns on this evil Rethuglican too!" variety.  In meatspace he works for Kona Bicycles as National Fellatio Distributor and Global Bottom, when he's not telling everyone how cool he is since he used to be a DeeJay and once split a Mike's Hard Lemonade with Trent Reznor in the Green Room before a NIN show.

Mr Stam doesn't have to work, because he's flush with money not just from his parents' kind largesse, but also because he married a trust funder just like himself.  Never one to take the easy way out of things, Stam has owned a bike shop that specialized in upselling and overcharging, has run a South American MTB tours business that specialized in awkward pushy gringo-ization of SA, and now is a Mr Mom who makes shitty "bicycle art" which takes him 4 minutes to assemble from junk parts, and for which he asks $200+ when even you, dipshit reader of this moronic blog, could make the same for $15.  But it's worth every penny because our little man Wendy assures you that he's stylish -- and besides, he makes menorahs.

Which brings us to a famous bicycle framebuilder who suffers an immense solipsism problem.  Mr Wehner, who enjoyed a stupefyingly unsuccessful career as a bike racer about 15 years back, is sure that he knows all about what makes a good mtn bike design -- and he knows this because he basically was someone who raced on 6-foot wide, perfect horizon dirt circuits, perfecting his stamina and power and never developing his bike handling skills.  Naturally he would know what makes for a good MTB in settings other than NORBA XC.  Just ask him.  He'll tell you that while he may not have any descending or bike handling skills, he knows what makes a bike descend well.  And on top of that, he hates the GOP, so that definitely counts for something.

These four little boys spent a great part of their weekly energy trying to piss me off during that 2000-2004 period, and two of them have continued their efforts right up to the present.  I don't hear from Wehner or Blackwood any more -- though I could if I wanted to spend time on Zuckbuck, where each of those eedjits spends a bit of energy telling the world how cool and hip and politically correct he is.  But I do get to witness the stunning maturity and humor of the average 15 year old boy who thinks himself smart and studly, whenever I browse the forums at TGR or ridemonkey and run across a post by rideit or kidwoo.


In reading the comment threads at, I've come to recognize entities who are close parallels to Bazar, Stam, Wehner & Blackwood.

Palin's Buttplug = Cory Blackwood

Bo Cara, Esq = Kevin Bazar

Tony = Wendell Stam

HazelMeade = Walt Wehner.

So, if you know the four fucktards I've just told you about, go read the threads at and see if you agree with me!

Meanwhile, I think I'm gonna build some Bicycle Art that I can sell for $500 after 20 mins labor, only my angle is gonna be crucifix-based rather than menorah-based.

for thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever and ever.  amen.


** Which also is known as blister gear review.

I gots nuthin'

mostly, cuz, 'cause someone's already said it:

ultra-rich liberals will keep supporting them no matter how much of their substance gets eaten away.

That's because for ultra-rich liberals, being a left wing proggie douche is all about teh feelz. It feelz good to "care" so much about the poor that you're willing to vote for someone who will take from them and give to the poor the state to set up idiotic government programs to "help" the poor so that they don't have to lift a Goddamned finger themselves.

Afterall, if they had to give to charities or worse, volunteer somewhere, they might actually end up coming into contact with some dirty poor person. Basically voting for progs allows them to assuage their guilty consciences and pat themselves on the back for being so "caring" without having to break a sweat. Because sweating is icky and "working class." Limousine liberals are some of the worst people in the world.

hoo doggie, that just described a lot of people I know, with the minor change that they're not ultra-rich, but they probably are aiming toward that status and definitely identify with it.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

little tony

Over the past 2 nights I have watched the first 8 episodes of Bates Motel, and I'm doing that without ever seeing Hitchcock's original or the Van Sant remake.  I have just a few thoughts on the 3 main players.

Vera Farmiga is impressive as the emotionally herky-jerky Norma Bates.  Some may say she hams it up a bit, but I'm not ready to say that's due to her alone.  Could be the script, could be the direction.  I haven't seen the script and am not privy to the direction vectors given while filming.

Freddie Highmore's Norman is the kind of kid you just want to punch in the face based on his public mannerisms (i.e., in school), but gets really oddball when it comes to his dynamic with mother Norma.  Whether Highmore is a good actor or is just that kind of dweeby mama's boy kid who treats his mother as if she were his girlfriend, I don't know.  It's possible he's the latter, and not impossible he's the former.  Perhaps Tarzie can tell us, as Norman seems not far removed from Tarzie, personality wise.

The Dylan character seems to be inserted to give the series a character who is a cross between Jax Teller and James Hurley.  I'm not clear on his role in the story concept otherwise. 

From watching it so far, it seems the show's designer/conceiver must have thought of a cross between Sons of Anarchy and Twin Peaks, with the only connection to Psycho being that they could create some uncomfortable viewer tension arising from interactions between Norma and Norman.  I'm not sure I'm going to watch any more episodes.


Heavens to Murgatroyd!  Someone published at a "leftist alternative" (ish) website has actually done a half-decent job of analyzing health care issues, as they connect to other systemic problems in HuhMurikkay!

In the absence of a single-payer healthcare system that would control costs...

For Pietro's Sake! How dare this person speak of cost controls! We're supposed to blindly pursue single-payer, cost-control being damned to the hindmost position! Medicare for all, fuck the absurdities of that scheme and its failure to meaningfully control costs!

But a system that targets the assets of the poor for liquidation and provides care pegged to one’s income level is a system dedicated to reproducing inequality.

Reproducing inequality in HuhMurikkkay? That's un-possible. Each of us can, with the right dosage of ambition and eagerness to cheat our way there, reach the tippy-top of the Income and Asset Ladder!

Even Libby "Rabbit" Warren cautions us about the pains of the middle class, that gang of Upwardly Mobile Strivers! Our dwindling figures in the market for car loans at vehicle prices of $40k and up, and the relatively shrinking category of New McMansion Starts, they are the most crucial things to worry over! Why, just yesterday one of my "consultant" friends with a $125k (creatively accounted) AGI was complaining about his investment returns!

Rabbit to the rescue! Make sure Fudd's blunderbuss won't fire!

Chris White, The Real Illness Plaguing US Healthcare

Believe it or not, it's at CounterPunch!**


** Fear not, brave supporter and reader of PunchCounting.  Elsewhere on the site we have the standard banal equivocations from that heat-free firebrand, David Swanson, imploring everyone to "do more to prevent war."  Remember, kiddies, that bumper sticker on your car, t-shirt on your torso, and slogan-parrotting on twitter will achieve what Swanny Davidson wants, so it's easy to "do more" and meet the standards set by His Mediocreness.

Monday, February 10, 2014

sorry, but I left my spine back in the 20th century and now I can't find it

I'm sure this doesn't apply to you, drooling eedjit reader of this moronic blog.  It's really about everyone else.

pinheadicus arrogantus

Here at UNSF, we are great admirers of Pinheadicus arrogantus, which outside of the genus/species name you may know as PowerNoggin or self-styled public intellectual or, if you're really skeptical about the difference between popular and holistically wise, dipshit fucktard.

Public intellectuals grow their "rep" by saying what the non-thinking masses want to hear.  They provide easy conclusions and, for the rare semi-skeptic in their audience, offer throw-away qualifiers to show the conclusion wasn't that easily drawn.

A famous P.I. among the weftees is The (Branch) Davidian Grey-Bar.  This chappy writes wordy crap that throws out references culled from Wikipedia and other cut-and-paste online searches, and holds a faculty position in some Toffee-muncher uni, so you know he's got the goods. 

Thankfully (or... maybe not) the BlogTrust can be relied upon to keep interested nimrod clowns like myself updated on where P.I.s have focused their rambling-on and whinging defeatedly but proudly.
American philosopher Daniel Dennett frames the problem quite lucidly. Take lobsters, he argues—they’re just robots. Lobsters can get by with no sense of self at all. You can’t ask what it’s like to be a lobster. It’s not like anything. They have nothing that even resembles consciousness; they’re machines. But if this is so, Dennett argues, then the same must be assumed all the way up the evolutionary scale of complexity, from the living cells that make up our bodies to such elaborate creatures as monkeys and elephants, who, for all their apparently human-like qualities, cannot be proved to think about what they do. That is, until suddenly, Dennett gets to humans, which—while they are certainly gliding around on autopilot at least 95 percent of the time—nonetheless do appear to have this “me,” this conscious self grafted on top of them, that occasionally shows up to take supervisory notice, intervening to tell the system to look for a new job, quit smoking, or write an academic paper about the origins of consciousness.
I've got the gun, there's the barrel, and look! Inside! A whole mess o' fish.


What are the Brights famous for doing? Can you recall?

I can. They're famous for making nincompoops like you feel like deep thinkers. They're the ones whose "movement" presaged the TED revolution of non-analytic Oral Tradition "essays" which confirm your extreme specialness.

"I watched a TED lecture on The Selfish Gene and now it's confirmed, what I always believed: humans are the only creatures who can rise above biological automaton status."


Dani Dun-It in the Grey-Bar block quote above is doing this:
You see, we humans are special, elevated creatures and reside at the top of the food chain for good reason. That reason is simple. And obvious. The reason? We are the only creatures who have a sense of identity, introspection, and thought process. All other animals --which, I remind you, are below us on the food chain-- are non-thinking reactionaries who cannot adapt, cannot reason, cannot harness technology toward a Progressive Valhalla. Thus you see animals kill each other over food, or even over that absurd notion humans grafted onto them, "territory." Just like reactionary republicans, actually.
It doesn't take even a 4th rate mind to see that Brightly Done It is full of feces to the point of having turd effluent seeping from eyes, ears, nose, mouth.

All it takes is to be around these Lower Animals in an observer role, and more importantly, an observer who isn't trying to shove the Lower Animal's square peg existence into the Perfect Round Hole of The Human Perspective. If an animal behaves in a way the observer can't grasp nor understand, obviously the animal is a stupid robot programmed by Selfish Genes that mandate a binary, yes/no reaction to dunderheaded stimuli.


Of course, if you're the Grey-Bar, you have to write endless impressively worded paragraphs to make this simple point.

Why the belaboring?

Because the Grey-Bar is superior -- so superior, in fact, that he worries you're too stupid to get an idea if presented simply.

Instead he has to lick his chops at the chance to once again pontificate from a point of superiority, and then blather burble banter bicker bicker bicker brouhaha balderdash ballyhoo...'s only talk.

Cheap talk.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

slap shot over the glass and into the crowd


actually, what we see in village economies, is that status wants destroy happiness and do it fast.

Jesus hockey puckin' Christ.

This fucktard thinks that what his paranoid, progressive "imagination" envisions = the true reality that inescapably arises.

1) "Status wants" have nothing to do with the size of a community or its so-called "economy."

2) Whether "status wants" have the ability to destroy happiness is an open question and isn't conclusively answered regardless of this fucktard's bizarre imaginations to the contrary. Whether they can destroy an entire community's happiness is far from certain. 

3) Whose particular "status wants" are under examination here?  What about the "status wants" of people who become vicarious victims to take a bogus Voice of the Oppressed stance in a political debate or argument?  What about the pseudo-intellectual drooling dipshittery of people such as the person quoted above?  That's certainly a "status want" -- though I'd wager 144 Krispy Kremes that what Quoted Author sees as "status wants" would exclude the poseurdom and pretense of his own little schtick and would aim toward "wants" that he would not seek himself. 


Pseudo-intellectuals are notable for their sure statements of great authoritative conclusion, when they have zip-fuck zilch factual grounding for those certainties.

Being "popular" on Daily Kos and firedoglake blogs doesn't mean you're an expert in anything but milking the cow of popularity.

Friday, February 7, 2014


Real exchanges had with real meatspace friends who have read my blog.


"Dude.  Do you actually think that shit you write is funny?  It looks to me like pure hate and unadulterated anger."

"I'm laughing.  You're not.  Maybe I should take you to task for putting mayonnaise on your cheeseburger, you idiot bastard.  Mayonnaise doesn't belong anywhere near a burger and holy fuck, would you stop putting it on your fucking fries already?"


"How come you never pick on Republicans?  Looks to me like you're a Republican.  For fuck's sake, you always disagree with my progressive political views."

"So I have to be a Republican if I am not a progressive?  Got it.  Thanks.  I never realized my choices were so limited."


"Your blog reads like it is written by someone who hates women.  So you're actually a misogynist and that's why you're not married."

"And here I thought that I'm not married because I don't want to be married.  Thanks for clearing that up for me."


"You must be gay.  At your age, unmarried, and posting homophobic insults on your blog?  Gay.  Just come out of the closet already.  We'll still like you.  We might even like you more."

"So you'll only like me and continue to be my friend if I lie, and say I'm gay.  And I'm the bigot?"


"Dude, why do you hate Jews so much?"

"I don't hate Jews any more than I hate Irish Catholics."


"Dude what exactly is the source of comedy in your blog?  I don't think I get it."

"I don't know.  To me comedy is like what flavor ice cream you prefer.  I can't explain why I'd rather eat chocolate or coffee or strawberry ice cream instead of vanilla, peach, rocky road or vanilla fudge."

"But how is that shit funny?"

"You ever laugh at George Carlin?  Bill Hicks?  Lenny Bruce?  Dave Chappelle?  Don Rickles?  Monty Python skits?"

"You're not trying to say you're a comic genius like them, are you?  Because that would be absurd."

"Why don't you just go back to the ice cream analogy, then?"

an inch forward, 2.54cm backward

There is good in the world.  And there is bad too.

There are beautiful things, and there is ugliness.

People are generous.  People are stingy.

Technology is good.  Technology can kill you.

Politics could move societies forward.  Politics has dragged people backward.

The hit man killed someone.  The hit man made a nice chunk of money.

Defense spending makes people rich and provides jobs.  Defense spending destroys lives.

Noam Chomsky helped some people question things.  Noam Chomsky prevents you from asking the most dangerous questions.

Glenn Greenwald is a famous gay lawyer.  Glenn Greenwald is a famous liar who happens to be a gay lawyer.

Edward Snowden blew a whistle.  Edward Snowden told us nothing new.

Chris Hedges writes about our militarized police.  Chris Hedges spent 20 years apologizing for militarism abroad.

Your favorite band gives you aesthetic pleasure.  Your favorite band makes me vomit.

My blog makes me seem a reactionary bigot misogynist homophobe.  I'm not what I seem.

don't you wonder this chemical made its way into their bread in the first place?

Thursday, February 6, 2014

a venturi of suckage

Last night I watched The Weight of Water to see some Elizabeth Hurley and to check out whether Kathryn Bigelow's other movies worked as well for me as Strange Days.

This one didn't.

The historic back-and-forth can work for Branagh & Thompson in Dead Again but it doesn't work here, and it's not just because of different casts.  The story and execution just don't work.  Neither the old story nor the current one feeds its counterpart. 

Why is Sean Penn unconvincing as a "genius poet"?  Why is he unconvincing in any role but Jeff Spicoli?

Why is Josh Lucas letting his girlfriend flirt so heavily with his brother, Sean Penn? And by "letting" I don't mean he controls her behavior or has the right to, but he does have the ability to end the boat trip and/or discuss with her the skanky sluttery she's up to. Especially with Penn's wife right there on the boat. Does Lucas lust after Mary McCormack and that's what is going on?

Why does Sarah Polley get these kinds of roles? Casting couch performance?  She can't act worth shit.

Ciaran Hinds was good as the malingering "rheumatoid arthritis" guy.

I had the incest plot figured out from the way Polley talked so glowingly of her brother and cinched by Katrin Cartlidge poking at Polley with the references to their brother. No mystery ending there.

The storm on Lucas's boat was a weak MacGuffin.

Why was McCormack treating ancient documents with such callousness, subjecting them to loss or water damage?

The mini-plot about Penn's car wreck at 17 and his lost love?  Crap.

Probably valuable to certain viewers who appreciate chick flick/chick lit stuff.

holly would

in the town hall

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

problems in the black market

If I were consigliere to a local mobster, I'd be talking to the don about revamping his enforcement techniques and tactics.

In the 1990s and before, enforcement of authority by loan sharks, bookies, controlled substance dealers was done on threat of corporal injury.  Pay your debt or we'll break your arm.  Etc.

As we watch today's kiddies becoming today's young adults, these whitebread Special Snowflakes are going to be engaging in some black market activities as their standard Rite of Passage.  They'll be driving down to the Underclass Neighborhoods to crack the window on their Prius and ask "how much for an eighth?" and then trade folding money for bags of 65% oregano 25% shake 10% stems/seeds.  Some of these New Nascent Yupsters will be taking their black market activities further, and getting into binds with Vinnie the Vicious and Smackdown Sammy.

But as the New Nascent Yupsters value their online representation of self more than they value in-person interaction, the real way to gain enforcement of debts will be to pose threats to a person's online image.

Instead of Vinnie the Vicious and Smackdown Sammy and Jawbreaker Jimmy coming around to hassle you at the Condo your mummy & dead bought for you to attend Special Snowflake University without the hassles of dealing with lower-born Dormers, they'll be saved for the Big Slugs who actually pose a bigger money threat to the don's operation.

The don should consider hiring master insulters and image-destroyers with lots of internet experience.  These image-exploders would pose more threat to Special Snowflake debtor than the armbreaking thugs.  Special Snowflake cares far more about his friend count on Zuckbuck and how many "likes" he gets, and he cares about the "followers" he has on twitter and the people who love his instagrams.

Online profile destruction is poised to become the armbreaker of this wonderful new Projected Self Era.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

van guardians

Onward!  To our next adventure!

I'm sure I was just being a paranoid reactionary when I posted this a couple years back.

I'm sure my training in the Ancient Papyrus Academy and subsequent activity interpreting, and following the interpretations of, such Ancient Papyrus Scrolls meant nothing, and so this crazed papist in black robes can't possibly be talking about what I mentioned a couple years ago.


What, you don't wanna be the best you can be?

As the American culture continues its canter along the path of selfish lazy entitlement attitudes, sports equipment must follow suit.

In alpine skiing, the average skiing consumer has insisted that skis must make a tough condition easier.  This is because the average skier has low skills and without equipment dumbing things down for him, he can't access much of the mountain without feeling like the no-talent hack he is.

Or she is.  I don't mean to be male-centric here, and I'm trying to not smash women's egos by suggesting they too --on average-- lack skills.  Saints be praised, women tend to be a little more humble than men (and girls, than boys) on the issue of athletics, ability, and ego mixing at once.  Women tend not to over-estimate their skills and in many cases tend to well under-estimate their present status and prospect for improvement.  Humility reigns among female athletes just as readily as egocentrism and arrogance dominate in the male spectrum.

Two customers come into a ski shop at the same time, but separately.  A man.  And a woman.  Both around 35 - 40 yrs old.  Perhaps older, even.  Depends on your area's demographic.

The man will come in and look immediately at the Top Of The Line boots and skis, imagining they're made for him in his High Accomplishment status.  He's not looking because curious, he's looking because they are Made For Him.

The woman will browse and might wonder why the color schemes aren't more complementary.  She'll leave the suitability question to the shop employee.

It's a low traffic day at the shop and one shop employee will handle both customers at the ski wall.

He approaches the woman first.  "How's it going?  Did you ski yesterday?"

"Yes, it was a little cold and I was struggling with the snow conditions.  I just moved here from Chicago and I am used to skiing well-groomed snow on even fall lines.  The mountain is pretty unforgiving here."

"It can be tough.  It helps to remember that changing conditions eventually make you a better skier, but that's not much of a help when you're struggling.  What skis are you on now?"

At this point the man interjects.  He's been eavesdropping and can't resist the chance to prove his manliness.

"I'm on the Volkl Mantra, and I find they just don't want to turn in these conditions."

The shop employee knows diplomacy, and he brings the discussion around to neutral ground.

"I can probably help both of you at once since you both are looking for something that is more suitable to our terrain and conditions.  If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to hear her answer on her present gear.  I can then talk to both of you at once, since I already know you're on the Mantra."

The woman waits for Mantra Man to maybe interject again, and then offers:  "they're some model of K2, an all-mountain ski, not real fat.  I got them mainly for skiing at Boyne."

Shop employee knows most mid-girth skis designed for "all-mountain" use and sold in the past few seasons were pretty standard skis dimensionally, geometrically and camber-wise, and he knows that skiing them in 3-D snow requires a bit more skill than most recreational skiers have.  He knows that a few companies have been working hard to deliver Skiing Ease(not yet TM) to the recreational skier approaching 3-D snow.  Shop employee moves over to the Rossignol skis on the wall, and grabs a Soul 7 and a Savory 7 in sizes appropriate for the two customers.

"We've made a lot of customers happy with this particular Rossignol, especially customers who found their previous skis difficult in the more challenging ungroomed conditions we routinely have up on the hill."

The woman brightens up significantly and, in a moment of hesitation, observes:  "they look awfully wide compared to my current skis."

The man is already scowling.  "Rossignol.  They make rental skis."


Let's look at what Rossignol says about the Savory 7 (women's) and Soul 7 (men's) skis.  This is marketing fluff.  It's not really a technical description of the ski or its terrain suitability.  It's a description of the image Rossignol imagines the typical customer trying to achieve, as a projection of the self standing in the lift line with these skis on his/her feet.

The future of freeride is here. A revolutionary fusion of backcountry, freestyle, and freeride performance, the all-new Savory 7 is the most versatile women's freeride ski we've ever designed. Powder Turn Rocker's been redesigned, virtually eliminating "tip flap" while retaining effortless floatation, fatigue-free maneuverability and instant speed control. New athlete-driven innovation includes patented Air Tip technology and a lightweight paulownia core, reducing weight by 20% for easier touring, enhanced agility, and ultra-light swing weight. At 106mm underfoot, the Savory 7 is a "do-it-all" backcountry and freeride ski whether ripping all-mountain, exploring sidecountry stashes, or taking on long ascents.
80% Powder / 20% All-Mountain

The future of freeride is here. A revolutionary fusion of backcountry, freestyle, and freeride performance, the all-new Soul 7 is the most versatile freeride ski we've ever designed. Powder Turn Rocker's been redesigned, virtually eliminating "tip flap" while retaining effortless floatation, fatigue-free maneuverability and instant speed control. New athlete-driven innovation, including patented Air Tip technology and a lightweight paulownia core reduces weight by 20% for easier touring, enhanced agility, and ultra-light swing weight. At 106mm underfoot, the Soul 7 is a backcountry and freeride "quiver-killer" whether charging all-mountain, attacking long ascents, or poaching backcountry pow.
80% Powder / 20% All-Mountain

Astonishing differences, eh?

How are these skis actually different?

Different name. Different top skin graphics.

How are the graphics different? Let's see how Rossignol's refined market research has discerned What People Want.

Men's, Soul 7

Women's, Savory 7

And here you thought I was being a misogynist when I said the woman customer is checking out color schemes and possible coordination of those palette selections.


We're finished with shop employee's sales pitch.  Now it's time to talk about the two customers and why they are having a tough time in 3-D snow.

Go ride the chair at a mountain with significant ungroomed snow conditions and you'll see a wide variety of low-skilled people.  My humble estimate would be that even at a mountain that has a reputation for being an expert skier's hill, 90-95% of skiers are hacks.

Here's the truth:  most skiers judge their skill NOT by their actual skill portfolio, but instead by what run they survived without feeling like they embarrassed their self.  For some skiers that's "not falling down" and for others it's "not falling more than ___ times."

Very, very few skiers know how to ski well, and most skiers would think they are slaying some pitch when they're klutzing their way down the hill.

In the case of Mantra Man above, he got Mantras because he heard Volkls are badass expert skis, and he considers himself a badass expert.  He thinks this because where he used to ski before moving west, he routinely skied the Black Diamond rated runs.

Most Difficult

By which I mean, he klutzed his way down the Black Diamond runs, and assumed that made him one of the mountain's "experts."  Because he rarely fell.

Naturally, after reading online forum discussions (TGR, EpicSki), he knew he should be on a "charger" because he imagined himself a "charger."

An accomplished ski instructor or race coach would rate Mantra Man a low intermediate at best.  And would find it tough to break that news to him without offending him.  Usually the instructor or coach would have to dance around the news with emphasis of what few things Mantra Man does right.

"You're comfortable moving down the hill, rather than fighting it."

This one means the skier in question likes to go much faster than his skills warrant.  He's a danger to himself and others.

"You show great athleticism."

This one means the skier in question uses awkward moves to achieve directional changes or to slow down/stop, yet manages to avoid falling as often as a person with absolutely no coordination would fall.  Again, generally, a danger to himself and others.


Mantra Man can't make his skis turn because he doesn't know how to make a turn, even though he fancies himself a "charger" and an "expert" due to poor self-appraisal and tremendous ego-salve.  The reason his Mantras manhandle him is that he's a low-intermediate, skills-wise, on a ski designed for someone with high skills refinement.


The ski industry's mantra (no pun intended) is GROWTH and the goal is reached by selling more skis (and boots and, to a much lesser extent, bindings - poles - goggles - helmets) and getting more skiers onto the resort dynamic.  More lift tickets sold.  More nights in expensive slopeside lodging/condos.

Ski instruction plays a tiny, almost negligible role in most resort operations.  The bigger the resort, the bigger the ski school and usually, the more accomplished the instructor at the ski school.  Yet the percentage of skiers who will take lessons remains dismally small.

This is because of the American cultural model of selfish entitlement and consumerism.  You're expected to just become a better skier through more ski days, and/or through buying newer, presumably better gear.

The question is, what is "better"?

For most skiers, that means "makes me feel more accomplished" rather than "having a better set of skiing skills to enable adaptation to varying conditions."

And so, skis have evolved to enable this "more accomplished" feeling.  Modern skis like the Rossignol Soul 7 / Savory 7 let a low-intermediate ski 3-D snow with a narrow skill set.  As a result, more of the hill is skied by more skiers.

Though the skill level remains quite low, on average.  Your chances of being taken down from behind, by a skier who is hauling ass (relative to skill level) and out of control, are much higher now.  The parts of the mountain where you can ski freely without worrying about Hackamore Henry and Listless Lisette are shrinking.

The thinly-populated parts of the mountain now are like a suburban freeway, with lousy drivers hauling ass and creating close calls because they're entitled to haul ass and be distracted and possess low skills.  They have a sporty, fast car and they're gonna use it to its fullest.  NASCAR is mainstreamed now.  Top Gear assures them that this $65k wondercar makes them a badass on the road, and they're living the dream.


Please go back up and click on the link at "don't want to turn" and read that post, as well as the following ones, describing the Volkl Mantra's changes for the next ski season.

Monday, February 3, 2014

not guido not sarducci

more like the robot played by Dick Gautier on Get Smart:

I really wanted to like this movie, I like Joseph Gordon-Levitt as an actor, but before he writes anymore movies, he's got to read some literature and stop watching reality TV shows. Here's a hint--reality shows are not about reality, they're meant to shock you and make you laugh. Or just shock.

Where to begin? The "jersey shore" stereotype of of an Italian guy who likes to party and go to church? Confession every week and the only thing he confesses to is self gratification and sleeping out of wedlock, for which he receives "penance" of 10 Our Fathers and Hail Marys? REALLY? What time period is this set in? There are no more "confession booths"! Penance stopped being like that for over twenty or thirty years that I am aware of. It's more like "do something kind for someone" or volunteer. More practical if you know what I mean. Even if I was OK with the stereotype, it's a stereotype of Essex County, NJ (think Sopranos). And, Gandolfini needed an accent coach because he's from Bergen County and, we just don't speak that way. And none of them had that even remotely right, none of them. I wanted to like this movie, I really did. But the stereotypes are just so over the top. A religious Italian guy who has sex indiscriminately, rates girls on looks with his friends, watches porn after he has sex with a random girl, a loud father who constantly watches football (uh, no...not in MY family) the Italian mother who only wants the best for her son and grandchildren (yeah, OK), and the sister constantly on her cell phone, even at the dinner table (not in any Italian family I know, at least in NJ). The stereotype older woman (and I mean OLD, over 20 years older) who somehow understands him and teaches him what TRUE love is. I can allow the beautiful manipulative girlfriend who wants a "real man" whatever that's supposed to mean, but you just can't take ONE college course in any school in NJ. There is a minimum number of credits for being a part time student, and there are all the many fees involved that would not make it practical to take one course even if you could.

Mr. Gordon-Levitt would have better served himself if he wrote about a stereotype he did actually know, maybe a California type is so wrapped up in himself. I guess the think is, this stereotype could have been "living in LA" instead of NJ.

"Nobby Smith" reviewing Don Jon, a movie which popped up as "viewers also liked" following a movie I watched but didn't really like last night, Drinking Buddies.


I think Nobby should think about Levitt's Tribal affiliation and then he'll see where Levitt went wrong with the stereotypes.

Levitt's Guido stereotype ends up portrayed as people such as those seen in a Todd Solondz movie.  Levitt wrote a story about Jews he knew, but swapped ethnicities presumably because Levitt, like most Tribal members, prefers to project his flaws onto an easy target rather than acknowledge them openly and mine that for The Funny.**

In this case, Guidos are the easy target, but their on-screen behaviors that Nobby finds Not Italian, they're explained as behaviors of the Jews our writer/director grew up among and still lives among, but who can't be October Road-ed and so they become, for the sake of Don Jon, a bunch of Guidos.


**A few members of the Tribe can be found mocking Tribal insecurities and weaknesses.  Allen Konigsberg, for a famous example, and as mentioned, Todd Solondz for a less famous one.

sense or non-

Because you're stupider than you imagine yourself, you pretentious PowerNoggin Putz who comes to this blog to read my entries and feel insulted, slighted, besmirched, degraded, dehumanized, targeted by bigotry, attacked by homophobia, demeaned by misogyny,

you probably think that when I mentioned Today's Are Eye Pee in a recent post, I was "hating on" Today's Are Eye Pee.

Which just goes to show how fuckin' stupid you are, and how your entire internet browsing experience is focused on feeling self-righteous, special, and a member of:

(a) the Cool Kids Clique;
(b) the Upscale Consumerists;
(c) the Enlightened Progressives;
(d) the Exalted Left; or
(e) the sensitive Cultural Canary-in-Coal-Mine sect

which forces your mind's hand toward bowing out of introspection and self-criticism, and standing firm on 15 because the dealer may have a 7 or higher on top of the deck.

Honestly, I'm surprised you aren't afraid of your own reflection in the mirror.


This fella right here had some powerful chameleonic chops. He probably had some powerful other stuff going on too, because he was found dead with a syringe in his arm yesterday morning.

Sad to see ya go, man. No ham in your delivery.