Monday, April 22, 2013

nice blob of quivering jelly

Sure, life is tough.  You have a kid in private prep school, or maybe private college.  Maybe one of each.  Maybe also one in Montessori preschool as well.

You got an undergrad degree in the humanities and like a good progressive/leftist/liberal/socialist/communist/counterculturalist, decided that while it's cool to talk about a simple life when you're stoned as fuck at 3:17am with your housemates, after you graduate it's a different story and in the real world what you own and where you work and what you do, that's how people measure your worth, and you're not gonna come up short in that measurement.

So you stopped being curious about fiction and started reading biographies of famous, effective people, and you didn't --maybe couldn't-- even see the irony of that decision and practice.

So you let your friends coerce you into needing a hot new car, bigger house, more spendy vacations.  And maybe you didn't let them, maybe it was what you wanted anyway.  Hell, with such a sequence of empty value choices, you'd probably need some materialistic external validation just to feel things are relatively balanced.


You forced yourself to become more politically aware when, during the HELL OF YOUR LIFE (known elsewhere as 2000 - 2008 A.D. and known in non-partisan circles as the Bush/Cheney era), you began ramping up your earliest childhood nightmares that still haunt you, and began applying them toward the idea of NEOCONS ARE IN CHARGE NOW.

You knew the NEOCONS were evil Rethuglican, which meant they were horrific reactionaries, hateful misogynists, spiteful homophobes and cruel bigots.

But you never thought they'd go THIS FAR.  You never thought they could actually use THREATS OF DEATH** against the Noble Democrats and thereby with horrific Reactionary Witchery make it appear as though the Democrats actually were on board with the NEOCON NIGHTMARE OF BUSH/CHENEY.

And when you saw evidence of that nasty, under-the-table, above-the-clouds, ethereal pressure-placed-on-Noble-Saintly-Democrats, you knew it was time to WAKE UP.


From here you commenced a sternly serious study of the Political Landscape.  Apart from what you determined already (as stated above) you also learned that the Noble Democrats had 3 vital sectors:

+ the Progressives

~ the Centrists

- the DINOs

and you learned that most of what happened (was happening; is happening; will happen) can be blamed on that Rethuglican Witchery you already noted, but seeing its subtleties in assorted DINO moves.***  The subtlety was in the fact that a radical progressive like Kucinich could be seen acting sometimes like a DINO if the situation was right, the cameras were off, or a hot woman was nearby.


1) All bad things are due to the Evil Rethuglicans.

2) Bush/Cheney is an era of rampant Rethuglican power abuse.

3) The Noble Democrats stood no chance at slowing, stopping or reversing Bush/Cheney.

4) Because of the amazing mind-control Rethuglican Witchery.

5) And because we never let the perfect be the enemy of the good.


In 2006, the Democrats took control over the Congress.

They kept pursuing that dastardly NEOCON AGENDA, however.  In fact there wasn't a single legislative roadblock, diversion or reversal laid down or created by the Democrats after they assumed control.

You kept blaming the Rethuglicans and reminded yourself, "DAMN, they sure do have some powerful voodoo over at Team Elephant's camp."


At the 2006 convention a light-brown Black dude with an exotic name and a merit-stuffed resume spoke at the Donkey Convention.  Some people noticed the personal presence of this Glorious Symbol of Post-Racism, who had a regal bearing and the slick Whitespeak of every Top Tier Parchment Factory's Middle Manager.

But most were pinning their hopes for 2008 on the same old same old, Swillary Rodham Pigface Loosebag Clinton, or John Baptized by Zion Kerry-Heinz.

Since you don't like backing a loser, you began struggling over this choice.


By July 2008, that cafe au lait slickster was starting to make Swillary and Heinz 57 sweat a little, so you began taking him seriously, especially after Chris Hedges and Glenn Greenwald got in behind him and began pumping like a yokel on a seesaw RR service cart.  Of course Kos and fdl and HP were backing Ketchup Boy and Dogfaced Healthcare Queen, but you were in the vanguard, bro.  You were gonna be personally responsible for post-racist America with the First Black President.



You wept profusely as Obama came to the dais to accept the declaration from Pete Pundit and Heather Headbobber saying he'd won.

You jizzed your shorts/puddled your panties when he was Inaugurated.

And you took hope:  We are POST RACISM.  We have our FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT.  It's a NEW DAY.


6 months into the new Admin the cabinet looked like Bush/Cheney 3d Term.

1 year into the new Admin the track record showed more continuation of Bush/Cheney, including some policy expansion.

You kept saying, "he's got a secret plan, he'll unleash it soon, he's building momentum."


2 years into the new Admin and it is clearly Bush/Cheney 3d Term, but with a cocky motherfuckin' light brown dude smugly beaming that Pepsodent Grin as he laughs about killing boys who try to date his young daughters.

He starts bailing out all his pals in big finance.  He expands the bailout programs to include many companies who willingly put themselves into financial shit-houses.

And you continue thinking, FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT.  POST-RACISM.

And ignore the policies and actions, because they remind you too much of Bush/Cheney.

So you conclude the Rethuglican Witchery is now so powerful as to override GOP minority status in the Congress and full DNC leadership of the rest of the fed govt.

Against all evidence, you do this because your faith is strong.


3 years into the new Admin and the GOP candidates are on the trail for 2012's election.  You notice the GOP is full-on whacko, so you double-down on The Mighty Barry O, terrified of Palin and McCain and Romney and Ryan and Paul and every other HORRIBLE REACTIONARY RETHUGLICAN BIRCHER PREPPER CHRISTER CRACKER MISOGYNIST BIGOT HOMOPHOBE who isn't Obama.

You know where you're going in 2012.  Whatchugonnadu?


Fast forward to present.

Boy isn't that Boston Marathon bombing a piece of something?

And Iran wants to wipe Israel off the map.

So many terror threats from outside and from within.

Better show solidarity with Obama and the Fed Govt.  We're under attack.  We're at war.


Better start seeing them everywhere.

Better start blaming them for everything.

Because you know Israel is blameless, Obama is blameless, the Donkeys are blameless, Judaism is different from other religions -- which are magical thinking backward dirt-eater bullshit unlike Judaism which is noble principled and intellectually vibrant.

Because of the Holocaust.

Because someone is scared.

Because, paranoia.

Or just because.


Yes, Obama really is the best possible POTUS for this best possible time in America's best possible status.

Otherwise it's gonna be dirt-eating murderous rapists skull-fucking your best friend's daughter.

So you'd better be proud and awe-struck by the lockdown of Boston.

And you'd better get behind Israel, bubke.

Because the Wandering Tribes are poised to nuke everyone who isn't either an avowed Jew, or a willing slave to the greedy fucking materialistic finance-capitalism Ouroboros.

Buy in now, and avoid being tortured by Moe Saddy or one of Erik Prince's gay sadist butchers.


** DEATH = fall from the grace of popular positive public opinion.

*** See, e.g., Pat Leahy, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Dennis Kucinich, and many other Stars of the Donkey Cavalcade for further example.

1 comment:

Paul Behrer said...

Of course the entire drift of this ramble should be discounted because I got a simple fact wrong.

Obama's convention speech was in 2004, not 2006.