Friday, June 27, 2014

drip coffee > cowboy coffee

I don't think you'll find a more empty and meaning-free defense of drip-drip-drip couched in references looking at those not holding power.

Wish I was Joey Ramone, settling for Pompous Fraud instead

Thursday, June 26, 2014

the james bond car had a wicked dashboard switch for belching smoke to drop a tail

So when a pseudo-intellectual gets his or her smoke-puffing engine warmed up and starts belching those opaque clouds:

Conventional wisdom sees a transition somewhere around the 17th century between ancient ‘science’ and the genuine article we know today. Astrology gave way to astronomy, alchemy to chemistry, and the old doctrines of ‘armchair philosophers’ were finally abandoned in favour of hypotheses that could be empirically tested. Galileo’s experiments on motion are a school-room paradigm of the modern scientific method, while Aristotle’s idea that stones fall because they want to get to the centre of the Earth, and fire rises because it belongs in the sky, is typical of the unscientific approach.

you can see the tailing vehicles smashing into smoke-obscured obstacles, spinning blindly off the pavement, or driving off a cliff.

Stones DO want to get to the center of the earth -- that's what the pull of gravity does, and that's what the more meritocratic field of physics eventually realized.

Fire DOES want to get to the sky -- this was shown, again, by the meritocrats studying physics. Warm air rises, cold air sinks. But hold on a minute.  Any climber or hiker or backcountry skier or alpine runner or bicyclist who plays in the mountains will tell you:  temperatures drop as you gain elevation.

Wait, is observing this also some kind of magical thinking?


Blah blah blah. Just because you actually composed an essay-length gathering of facticity it doesn't mean your essay is clarifying anything for us. As with Jack Crow, you are using all manner of logical fallacy in your argument. Confirmation bias and appeals to authority are your biggest flaws.

I'm sure your audience Brights agree, though. That magical thinking is definitely what gets Richard Dawkins' nose out of joint, so it must be an existential enemy ripe for the purging.

you must be this tall

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

more on conduits

I've been watching Boss over the past week or so.  In the first several episodes, I noticed an odd channeling of another actor's style of diction and demeanor.

The guy who plays Ben Zajac (how are you not supposed to imagine Vanna White turning letters when you hear that name?) seems to have channeled the acting of the guy who played Broyles on Fringe.  It's weird at first.  But then as the season progresses you see how Dan Quayle-ish is the Zajac character, and it begins to make sense that he'd just adopt the familiar persona of a TV character who is a well-respected Black man in a position of hush-hush government authority, who has a steely reserve and a tiny bit of the Joe Friday stick-to-the-facts curtness.  It's an inversion referencing Obama as solid in humor as Chappelle's Clayton Bigsby.

He also plays a bit of the Kingfish/Slick Willie, but the driving reference is Broyles.

Kelsey Grammer is good as Kean -- did they intend to give his character the same name as the NJ guy who played a big role in the post-9/11 frenzy of creative distraction and empty analysis?

Kean's daughter is played by a UK actress who can't manage to stay in character, accent-wise.  Watching her preach to her mostly-empty rows of pews or whatever they're called in this fictional (or not) First Presbyterian Church of Chicago, it's almost as painful as watching Will Ferrell try to be funny.  The accent makes me ask a dead-horse question:  why are directors, casting directors or "showrunners" using xenothespians when we seem to have a shit-ton of Americans speaking the dialect and preferred accent and at least 100 of them have to be suitable in every other way for your acting talent and physical presence needs?

I'm guessing it's the SWPL-ish thing of having "exotic" reference points.  "Oh when I was running Pederast Place, I had 2 Aussies, a Scot, an Irish, and a Bangladeshi in my cast of talent.  It was like curating a piece of television history.  Besides, American actors are so boring."

I don't know who cast Kathleen Robertson, but give that person a raise and a bonus.

alex p. keaton says "deregulate and explore outer weed"


"David Stockman is THE MAN!"


"When I'm not reading/commenting at reason, I'm diversifying my portfolio."

You're not less obnoxious and not less obviously a greedy asshole just because you ditched the GOP and traded in the Gordon Gekko for the bacefook Trends Director urban woodsman pseudo-slacker costume.

I understand the urge to separate yourself from the other hipsters, the ones who think they're the vanguard of taste/style culture** while you're the vanguard of the business/consumerism culture.  They're obnoxiously PC and it doesn't take much time in their presence to start dry-heaving.  But why did you run back to the ethics/outlook of Bud Fox's mentor as your identity flagstone?

From where I sit, both of you hipster subcategories are sad, narrow-view tribalists with plenty of hubris in your public stances.  And no, your lame attempts to be bipartisan on pretending at owning irony, while practicing something which isn't that but which you call that anyway in your (as said) hubristic self-certainty -- they don't give you a pass on being obnoxious.  You're not parodying yourselves in a way that's like a knowing wink guaranteed to earn a back atcha

This grasp you fail to have on humor probably corresponds directly with your long-term social outlook.  In your view, "long-term" is 90-120 days.  Build a bubble as an Entrepreneur of the Ether.  Use modern psychological warfare (in your lingo, marketing) to convince people they can't live without this idea or thing you've imagined is profitable if only you can move X units.  If you can make money on it, that's the test of your greatness and the greatness of your idea/thing.  Utility is measured only in terms of whether you can get it to market long enough to move X units. 

It's no wonder your "humor" isn't funny and isn't even sufficiently dark, cynical or sharp enough to qualify as a knuckle-dragging pre-understudy version of irony.  Everything in your world is like the adult life of the mayfly.

If only your adult life matched its, though.  In duration, I mean.


** Known, variously, as progressives or leftists or social-justice-minded-Democrats.  Don't let the different labels fool you, they're all the same:  Daddy State will protect us because Daddy State is staffed with Good People Like Me Who Went To Good Schools and Who Have Noble Intentions.


You'd prefer to listen to Greta van Susteren, Nina Totenberg, Alan Dershowitz, Radley Balko or Glenn Greenwald when it comes to legal matters, and that's because you're stupid AND arrogant. 

Stupid because those listed people are not legal pontiffs, but rather quasi-legal spin artists.  Arrogant because despite what I just said, you continue to think that only the media-sanctified Experts can know anything about that broad subject on which you know absolutely nothing:  the Law.

You'll also think that Tarzie is "on point" because his gay lounge lizard snark toward Greenwald makes you think he's got Greenwald's number (as it were), but Tarzie doesn't know jack shit about the Law, nor about anything outside the universe of the essence of flamboyant downtown gayness.  If you want to know new blow job techniques for use at your favorite sex bunker filled with people like you (XY+XY), seek out Tarzie's wise counsel.  If you want to know what makes Greenwald a bogus artifice, maybe ignore Tarzie as readily as you'd ignore the reason commentariat or Glenn Beck.

I don't recall Greenwald, Balko, Dershowitz, Totenberg or van Susteren telling you what is the problem with modern po-po interpretation of 4th and 5th A rights at stake when they (po-po) want to dive into your iPhone's contents.

However, I do notice that the Supremes just handed down a 9-0 smackdown to Holder/Obama/Emanuel/Rubin/Israel on the subject of po-po leniency where iPhone snoopage is concerned, and I notice that I was correct when I told you earlier what's at stake on the Q.

Naturally, you should continue following your chosen tribal klaxon and partisan expert, because they tell you that you're a genius who needs no deeper investigation or understanding.   There's no way I could know anything on this subject, as I'm not a gay lawyer who lies about his expertise, not a trustafarian twitter-based ripoff of the guy who wrote Live from Golgotha acting as the catty-sphere's hottest purveyor of gay snark, not a Libertarian, not a Zionist, not a familiar NPR voice, and not a bad advertisement for facelift surgery.

Also, as the great sages Krogh Barr and diane! and Sprytel J. Chimchim have told you, I'm just a stupid reactionary who doesn't have sufficient respect for the Lefte Banke's colony of trinket-acquisition-based-progress.

hey Slattery, that's some sincere flattery

If they'd asked me to ghost write this, it would have been even funnier, but I guess when someone is imitating me it's asking too much to request any more than getting halfway there.  You can't know it if you haven't lived it.

Yes, it does a Tarzie-like job of imitating my style but tweaking it for a Purple Dinosaur Barney audience re MTB where Tarzie tweaks for a snarky gay lounge lizard audience re sociopolitics.

Good job.  Being a pale imitation of your superior is far better than being the best you, isn't it?

Sunday, June 22, 2014

apology feigning serious inquiry

George Babbitt has a new column where he blames rogue trailbuilding for the growing anti-MTB sentiment.

George can't see what his own activity has done to cause the anti-MTB sentiment.  But then, why would he look at himself that way?  He's George Babbitt!  Boosting is his essence, and his driving value, and his whole existence.


When you "grow the sport" by enticing people to participate when they weren't already going to become riders by individual drives alone, you create a whole mess of Fad Followers who haven't devoted themselves to riding.  They buy expensive shit, which is what Babbitt really likes and why he works as he does.  The more expensive shit we see coursing through the waters of commerce, the happier Babbitt is.  This is why his writing is always boosting.  This is why his criticism is always tepid and for the most part, distraction under pretense of objectivity.

"Grow the sport" faddists get expensive new bikes that they don't know how to ride. These expensive bikes have great suspension and handling circa 2014 (as compared to the pre-boom era that existed a scant decade ago), which means faddists haul ass at speeds well above where they can brake effectively and sufficiently avoid collisions and other trail mishaps.

The faddists come careening down hills thinking descenders have the right of way.  Of course they do, right?  MOUNTAIN DEW, BRAH!  EXTREME!  explains one of the perspectives thinking this way.  STRAVA RECORD IN THE MAKING, BRO!  explains another.  Rookie ignorance is the underlying cause.  Rookie was boosted into the sport with the puff-ups offered by Babbitt and his boys at stinkbike.  And by the jr high school-level "informed commentary" you can find at VitalMTB.  And by the Trinkets-R-Us! discussions found at NSMB.

With so many faddites riding well over their heads, bad trail encounters are bound to happen, and with so many people operating under the Spoiled Fucking Brat mindset that grows out of Every Child A Precious Unique Snowflake perspective, the wrongdoers can't even imagine they are riding like assholes.

But they are.  Straightening chicanes, widening trails into tracks, shortcutting wherever the trail might slow them down or make them feel less than Godlike.  Removing rocks & roots because that's what bikepark is!

All of this has been sold to Internet Viewers of MTB Related Content during the past decade of boomtime, and it's really ramped up in the past 3-4 years to the point that now, if you observe any of what I've just said, you're accused of being "elitist" (as if that really means anything useful or adds anything useful to analyzing the problems) and told that you need to help "grow the sport".


On top of what I've just said we have the general pitch now offered by all MTB Babbitts -- that everything should be "flowy" or otherwise resembling a BMX ish layout proceeding down a hill; that everything should be groomed; that everyone should feel immediately gratified despite rookie status; that nobody should ever work on improving their skills.

Because, y'know, that way nobody would buy expensive shit.  OOPS.  There goes Babbitt's badass industry insider job.


I'm sorry, Richard Cunningham, but you're far more to blame for what's happening now than any rogue trailbuilder.

belched without apology

Let me get this straight:  so, given that BLM and USFS have parallel interests differently parceled out bureaucratically/systemically, and given they have divergent land management strategies -- then, that divergence would cause a BLM person to "leak" USFS land management practice details in order to palliate some kind of bureaucratic jealousy? 

This theme of skulldiggers being jealous over excavation tool one-upsmanship is laughable.  Exactly where do spook interests diverge, when compared to the interests of individual citizens?

Friday, June 20, 2014

face-up poker

Did you know that the city of McBoulder and the State of Neuwestia were under barrage from the US Attorney concerning the handling of a rape accusation at the University of Neuwestia?  The keen-suited meritocrats who work for one Eric Holder were telling the locals y'all don't know what yer doin & we's here to do it proper-like.

The US Constitution, a once-fabled document now reduced to the status of bathroom tissue thanks to many operative decisions by the good stewards of Eye-for-an-Eyelash, allegedly has a provision within it called "our Federalism" under which it is often contended that power should be devolved to the states.  This juvenile imagination product sits in contention with what others call "reality" -- that the big Daddy Protector is the boss, and if you, child, believe yourself fit to govern your own conduct and its ramifications, then you have another thing coming!  Daddy will cut off your allowance.

And without that allowance, you're not gonna be able to build fancy new developments when you play Sim City.  Hell, you're not even gonna get Urban Renewal Projects going!

Sim City is the reality you prefer to inhabit, given that the meatspace variety doesn't often go according to whim and expectation. 

So you'll make a show of "this is our turf, we can govern it just fine," but you'll cave.

And you'll realize that when Holderites wade into your stream without asking permission to cross your land (let alone enter your waters), he was just dropping by to let you know that even though you're now technically an adult, you're still on his tab.  You're just another trustafarian kiddie at university, living like a rich kid because daddy is generous on that tab.

Sometimes he even sends you a copy of his monthly credit card bills, as a reminder of how grand his largesse bestowal. 


So, the reason Holderites stopped by, then set up shop, and proceeded to lurk and bother? 

You look at that credit card bill, and are stymied.

I don't think you should be graduating any time soon.  But here you are.  4.0 with a double major.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

sanctified by ed-glenn-pete, accepted without complaint by you

Hal?  Chet.  Got a minute?

Sure, what's up?

Listen, remember that diagnostic interview Eaton did?

Yeah, what a stupid waste of time.  How inept are those Butz Cox idiots anyway?  Who'd choose a moron like her, still wearing her intellectual training bra?

So what if they had a different expert, someone who actually knew how to pick apart the blog and try to make something lucrative out of their claims of insult and legitimate injury?

You think they have someone who is smart enough?  I think it's shit-easy to fake dire emotional injury and requires no brainpower to pretend those fake injuries are serious and worth some kind of compensation.  But how are they going to handle the comedy angle?  You think they can show somehow that the comic nature of the blog is either non-existent or irrelevant?

They can easily find witnesses who they'll no doubt offer as experts.  Who can seem really sincere when claiming that no sane person could find the blog funny.  Some jurors will be convinced by it.  Nobody should be convinced, but our society is pretty damned ignorant in 2014, Hal.  People get steamrollered by pseudo-science and other kinds of intellectual fraud whenever there's an angle available to play on emotional issues and identity politics.  A lot of people treated as experts in the media are expert only in hucksterism.  There's a lot of gullible people out there, Hal.  Some of them will make their way onto the jury panel.

The same sort who drop by and leave really angry comments.

The same.

The ones who think Barney the Purple Dinosaur speaks for everyone.

The same.

The ones who insist that everything be fancy and polite on the surface.  No rough edges.

Yep.  That's them.

You'd think we were talking about Mormons or Christians here.

Well to be fair I wouldn't think that.  But I bet a lot of people who somehow were able to eavesdrop on our conversation -- well they'd think that.

Isn't it funny how a lot of people out there under a certain identity--

Hal, let's not name anyone in particular here.

--they like to talk about how repressed their tribal enemies are?  How they need to loosen up on some of their moral strictures, quit telling others how to live?

Sure.  I hear you.

You really would think we were talking about Mormons or Christians.  Or Islamic Fundamentalists. Or NRA members.

So, anyway, Hal -- try to think about the opposite side securing a better-qualified expert than Eaton.  I'm wondering if the reason we aren't seeing Eaton's report is because they're not going to use her.  If there's enough money behind that lawsuit, they'll find a more ...err... persuasive expert the second time around.  Know what I mean?

Friday, June 13, 2014


Vital RAW - Leogang World Cup Friday - More Mountain Bike Videos

sin tax

I don't know what got into my client today.  After seeing that entry earlier, I was forced to spend my lunch hour trying to not like this song:

It deserves to be disliked because the band has its own Wikipedia entry and appears to find favor with hipster critics.

Once a concept has become canon, it cannot be ignored.

karlito's wei

It's very possible you've never considered things from this perspective, Whitey, so before I continue I'd like you to make your very best effort at dropping your tendencies to engage in (1) autonomic defense of the political views in which your social identity is invested, and (2) "research" driven by confirmation bias.  Please also lay rest to any impulse that involves projection of those components within your existential fears which arise from the operation of the political views just mentioned.


Were I an academic, I would begin here with:

It is axiomatic that...

but I am not prone to using cliche except in service of a comical end.  Nonetheless,

it is axiomatic that the knee-jerk defensive move of any confident leftist is to accuse his/her/its imagined adversary of a particularly terrible crime:  that of working under or within a reactionary mindset.

If we were to parse the accusation, we would see that it aims to do two things:  (1) insult the imagined adversary, and (2) project an aura of oneness with progress.

What is the operative meaning, in of-course-we're-left-of-Sarah-Palin-land, of the term "reactionary"?  Has it been defined accurately?

One good progressive used a whole book's worth of obfuscatory ivory tower jargon masquerading as informative analysis regarding this very question, and despite those efforts (which reminded me of Heracles at the Aegean stables) still couldn't come up with a brief one-sentence definition.

Apparently it's a very complex state of mind.

While also being a sociopolitical identity epithet.

Maybe we should just see how it's used in everyday practice by internet-based armies who battle mightily each day for the overarching cause of progress.


In each such instance where I've encountered the use of the term "reactionary" as a descriptive term, it was phrased in the accusatory.  Sometimes a person was being accused, sometimes a policy was being accused, and sometimes it's just a supposed state of mind being accused.

In the former cases the situation is a little less nauseating because you can explain it away with the usual drives:  ego defense, tribalism, social insecurity-based psychopathologies.

Encountering the latter case gets pretty close to how I'd imagine it would be if eating salt water taffy and finding out, mid-tooth-yanking-chew, that it contains Syrup of Ipecac.

But then, broad-spectrum category blaming has been the progressive way for over 100 years of American history.  So I really should be able to overcome the nausea.

And I have.

Here's how.

I notice the lampoonable hypocrisy of this obsession with accusations orienting themselves toward identifying the accuser as being one-with-progress.

If your intellectual keystone / political identity role model / academic theorist ubermensch is a guy who lived & wrote about stuff that happened 150 years ago in Germany,

how are you not locked into a dead view that's rooted in a long-gone past?

how are you not the reactionary?

Is it because you mouth the words which protest otherwise?

-- Hal Caidagh, army of one

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

yes, please! I'll gladly enter that little prison cell and happily lock the door behind myself!

Whatever you want.  Just so long as I get to keep distracting myself with pseudo-insights.  Pseudo-insights help me greatly.  They enable avoidance of personal responsibility, and let me demonize others who are "responsible."  Because they're psychopaths.

That's surely the win-win analysis right there.

you earned it

Thousands of miles of riding rocky alpine terrain, 15+ years worth, and never busted a rear derailleur until Sunday:

Most such horses have two jockeys
It's like one of the McCarran brothers was laid up.

That shot above is point of destruction no. 2. Point no. 1 was a bent connection tab, which was straightened gently but still the effort went beyond the tab's yield and so it cracked when returned to quasi-straight alignment. Would you trust such a weakened bit of aluminum to hold integrity under pedaling loads which sometimes join with the load-shifts under suspension dynamics? Would you risk sucking a derailleur into a rear wheel? Or would you just ride as if chainless, pushing the remainder of the climbs and never pedaling other than to ratchet for rock avoidance? You have approximately 2 hrs left in the ride at this point. What do you do?

Get pushin', pal. 

After you rig the rear der with your friend's wizard-like insight on a new chain routing that lets you omit the dropping-to-the-inboard-side-constantly feature of missing that lower inner cage aspect.

I dunno, maybe I should have called search and rescue?  The rock wasn't apparent!  What are these dangerous rocks doing in this trail? 

They're called the Rocky Mountains, sir.

Never mind that.  I expect a trouble-free experience no different from a mall-walk.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

it's a shame

...that Seb Kemp isn't as clever as he imagines himself, not even by half.

Maybe if he had a solid footing for his pseudo-funny lecture, he could stop by here and respond with logic & reasoning to this.

But since he's standing on a pile of words, rather than facts, I'm sure we'll hear nothing from him.

As rhetoricians and comedians go, Kemp is an okay bike rider.

traitor should be hunted down and...

...told he is unAmerican, at the very least.

Today we review the history of the long-respected Kryptonite bicycle lock.  For the history of this item we consult the sprawling database that was originated by the interesting guy Sheldon Brown (unfortunately no longer living) who spent years at Harris Cyclery in MA.  Brown's entry says the Kryptonite lock was invented by a bicycle mechanic named Stan Kaplan, with whom Brown worked long ago at a shop other than Harris.

The first iteration was crude, as are most new ideas implemented in rough form.  There's your first tell right there -- crudeness.  Obviously not progressive or enlightened!  The inventor must harbor anarchic, and quite possibly sociopathically psychotic, sentiments toward his fellow human.  Humans need fancy, and if you're not delivering fancy, you're a dangerous misanthrope!

Look at this dangerous sociopath with his crude design:

The history tells us that Kaplan refined this original design somewhat, and began selling it.  Then someone named Zane stumbled across the advertisement Kaplan was running, and offered to mass-produce it with the existing factory he had, which wasn't geared toward bicycle lock production but was amenable to change.  

Zane later bought out Kaplan's interest and turned the Kryptonite into a popular, widely-used item that is available today in several different configurations.

What I found most interesting is the sentiment Kaplan shared regarding the potential revenues he lost via sale to Zane.  Zane's financial influx success in making and selling the Kryptonite could have been Kaplan's success -- why didn't he hang onto the design and become a multi-millionaire himself?  "What short-sighted absurdity!," your patriotic urges proclaim.

Let's hear from Kaplan on that one:

Kaplan is philosophical about this. "I don't want to be rich; I'm doing ok without it. The lock money has allowed me to not work consistently, taken the pressure off. My mother says 'You could have been a millionaire!' I could also have had ulcers. I like to do different things, so I'm happy it happened this way."

Even while still Zane's partner, Kaplan was pursuing other interests, as co-founder of a Cambridge self-service bike repair shop. He has worked varied jobs and taken long vacations, including one summer on a motorcycle and others on his sailboat -- maintained with loving care rather than large amounts of cash.

Kaplan now supports himself as a freelance typist and computer instructor. "I'm tutoring a kid downstairs," Kaplan tells me, a proud glint in his eye.

What, free time is worth more than filthy lucre? He should be shamed, at the very least -- if not treated as a Domestic Terrorist!

-- Hal Caidagh, wondering what diane will make of this.

Monday, June 9, 2014


Whenever I hear a progressive person bemoaning the "intolerance" of Christians / Republicans / rednecks / anyone not progressive,

then this:

Of course you are free to substitute anything for progressive:







it's all pretty much the same thing.  My way or the highway. 

Me = truth
Me = the only one who understands reality
Me = righteousness
Me = enlightened


You = lies, all lies
You = delusional psychopath / sociopath / misanthrope
You = misogyny, bigotry, homophobia
You = so ignorant you should die right now to save us all from the effects of your ignorance

--Hal Caidagh, just finished polishing off a good lunch that omitted kale, quinoa, and artisanal finery

Saturday, June 7, 2014

the laughs are endless

Again we see Sue d'Ochridec and the CIA Asset patting each others backs, and the 54 year old hipster PR agent boosts the spectacle of BlogTrust Pseudo-Honesty.  Again we see the ramped-up attention toward OCL, and the fake-dissection which talks only of OCL's haircut and manicure being tacky and gauche.

Genuine criticism always soft-pedals.  Right?

If you witnessed a traffic accident where a car blew through a red light, and you were tasked with mediating the dispute arising out of the accident, would you emphasize the red light issue, or would you talk about the driver's need to more frequently check the air in his tires?


Red Light Runner:  "I was doing the speed limit."

Victim:  "I had the green light."

RLR:  "I have never been issued a traffic ticket."

Victim:  "I had the green light."

RLR:  "My car just got a 35k checkup.  It's safe."

Victim:  "I had the green light."

RLR:  "I have a certificate from the Skip Barber Driving Academy proving my competence."

Victim:  "I had the green light."

MEDIATOR:  "So, Red Light Runner, was the training area at Skip Barber dry, or wet, when you took that class?"

-- Hal Caidagh, amused that a scandalous gay twitter pilot and a Langley asset are jerking each other off with so many enthusiastic spectators enjoying the jerk action.

Friday, June 6, 2014


Update on Gays R Heroes, LLC v. Universal Non-Stick Formula and Harold Caidagh.

1) Basic discovery has been exchanged.  No surprises; plaintiffs' answers were equivocal where not evasive, and their interrogatories and requests for admission were polemical and accusatory rather than investigative.  We aren't fans of docket-plugging discovery motions, but if a 2d round of discovery occurs, we may quarrel with the content if the 1st round's tone and style is repeated.  Generally, however, we like to deal artfully when responding to such distorted discovery questions rather than having an endless exchange of motion arguments, which gobble up time and yield no strategic advantage to speak of.

2) GRH has stalled on our depositions of Corey Robin and Priscilla Houle-Eaton, receiving the court's indulgence on re-scheduling due to alleged inconvenience.  Please note that each of Robin and Houle-Eaton agreed to the previously set deposition dates -- they were set by negotiation and open discussion, taking deponent convenience into account.  This judicial indulgence may foreshadow how the court will see the case throughout its duration.  We're used to that and can handle it easily.

3) Although Houle-Eaton's diagnostic report was supposed to be delivered within 45 days of her diagnostic interview of Caidagh, it has yet to arrive.  We are mulling over strategies on this.

4) PDI's diagnostic report was shared with plaintiffs the same day it was shared here.  Whether that triggered (2) and (3) is an open question.  Our intuitive guesses on that?  We're playing close to the vest on this question.

5) As indicated in comments elsewhere on this blog, our investigative efforts uncovered a fact about plaintiffs' counsel Lewis S. Lyspe, Esq. which could provide a fruitful avenue for positional wrangling.  It was discovered that Lyspe came to the law as a career change from psychological counseling, which he performed under an LCSW licensure from the State of Neuwestia, and which license was revoked due to problems of sexual impropriety and assault in the conduct of his counseling.  An interesting development, to be sure.

snickers, no candy

The most amusing thing about libertarians is this:  all the liberty they endorse revolves around getting rich.  The libertarian is about the moolah, buster.  All the regulations they hate they hate because a regulation hinders moolah manufacture.  All the civil liberties they care about are freedoms impinging on income.  Libertarians see themselves as hard-working, capable strivers whose grasping should not be thwarted.  Humans were put on Earth to get rich, beeeeeeeyoaaaaatch.

Exchange offers sample:

So, everywhere else they have a culture of corruption, bottom up. Here we have top down corruption.

We have to find a way to make this political class wither and die.

Aaaaah, the naivete. If you talk in general enough concepts, you sound wise. Couldn't you have said, "we need to find a way to make people agree with us" or "we need to find a way to eliminate what we don't like in ourselves."

I'm interested in how this person defines "corruption," but I doubt we'll see that. "Corruption" couldn't possibly mean, "corrupted by striving for riches to lord above others." Naaaaah. But what was said in response to the golden quote above? This --

Take the money and power out of politics. End career politics, and make cronyism illegal and severely punished.

Libertarians want money and power themselves. Politics is about people doing shit to get more money and power. How is "politics" different from what libertarians do/want? That's politics too. So genius guy is saying, punish libertarians?

No, that couldn't be. Libertarians aren't "careerist" huh? They are temporary libertarians, huh? And there's no cronyism among libertarians?

I read the comments at reason because generally they're funnier and better-written than those I find at the "leftist" or "progressive" (no difference, despite what a hairsplitting "leftist" will argue) sites. Not because I agree with them.

How could I agree with them?  They're naive little children who want the best toys of any kid in the neighborhood.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

just is

Totally in sync with what I knew of prosecutors offices around a certain mid-Atlantic state in the 1990s.

Culture of conviction + political show-/gamesmanship + dirty cops + judges engaged in the first two items + lying witnesses + sham "evidence" + due process violations swept under rugs + spineless accomplice public defenders + _____________ ....

Where judges are elected the judicial role obviously is politicized, but don't fool yourself into thinking appointed judges are not politicized people.  Same influences pushing.

Don't know why it would bother anyone.  On TV and in movies they're always such diligent, noble people.  And besides, as the linked story says:
"[Leeper] was universally thought of as a model prosecutor," said Dan Saunders, now a Queens Deputy Executive Assistant District Attorney, who once worked with Leeper in the Brooklyn District Attorney's office. "You'll hear that from everybody. He was a trustworthy and reliable guy. The kind of guy you want to entrust with the difficult work of being a government prosecutor. I hope people say something like that about me one day."
Sounds like the best man for the job, doesn't he? Prosecutors don't have some kind of "secret brotherhood" where they cover each other's asses like cops and soldiers do -- do they?

I can't speak to anything but what I mentioned in the first sentence.

Might be time to revisit this one, as long as lawyer ethics are the hot topic.

oh for fugg's sake...really?

Comments by terrified people intimidated by riding a bicycle on anything less than a dirt sidewalk?  Go ride your bike on a sidewalk or asphalt path, Gomer.

There's a unanimity of voices saying "we need easy trails."


Were there "easy trails" where & when I started riding MTBs?  Sure.  They were called sidewalks, streets, asphalt paths on "greenways", rail-to-trail paths, etc.  The first MTB trails area I ever rode was, compared to the Gomer easy stuff, a bit intimidating.  Steeper by a long shot, with roots, ruts and rocks.  Guess what, fellow human.  That's our natural world. 

If you want to know why Euros dominate MTB racing, look no further than their older cultures not being spoiled teenagers with high expectation of immediate gratification.

The trails are what they are.  The land is what it is.  The terrain is what it is.  Raise yourself to the abilities required to manage them, or don't ride them.  That's your choice.

There's an abundance of beginner friendly trails EVERYWHERE.   If you're a total noob, you master them by humbling yourself to them, not by re-making them to remove what intimidates you or otherwise makes you feel less expert than you imagine yourself.

Trails are not there to fluff your ego.

They're there to give you a challenge while taking you on a journey.

Do you know what I did on that first MTB trails area ride?

When I encountered a section that intimidated me, I used the same approach I used when doing difficult word problems in math during elementary school:  I worked at them.  I didn't expect knowing or arriving at the answer without work.  So if a section intimidated me, either I walked it until (at a later visit) I'd developed enough skill/confidence to tackle it, or I tried it several times until it became more manageable.

That's how you grow as a person.

You don't grow in ANY dimension if everything is done FOR you.


Riding MTBs is not for everyone.  And, more importantly, MTB trails do NOT have to be dumbed down, changed holistically, revamped, or "modernized" to make it enticing to the most 'fraidy-cat, flatland-urban-area-dwelling, unathletic nimrod who can barely walk and talk at the same time.

Riding MTBs is like downhill skiing.  There are risks involved, and the activity is challenging relative to, say, playing a video game, working a crossword puzzle, playing poker, or challenging your friends to a Sudoku championship.

It takes place on uneven terrain by definition.

So stop trying to re-define it.


So the whingers say, "well Chet, anyone can complain, so what's your solution?"

Good question.  Here's my answer for those who find MTB trails intimidating and who, for that reason, beg for "easy trails."

Instead of making what people call "MTB trails" that resemble pavement, I have a much easier solution that requires no trail construction or modification.

Learn to ride a bike on asphalt, concrete, or flat dirt.  Get familiar with balance, direction change, speed change, and overall bike handling while riding on such regular, even surfaces.

THEN, go ride some trails.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

dude, find a little humility

Jonesy again rambles, mis-using words, forgetting to use punctuation, and stocking the larder with awkward metaphors and dead-horse cliches.

Please don't tell us you worked hard at that essay. 

Go back to the drawing board and read something by... hmmm... maybe Grantland Rice.


Now here's a classic bounce-back.  Elsewhere at the generally-good-for-stills-and-video site run by dirt magazine I find this piece of perfectly acceptable "flow trail" that manages to deliver the dead-horse-corpse-flogged-yet-again concept of "flow" without 8 feet of trailbed width and sallied-out gigantic turns and over-general undulation amplitudes that leave it all feeling machine-made and sterile:

Orange Dirt World Team - Harry Heath - Orange FIVE a Mountain Biking video by gee-milner

When they avoid writing, they provide good content.

Which reminds me: the juvenile perspectives (by maturity of observation, or grade-school-typicality of grammatical, spelling and syntax issues) used at every mtb site for the captions in their image galleries, that needs to change.

You can't pretend you're talking to the current generation of wealthy, spend-happy, upgrade-obsessed mtb poseurs 'round the world --who tend to be a bit more educated and refined than the 17 year old kid wearing a flatbill and spending on parental credit-- and write for that latter flatbill-wearing spoiled teenager.

You also can't be taken seriously as a writer if you don't at least take writing seriously at the basic level of adult writing mechanics.

I'll edit your work for $150/hr.

-- Chet Redweld, in the spirit of Blue Hawaiian.

instant gratification!

Apparently, bikes are so hard to learn to ride that someone had to invent a bike that doesn't want to tip over when you try to ride it.

I suppose it's obvious that the prospective buyer could simply buy a cheap kids' bike and slap on some training wheels if Little Missy or Toughguy Junior is terrified, or their parents are terrified.

Probably this helps ego salving, there's no Visual Stigma of Training Wheel Use to handicap Blossoming Ego's fitness for the task of learning to ride a bike.

Such precious little snowflakes.  We can't possibly subject them to a skinned knee/elbow, and the ego blow of having to use training wheels could turn Little Missy into a harridan adult, or Toughguy Junior into a Macdonald Triad case.


That's cute, and all, but I have been saying the same shit to friends for 20something years without a book published and a faculty position at a global prestige outfit that certifies experts who will gull you with the very things Author Boy is speaking of.  Hello, Chomsky Junior!

My arguments actually are more coherent and don't rely upon Big Beard's Authority nor the expertise of ...uh... economists.

But I don't have a book published nor a faculty position where I tell the mushminds how to imagine themselves agents of change while preserving the status quo.

Nor did I help "organize" one of Unka's best scams of the 21st C's 2d decade.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014


This cat definitely has catlike balance, but is he as good as Gemini the Wheelie King?

I guess Ed H never saw Dead Sailor.


When you have the mental space and free hour(s), you should ponder how these two simultaneously brewing stories mix together.

Seattle minimum wage of $15/hr proposed.

Seattle PD sue feds for more leniency in power display/use.

soul crush? or inspiration?

Vittorio Brumotti demonstrates your relative absence of bicycle riding skill:

Notice it's a Tribute to Martyn Ashton.

In the blogosphere, we never see attribution. We see ego glorification. "No, I didn't steal my ideas or writing style, and I'm not copying anyone, I'm the original!"

Meanwhile, Brumotti nods patently toward Ashton. Notice he doesn't say, "Ashton's not on twitter, so I can play The Original on twitter."

what the eff?

What's the deal with turning your torso against the direction of a turn?

I'm referring to this.

Is that some kind of wind-up for a baseball pitch? The equivalent of your backswing in golf?

Monday, June 2, 2014

that about covers it.

I spent time yesterday recovering from a backcountry ski day on Sat that turned into a Quantico death march because of angry feet resulting from an initial in-boots 1.5 mile hike to snowline plus a fast pace on the uphill resulting in near-bonk on the long steep bootpack to the summit for the big open face loaded with pretty good corn but great turns on the way down then more podalgia for the first return skin but decent enough turns on the next ridge descent followed by 0.5 mi down-hike in patchy terrain where I was already eager to shuck the boots and go barefoot on snow then saved only by one of my friends being generous enough to lend me his running shoes which he was smart enough to use for the initial 1.5 mi hike proving his strategic superiority as I'd chosen willfully to leave my shoes at the truck when heading up the first 1.5 mi hike.  As any idiot so strategically hobbled would have done, "recovering" became reading the Genius e-Commentary regarding Sunday's political landscape.  The feet would not support cutting the lawn as that would have caused shoe-rub on the bipedal big blister situation, the legs would not support a bike ride as that would have caused seizure of the overworked biomachinery.  Yes, the idiot move said "go read some of the Genius Class".

It's the idiot move because every time I read the Genius Class, I can only respond this way to what I find in my readings:

And you could rightly inquire: "well then, who are the Genius Class?"

They're whomever you're reading and regurgitating on the strategic grounding of "defensible, because expert."

-- Chet Redweld, of the Hamburger Feet victim category

Thursday, May 29, 2014

it satirizes itself

More than 100 cops in Seattle filed a lawsuit yesterday against the Department of Justice (DOJ), Attorney General Eric Holder, the local U.S. attorney, and Seattle's recently elected mayor, Ed Murray. They allege that new use-of-force rules, instituted after the DOJ found a pattern or practice of the excessive use of force, are unrealistic and paralyze officers in the street, causing a "bold, new disregard for police authority in the streets of Seattle."

That's from your pals at (the "T" is silent).

Yes, I agree wholeheartedly with the problem just described (in paraphrase) by the plaintiffs.

I'm sure the Feds want to restrict City of Seattle police.

That's why all those fusion centers were created and so many federal dollars were given to police forces for the SWAT-ification of the donut-eating corps.

That's why the US Supreme Court rules in favor of cops using deadly force.

Sadly, I think we'll see this lawsuit successfully divert attention away from the real problem, and onto the Now With New Goalpost Positions! reframed discussion:  not whether police already have too much power and authority, but rather, whether in some academically interesting and wholly theoretical way, Uncle might just want to disempower the corporally spineless, completely unarmed, no-power-of-the-state-behind them, whipping-boy milquetoasts of the Seattle PD.

Wouldn't you agree?

Monday, May 26, 2014

jack handey

Have you ever gone to a place like Song Meanings to read what others think might be the meaning behind a song?

I just spent 10 minutes reading these entries for this song.

Let me tell you what they all missed.  Well, all except one.


There's an old parable about two Buddhist monks, one senior and one junior, walking along a road.

They come upon a young princess in a sedan chair set down on the ground just this side of a stream crossing.

Next to the sedan chair are the princess's two porters, one of them standing and the other sitting on the ground, holding his ankle. The elder monk walks up to the porters and asks them if they need assistance.  The standing porter describes what just happened:  as they began walking toward the stream, the front porter slipped and injured his ankle, and is no longer able to walk on it.  The porters do not know how they will get the princess across the stream or their journey continued any further.

The elder monk promptly volunteers himself and his junior as able and willing to carry the princess and her sedan chair across the stream.

"That way," says the senior monk to the uninjured porter, "you will be able to carry your injured brother across the stream.  Perhaps once across the stream, the three of you will find your solution."

The elder monk walks back to the junior monk and tells him what he must do.  The junior monk complains, but knows there must be some good reason for the task.  He walks up and introduces himself to the princess.  Then, when she is ready, he and the senior monk pick up the sedan chair and carefully carry it across the stream, being careful to not lose footing and dunk the princess.

The uninjured porter manages to get his hobbled brother across.  The monks say farewell to the princess and her porters, and continue their journey.

Several hours pass without much said between the two monks, and then the junior monk begins complaining about how the princess was too precious to wade the stream herself, and griping about the porters' inability to solve the problem.  "One of them could have carried the princess across first on his back, then crossed back again to the first side, and then carried the injured one.  I don't understand why they were so stymied.  I don't understand why it became our problem.  Why were we helping with the privileges and expectations of royalty?"

The senior monk stops in his stride and turns to the junior.

"It seems to me that we crossed that stream hours ago.  I set the princess down when we reached this side of the stream.  Why are you still carrying her?"


Sure, "carry the zero" is a math pun and/or geek joke.

Someone in the comment thread mentioned the song is about Buddhism.

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but it reminds me of the Buddhist monk parable/fable stated above.

Listen to the senior monk.

Carry the zero.

Lug no baggage.


I think some of the other comments hold possibility.

"Zero = loser" said one comment, "it's about carrying around a loser in a relationship."

Well that much is pretty obvious as the brown skin of the onion, eh?  What other layers are there?

One comment says it's Martsch talking to himself.  The loser he carries around, as a burden, is himself.

Seems plausible.

People hear what they want to hear.  There's all sorts of botched, mis-heard lyrics everywhere, sung faithfully in time with the real lyrics, by people who imagine they have the song dialed and tight.


One thing I wonder about is that I have always heard one section as:

Count your blemishes.
You can't.
They're all gone.

I can see your
putting them back on.

The linked version says can't

If the lyric is "can" then he's being snide.  Predicting the pattern will hold true again.

If the lyric is "can't" then he's saying, "you already got over this, but now you're bringing it up again."

So it depends on whether this song is sarcastic or empathetic, I guess.

sputter on, flitter

Uh, wrong.  Not teaching how to redact.

Making redacting safe.

If Evil Repthuglicans were in power, redaction would be proof of EEEEEEEVILLLLLLL THUGGGGGGGERYYYYYYYY!


Fucking butterflies seeking nectar.

-- Hal Caidagh, memorializing yet another bit of gaffery.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

it's never my responsibility

Intrepid urbanite wonders whether he can find a device that allows him to make others responsible for his rescue when intrepidly challenging himself on long (to him) rides in terrain found at 1 mile or more in distance from Civilization.

If you don't think it's your responsibility to take care of yourself when you're out having fun in the woods, desert, hills, canyons, gorges, valleys, riverbottoms, creeks, streams, rivers, then maybe you should stop re-creating in those places.

If you need the security of a cell phone, sat phone, locator beacon or guaranteed rescue device, you're not prepared to be in the situation.  So go home and don't come back until you are prepared.

No, your e-certificate from Cyphen Backcountry Experience won't suffice.

end run around hipster tag

Can you like this song and not be interrogated on the sincerity of your affinity and whether you read Nick Hornby or watched John Cusack playing Hornby's fictional muppet?

Does it even matter?

It will be inevitable in certain groups, the Torquemada's fun-time. I mean, did you even read the novel, or did you just watch the movie? Or just read a thumbnail review of the movie? Or of the soundtrack? Or an interview with John Cusack or Jack Black or Nick Hornby?

And was it just the vibe of one of the scenes in the middle of the movie, inside the record shop, where they're all amped on musical discussion? What, did that pull you along?

Or maybe it was just that you like the vibe of the song outside the context of the book or movie, because it reminds you of:

Which sorta reminds you, for some unknown reason, of:

Who remind you of:

But if you only come by your "likes" through zuckbuck or flitter, I suppose I can see where you went wrong.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

who put the torch to reno?

mailbag 1

Though it's been a while, this blog occasionally gets reader mail with questions we find answerable. This just in:

Mister Redweld, how come you never post essays like this one any more?

I was able to contact that essay's author, Paul Behrer, for his response.

Interested party,

I would direct your attention to my position in the right-hand Retired Jerseys section:
Apolitical satirist who enjoys writing satirical observations that confuse readers who cannot understand comedy unless it is not only partisan, but done in favor of their chosen tribe. Quit writing when too many readers were stopping by to read his satire. He did not seek fame nor fortune, and was not trying to "build a community." In other words, he felt claustrophobic among the many visitors, and had to leave for less crowded spaces.
There you have it.

As Behrer says, there you have it.

Friday, May 23, 2014

not ciccone youth

but it is into the groove-y

whackjob fundamentalists gripe about atheists, story at 11

You can't say our God doesn't exist, because It does. Our God is superior because it's not some stupid homuncular deity.

We all know there is no Superman who will save us.**

What will save us is The God's way of thinking.

Others say that religion is nutty, barmy, loopy, pig-headed, 'fraidycat reactionary nonsense. "Magical thinking," they say. "You're engaged in fantasy!," screech the jealous wails echoing through our bank-vault-secure, loyal-to-God outlook.

Religion is for those feeling a blank hole in their spirit or existential outlook.

Our True Belief satisfies a far different thing.

It palliates the guilt that follows a holistic inquiry. For if Profit is King, we have no right to question what the King has ordained, and the unfortunate casualties in lost/damaged lives, destroyed natural resources, and diminished existential enjoyment are just part of His Divine Plan, which we have neither the right nor the intelligence to question.

We want more Stuff, and we want it forever. Your sad atheism, in which you deny royalty to Profit and ignore God's Will, will earn you eternal damnation. You will labor under the self-recriminations that trouble lesser beings such as yourself, unBeliever. You will tarry over people's unearned demotions or firings at work, fretting the poverty creeping throughout that portion of The Economy.

You must learn to un-hitch your conscience from your bank account, unBeliever. What gains at the bank actually is a gain for all alive today on Earth.

This is the will of our lord.


** Though we do, when opportunity presents, direct the unBeliever's attention to The God's one true Acolyte, Ludwig von Mises.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

losing what tony hiss wrote about

Cam Cole at around 1:22 here --

but how we gonna Grow The Sport dude?

-- Hal Caidagh, wondering if these same nimrods urge Grow The Tumor when they get the Big C Dx.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

uh...oh...hey, sorry I didn't see ya

The original TdF nemesis of Mister Cheatin' America recently decided, while hauling ass on a country road, that he would ignore other vehicles much in the same way one would if playing a video game that simulates racing. 

You don't feel collisions there (well, a controller rumble maybe), just keep 'er pinned and that 90deg right turn is good to go!

Thurgau police ... said simply that a 41-year-old driver failed to brake in time at a junction and crashed into the back of another vehicle which had pulled up at a stop sign.

* * *

The car that was hit was thrown into a field, overturned and then came to rest on its wheels, while the 41-year-old’s car went on to collide with another vehicle and also went off the road.

VeloNews -- Jan Ullrich drunk driving accident

How fast was he going into that right turn? If there's a stop sign there, how fast can you really take that turn? So you come cooking into it and maybe break a little wimpily and now you're going to probably tap bumpers, huh?

No. You're gonna send that sumbitch flying, far and forcefully enough that it strikes the ground and rolls once, landing upright in an adjacent field.

That's still not enough displaced energy. You've got a bit left. You've got to now smack into yet another car.

Bumper cars.

-- Chet Redweld, wondering why Ullrich can't find a better outlet for his competitive nature


Genetic XYs suffer a genderbound flaw:  when stuck with a problem, the solution must be buy new gear.  Nothing else will work in your favor.

This is classic ego defense.  The problem can't be me.  It must be the device I'm using, the tool I'm manipulating, the toy I'm swinging/riding/otherwise monkey-moving.

As previously stated here, XXs default to the it must be me.

We pause for a moment to consider whether this difference is at the crux of why men and women often don't understand each other.


Pre-enlightenment, your average random Enlightened XY would have done likewise.

I'm not sure whether I can build a bicycle wheel.  I suppose I will need a truing stand, and not just any truing stand but probably something built by the Swiss or the Germans and priced like a Mercedes Benz.  I'll probably need some spoke wrenches and there's probably all kinds of artisanal ones coming out of Portland.  I've gotta bear in mind that people judge my core-ness in subtle ways, such as whether my gadgets are true Portland Artisanal Period, and not just some Chinese knockoff.

Soon enough your idea of "build my own wheels, save some money, learn a skill" has turned into "buy the keenest tools I can find, thus reversing the money-saving goal and sending the skill-learning goal down the wrong path."

The road to Enlightenment is paved with once-used expensive tools.


There is no Valhalla for the Enlightened.  Their enlightened state puts them beyond the need for such halls of honor.  See here:

Yep, that's a Xmas tree trunk.

-- Hal Caidagh, in the attic of someone else's mind

Monday, May 19, 2014

two kegs?

At $495 this can persuade someone considering a RS Monarch Plus.

It's a lot cheaper than the Double Barrel Air CS at $667, and hovers a shim's width above the Monarch Plus's $491.

And if you're the Drive-In Surgery sort, slowly replacing your body's surgical stainless steel hardware with titanium bits, I'm pretty sure the weight (at 295g it's lighter than the Monarch Plus (325g) or the DB Air CS (509g)) has you cancelling that one scheduled surgery to swap out the collarbone plating.

Qs for knowledge-stuffing at the Luddite-peopled non-Technophile end of the social stratum:

How long would development of this shock have taken without 3D printing in prototype stage?

How much material was saved by 3D printing during development?

How much $$ was saved?


If 3D printers hadn't come along, and hadn't evolved to the point they were during the DBInline's process,

when would this have been released?

how much would it have cost MSRP?

how much would it have cost in materials used-discarded-recycled during development?  consider here "cost" includes environmental cost of extracting, creating, using and post-use discarding/processing of materials (metals, etc) used pre-3D-printing.

Sy Syms thinks we should know.

Friday, May 16, 2014

thinks he's dorothy parker

but he's more like a parker house roll doughboy

the great gargantuan mind, responsible for Pointless Snark Served by the Metric Ton(ne), long history of defending Great Leftists but within the last 3 months eager to Joe Bidenize this blog's Neil Kinnock messages

truly an original

worshiped by twitter hipsters who spend their day tweet-bumping their blogpost link in order to earn the day's $ 1.75 in click revenue because the blogpost contains such mighty wit and deep political insight along with updates on how many wipes it took after the day's second shit as well as how much piss dribbled out of the urethra while sitting at the desk composing another tweet-bump

even when the brilliant doughboy giggles pretend to be analyzing things, they're still apologizing

good job Glenn... uh... I mean... Walking Thimbledick Hardon and his fiftysomething hipster PR agent

--Hal Caidagh, amused by the Ellis-Ellers-Ellensburg level of sock puppetry

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

order, ordure, ordeal... or not

Once again I have returned home after a tough day grinding out the research needed thanks to the barrage of posts my client keeps posting in violation of Judge Flappe's February 18, 2014 Order, and what was waiting for me in the mailbox but yet another order from Judge Flappe.

This one is similar to the last one, and requires re-activation of yet another affiliate blog.

You can thank Judge Flappe for this. Be sure to read the whole series, otherwise you won't be fully informed.

Walt Greenglen's blog, feygaleh scheisster


Dave Schramm's clinic on how to add guitar texture to a song:

too bad it's hard to find Schramms songs on the toobz.

you? you don't know the law!

Last night I watched, for the first time, Anatomy of a Murder. I got only 2/3 through before falling asleep.

You might think, dumbstruck pretender at holistic knowledge, that I fell asleep because the movie sucked. But as we always must remind you here at un-sf, if you're bored that's because you're boring.

I fell asleep because I did a buster of a bike ride after work, and it put me in a state of zombification. And I started watching the 2hr40min movie at 10:30pm, not exactly a smart choice.


I just went to look at what The Consortium of Morons thinks about the movie, by reading reviews at and, as I usually do, starting with the "Hated It" comments.

We can take as example this capsule of brilliance:

This picture was nominated for seven Oscars. I would have nominated it for one more--the most boring picture of 1959. 2.5 hours of black and white boredom despite the always remarkable Jimmy Stewart but I will say this: the real Joseph Welch, the lawyer who got crazy Sen.Joe McCarthy in front of millions of TV watchers and disemboweled him, was an absolute pleasure to watch.A terrific actor and a terrific American. This film was all about missing panties which self-admittedly Lee Remick wore but not always. By the way, the film does not deal with the garment industry but rather with sexual violation. Ben Gazzara shoots and kills a bar owner who raped his wife; clear cut premeditated murder but Ben can't remember "nuthin.'Jimmy Stewart is a laid back lawyer having a miserable practice who's called on to save the day. George C. Scott is great as a hotshot prosecuting attorney but alas...the movie was the lousiest courtroom drama I ever saw.

So, what you're telling us is that "courtroom dramas" have to be surreal, whiz-bang things that make litigation look like warfare in the trenches.

I realize that a lot of litigators use battle metaphors when conducting or reliving a lawsuit. It's a way for milquetoasts to feel heroic. But that has no bearing on whether a "courtroom drama" is supposed to be as action-packed as Die Hard, or as invective-filled as Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

If you're disappointed that a "courtroom drama" isn't fast-moving, exciting, or otherwise phony enough to keep you jittery with anxiety and wanting to bash someone's skull with the judge's gavel, I have to say that's because you know only teevee law. You probably think Glenn Greenwald heroic and the standard for all lawyers to reach and embody.


Litigation is not exciting. It's marginally more exciting than accounting, a few rungs up from actuarial science, and probably far superior to debating with Marxists regarding who has the most faithful interpretation of what Big Beard actually thought.

Someone who reviews Anatomy of a Murder and says it's not exciting enough, well that person should pick a subject that he/she knows well from lifelong experience, and then try to make an exciting movie about it.

When you watched The Machinist, did you complain that it was a "boring" depiction of work in a machine shop?

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

wanna know why?

You want to know why the Blogosphere did not become Blogtopia and completely replace Leading Newspapers of Record?

I have a few reasons to offer.

1) Too many bloggers were Democrat / liberal / progressive / leftist morons who really truly thought the GOP was/is the reason America is in the downward vortex, and as an adjunct, they thought Obama was The True Saviour. Their realization of Obama's bogusness --which was delayed well past the end of Obama's first term-- has embarrassed them. They can't admit it to themselves, let alone acknowledge it to their readers.

2) The metrosexualizing / feminizing of American culture, which forces PC onto everyone and makes everything about Identity Politics, rewards only those people who get paid to provoke a frenzy of clicks.

3) The same thing just recounted in (2) has pushed most people toward twitter, and since gay men and women of all bents really enjoy snarky catty remarks at 140 characters or less, the effect of (2) has really magnified. Twitter is all about a "win" in snark, and is completely inable to offer any kind of substance.

4) The vectors of hope which existed outside the hallmark event of First Black POTUS were all discovered to be shams. Occupy:_______? Sham. Obamacare? Sham. Global anti-terrorism? Sham. Homeland Security? Sham. Glenn Greenwald? Sham. Edward Snowden? Sham. Wikileaks? Sham. Bradley Manning? Sham. Sham, sham, sham, sham, sham. Sham-a-lama-ding-dong. It's all a fucking fraud. Do you know why?

You comfort yourself by reading "radicals" like "Tarzie," and congratulate yourself on agreeing with Tarzie's snark. You don't examine whether Tarzie is just another idiot embodying (1) through (4) above, because his snark makes you feel superior. For global accuracy, replace "Tarzie" with whomever is your chosen hero. It could be Chris Hedges, it could be Chris Floyd, it could be David Graeber, it could be anyone really. Just remember, you were gulled, and you were too proud to admit it.

Monday, May 12, 2014

dumphole of the gaily

"Bailey" is a gay man. Good job taking the troll seriously, gaylib commenters!

I like how the "reason" commentariat walks on eggshells around "Bailey" in that thread. Looks about identical to the kinds of "criticism" we see from Greenwald or "Tarzie," where snark on a tangential bit of noise is deemed incisive deconstruction of the problem truly at issue.

--Hal Caidagh, ipecac'd by the whole subject.

like airplane seats

Did you know that airplane seats have grown wider in order to accommodate how Americans have grown fatter?

Apparently, "singletrack" now is defined likewise, and 6 to 8 foot wide trailbeds are "singletrack."

Thank you, BikePark-ification Influence. Now an 8 foot wide trailbed is "skinny trail" riding, because 8 feet is "narrow" in BikeParkWorld.

whatsamatta sidney? you look like you've seen a ghost!


Well, it's probably just me communicating from the spirit realm.

For example, I am amused to read about Hrauben Phyckre. Back --way way back-- in the day when I worked at MWCOG, big public meetings were always enlivened by the presence of The Phyckre and we lowly oar-pullers in the slave galley would enjoy the rabble being roused, or at least imagined as roused, by Phyckre.

I think I'd map my entire sense of existence enjoyment on the legend of reference to one person. One person can make my image of myself and where I live deflate and fall pancake-flat.

--Chucky Oxtrot, spiritually present but corporally absent.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Friday, May 9, 2014

tarot and ouija



I don't know how you create and grow a gaming software company in the same vicinity as the home base for the band that made Mushroom Boy and not use that song in some way for the marketing of your post-nuclear-apocalypse game series, but maybe that's why I'm not a millionaire software baron.

Maybe they'll have the next installment make references to the 80s rather than the 40s when it comes to music.

it's the situation

Anne Caroline Chausson had a blast on this first round, she mainly won all the stages and beat half of the Elite men. She Rocks our Sport!!

photo/caption pinkbike & Montenbaik Enduro

Anne-Caroline Chausson has crushed her competition throughout her career, and regularly that has included pulverizing many of the male competitors who, luckily for them, are not competing against her but rather against other men.  They don't have to slink around the pits post-race feeling dejected because they "got beat by a girl." 

Well, at least formally they don't.  In their minds, they'd still know she stomped them.

Regardless of what Ms Priscilla Houle-Eaton imagines, I have endless respect for strong women who demonstrate confident competence, and though I would not rather be a woman than a man, I would prefer to ride a bike as well as Anne-Caroline Chausson, rather than as well as I do.

--Hal Caidagh, reporting live from the situation.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

More Reactionary Violence Invades Missoula from Ravalli County

story by Keelah Shpawler
Staff Writer for The Gentrifier

Gaia Snefler and Ras Dreadmon sharing a little Michael Franti outside Plonk.  iPhone photo by Chad Sharkissen.

While Missoula has always enjoyed a reputation as the most progressive town in the Rocky Mountains, lately it's become so progressive that reactionaries are getting violent with micro-aggressions everywhere you turn.

Gaia Snefler and Ras Dreadmon are first-year students at the University of Montana School of Law and, nearing the end of that first year, recently decided to blow off some steam with a friendly bar crawl on their fixies. They began the night at James Bar, moved on to Tamarack Brewery, then hopped over to Red Bird Wine Bar, followed by a saunter to Montgomery Distillery. At Montgomery they ran into classmates Chad Sharkissen and Panda Reed-Blaumann, and decided to hit Plonk next, followed by a groovy sushi dinner at Sushi Hana. It sounded like the perfect night for refined inebriation. And it was, right up until the moment they exited Plonk and tried to slide on over to Sushi Hana.

Once they hit the sidewalk outside Plonk, they encountered two dirty-looking scumbags who likely drove up from Darby after a day of killing trees. One of the scumbags began laughing at Gaia and Ras as they were talking about Michael Franti and whether his Spearhead albums were better than his solo work. According to Dreadmon, the rude logger type mocked Snefler's iPod for being purple and asked if he could see the playlist. Dreadmon assures us that there was menace in the logger type's voice, and easily detected streaks of misogyny and homophobia in the wording.

Sharkissen and Reed-Blaumann were checking their facebook and twitter profiles, respectively, as the altercation was brewing. Reed-Blaumann confirms that Dreadmon's appraisal of menace, misogyny and homophobia was accurate, and she notes that at some point she stopped paying attention to her twitter profile and pulled up her Contacts to find the 911 entry. Sincerely believing that her life and the lives of classmates were at risk, she quickly dialed 911 and advised that some violent reactionaries with 13 plates were assaulting upstanding citizens outside Plonk.

Star-calibre Missoula PD trooper Shawn Pavlov responded to the scene.  According to Pavlov, "the stupid redneck assholes with 13 plates need a clear message to stay out of Missoula, and I was first on the scene to deliver that message with all the force allowed me under my badge.  I strap on the badge and gun every day, putting my life on the line to protect Missoula's fine progressive residents from the reactionary rednecks who jealously invade our town causing mayhem and violence everywhere they go."

Three cheers for Trooper Pavlov, who quickly restrained the two logger types and stuffed them into a squad car for transport to the City Jail, where they were held at a bail amount of $100,000 apiece.  Judge Whipcracker, who assumed the municipal bench after the retirement of spineless friend-of-the-criminal-element Judge Hloudum, confided to this author that she knew neither Darbarian could raise that amount.

The defendants currently await their unannounced arraignment date in the county facility on Mullan Road.

Trooper Pavlov received a commendation and promotion.

As for their parts, Reed-Blaumann, Sharkissen, Dreadmon and Snefler reconstituted their evening with a rejuvenating round of sake at Sushi Hana.  The Missoula Downtown Association awarded each of them a $1,000 credit voucher good at no fewer than 75% of downtown vendors.  Let's hope they all earn 4.0s this semester!

everything we do, it's for your lustreless cheeks

--Hal Caidagh, sagaciously leering down his nose at you while you attempt to gain the lower elevations of Mt Elitism


If you're out on a bike ride, you have only one option if you are going to take a photo of your riding friends.

Just another ride for these 5 guys.

The best job here is photographer.  He's like the director in a movie.  The poor sherpa on the leftmost, he has to lug the tripod, swingarm attachment + counterweight, and all cameras.  Plus he has to carry the casual clothing he and the photog will wear.  Who carries the steadicam?  The sherpa.  Who carries lip gloss and mascara?  The photog.

But who's taking the picture of the picture?  Some dude wearing crocs and skinny jeans, prolly.  Prolly rode his fatbike all 200 yds from the parking lot.  While wearing Specialized SWAT gear.

We're lucky Sinyard's boys picked SWAT for the name.  Now Sinyard can sue every police department in America.

Photo credit reluctantly given to Pinkbike/Shimano.  Caption credit Chester B. Redweld 2014.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

yaaaaaaaaah bro! so rad! stoked!

I love these reviews written by people who use the review to establish an Online Identity as some variation of the Rad Bro UberGnar Shredmaster Dominator Supreme.

Will it satisfy on the descents?  Yes, I'm sure that's a question that can be answered only by pretending there are incredible subtleties at play here, discernible only by one Eric Melson of Boise ID.  It would be quite impossible to extrapolate likely descending traits from a look at the geometry, a peek at the fork chosen, and a glance at the tires used.

Are you likely to be "surprised by" the climbing performance of a carbon 29er HT designed for XC racing?  Then please, read on as RBUGSDS opines freely with choice wordsmithing on the completely startling experience of climbing on a XC race bike.  Who knew they could go uphill faster than my Nuclear Fission B9G6 v2.0 - now with 650B! wonderbike that is primed to slay every single North American enduro race I have fantasized about entering while I keypunch more numbers and decimal points here at Cubefarm Industries.

Eric Melson on the Trek Superfly 8, Boise, Idaho.

If I had only 6 feet of trailbed width to use in that terrifying garden of man-eating rocks, I'd be shit-scared.  Thankfully RBUGSDS has the cojones to remain relatively calm when faced with the numerous chickenshit lines which allow a completely rock-free experience despite the appearance of frightening human-flesh-rending ROCKS EVERYWHERE.  He doesn't look the least bit tired and seems ready to hop the entire section, doesn't he?  Naturally I'm envious.  I'd be in that brush left of his left elbow, changing into my 2d pair of shorts because I'd just soiled my starting pair at the first sight of the emasculating horror that is this pictured rock garden.

We are duly impressed by him reminding us that he likes MUCH WIDER handlebars.  This proves his serious descending chops and qualifies him as being much more off-roady and enduro-y than the typical XC racer who, it is generally accepted as true, generally is little more than a road rider spending the brief time of a race on dirt.

We are then trebly impressed by RBUGSDS telling us on several occasions that he's familiar with the Yelli Screamy.  Obviously RBUGSDS is a core rider.  He was low and slack well before those East LA dudes were making their lowrider cars.

These guys called War wrote and played this song to foreshadow the birth of Eric Melson, who would one day move onto great things like reviewing bikes for a publication aimed at money-rich-but-time-poor-and-athleticism-absent office drones and other cultural poseurs who may or may not be trustafarians.

But I digress.


My impression vaulted into the quaternary mode when I saw RBUGSDS tell us he would rather run 2.4 tires F/R on an XC race bike. This proves he's gnar and tackles only the toughest trails with quick-take pictures of posed almost-trackstand status:

Eric Melson on the Trek Superfly 8, Boise, Idaho.

Wisely he has chosen to carry zero speed into the frightening feature his front wheel is about to encounter.  Good job, dude.  Slower is better here.

I bet he is doing a head-fake here, and actually plans to bang a left at the bottom of that scary two-ledged horror-house.

This guy is so rad.  I'm going to buy whatever he says is good.

Also, I'm gonna make sure I promote him and the linked review wherever I can.  Grow the sport, dudes.