Tuesday, December 31, 2013

your new year's resolution

In this new year, you promise to rhetorically waterboard everyone who doesn't agree with you on everything. You promise to browbeat everyone you disagree with, calling them such things as reactionary, homophobe, misogynist, patriarchy-promoter, rape fantasist, rapist, bigot, and the real winning shot, the true killing cut of the katana slicing cleanly through a neck, Rethuglican. You promise to uphold the progressive leftist values that exclude every other conception of human living. You will do this for the children, as they are our future.

Friday, December 27, 2013

the amazing kreskin

You know that clown who used to "bend spoons with his mind," by using parlor tricks and sham practice?

He's the icon, communications imagery wise, for the modern era's "dissident journalism."


If Fast Eddie Snowjob had looked like this:

instead of the totemic modern metrosexual male feminist he resembles,

do you really think everyone would be stupefyingly naive about believing the "game changing revelations" he supposedly cribbed from BAH/NSA?

Just remember -- the flamboyant gay male, or his nearest imitator the metrosexual feminist, they are what every man must be, or else be ignored as human trash.

The spoon bends, right before your eyes.

It's amazing.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

narrow minds, bullying agendas

Chick Fil A.

Barilla Pasta.

A&E / Duck Dynasty.


If you're a spineless gay or lesbian, and you feel diminished, oppressed, invalidated, whatever by the fact that some people have a personal opinion that doesn't approve of homosexuality, you really have two simple choices.

1) Accept the fact that on whatever issue you choose to make primary, other humans will have a view that is different, in some small to large way, from your own.

2) Refuse to accept that, and insist that everyone must agree with you.


I'm one seriously opinionated motherfucker.  Give me an issue, I'll have an opinion on it within 10-15 mins, even if I held no opinion beforehand. 

It doesn't hurt me to have someone disagree with me.  Opinions are not facts.  Life isn't one long basic mathematics class, where you will hear WRONG! when you say 2 + 2 = 5.

If I believe that humans who go to law school, graduate, and pass the bar are not by these 3 achievements automatically worse behaviorally (ethically, morally, or social-harmony-wise) than other humans, I am not injured by some other person saying "of course he committed a crime and tried to get away with it, he's a lawyer."

If I like coffee flavored ice cream and you like strawberry flavored ice cream, I am not injured by you saying, "coffee ice cream sucks and anyone who likes it is an idiot who scrapes his knuckles on the pavement as he walks."


If you're at least a teenager, you are very likely aware that in the USA, there are many different varieties of religion, as well as types of quasi-religion and categories of non-religion.  You're probably aware that there are quite a few "christian" religions, and you may even be aware that judaism isn't a one-flavor type of faith either. 

You probably also know that different religions have different ideas on human values.  You're probably also aware that most major religions don't really approve, formally speaking, of people having sex outside wedlock.

If you have a passing familiarity with the judeo-christian "bible," you may even have heard about passages which condemn such practices as greed, idolatry, dishonesty, adultery, envy, laziness.

You might even be able to understand why those condemning sentiments are put in a religious book.  Even if you don't follow that religion, you probably can understand the reasons why.  I'll give you enough intellectual horsepower credit by assuming you can figure out why a religion would not approve of adultery, greed, idolatry or dishonesty.


So by this point in this little essay, you're able to observe that a lot of humans disagree on a lot of issues, and you're also able to note that religions try, with varying degrees of success, to get their followers to behave in a somewhat uniform fashion.

In the USA, you are not required to follow any religion.

That's an important fact to bear in mind.  Even if you grow up in a religious family, or on a religious street, or in a religious neighborhood, you do not have to believe the dominant religious things. 

One of the options available to you, as a non-believer surrounded by believers, is the nodding head gesture given while actually believing a contrary thing up there in your free-thinking noggin.


(after someone says, "All non-believers will burn in Hell for eternity!")


Maybe some day, some lame-ass "gay activist" can explain why bullying A&E, Barilla Pasta, or Chick Fil A is not only the best path for encountering what you consider "offensive," but also is the only choice you can make when you feel "offended" by someone's contrary views.

Of course, I've spent parts of the past 10 years watching Pwogs bully others for not thinking the flamboyant gay male is the pinnacle human being.

Notice what I said there.

I didn't say, "I've seen Pwogs have discussions with people regarding the foundations for their beliefs and value choices, and exploring differences with those people."

Notice that.

I'm not bullshitting you.  I have NEVER encountered a Pwog who wanted to know why and how someone held a different view or value.

Instead, I've seen Pwogs insist that there is only one view or value, and that is what the Pwog believes.

Everyone else is 2d class humanity at best. 

And what about where it's not the "at best" category?  Usually the Pwog gives off such hateful dismissing vibes that I'm left with the impression that if we ever had a true Pwog Revolution in America, anyone who isn't a Pwog would be rounded up and murdered.

Like Jews in Hitler's time.

And I don't think Pwogs would have any problem with that.

They're already prepared to shut down a business if that business doesn't have the Pwog View on gays -- which is to worship gays as the highest form of humanity.   I'm not kidding about this.  Pwogs mandate that gays not just receive equal treatment under the law, but actually must receive social pinnacle admiration and special deference.

I guess it's some kind of over-reaction.

Or maybe insanity.

stunning revelations not held in abeyance

As we continue with our conversational series, this entry brings you yet another talk with still another Hero of the Blogosphere.  He rarely uses his given, birth-certificate-gracing name.  You know him mostly by the handles he's used in his internet commentary during the past decade: tarzie, ohtarzie, ohtarzie!, Tarzie, Rancid Tarzie, or BroTarzie.

Our guest was born in 1982 in a small town in Indiana, surrounded by GOP fanaticism.  By age 3 he was already reaching for the penis of every male classmate he encountered, and envying every female classmate he saw.  By age 7 he'd tried to jack off several male friends during sleepovers, resulting in those friends rejecting him and their parents banishing him from return visits to that house.  At age 13, he was routinely spanking his monkey in the P.E. showers, overcome with horniness at being surrounded by so many naked male peers.  This earned him an exception from P.E. participation, which he converted by joining the fledgeling Popular Girls Fashion Review on-campus publication, a monthly xeroxed pamphlet of which he quickly became Style & Content Editor.

Upon graduation from Ugly Breeder Reactionary Homophobe H.S. in Stupidrethugrapistville, IN our man-manque traveled to the Gay Hotspot of the humid, oppressive midwest, Bro-Berlin Select Academy.  There he was able to triple-major in Gay Bedroom Techniques (B.A.), Catty Internet Snark (B.A.), and The Supernova of Hubris (B.S.).  He graduated 3d in his class (behind a straight male and a lesbian female) and moved to Brooklyn, NYC among tens of thousands of other socially and athletically awkward gay and lesbian Jews who were immigrating to the New Hipster Homeland, where he was determined to set himself apart from the other hipsters by becoming his generation's Liberace, though positioned as an internet-commentary writer rather than as a piano-based entertainer.

Yrs Trly first encountered The Mighty Tarzie about 8 years ago, when reading one of the BlogTrust member blogs and the collection of commments thereafter.  The BlogTrust entry was obliquely about OCL, and I offered some observations in a comment about OCL's fraudulence.  Mighty, Indefatigable Tarzie responded by calling me a homophobe who was jealous of OCL's fame and success, and commanded that I come "out of the closet" where I could openly admit I wanted to have sex with OCL.

I was amazed!  Here was a true Hero of the Internutz, a man who believed himself capable of reading others' minds and libidinous attitudes from one simple comment on one low-readership BlogTrust member blog.

Of course, I would have been truly, legitimately surprised if our man-manque had correctly read my mind through my comment's text, and accurately noted my gay sexuality and lust after OCL, but in truth, neither was nor is the case.  It was more that man-manque's estimates were 180 degrees opposite the truth that was so remarkable, because he continued defending his position with strident reiterations of his accusations.

This pattern continued over the intervening 8 years, with man-manque always dropping in after my comments at a BlogTrust member vehicle, leaving a little Gucci bag full of Precious White Himalayan kitty poop which was then set aflame with a swishy flick of a limp wrist.  "Take that, thweetie, you callous breeder!"

In other words, his powerful internet snark was competing at a level familiar to 6th or 7th graders, and not really demonstrating the savage wit or enviable intellect that he believed himself to possess. 

It would seem that eventually, he embarrassed himself enough to turtle-up in his little shell, and hide there, reconstituting himself for his next big Coming Out Party.  See, he'd never had the proper debutante ball he thought himself entitled to have and enjoy.


Eventually our man-manque created himself a blog where he would swoon over various male celebrities, and issue snark about their habits.  You know what I mean here. 

"Oh that haircut is HIDEOUS." 

"Honey, those shoes aren't doing you any favors."

"Baby, don't wear that shade of blue.  It makes you look sick."

This was our man-manque, reaching for the stars.


Suddenly, man-manque got a new vigor.  He decided OCL would be his new focus.  He began writing essays from the perspective of perhaps being skeptical about OCL's freedom to be as honest as OCL personally wished to be.  Man-manque posited that it was OCL's editors who were hamstringing him, preventing him from reaching true Godhead status.

If you have half a wit yourself, you knuckledragging reactionary reader of my blog, you know that this is just a mild variation on the fashion commentary angle that immediately preceded man-manque's new vigor.

But anyway, on that background, let's talk to the original internet gay snark king (at least in his own mind, which is all that counts anyway).

Ladies & gents, I present to you, Drinker F. Siemen, a/k/a "tarzie."


Harold Caidagh (HC):  Brooklyn Hipster Tarzie, welcome to the land of reactionary homophobes.

Drinker F. Siemen (DS):  Ugggh.  I mean seriously, ugggh.  I'm nauseous already.  Jesus.  It smells like vagina in here.  I HATE THAT SMELL.

HC:  This is an email-based interview, Bro-Brah.  There's no smell.

DS:  Oh yes, there most certainly is, and it's obnoxious and quite unpalatable.  My GOD.  Don't you know how to prepare organic foods in Fresh Fashion?

HC:  Dude, what the fuck are you talking about?

DS:  Phil Robertson said gays have sex with animals.  He said homosexuality and bestiality are the same thing.  FUCKTARD!

HC:  Look.  Re-Tarz.  You wanna stay on-topic?


HC:  Can we talk about your Rancid Honeytrap blog?

DS:  You bore me.  If you are going to bore me, I'm going to delete your comments.

HC:  What?


HC:  Huh?  Look, if I wanted to interview Crackie Blowbar, I'd do that.


HC:  Jesus. 


HC:  What the fuck?

DS:  Not if you're talking about fucking a vagina.  EWWWWWW!  GROSS!

HC:  Tarzie.  Where does that name come from?


HC:  Why are you screaming?

DS:  Your homophobia is terrifying to me.

HC:  Define homophobia, please.


HC:  I see now why you have such a massive twitter follower base.

DS:  That's right sweetie.  I know how to work a crowd with 140 characters of gay snark.

HC:  I think you are probably a big hit with the middle school crowd nationally, and locally in Brooklyn you've probably got Gay Hillel locked up.  So I guess you have that going for you. 

DS:  Jelly.

HC:  Not right now, but I may have PB&J later.

DS:  You ARE jelly.

HC:  Not really following you there.

DS:  Oh sweetie.  "Jelly" means "jealous" in the gay snark world.

HC:  That's so... precious.

DS:  You're oppressive.

HC:  What the fuck?

DS:  No, I like your ass and all, but I prefer fucking you in my fantasies.

HC:  Rape fantasies.  That's nice. 

DS:  It's not rape sweetie.  You're loving it.

HC:  You say everything like a statement of fact, like you're telling the world how the world has to be.  Or in my case, you're telling me what I would like. 

DS:  In the closet sweetie.

HC:  That's your theory on all men, isn't it?  If they're not openly gay, they must be in the closet. 

DS:  Can't deny your true nature, sweetie.

HC:  So projecting your life struggles onto others, that's what you consider "true nature"?

DS:  No projection here, sweetie.  Why are you jelly of Glenn?

HC:  What?

DS:  Jelly.  You're just a jelly bean.  Jelly that Glenn is famous.  Jelly that Glenn gets cited by others.  Jelly that he has several books published.  Jelly jelly jelly.

HC:  What?

DS:  Admit it sweetie.

HC:  If you spent on honesty 1/4 the energy you spend projecting your problems onto others, you might be a half-informed sort.

DS:  Jelly of Gle-ehn.  Jelly of Gle-ehn.  (sing-song)

HC:  Exactly what am I jealous of?

DS:  Jelly jelly jelly.  Jelly jelly jelly.  You are so jelly.  Jelly-belly-jelly.

HC:  Every interaction with you is like traveling back to 7th grade.

DS:  Is that when you first realized you were gay, sweetie?

HC:  What?

DS:  I make you think about your closeted status, don't I?

HC:  What?

DS:  You see a man's face on every woman you fantasize about, don't you?

HC:  What?

DS:  Futunari is your favorite, isn't it sweetie?

HC:  Futu-what?

DS:  Get outta the closet, bro.

HC:  I'm sorry, what the fuck are you talking about here?

DS:  Edward Snowden is a real hero!

HC:  Really?  What heroic thing has he done?

DS:  Jell-eeeeeeeeeeee.  So very very jell-eeeeeeeeeeeeee.

HC:  What?

DS:  Sorry honey, you're boring me.  Conversation over.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

cubic zirconium hiding in the tall grass

Recently, we bumped into one of the InterWebToobz's all-time great characters, the stalwart post-modernist blogger Jeff Popovich, who maintains the remarkably cross-genre blog known as BLCKDGRD.  Those of you who have followed Progressive Blogging for the past 10 years will be familiar with BLCKDGRD, a clever blog that aims to prove Popovich is much cooler than anyone else you know, better connected to famous people, and possessed of highly refined tastes in "alternative" music, cinema and literature.

The BLCKDGRD blog uses these various "art" vehicles to make a bold, Progressive statement.  We wanted to know how Popovich gained his highly refined tastes.  We also wanted to know where he found the time to run iterations 1 through 243 of BLCKDGRD, which exist across blog platforms (WordPress, Blogger, and independent formats) with different coloration schemes, different art foci, and different font selection, while also being doting partner to a famous adult artist womyn, and the fawning father of a precocious young college student womyn, all while managing library operations at Washington, DC's oldest and most prestigious Jesuit university.  Truly, the burden of these many obligations and occupations seems greater than one man could handle -- if he were not a superman.


Harold Caidagh (HC):  Yo.  Popovich.  You ready?

Jeff Popovich (JP):  Hang on.  I'm finishing up yet another water color poem on graph paper.

HC:  Dude, you are such an artist.  So much talent.  Were you always such a prodigy?

JP:  Actually, I was mostly a failure as a young man.  Picked on by nearly everyone.  Not popular at all.  Tried out for the soccer team, but was too fat and slow and uncoordinated to play regularly, so basically I was the waterboy.  Which was cool by me.  At least I was affiliated with the cool jocks that way.

HC:  Never dawned on you that jocks and sports fans don't praise or otherwise respect the waterboy, eh?

JP:  What do you mean?  Adam Sandler's movie proved for all time that waterboys are heroic.  And not just because it starred the comic genius, Adam Sandler, either.

HC:  So the mockery of waterboys that ran throughout that movie escaped your attention, eh?

JP:  No, I think it's post-modern.  The mockery actually is worship.  It's ironic.  You wouldn't understand.

HC:  You're right.  Those "academic" categories created solely to foster inherent contradiction while pretending to advance refinement, they're not really understandable.  We're supposed to just accept them, and consider them accurate.  Which is fine, I guess, if you're a pretentious know-nothing who only uses words and communication to promote your own unique snowflakeness and hipster connection to whatever's "popular," but that whole rigamarole seems childish to me, like an extension of middle and high school popularity contests.  And just about as useful too.

JP:  Actually, my Progressive status, which developed during 10th grade out of jealousy regarding all the things I cannot do and will never be, is the reason I am King Librarian at Hoyaville University.  A fellow Progressive HS student friend told his father that I needed a job after gaining my MFA, and that connection got me my present Bookstack Royalty spot.

HC:  Well, that would definitely explain why your blog entries talk so much about people and categories that I would lump grossly together as embodying the "anti-Progressive" viewpoint.  It seems like most of your energy is devoted to finding ways to blame cultural misfires, political happenings, and your own personal stumbling blocks on what you have called, variously, any one or more of these terms:  cracker, Christer, reactionary, Teabagger, Teap Artier, Corporate, Rethuglican, homophobe, bigot, misogynist, and finally, rapist.

JP:  You should agree that those terms all reflect people and/or behaviors that are reprehensible.

HC:  Maybe.  But you must know that this category of "reprehensible" people or acts will exist no matter how a society is structured.  You do know this, don't you?

JP:  No.  I'm certain that if everyone in America were Progressive like me, we would not have misogyny, we would not experience bigotry, we would not see homophobia, there would be no crackers, religious people other than Jews would not exist, Teabaggers would never have arisen, Teap Artiers would remain a fictional construct, and Corporate would be outlawed.

HC:  Interesting.  So in your view, there are no prejudices found among Progressives?

JP:  No, not outside the context of hating the acts and categories that you've agreed are reprehensible.

HC:  I did not agree on the characterization of reprehensible.  I said "maybe," and if you want me to elaborate I will, but I'd rather hear more from you.

JP:  In short, we Progressives only show prejudice against those people or acts which are reprehensible.  We believe all humans would agree on the characterization and subsequent disdain for people and things which fall under the "reprehensible" category.

HC:  What if someone disagrees with you on that?

JP:  Then they're obviously reprehensible themselves, and are trying to force their reprehensible agenda onto me and other good Progressives, against our noble wills.

HC:  So everyone has to agree with you on everything, or be deemed "reprehensible" and therefore worthy of mockery?

JP:  Basically, that is correct.

HC:  Do you support other acts besides mockery?  Corporal punishment?  Imprisonment?  Torture?  Castration?  Lobotomy?  Chemical psychological refraction?  Electro-convulsive therapy?

JP:  Well, to be honest I think anyone who isn't Progressive doesn't really deserve to live.  At least not in the USA.

HC:  Interesting.

JP:  Yes, I find it rather puzzling that occasionally I encounter someone who tries to defend non-Progressives.  I guess some people really find being the Devil's Advocate an enjoyable pastime.  I find it reprehensible.

HC:  And so, worthy of mockery or more severe punishment?

JP:  Precisely.  Free speech is a noble ideal, and all, but we can't have people being enticed by non-Progressive agenda points.  So it's best to just censor things.  People.  Statements.  Ideas.  Art.

HC:  How do you propose to do such censoring?

JP:  Well, we can't just do it out in the open, because the reprehensible non-Progressives might be able to air their reprehensible agenda points that way.  So the best way is to simply ensure that all forms of funding and financing and support for any kind of idea dissemination must be put in the hands of pure Progressives.  And I'd say the best start is to find gay men who will swear on a stack of Playgirl magazines that they've always been harassed because of their preference for dick and ass.  Put them in charge of everything.  Eventually, the flamboyant gay male perspective will dominate, and we won't have any more of that reprehensible noise anywhere.

HC:  So the flamboyant gay male perspective is the same thing as the Progressive perspective?

JP:  Basically, yes.  That's correct.

HC:  So you assume that anything a flamboyant, feminine-identifying, gay-sex-having male human likes, admires or prefers is superior to anything that a reserved, male-identifying, hetero-sex-having male human would like, admire or prefer?

JP:  Absolutely.

HC:  Why is that?

JP:  The traditional straight male perspective is reactionary.  It's homophobic.  It's bigoted.  It's misogynist.  And usually it votes Republican.  And is Corporate.

HC:  I see.  You know, I'm not a real gregarious person, but I have to say that I've met a lot of hetero men who aren't homophobic, bigoted, misogynist, Republican or Corporate.

JP:  Obviously you don't know them well enough.  All men who aren't gay are reactionary bigot homophobes who love Corporate and vote Republican, and they always want to rape women.  They spend their idle time harboring and contemplating new rape fantasies.

HC:  Incredible.  Where do you get these ideas?

JP:  I have many friends who are flamboyant gay men.  They told me.

HC:  And they can't possibly harbor any prejudices, these friends?

JP:  Absolutely not.  Gay men, especially flamboyant, feminine-identifying ones, are the noblest people on Earth.  They are essentially equivalent to Gods.  They transcend common humanity.

HC:  I'm curious about something.

JP:  Naturally.  I've completely upended your assumptions, and you need me to explain how the world actually works, don't you?

HC:  Not really, but I do have a question that I'm hoping you can answer for me.

JP:  Go ahead.  Hopefully it's not too tedious.

HC:  So you're a husband...

JP:  Partner.  We use the term "Partner" in Progressive America.

HC:  ...as well as a father...

JP:  Maturation-Facilitating Progressive Male Household Resident Consultant is the term we prefer in Progressive America.

HC:  ...and the child, was she born as a result of natural, heterosexual intercourse?  No in vitro fertilization, no test tubes, no implants, just regular fucking and impregnation?

JP:  There was nothing regular about it.  I'm a sexual savant and I know more ways to please women than there are stars in the sky.

HC:  I see.  And these various paths to Female Orgasm and Sexual Fulfillment, do you ever fantasize about them?

JP:  No.  As I said, I'm a savant.  I don't have to study, practice, fantasize, or otherwise prepare for my top-tier sexual prowess.  Once a woman comes near me, she begins developing dampness.  Usually within 4 minutes of my presence, a woman will begin writhing uncontrollably, whether standing sitting or laying down, and thrusting her hips as if actually engaged in copulation.  It's stunning to witness.  They can't help themselves.  I've got quite a gift.

HC:  And how do you feel about this?  Is it embarrassing to be heterosexual?

JP:  What do you mean?  I am proud of my partner, and doubly proud of my prodigious young female child.  Why would I be embarrassed?

HC:  Because you said only flamboyant gay men are noble and pure Progressives, and because you said Progressives are the only people who deserve to live.

JP:  I didn't say that.

HC:  Actually you did.  I'm sorry to have to point out your hypocrisy.

JP:  You obviously misunderstood me.

HC:  Please, explain it to me, then.

JP:  Gay men hold the top spot in nobility among Progressives.  The purest, most noble Progressive is the flamboyant gay male who occasionally had identity confusion because of his femininity and his preference for sex with men.

HC:  Right, already understood that theorem.

JP:  Not a theorem at all.  This is true, and has been supported by several decades of serious academic research, and proved through policy arguments in American society.

HC:  You have an interesting idea of what constitutes proof.

JP:  It's a community agreement on the supremacy of an idea, concept, or alleged fact.  Majority rule.  The wisdom of tribal agreement.

HC:  So if 10 Progressives and 2 non-Progressives are put in a room, and asked to identify the color of a light bulb located on the ceiling of that room, and all 10 Progressives agree that the red light bulb is actually blue, the bulb therefore is blue?

JP:  Precisely.  The non-Progressives do not count.  And no other evidence is required.

HC:  I think I'm beginning to understand your views. 

Thursday, December 19, 2013

shame culture

From the great open-source, thinly-peer-reviewed documentation of a collective opinion, Wikipedia (footnotes omitted):

Phil Robertson's remarks about homosexuality

On December 18, 2013, A&E announced that it was suspending Phil Robertson from the show indefinitely over anti-gay remarks he made in the January 2014 issue of GQ. Robertson said in the issue, "Everything is blurred on what's right and what's wrong… Sin becomes fine. Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men." Robertson then paraphrased 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 from the Bible: "Don't be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won't inherit the kingdom of God. Don't deceive yourself. It's not right." Robertson also added, "It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man's anus. That's just me. I'm just thinking: There's more there! She's got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I'm saying? But hey, sin: It's not logical, my man. It's just not logical."

A&E released a statement that read, "We are extremely disappointed to have read Phil Robertson's comments in GQ, which are based on his own personal beliefs and are not reflected in the series Duck Dynasty. His personal views in no way reflect those of A&E Networks, who have always been strong supporters and champions of the LGBT community. The network has placed Phil under hiatus from filming indefinitely."

Robertson responded by saying, "I myself am a product of the 60s; I centered my life around sex, drugs and rock and roll until I hit rock bottom and accepted Jesus as my Savior. My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the Bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together. However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other."


A&E's suspension, I mean.

I feel the same way as Robertson about stuffing my johnson into a cloacal tunnel.  But minus the Biblical rationale.  The bunghole just doesn't appeal to me, and from my perspective, wanting to lick, suck, or put an appendage into the fecal exhaust viaduct is not just illogical, it's nauseatingly fucked-up.  It's like wanting to eat feces.  And I don't care if the woman I'm with loves having her anus plugged with some dude's dick, it's not going to be mine!


I've repeatedly heard gay men say, and frequently have read them commenting, that the vagina is ugly and disgusting and repellent from a gay man's libidinous perspective.

So why can't a straight man say the same about the asshole?


This is just more proof that we're in an era when gay men are bullying everyone into "accepting" (read: adopting, as the only view) the sociocultural and sexual perspectives of gay men.

As said before:

Gay man?  HERO.

Straight man?  IDIOT.

Straight man who isn't a mindless robot parrotting the gay male perspective?  REACTIONARY WHO MUST BE SILENCED AND HOPEFULLY KILLED. 

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

bad 80s pop

Current pwogwessive desires are aimed toward finding "hero" status in Eddie Snowball. Go around the toobz, dipshit, and see how everyone's put Eddie on a pedestal taller than WTC 1-2 (RIP).

Example here, written by some clown who imagines himself the next OCL.

The clown continues throughout his essay worshiping the "real hero," Eddie Snowball. What heroic thing has Eddie done?

Nothing he's revealed was not public knowledge as part of the public record surrounding what NSA has been authorized to do, and/or as the public record of reporting on what NSA is doing or has done. Nothing new has come out of Eddie's supposedly cribbed data.

Yet Eddie is a "hero."

One may as well call a "hero" anyone who told us what NSA would be doing. Dubya Bush told us what NSA would do when he signed an executive order authorizing more NSA snooping post-9/11/2001. Numerous real whistleblowers like Russ Tice, William Binney and Mark Klein told us what NSA was up to regarding the "total surveillance" model pursued post-9/11/2001.

Nothing Eddie Snowball has "revealed" has gone further than what Tice, Binney, Klein told us long ago.

But Eddie's the real "hero."

Some clown who imagines himself the next OCL tells us so.  Thus it must be so.


While the robed one steps up a bit in this decision, he also concedes that NSA's "total surveillance" is designed to catch "terrorists".  There's no evidence to sustain that conclusion, which renders the robed one's perspective a bit doubtful in its integrity.  A thoroughly detached judicial benchsitter would note the post-9/11/2001 expansion of NSA activity to be unconstitutionally crossing many 4th and 5th Amendment cautions against warrantless searches and against self-incrimination.  It would not sanctify the "total surveillance" model by suggesting it's aimed toward anti-terrorism.

And even if it did suggest that, it would have to examine what is "terrorism" in the context of "anti-terrorism," and it would examine whether the "terrorism" targeted is actually deserving of some kind of carved-out exception to the 4th and 5th A protections.


Hack lawyers should not pretend at journalism.  Hack journalists should not trust hack lawyers to give them good analysis.  Hack websites should not employ either.

Failure on all 3 counts by "Counterpunch."  More shadow-boxing, more punches thrown at spectres, no punches landed on the real adversary.

But nice work stoking the Pwog Disinformation Status.



Gay libertarians are convinced Eddie Snowball is a hero!

Gaylib No. 1:

That reminds me: Snowden is the greatest patriot of his generation. Possibly the two or three before that, too.

I hope the next generation offers someone--nay, some thousands--of his caliber.

Gaylib No. 2:

I have many a friend who are good smart people who claim he should burn in hellfire for his treason.

I am unable to fix it.

Jesus, just because these butt pirates want the "liberty" to pedophilically pursue little boys and then when seeking domesticity marry a likeminded ass captain, they believe Openly Gay OCL's lying story about Eddie Snowball. Nothin' cooler than gay cliques for insular faith in the truthiness of utter bullshit. Fuck, you'd think they were talking about which one of the Village People is hottest, or some other such bullshit.

It's not that Eddie committed "treason," it's that he's a fucking psy-op vector.  What in Hades did he reveal?


But hey, "libertarian" snarky poodles swear he's a hero.

Because their fellow cocksmoker, OCL, swears that Eddie's a hero.

Meanwhile, we haven't seen jack shit from Eddie or OCL.

Not even a fucking dingleberry.

no fi in sci-fi

I was directed toward this website yesterday. After reading the 3-part series suggested to me, I began wondering who are behind the web enterprise. A quick survey of the "About" section led to this keen bit of information:

Founding Partners

[Sponsor Logos inserted here]

We would like to thank our launch partners, Boeing, Cadillac, Chevron and Credit Suisse for supporting us as we create a new business brand for a new breed of global professional. These four forward looking and innovative companies share our obsession that unique and powerful customer experiences can be created through the marriage of technology, design and commerce. We are honored they have joined us on this historic journey and proud to share their stories with our readers.

Somehow I was instantly reminded of this story I'd read recently.

I'm impressed by the constant pull toward cybernetic human life.  Remember, nothing is worth doing, and nothing has been done, unless it was done or will be done through an electronic medium.  And humans won't be complete until they have implants which give a Google Glasses display feature to one's visual landscape, courtesy of an cybernetic implant.

All hail the merger with machinery!  Robots unite!

Hanzers rule!

Sunday, December 15, 2013

quackin' me up

Pseudo-critic thinks he's a brilliant manipulator of others, somewhat like Hannibal Lecter as played by Anthony Hopkins.

In truth he's more like Frederick Chilton as played by Anthony Heald.

It's always great to watch someone imagining him/herself the great manipulator, while being manipulated by many others who are smarter than he/she.

Friday, December 13, 2013

oh, care

Obamacare = clusterfuck.

Did you know that the "subsidy" for low-income people is pinned to your annual Fed Income Tax return?  You're "subsidizing" it yourself with your personal tax contribution.  If you make below $11k something (Fed taxation floor), you can't get a subsidy?

That's right.  The "subsidy" is for those who make 100% to 400% of the Fed taxation floor as annual reported income.

And you get to choose between $4500 and 10,000 as your deductible.

Which means you pay MoBroSam for the privilege of paying for your medical care yourself.

No, that's not a fuckup.  It's the design.

Pwoggies say it's great.  They say, "so many people will now have coverage."

Good thing pwoggies don't know jack shitola about insurance.  To them, "coverage" is just a word.  If MoBroSam via Kathleen Sebelius says you have "coverage" then you have "coverage."

Even when you're self-funding your health care.

Nice work.

I don't think I ever predicted this would be a clusterfuck.

Except the 3-4 times when I did.

Going back 3-5 years at minimum.

But what's more important is what Glenn Greenwald, Laura Poitras, Jeremy Scahill and Dan Froomkin think about it.  Or what Pierre Omidyar thinks about it.

Monday, December 9, 2013

borey cob'n

The trenchcoated titmouse with a pretentious parchment, who also happens to be a HOLYFUCK! hero, has again waged a war of whines about the terrifying lack of massive centralized power aimed toward forcing all American citizens to agree with His Pretentious Plans for Progress.

Truly, more Progressive than ANY other bird.

You definitely know, you ignoramus with dragging knuckles and prognathic prominence, that we've seen this kind of shitbird nonsense being spewed before, gleefully and pridefully, haughtily and condescendingly, by the professional liar who thinks he's Buckaroo Banzai**, and it would seem that in the run-up to his pathetically consumerist 8 Days of Toys and Dreydels holiday season, Perfessir Borey Cob'n imagines himself resting on a top tier of social repute, hanging out with Pro Liar Crackie, and shootin' the shiznit about how to rectify the despicable problem of Reactionaries being allowed to live, think, communicate and gather within the confines of the American lefty-fascist enterprise.

You are not welcome at my blog, Oxtrot.

Apparently it's all the fault of Teap Artiers, Glenn Beck, Paul Ryan and Sarah Palin.

But maybe we should ask the palabric onanist, Gay-Vid Dreibar?

Hey, Gay-Vid:  What would a tinfoil Marxist do?


Chumps can't hang with the Trenchcoated Titmouse.

To prove I'm a weighty commenter who types out gravitas-laden missives, I am going to list all the Cool Hip Artists and Powerfully Prodigious Pundits I admire.  This will HOLYFUCK! prove that I'm much more popular than you, you, you, you, you, you, and you over there too.

Because, Yahweh knows, it's all about popularity, since I never got past the social and individual identity hangups I developed in 10th grade.


By listing everything I don't like culturally, and blaming it all on crackers, christers, rednecks, conservatives, reactionaries, misogynists, homophobes, racists and Evil Rethuglicans Who Are Corporate, I can escape all personal fault.

By "jokingly" referring to my complicity, I can make it appear that I am aware of my own personal role in most of my hated landscape obstructions and aesthetic insults, and imply that it's "ironic" that I talk about my complicity while ignoring my contributions to the problems that give me agita and GI distress.

By the way -- did you know that I am a helicopter parent who refuses to let his daughter grow up and gain independence?

It's okay.  I pretend that WFMU consults me for playlists and considers me a "friend."  That kind of hipster cred just won't wash out, bro.


** Yes indeed, the one and only Crackie Blowjob, global dictator and mandate-issuer who requires your compliance with his Glossy Karl's Valhalla fantasies.