Tuesday, December 31, 2013

your new year's resolution

In this new year, you promise to rhetorically waterboard everyone who doesn't agree with you on everything. You promise to browbeat everyone you disagree with, calling them such things as reactionary, homophobe, misogynist, patriarchy-promoter, rape fantasist, rapist, bigot, and the real winning shot, the true killing cut of the katana slicing cleanly through a neck, Rethuglican. You promise to uphold the progressive leftist values that exclude every other conception of human living. You will do this for the children, as they are our future.

Friday, December 27, 2013

the amazing kreskin

You know that clown who used to "bend spoons with his mind," by using parlor tricks and sham practice?

He's the icon, communications imagery wise, for the modern era's "dissident journalism."


If Fast Eddie Snowjob had looked like this:

instead of the totemic modern metrosexual male feminist he resembles,

do you really think everyone would be stupefyingly naive about believing the "game changing revelations" he supposedly cribbed from BAH/NSA?

Just remember -- the flamboyant gay male, or his nearest imitator the metrosexual feminist, they are what every man must be, or else be ignored as human trash.

The spoon bends, right before your eyes.

It's amazing.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

narrow minds, bullying agendas

Chick Fil A.

Barilla Pasta.

A&E / Duck Dynasty.


If you're a spineless gay or lesbian, and you feel diminished, oppressed, invalidated, whatever by the fact that some people have a personal opinion that doesn't approve of homosexuality, you really have two simple choices.

1) Accept the fact that on whatever issue you choose to make primary, other humans will have a view that is different, in some small to large way, from your own.

2) Refuse to accept that, and insist that everyone must agree with you.


I'm one seriously opinionated motherfucker.  Give me an issue, I'll have an opinion on it within 10-15 mins, even if I held no opinion beforehand. 

It doesn't hurt me to have someone disagree with me.  Opinions are not facts.  Life isn't one long basic mathematics class, where you will hear WRONG! when you say 2 + 2 = 5.

If I believe that humans who go to law school, graduate, and pass the bar are not by these 3 achievements automatically worse behaviorally (ethically, morally, or social-harmony-wise) than other humans, I am not injured by some other person saying "of course he committed a crime and tried to get away with it, he's a lawyer."

If I like coffee flavored ice cream and you like strawberry flavored ice cream, I am not injured by you saying, "coffee ice cream sucks and anyone who likes it is an idiot who scrapes his knuckles on the pavement as he walks."


If you're at least a teenager, you are very likely aware that in the USA, there are many different varieties of religion, as well as types of quasi-religion and categories of non-religion.  You're probably aware that there are quite a few "christian" religions, and you may even be aware that judaism isn't a one-flavor type of faith either. 

You probably also know that different religions have different ideas on human values.  You're probably also aware that most major religions don't really approve, formally speaking, of people having sex outside wedlock.

If you have a passing familiarity with the judeo-christian "bible," you may even have heard about passages which condemn such practices as greed, idolatry, dishonesty, adultery, envy, laziness.

You might even be able to understand why those condemning sentiments are put in a religious book.  Even if you don't follow that religion, you probably can understand the reasons why.  I'll give you enough intellectual horsepower credit by assuming you can figure out why a religion would not approve of adultery, greed, idolatry or dishonesty.


So by this point in this little essay, you're able to observe that a lot of humans disagree on a lot of issues, and you're also able to note that religions try, with varying degrees of success, to get their followers to behave in a somewhat uniform fashion.

In the USA, you are not required to follow any religion.

That's an important fact to bear in mind.  Even if you grow up in a religious family, or on a religious street, or in a religious neighborhood, you do not have to believe the dominant religious things. 

One of the options available to you, as a non-believer surrounded by believers, is the nodding head gesture given while actually believing a contrary thing up there in your free-thinking noggin.


(after someone says, "All non-believers will burn in Hell for eternity!")


Maybe some day, some lame-ass "gay activist" can explain why bullying A&E, Barilla Pasta, or Chick Fil A is not only the best path for encountering what you consider "offensive," but also is the only choice you can make when you feel "offended" by someone's contrary views.

Of course, I've spent parts of the past 10 years watching Pwogs bully others for not thinking the flamboyant gay male is the pinnacle human being.

Notice what I said there.

I didn't say, "I've seen Pwogs have discussions with people regarding the foundations for their beliefs and value choices, and exploring differences with those people."

Notice that.

I'm not bullshitting you.  I have NEVER encountered a Pwog who wanted to know why and how someone held a different view or value.

Instead, I've seen Pwogs insist that there is only one view or value, and that is what the Pwog believes.

Everyone else is 2d class humanity at best. 

And what about where it's not the "at best" category?  Usually the Pwog gives off such hateful dismissing vibes that I'm left with the impression that if we ever had a true Pwog Revolution in America, anyone who isn't a Pwog would be rounded up and murdered.

Like Jews in Hitler's time.

And I don't think Pwogs would have any problem with that.

They're already prepared to shut down a business if that business doesn't have the Pwog View on gays -- which is to worship gays as the highest form of humanity.   I'm not kidding about this.  Pwogs mandate that gays not just receive equal treatment under the law, but actually must receive social pinnacle admiration and special deference.

I guess it's some kind of over-reaction.

Or maybe insanity.

stunning revelations not held in abeyance

As we continue with our conversational series, this entry brings you yet another talk with still another Hero of the Blogosphere.  He rarely uses his given, birth-certificate-gracing name.  You know him mostly by the handles he's used in his internet commentary during the past decade: tarzie, ohtarzie, ohtarzie!, Tarzie, Rancid Tarzie, or BroTarzie.

Our guest was born in 1982 in a small town in Indiana, surrounded by GOP fanaticism.  By age 3 he was already reaching for the penis of every male classmate he encountered, and envying every female classmate he saw.  By age 7 he'd tried to jack off several male friends during sleepovers, resulting in those friends rejecting him and their parents banishing him from return visits to that house.  At age 13, he was routinely spanking his monkey in the P.E. showers, overcome with horniness at being surrounded by so many naked male peers.  This earned him an exception from P.E. participation, which he converted by joining the fledgeling Popular Girls Fashion Review on-campus publication, a monthly xeroxed pamphlet of which he quickly became Style & Content Editor.

Upon graduation from Ugly Breeder Reactionary Homophobe H.S. in Stupidrethugrapistville, IN our man-manque traveled to the Gay Hotspot of the humid, oppressive midwest, Bro-Berlin Select Academy.  There he was able to triple-major in Gay Bedroom Techniques (B.A.), Catty Internet Snark (B.A.), and The Supernova of Hubris (B.S.).  He graduated 3d in his class (behind a straight male and a lesbian female) and moved to Brooklyn, NYC among tens of thousands of other socially and athletically awkward gay and lesbian Jews who were immigrating to the New Hipster Homeland, where he was determined to set himself apart from the other hipsters by becoming his generation's Liberace, though positioned as an internet-commentary writer rather than as a piano-based entertainer.

Yrs Trly first encountered The Mighty Tarzie about 8 years ago, when reading one of the BlogTrust member blogs and the collection of commments thereafter.  The BlogTrust entry was obliquely about OCL, and I offered some observations in a comment about OCL's fraudulence.  Mighty, Indefatigable Tarzie responded by calling me a homophobe who was jealous of OCL's fame and success, and commanded that I come "out of the closet" where I could openly admit I wanted to have sex with OCL.

I was amazed!  Here was a true Hero of the Internutz, a man who believed himself capable of reading others' minds and libidinous attitudes from one simple comment on one low-readership BlogTrust member blog.

Of course, I would have been truly, legitimately surprised if our man-manque had correctly read my mind through my comment's text, and accurately noted my gay sexuality and lust after OCL, but in truth, neither was nor is the case.  It was more that man-manque's estimates were 180 degrees opposite the truth that was so remarkable, because he continued defending his position with strident reiterations of his accusations.

This pattern continued over the intervening 8 years, with man-manque always dropping in after my comments at a BlogTrust member vehicle, leaving a little Gucci bag full of Precious White Himalayan kitty poop which was then set aflame with a swishy flick of a limp wrist.  "Take that, thweetie, you callous breeder!"

In other words, his powerful internet snark was competing at a level familiar to 6th or 7th graders, and not really demonstrating the savage wit or enviable intellect that he believed himself to possess. 

It would seem that eventually, he embarrassed himself enough to turtle-up in his little shell, and hide there, reconstituting himself for his next big Coming Out Party.  See, he'd never had the proper debutante ball he thought himself entitled to have and enjoy.


Eventually our man-manque created himself a blog where he would swoon over various male celebrities, and issue snark about their habits.  You know what I mean here. 

"Oh that haircut is HIDEOUS." 

"Honey, those shoes aren't doing you any favors."

"Baby, don't wear that shade of blue.  It makes you look sick."

This was our man-manque, reaching for the stars.


Suddenly, man-manque got a new vigor.  He decided OCL would be his new focus.  He began writing essays from the perspective of perhaps being skeptical about OCL's freedom to be as honest as OCL personally wished to be.  Man-manque posited that it was OCL's editors who were hamstringing him, preventing him from reaching true Godhead status.

If you have half a wit yourself, you knuckledragging reactionary reader of my blog, you know that this is just a mild variation on the fashion commentary angle that immediately preceded man-manque's new vigor.

But anyway, on that background, let's talk to the original internet gay snark king (at least in his own mind, which is all that counts anyway).

Ladies & gents, I present to you, Drinker F. Siemen, a/k/a "tarzie."


Harold Caidagh (HC):  Brooklyn Hipster Tarzie, welcome to the land of reactionary homophobes.

Drinker F. Siemen (DS):  Ugggh.  I mean seriously, ugggh.  I'm nauseous already.  Jesus.  It smells like vagina in here.  I HATE THAT SMELL.

HC:  This is an email-based interview, Bro-Brah.  There's no smell.

DS:  Oh yes, there most certainly is, and it's obnoxious and quite unpalatable.  My GOD.  Don't you know how to prepare organic foods in Fresh Fashion?

HC:  Dude, what the fuck are you talking about?

DS:  Phil Robertson said gays have sex with animals.  He said homosexuality and bestiality are the same thing.  FUCKTARD!

HC:  Look.  Re-Tarz.  You wanna stay on-topic?


HC:  Can we talk about your Rancid Honeytrap blog?

DS:  You bore me.  If you are going to bore me, I'm going to delete your comments.

HC:  What?


HC:  Huh?  Look, if I wanted to interview Crackie Blowbar, I'd do that.


HC:  Jesus. 


HC:  What the fuck?

DS:  Not if you're talking about fucking a vagina.  EWWWWWW!  GROSS!

HC:  Tarzie.  Where does that name come from?


HC:  Why are you screaming?

DS:  Your homophobia is terrifying to me.

HC:  Define homophobia, please.


HC:  I see now why you have such a massive twitter follower base.

DS:  That's right sweetie.  I know how to work a crowd with 140 characters of gay snark.

HC:  I think you are probably a big hit with the middle school crowd nationally, and locally in Brooklyn you've probably got Gay Hillel locked up.  So I guess you have that going for you. 

DS:  Jelly.

HC:  Not right now, but I may have PB&J later.

DS:  You ARE jelly.

HC:  Not really following you there.

DS:  Oh sweetie.  "Jelly" means "jealous" in the gay snark world.

HC:  That's so... precious.

DS:  You're oppressive.

HC:  What the fuck?

DS:  No, I like your ass and all, but I prefer fucking you in my fantasies.

HC:  Rape fantasies.  That's nice. 

DS:  It's not rape sweetie.  You're loving it.

HC:  You say everything like a statement of fact, like you're telling the world how the world has to be.  Or in my case, you're telling me what I would like. 

DS:  In the closet sweetie.

HC:  That's your theory on all men, isn't it?  If they're not openly gay, they must be in the closet. 

DS:  Can't deny your true nature, sweetie.

HC:  So projecting your life struggles onto others, that's what you consider "true nature"?

DS:  No projection here, sweetie.  Why are you jelly of Glenn?

HC:  What?

DS:  Jelly.  You're just a jelly bean.  Jelly that Glenn is famous.  Jelly that Glenn gets cited by others.  Jelly that he has several books published.  Jelly jelly jelly.

HC:  What?

DS:  Admit it sweetie.

HC:  If you spent on honesty 1/4 the energy you spend projecting your problems onto others, you might be a half-informed sort.

DS:  Jelly of Gle-ehn.  Jelly of Gle-ehn.  (sing-song)

HC:  Exactly what am I jealous of?

DS:  Jelly jelly jelly.  Jelly jelly jelly.  You are so jelly.  Jelly-belly-jelly.

HC:  Every interaction with you is like traveling back to 7th grade.

DS:  Is that when you first realized you were gay, sweetie?

HC:  What?

DS:  I make you think about your closeted status, don't I?

HC:  What?

DS:  You see a man's face on every woman you fantasize about, don't you?

HC:  What?

DS:  Futunari is your favorite, isn't it sweetie?

HC:  Futu-what?

DS:  Get outta the closet, bro.

HC:  I'm sorry, what the fuck are you talking about here?

DS:  Edward Snowden is a real hero!

HC:  Really?  What heroic thing has he done?

DS:  Jell-eeeeeeeeeeee.  So very very jell-eeeeeeeeeeeeee.

HC:  What?

DS:  Sorry honey, you're boring me.  Conversation over.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

cubic zirconium hiding in the tall grass

Recently, we bumped into one of the InterWebToobz's all-time great characters, the stalwart post-modernist blogger Jeff Popovich, who maintains the remarkably cross-genre blog known as BLCKDGRD.  Those of you who have followed Progressive Blogging for the past 10 years will be familiar with BLCKDGRD, a clever blog that aims to prove Popovich is much cooler than anyone else you know, better connected to famous people, and possessed of highly refined tastes in "alternative" music, cinema and literature.

The BLCKDGRD blog uses these various "art" vehicles to make a bold, Progressive statement.  We wanted to know how Popovich gained his highly refined tastes.  We also wanted to know where he found the time to run iterations 1 through 243 of BLCKDGRD, which exist across blog platforms (WordPress, Blogger, and independent formats) with different coloration schemes, different art foci, and different font selection, while also being doting partner to a famous adult artist womyn, and the fawning father of a precocious young college student womyn, all while managing library operations at Washington, DC's oldest and most prestigious Jesuit university.  Truly, the burden of these many obligations and occupations seems greater than one man could handle -- if he were not a superman.


Harold Caidagh (HC):  Yo.  Popovich.  You ready?

Jeff Popovich (JP):  Hang on.  I'm finishing up yet another water color poem on graph paper.

HC:  Dude, you are such an artist.  So much talent.  Were you always such a prodigy?

JP:  Actually, I was mostly a failure as a young man.  Picked on by nearly everyone.  Not popular at all.  Tried out for the soccer team, but was too fat and slow and uncoordinated to play regularly, so basically I was the waterboy.  Which was cool by me.  At least I was affiliated with the cool jocks that way.

HC:  Never dawned on you that jocks and sports fans don't praise or otherwise respect the waterboy, eh?

JP:  What do you mean?  Adam Sandler's movie proved for all time that waterboys are heroic.  And not just because it starred the comic genius, Adam Sandler, either.

HC:  So the mockery of waterboys that ran throughout that movie escaped your attention, eh?

JP:  No, I think it's post-modern.  The mockery actually is worship.  It's ironic.  You wouldn't understand.

HC:  You're right.  Those "academic" categories created solely to foster inherent contradiction while pretending to advance refinement, they're not really understandable.  We're supposed to just accept them, and consider them accurate.  Which is fine, I guess, if you're a pretentious know-nothing who only uses words and communication to promote your own unique snowflakeness and hipster connection to whatever's "popular," but that whole rigamarole seems childish to me, like an extension of middle and high school popularity contests.  And just about as useful too.

JP:  Actually, my Progressive status, which developed during 10th grade out of jealousy regarding all the things I cannot do and will never be, is the reason I am King Librarian at Hoyaville University.  A fellow Progressive HS student friend told his father that I needed a job after gaining my MFA, and that connection got me my present Bookstack Royalty spot.

HC:  Well, that would definitely explain why your blog entries talk so much about people and categories that I would lump grossly together as embodying the "anti-Progressive" viewpoint.  It seems like most of your energy is devoted to finding ways to blame cultural misfires, political happenings, and your own personal stumbling blocks on what you have called, variously, any one or more of these terms:  cracker, Christer, reactionary, Teabagger, Teap Artier, Corporate, Rethuglican, homophobe, bigot, misogynist, and finally, rapist.

JP:  You should agree that those terms all reflect people and/or behaviors that are reprehensible.

HC:  Maybe.  But you must know that this category of "reprehensible" people or acts will exist no matter how a society is structured.  You do know this, don't you?

JP:  No.  I'm certain that if everyone in America were Progressive like me, we would not have misogyny, we would not experience bigotry, we would not see homophobia, there would be no crackers, religious people other than Jews would not exist, Teabaggers would never have arisen, Teap Artiers would remain a fictional construct, and Corporate would be outlawed.

HC:  Interesting.  So in your view, there are no prejudices found among Progressives?

JP:  No, not outside the context of hating the acts and categories that you've agreed are reprehensible.

HC:  I did not agree on the characterization of reprehensible.  I said "maybe," and if you want me to elaborate I will, but I'd rather hear more from you.

JP:  In short, we Progressives only show prejudice against those people or acts which are reprehensible.  We believe all humans would agree on the characterization and subsequent disdain for people and things which fall under the "reprehensible" category.

HC:  What if someone disagrees with you on that?

JP:  Then they're obviously reprehensible themselves, and are trying to force their reprehensible agenda onto me and other good Progressives, against our noble wills.

HC:  So everyone has to agree with you on everything, or be deemed "reprehensible" and therefore worthy of mockery?

JP:  Basically, that is correct.

HC:  Do you support other acts besides mockery?  Corporal punishment?  Imprisonment?  Torture?  Castration?  Lobotomy?  Chemical psychological refraction?  Electro-convulsive therapy?

JP:  Well, to be honest I think anyone who isn't Progressive doesn't really deserve to live.  At least not in the USA.

HC:  Interesting.

JP:  Yes, I find it rather puzzling that occasionally I encounter someone who tries to defend non-Progressives.  I guess some people really find being the Devil's Advocate an enjoyable pastime.  I find it reprehensible.

HC:  And so, worthy of mockery or more severe punishment?

JP:  Precisely.  Free speech is a noble ideal, and all, but we can't have people being enticed by non-Progressive agenda points.  So it's best to just censor things.  People.  Statements.  Ideas.  Art.

HC:  How do you propose to do such censoring?

JP:  Well, we can't just do it out in the open, because the reprehensible non-Progressives might be able to air their reprehensible agenda points that way.  So the best way is to simply ensure that all forms of funding and financing and support for any kind of idea dissemination must be put in the hands of pure Progressives.  And I'd say the best start is to find gay men who will swear on a stack of Playgirl magazines that they've always been harassed because of their preference for dick and ass.  Put them in charge of everything.  Eventually, the flamboyant gay male perspective will dominate, and we won't have any more of that reprehensible noise anywhere.

HC:  So the flamboyant gay male perspective is the same thing as the Progressive perspective?

JP:  Basically, yes.  That's correct.

HC:  So you assume that anything a flamboyant, feminine-identifying, gay-sex-having male human likes, admires or prefers is superior to anything that a reserved, male-identifying, hetero-sex-having male human would like, admire or prefer?

JP:  Absolutely.

HC:  Why is that?

JP:  The traditional straight male perspective is reactionary.  It's homophobic.  It's bigoted.  It's misogynist.  And usually it votes Republican.  And is Corporate.

HC:  I see.  You know, I'm not a real gregarious person, but I have to say that I've met a lot of hetero men who aren't homophobic, bigoted, misogynist, Republican or Corporate.

JP:  Obviously you don't know them well enough.  All men who aren't gay are reactionary bigot homophobes who love Corporate and vote Republican, and they always want to rape women.  They spend their idle time harboring and contemplating new rape fantasies.

HC:  Incredible.  Where do you get these ideas?

JP:  I have many friends who are flamboyant gay men.  They told me.

HC:  And they can't possibly harbor any prejudices, these friends?

JP:  Absolutely not.  Gay men, especially flamboyant, feminine-identifying ones, are the noblest people on Earth.  They are essentially equivalent to Gods.  They transcend common humanity.

HC:  I'm curious about something.

JP:  Naturally.  I've completely upended your assumptions, and you need me to explain how the world actually works, don't you?

HC:  Not really, but I do have a question that I'm hoping you can answer for me.

JP:  Go ahead.  Hopefully it's not too tedious.

HC:  So you're a husband...

JP:  Partner.  We use the term "Partner" in Progressive America.

HC:  ...as well as a father...

JP:  Maturation-Facilitating Progressive Male Household Resident Consultant is the term we prefer in Progressive America.

HC:  ...and the child, was she born as a result of natural, heterosexual intercourse?  No in vitro fertilization, no test tubes, no implants, just regular fucking and impregnation?

JP:  There was nothing regular about it.  I'm a sexual savant and I know more ways to please women than there are stars in the sky.

HC:  I see.  And these various paths to Female Orgasm and Sexual Fulfillment, do you ever fantasize about them?

JP:  No.  As I said, I'm a savant.  I don't have to study, practice, fantasize, or otherwise prepare for my top-tier sexual prowess.  Once a woman comes near me, she begins developing dampness.  Usually within 4 minutes of my presence, a woman will begin writhing uncontrollably, whether standing sitting or laying down, and thrusting her hips as if actually engaged in copulation.  It's stunning to witness.  They can't help themselves.  I've got quite a gift.

HC:  And how do you feel about this?  Is it embarrassing to be heterosexual?

JP:  What do you mean?  I am proud of my partner, and doubly proud of my prodigious young female child.  Why would I be embarrassed?

HC:  Because you said only flamboyant gay men are noble and pure Progressives, and because you said Progressives are the only people who deserve to live.

JP:  I didn't say that.

HC:  Actually you did.  I'm sorry to have to point out your hypocrisy.

JP:  You obviously misunderstood me.

HC:  Please, explain it to me, then.

JP:  Gay men hold the top spot in nobility among Progressives.  The purest, most noble Progressive is the flamboyant gay male who occasionally had identity confusion because of his femininity and his preference for sex with men.

HC:  Right, already understood that theorem.

JP:  Not a theorem at all.  This is true, and has been supported by several decades of serious academic research, and proved through policy arguments in American society.

HC:  You have an interesting idea of what constitutes proof.

JP:  It's a community agreement on the supremacy of an idea, concept, or alleged fact.  Majority rule.  The wisdom of tribal agreement.

HC:  So if 10 Progressives and 2 non-Progressives are put in a room, and asked to identify the color of a light bulb located on the ceiling of that room, and all 10 Progressives agree that the red light bulb is actually blue, the bulb therefore is blue?

JP:  Precisely.  The non-Progressives do not count.  And no other evidence is required.

HC:  I think I'm beginning to understand your views. 

Thursday, December 19, 2013

shame culture

From the great open-source, thinly-peer-reviewed documentation of a collective opinion, Wikipedia (footnotes omitted):

Phil Robertson's remarks about homosexuality

On December 18, 2013, A&E announced that it was suspending Phil Robertson from the show indefinitely over anti-gay remarks he made in the January 2014 issue of GQ. Robertson said in the issue, "Everything is blurred on what's right and what's wrong… Sin becomes fine. Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men." Robertson then paraphrased 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 from the Bible: "Don't be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won't inherit the kingdom of God. Don't deceive yourself. It's not right." Robertson also added, "It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man's anus. That's just me. I'm just thinking: There's more there! She's got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I'm saying? But hey, sin: It's not logical, my man. It's just not logical."

A&E released a statement that read, "We are extremely disappointed to have read Phil Robertson's comments in GQ, which are based on his own personal beliefs and are not reflected in the series Duck Dynasty. His personal views in no way reflect those of A&E Networks, who have always been strong supporters and champions of the LGBT community. The network has placed Phil under hiatus from filming indefinitely."

Robertson responded by saying, "I myself am a product of the 60s; I centered my life around sex, drugs and rock and roll until I hit rock bottom and accepted Jesus as my Savior. My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the Bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together. However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other."


A&E's suspension, I mean.

I feel the same way as Robertson about stuffing my johnson into a cloacal tunnel.  But minus the Biblical rationale.  The bunghole just doesn't appeal to me, and from my perspective, wanting to lick, suck, or put an appendage into the fecal exhaust viaduct is not just illogical, it's nauseatingly fucked-up.  It's like wanting to eat feces.  And I don't care if the woman I'm with loves having her anus plugged with some dude's dick, it's not going to be mine!


I've repeatedly heard gay men say, and frequently have read them commenting, that the vagina is ugly and disgusting and repellent from a gay man's libidinous perspective.

So why can't a straight man say the same about the asshole?


This is just more proof that we're in an era when gay men are bullying everyone into "accepting" (read: adopting, as the only view) the sociocultural and sexual perspectives of gay men.

As said before:

Gay man?  HERO.

Straight man?  IDIOT.

Straight man who isn't a mindless robot parrotting the gay male perspective?  REACTIONARY WHO MUST BE SILENCED AND HOPEFULLY KILLED. 

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

bad 80s pop

Current pwogwessive desires are aimed toward finding "hero" status in Eddie Snowball. Go around the toobz, dipshit, and see how everyone's put Eddie on a pedestal taller than WTC 1-2 (RIP).

Example here, written by some clown who imagines himself the next OCL.

The clown continues throughout his essay worshiping the "real hero," Eddie Snowball. What heroic thing has Eddie done?

Nothing he's revealed was not public knowledge as part of the public record surrounding what NSA has been authorized to do, and/or as the public record of reporting on what NSA is doing or has done. Nothing new has come out of Eddie's supposedly cribbed data.

Yet Eddie is a "hero."

One may as well call a "hero" anyone who told us what NSA would be doing. Dubya Bush told us what NSA would do when he signed an executive order authorizing more NSA snooping post-9/11/2001. Numerous real whistleblowers like Russ Tice, William Binney and Mark Klein told us what NSA was up to regarding the "total surveillance" model pursued post-9/11/2001.

Nothing Eddie Snowball has "revealed" has gone further than what Tice, Binney, Klein told us long ago.

But Eddie's the real "hero."

Some clown who imagines himself the next OCL tells us so.  Thus it must be so.


While the robed one steps up a bit in this decision, he also concedes that NSA's "total surveillance" is designed to catch "terrorists".  There's no evidence to sustain that conclusion, which renders the robed one's perspective a bit doubtful in its integrity.  A thoroughly detached judicial benchsitter would note the post-9/11/2001 expansion of NSA activity to be unconstitutionally crossing many 4th and 5th Amendment cautions against warrantless searches and against self-incrimination.  It would not sanctify the "total surveillance" model by suggesting it's aimed toward anti-terrorism.

And even if it did suggest that, it would have to examine what is "terrorism" in the context of "anti-terrorism," and it would examine whether the "terrorism" targeted is actually deserving of some kind of carved-out exception to the 4th and 5th A protections.


Hack lawyers should not pretend at journalism.  Hack journalists should not trust hack lawyers to give them good analysis.  Hack websites should not employ either.

Failure on all 3 counts by "Counterpunch."  More shadow-boxing, more punches thrown at spectres, no punches landed on the real adversary.

But nice work stoking the Pwog Disinformation Status.



Gay libertarians are convinced Eddie Snowball is a hero!

Gaylib No. 1:

That reminds me: Snowden is the greatest patriot of his generation. Possibly the two or three before that, too.

I hope the next generation offers someone--nay, some thousands--of his caliber.

Gaylib No. 2:

I have many a friend who are good smart people who claim he should burn in hellfire for his treason.

I am unable to fix it.

Jesus, just because these butt pirates want the "liberty" to pedophilically pursue little boys and then when seeking domesticity marry a likeminded ass captain, they believe Openly Gay OCL's lying story about Eddie Snowball. Nothin' cooler than gay cliques for insular faith in the truthiness of utter bullshit. Fuck, you'd think they were talking about which one of the Village People is hottest, or some other such bullshit.

It's not that Eddie committed "treason," it's that he's a fucking psy-op vector.  What in Hades did he reveal?


But hey, "libertarian" snarky poodles swear he's a hero.

Because their fellow cocksmoker, OCL, swears that Eddie's a hero.

Meanwhile, we haven't seen jack shit from Eddie or OCL.

Not even a fucking dingleberry.

no fi in sci-fi

I was directed toward this website yesterday. After reading the 3-part series suggested to me, I began wondering who are behind the web enterprise. A quick survey of the "About" section led to this keen bit of information:

Founding Partners

[Sponsor Logos inserted here]

We would like to thank our launch partners, Boeing, Cadillac, Chevron and Credit Suisse for supporting us as we create a new business brand for a new breed of global professional. These four forward looking and innovative companies share our obsession that unique and powerful customer experiences can be created through the marriage of technology, design and commerce. We are honored they have joined us on this historic journey and proud to share their stories with our readers.

Somehow I was instantly reminded of this story I'd read recently.

I'm impressed by the constant pull toward cybernetic human life.  Remember, nothing is worth doing, and nothing has been done, unless it was done or will be done through an electronic medium.  And humans won't be complete until they have implants which give a Google Glasses display feature to one's visual landscape, courtesy of an cybernetic implant.

All hail the merger with machinery!  Robots unite!

Hanzers rule!

Sunday, December 15, 2013

quackin' me up

Pseudo-critic thinks he's a brilliant manipulator of others, somewhat like Hannibal Lecter as played by Anthony Hopkins.

In truth he's more like Frederick Chilton as played by Anthony Heald.

It's always great to watch someone imagining him/herself the great manipulator, while being manipulated by many others who are smarter than he/she.

Friday, December 13, 2013

oh, care

Obamacare = clusterfuck.

Did you know that the "subsidy" for low-income people is pinned to your annual Fed Income Tax return?  You're "subsidizing" it yourself with your personal tax contribution.  If you make below $11k something (Fed taxation floor), you can't get a subsidy?

That's right.  The "subsidy" is for those who make 100% to 400% of the Fed taxation floor as annual reported income.

And you get to choose between $4500 and 10,000 as your deductible.

Which means you pay MoBroSam for the privilege of paying for your medical care yourself.

No, that's not a fuckup.  It's the design.

Pwoggies say it's great.  They say, "so many people will now have coverage."

Good thing pwoggies don't know jack shitola about insurance.  To them, "coverage" is just a word.  If MoBroSam via Kathleen Sebelius says you have "coverage" then you have "coverage."

Even when you're self-funding your health care.

Nice work.

I don't think I ever predicted this would be a clusterfuck.

Except the 3-4 times when I did.

Going back 3-5 years at minimum.

But what's more important is what Glenn Greenwald, Laura Poitras, Jeremy Scahill and Dan Froomkin think about it.  Or what Pierre Omidyar thinks about it.

Monday, December 9, 2013

borey cob'n

The trenchcoated titmouse with a pretentious parchment, who also happens to be a HOLYFUCK! hero, has again waged a war of whines about the terrifying lack of massive centralized power aimed toward forcing all American citizens to agree with His Pretentious Plans for Progress.

Truly, more Progressive than ANY other bird.

You definitely know, you ignoramus with dragging knuckles and prognathic prominence, that we've seen this kind of shitbird nonsense being spewed before, gleefully and pridefully, haughtily and condescendingly, by the professional liar who thinks he's Buckaroo Banzai**, and it would seem that in the run-up to his pathetically consumerist 8 Days of Toys and Dreydels holiday season, Perfessir Borey Cob'n imagines himself resting on a top tier of social repute, hanging out with Pro Liar Crackie, and shootin' the shiznit about how to rectify the despicable problem of Reactionaries being allowed to live, think, communicate and gather within the confines of the American lefty-fascist enterprise.

You are not welcome at my blog, Oxtrot.

Apparently it's all the fault of Teap Artiers, Glenn Beck, Paul Ryan and Sarah Palin.

But maybe we should ask the palabric onanist, Gay-Vid Dreibar?

Hey, Gay-Vid:  What would a tinfoil Marxist do?


Chumps can't hang with the Trenchcoated Titmouse.

To prove I'm a weighty commenter who types out gravitas-laden missives, I am going to list all the Cool Hip Artists and Powerfully Prodigious Pundits I admire.  This will HOLYFUCK! prove that I'm much more popular than you, you, you, you, you, you, and you over there too.

Because, Yahweh knows, it's all about popularity, since I never got past the social and individual identity hangups I developed in 10th grade.


By listing everything I don't like culturally, and blaming it all on crackers, christers, rednecks, conservatives, reactionaries, misogynists, homophobes, racists and Evil Rethuglicans Who Are Corporate, I can escape all personal fault.

By "jokingly" referring to my complicity, I can make it appear that I am aware of my own personal role in most of my hated landscape obstructions and aesthetic insults, and imply that it's "ironic" that I talk about my complicity while ignoring my contributions to the problems that give me agita and GI distress.

By the way -- did you know that I am a helicopter parent who refuses to let his daughter grow up and gain independence?

It's okay.  I pretend that WFMU consults me for playlists and considers me a "friend."  That kind of hipster cred just won't wash out, bro.


** Yes indeed, the one and only Crackie Blowjob, global dictator and mandate-issuer who requires your compliance with his Glossy Karl's Valhalla fantasies.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

oh. see? 'ell.

GeeGee, you're doing a bangup job as The Tarz.  Got most everyone fooled.

Shit, you might even get to fuck Jack Back Rack.  Maybe the HOLYFUCK! boys can film it and make a kickstarter project of releasing the amaporn?


UPDATE Thursday November 21!

I've been informed, through a comment that didn't meet my literacy/humor standards for publication, that the BlogTrust© is funneled through this guy, who forgot to turn off his MacAirPowerBookStylemasterFashionista's default-on webcam:

EWWWWW!  Heteros having sex?  EWWWWW!  Filthy breeders!

It's a shame he wasn't wearing a GoPro at the same time.  You mindless snark vectors might have been able to see what Cleverboy® was looking at.  But since we're clued into and tracking his browsing habits, we already know.  He clicked a link that promised "hot twinks" and what came up was a POV video shot by a guy getting cowgirl from a scorcher who was eating a Hostess Twinkie while riding, and smearing the Twinkie filling all over her nipples.

In case the image doesn't sufficiently explain Cleverboy®'s response:


How do male feminist bloggers and male feminist public intellectuals spell relief?

We wanted to know, so we ventured out into the world and asked this of several notable XY-diploid feminists who are ashamed to have to urinate through a rape weapon.

Our first stop was the heroic, but now relatively silent blogger who has done and seen it all.  From a pseudo-challenged childhood to a college scholarship to managing trillion-dollar funds to being a rock god worshiped by Jimi Hendrix's ghost to blogging with smug self-satisfaction about how the Koch Bros are responsible for The Progressive Message not getting the support and accolades it well deserves, this cat has truly been everyone and done everything.

He is tough enough to have been approached by the Bandidos, Mongols and Hells Angels when his head-kicking exploits were spread throughout the land, but male feminist enough to have rejected those enticements on the basis of the 1%ers not allowing women in positions of power.

He is accomplished as a mimic, as a parrot, and as a mime -- and as his many written products will have shown, he is quite expert at plagiarism (known in the 21st C as "cut-and-paste" e-journalism) and managing a haughty air of professorial expertise while possessing no real substantive knowledge.  His exploits have provided source ideas for David Mamet's various scripts and screenplays.

He is the one and only Jack Crow.

We asked our good friend (read: e-friend, as shown by The Kind, which is demonstrated by blogroll reciprocity in the Universe of Male Feminist Blogging) to explain to us just exactly how he spells relief.  We were expecting to hear him admit to decades of alcoholism, years of cyclothymic binging on meth and crack cocaine, and an unrelenting urge to practice what are collectively known as confidence tricks.  These are the steam-venting behaviors already known to his global fanbase, who understandably tolerate such addictive patterns because in their hero-worshiping, fan-supplicating perspective, addictions prove a sensitivity well beyond the average human capacity.

But instead of the litany of self-destruction, we heard him offer this simple statement:
I take confidence and solace in reading and listening to the various rhetorical and intellectual products of Hugo Schwyzer.


Being the knuckle-dragging simpletons we are, the reference to Hugo Schwyzer made us draw a blank.  So we did a bit of digging, and came away very impressed.

Only a truly elevated mind would be able to grasp the workmanlike output of Schwyzer during his peak years.   This probably explains why the reference to Schwyzer had us staring blankfaced and slackjawed into the vague haze of human ignorance.


At the apex of his powers, Schwyzer -- actually, we should call him "Professor Schwyzer," given his esteem among academics and respect shown by fellow faculty members and past students -- was the foremost proponent of feminist male thought and theory in North America. 

He was an internet colossus, calmly striding the landscape of misogyny, righting the wrongs of patriarchal privilege, and exposing every single man's (save his own) tendency to rape, belittle, bludgeon, harass and oppress females.  He calmly and authoritatively lectured any gainsayer on the latent (but just barely) rape fantasies held tenuously in abeyance.  He delivered scathing snark toward those men who dared to question the ethics and morality of abortion-on-demand.

He was an incredible hero, with a well-justified swagger and a richly earned aura of bravado.

He was, in short, the man every misandry-ridden woman wishes all men would become.

Naturally, you want to know why I am using the past tense here.  For you know with great confidence that Hugo Schwyzer is not dead.  He yet lives.  And as our honoree would remind us, he was quite inspirational when at his peak.


Early on, it was obvious to a narrow sector of humanity* that Schwyzer, and the many men who worshiped and/or emulated him, were con artists who were simply trying to get laid.  Their schtick was to listen to women's complaints about male behavior, and then pretend to be stridently against such behavior, even going so far as to browbeat and berate and, in Schwyzer's case, academically lecture other men on the terrifying patriarchy and its pattern of rape, violence and abuse.** 

However, to its expanding fan base and clique of adherents, this new field of Men Hating Men for Their Maleness was proof that society truly is progressing, and that we're in a new era of enlightenment.

(Excepting, of course, those thuggish reactionaries in the Pee Tarty, who remind us evermore that Male Privilege is a constant social embarrassment.)


Unfortunately, Professor Schwyzer was having a hard time keeping his Rape Tool contained within his under- and outer-garments.

And even worse, he dared to offer, and occasionally even USE, this Rape Tool to engage in the patriarchally oppressive act known as heterosexual intercourse.***

When the many fans, followers and worshipers of Professor Schwyzer learned that he'd actually engaged in heterosexual intercourse, the jig was up.  The fiddler wasn't playing a reel any more.  The tune switched to a solemn, mournful dirge.

You can read about the collapse of the good Professor's multi-story lecture dais and the tarnishing of his halo here.  


Now that we've learned the ...cough cough... backstory that sets the stage for our honoree's quoted means of finding relief, we should return to that topic.

Naturally this guy would be our man Crow's source of solace.

Keep knockin' 'em outta the park, Jackie!


* Those knuckledragging "skeptics," like Yrs Trly, who never were swayed by the Male Feminist con job.

** Lest we forget, a lesser beacon of truthiness on this topic was the serious thinker who calls himself PZ Myers.

*** Ass-fucking another man would have been okay, however.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013


(as Doug Tracht would have it, anyway)

The amusement available to anyone seeking copycat dipshits who can't do satire to save their own pencil-thin necks?


Why, just this morning I found a veritable handful of humerous [sic] new HOLYFUCK! entries at Pop Me* Before I Grope Again, and at its newest cousin underwritten by the same failed humorist(s) who thinks him(them)self(ves) possessed of insightful genius, The Prance/Id Moneyfap.

They sure have me fooled!  Why, I nearly thought they were totally distinct entities with entirely different views.  And not once HOLYFUCK! did I ever consider they are Hensonian Muppets with the same Jim-hand up their respective arseholes.

Did you know that if you think your precious graduate humanities degree(s) makes you superior, you can create numerous blogs where you piss away your day snarking and condescending while lacking any real indicia of enlightenment, superior insight, or any other talisman of holding an elevated position from which you look down on any part of humanity?

Indeed we are/I am pleased with ourselves/myself.

No longer pleased with itself for laughing at the centrism of the National Party Dedicated to Worshiping Equus africanus asinus, the collective brainiac-approved polymorphic entity authoring the ganging-up-while-pretending-at-unrelation clique of Student Council representatives and executives Blog Trust© has begun trolling a very narrow audience of one, and congratulating itself mightily for it.

As they say in church halls and community centers everywhere,


We here at the center of the bullseye at which the Blog Trust© has aimed its rusty iron stand-up sighting array

Check out the knurling on this puppy! 

are prepared to offer our sincerest congratulations for the Trust's ability to conjure new nameplates for the various pretend-commenters found in the comment sections at each entity held by the Blog Trust

Nice work, fella.

Talk about a bored person who is little more than a pimple on the internet's tuchus.  Sheesh.

Triumph of fancy diplomas going underused, leading to acting out** -- as they call it in the hallowed and vaunted public school system.

You win! 

* ...in the grille.
** Or, as the mighty endless library forcing the redundancy of human librarians would have it,
Acting out is a psychological term from the parlance of defense mechanisms and self-control, meaning to perform an action in contrast to bearing and managing the impulse to perform it. The acting done is usually anti-social and may take the form of acting on the impulses of an addiction (e.g. drinking, drug taking or shoplifting) or in a means designed (often unconsciously or semi-consciously) to garner attention (e.g. throwing a tantrum or behaving promiscuously).

In general usage, the action performed is destructive to self or others and may inhibit the development of more constructive responses to the feelings in question. The term is used in this way in sexual addiction treatment, psychotherapy, criminology and parenting.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I'm hip, and you're a drip!

If you pride yourself on surfing the latest sociopolitical trends, uber-hipster, than I want you to get fully invested in the Elizabeth Warren for President 2016! fad.


She's certainly an excellent counter for those pwoggy-woggy-doo-dahs who have come to disregard or even spite the matriarch of the Rodham-Clinton Dynasty.

Hillary sold out to Corporate!

Elizabeth makes Wall Street pee its collective pants crotch!


I keep seeing these ideas about Warren for POTUS 2016 joined, like Chang & Eng Bunker, at the rhetorical hip with the idea that Warren is so completely different from everyone else who ever would run, or has run, for big federal office since, like, you know, forever!

I'd wager a lifetime supply of Copper's Delight that nobody who says or thinks this idea of she's the 99% not the 1% has spent any time investigating what Betty actually has done in her Junior League-approved life.  Betty's schtick involves lukewarm "attack" statements where she half-seriously, and with perfect diction, weighs in against "excess corporate profits" or "profits before people" or "corporate money having too much influence in our society."

Nobody ever lists anything Betty has done.  They cite her words.  And they repeat what Pamela Pwogwell of the esteemed Pwogs-Awe-Us social media powerhouse has told them:  Warren is Wall Street's Enemy No. 1.  She will fix what Corporate has messed up.  She is a can-do woman who will take Wall Street by its bullish horns and turn it into a hibernating bear.  Why, just listen to her sound-bites!

She's a great speechifier for tense, judgmental yup-pwogs who --despite their frequent self-congratulation for tolerance, diversity-boosting and equal rights advancement-- actually have a very narrow, dictatorial view of the world.  The view is a familiar one to me, as I hear it all the time from people in my town who mistakenly believe I share their politics, and who say things expecting my nods of approval or my revivalist response to their brimstone call.

"Obama's trying to break the stranglehold that Corporate has on America, but the obstructionist Republicans won't allow it."

"Obamacare is really better for everyone, and the only reason people are skeptical about it is because they've been negatively influenced by lies told by Tea Party nutjobs."

"One of the best things Obama did after assuming office in Jan 09 was to install a cabinet and advisory team who were not the old-boy corporate hogs of the federal cash feedlot.  But Fox News keeps portraying Obama as something he's not, so the truth really hasn't been heard yet."

This shit is so old it can be carbon-dated.


I understand, good progressive, that you long for a real heroine.  You want someone who will bring the axe down on the steroidally enhanced neck of Corporate Rethug Power.  Preferably, you want this someone to look safe and neutral while doing that.  Your image touchstone is someone who resembles a 50 year old spinster librarian eager to "shush!" those uncouth savages who might laugh aloud at a book they're reading.  Or who reminds you that this public library shouldn't permit smelly, unshaved, raggedy-clothed undesirables to browse and read in the collection stacks, because you'd rather not have to worry about whether Special Snowflake Susie and Powerfully Prodigious Patrick should fear that undesirable type, or worse, ask you to explain why he wears such raggedy clothes in your Upscale Outdoor Lifestyle town where even the pre-schoolers are wearing Full Patagucci.

Naturally you'd cotton onto Betty.  She has that calm, reassuring appearance of an upper middle class woman whose Soccer Mom SUV has "I support Public Radio" and "PBS" stickers along with the essential "Wag More Bark Less" command decal, and who calmly breaks out the iPhone as she's pulling out of the Public Library lot, to tell** the au pair to slice up some kiwi and mango for Susie and Patrick, you're on your way home now.

Betty would chastise people like me for being against the $15k - 20k bill handed me by the City for public sidewalk construction on my lot, which public sidewalk I must maintain for the safe passage of special snowflakes and powerful prodigies who walk by my house to taunt my dog and throw rocks and pinecones at her.  Betty would tell me that my dog is "scary" and thus snowflake and prodigy are well within their rights to behave cruelly toward my dog.  Teaching snowflake and prodigy to respect animals, and learn their habits?  No sir.  The only good dog is whatever Betty approves.  Like a bichon frise.  Or a chihuahua.  Or a toy doberman.  Whatever prodigy and snowflake can bully easily by their size difference, making the poor mutt cower and supplicate -- that's what Betty would approve.  For me.  And tell me about it, in a polite lecturing tone delivered with the mildest scowl of disapproval.


People who support Betty are gentrifiers.  They are concerned largely with image.

If a real firebrand active attacker of power disparity were to arrive on the Donkey dance floor, the pwogosphere would shit a 2-ton brick that's hardened to a diamond's durometer thanks to the anal-retentive hyper-tension of the collective pwogosphere's bowel complex.

Good job, pwogs.  Way to boost that pwogwessive portrait.  It's a still life here in America, not some radical cubist imagining or vibrant broadway boogie-woogie.

It's a Mark Rothko color panel.

Such powerful imagery.


** Not ask.  Tell.

Monday, November 11, 2013

in her view

Progressive punditry titan(ess?) interviews aimless vector of sarcasm.

Drooling maroons and preening poltroons, I bring you Amber Milgram interviewing Harold Caidagh.  Let's hope you don't enjoy any of it.

Amber sure didn't.  She didn't even find it worth running at Progressive Reports Now.  Which says a lot, given the ubiquity of the progressive mindset circa 2013.


Amber Milgram

Harold Caidagh


Amber Milgram (AM):  Tonight we bring you a relatively new entity in the world of blogging.  He's not young, but he's not collecting Social Security yet either.  He's marginally well educated, highly opinionated, and not at all celebrated. 
Please don't throw any tomatoes yet, there'll be plenty of opportunity later.  I give you Harold Caidagh.

Harold Caidagh (HC):  That's me.

AM:  Let's start at the beginning, shall we?  Tell us about your childhood.

HC:  I'd rather hear about yours.  I imagine it was all about coloring perfectly, sharp margins, pastel shades.  Threat of corporal punishment for border transgressions.

AM:  We're here to hear about you, Mr Caidagh.

HC:  Maybe you should remove that Bluetooth dangle-dongle from your left ear, then.  Does left ear Bluetooth mean you lean left politically, or something?

AM:  Mr Caidagh, where did you go to school?

HC:  Which grades?  What subjects?

AM:  Elementary.  K through 6.

HC:  Some elementary school in a place that had cinder block construction.

AM:  Were the floors concrete?

HC:  I couldn't tell you.  I didn't build it.

AM:  Were they painted?  Covered in tile?

HC:  I just told you, I didn't build it.  I don't know.

AM:  What kind of architecture did the school have?

HC:  Hell if I know.

AM:  Were you a good student?

HC:  I can't remember.

AM:  Did you have a favorite subject?

HC:  Recess.  And P.E.

AM:  So you weren't a scholar?

HC:  What's a scholar?

AM:  Did you enjoy the academic subjects?

HC:  Most of the time they moved too slowly for me.

AM:  Are you trying to say you were smarter than your teachers?

HC:  Hell if I know.

AM:  That's how it sounds.  You do sound a bit arrogant.

HC:  Here, let me hold up a mirror.

AM:  I'm sorry, what does that mean?

HC:  It'll come to you eventually.

AM:  Let's move on to high school.  Seven through twelve.

HC:  I guess that's how it went when you were in school.  I had junior high.  Then high school.  But it was just about like K through 6 for me.  Same answers.

AM:  Cinder blocks and slow classes?

HC:  Sure.

AM:  Did you attend college?

HC:  I suppose.

AM:  You suppose what?

HC:  That I attended.  I really can't remember.

AM:  What did you do after high school graduation?

HC:  Removed the cap and gown.  Drove home.

AM:  And...?

HC:  Probably listened to The Cars.  Candy-O.  I need you.  Sun dress.  Ruby ring.

AM:  I don't like your suggestions.  You should not be vocalizing fantasies about me.  I'm an accomplished journalism professional who is here to conduct a professional interview.

HC:  It's the lyrics.  I guess you don't know them.

AM:  I'm more interested in Bruce Springsteen.  He speaks for a segment of America that has been ignored by the Evil Rethuglicans.

HC:  The what?

AM:  I'm sorry.  The Republican Party.  What is your political affiliation?

HC:  What do you mean?

AM:  Are you a Republican?  That would be my guess.  I reviewed a few of your blog entries and to be quite honest, I'm a bit terrified at the present time, sitting in the same room with you.  I'd rather have a policeman here.  Preferably a SWAT team member.  Or perhaps an Army Ranger.

HC:  What?

AM:  Your blog is terrifying.  It's violent, it's misogynist, it's homophobic, it's just frightening to me.

HC:  I'm not following you.  What blog are you referring to here?  Maybe you have me confused with someone else.

AM:  I've got it open on my laptop right here.  The name of the blog appears to be "universal non-stick formula."

HC:  Okay.  Yep, that's mine.  What's up with those ideas about being scared, and the critical things you said about me?

AM:  You have to admit, Mr Caidagh, that your blog is very reactionary.  I am inclined to think that even the Republican Party of 2013 is not angry and hateful enough for you.

HC:  Angry about what?  Hateful about what?  I don't pay attention to the Republicans.  You'll have to tell me what they're about if you want me to compare myself to them.

AM:  Let's switch gears here.  Where do you get the ideas for things you write about at your blog?

HC:  The big bad world.  Humans like to do big bad things.

AM:  I'm afraid I have to disagree.  I find humans to be the greatest source of good on the planet.  Well, except for Republicans, that is.

HC:  What?

AM:  I'm quite serious, Mr Caidagh.  I'm rather optimistic about what the Democrats can and will do between now and whenever I draw my last breath.  I believe the Democrats can fix our current problems.  As long as we don't have to deal with too much Republican obstructionism, that is.

HC:  I guess I'll have to ask you what part of history you're talking about when you say good things about Democrats and bad things about Republicans.

AM:  Well, since I've been old enough to vote.

HC:  And that would be counting back to when, exactly?

AM:  Mr Caidagh, that's very rude of you to ask me to divulge a year which would enable people to calculate my age.

HC:  Why not refer to a number of decades, then?

AM:  I think it would be safe to say that since the start of the 20th Century, all human progress in America has been engineered by the Democrats.

HC:  And you define human progress as?

AM:  That which moves humanity forward.

HC:  Excellent.  A generic statement nobody can quarrel with, lacking all detail, because details might trip you up.  I bet you had a fancy education.

AM:  The finest.  But we're here to discuss you, your education, your formative years, and the origins of and explanations for your views.

HC:  My views?  I see a lot of things.  I bet I see things as you do, and as many others do too.

AM:  That's not how your blog reads.

HC:  So you are reading my mind when you read my blog?  How does that work?  Is it like a gift you have, or something?

AM:  I am quite gifted, yes.  I'm one of the best cold readers you'll ever meet.  It's why I'm so good at interviews.  I see right through facades.

HC:  Here's that mirror again.  Tell me what you see.

AM:  I am here to interview you, Mr Caidagh.  My history is described at my publication's website.  Let's not get distracted by this un-subtle diversion you're employing.

HC:  If you say so.

AM:  I do.

HC:  Well then.

AM:  Shall we continue?

HC:  Please move forward.

AM:  Your blog shows a very homophobic person.  I'm sure you're well aware that modern psychological research and neurobiology have proved that homophobia is practiced by closeted homosexuals.

HC:  Really?  So you were trained in science?

AM:  Thanks to the diverse portfolio of benefactors for my publication, I have taken advantage of numerous continuing education opportunities in the sciences.

HC:  Describe one of them for me.

AM:  We're here to talk about you, Mr Caidagh.

HC:  It's Harold.  Or Hal, if you feel familiar.

AM:  I don't, Mr Caidagh.  I don't, and I don't wish to.  But thank you for your considerations.

HC:  It's nothing.

AM:  I believe that's the first honest answer you've given.  Thank you.

HC:  I'm sure I didn't mean to, but okay.

AM:  So how long have you been in the closet?  Since puberty?  Before that?

HC:  You're suggesting I'm a mop, or a broom?

AM:  Your bald pate disproves the mop, but perhaps you do perform witchery in your spare time.  I would not be surprised.

HC:  Look, everybody!  She has a sense of humor!

AM:  That was not a joke.

HC:  I'm sure you see it that way.  And who am I to argue with one of the world's best cold readers?

AM:  This avoidance is typical of those who are closeted.  Remember Larry Craig?

HC:  Can't say I do.  Who is he?  Or was he?

AM:  Just another pathetic, lying Evil Rethuglican.  We caught him, and exposed him, and embarrassed him.  We made him face up to his true nature.  We're quite good at that, actually.

HC:  Who is "we"?

AM:  The Democrats.  We are the noblest political entity in America's history and --I think I can say this candidly-- the most benevolent political entity on the planet.

HC:  That's not arrogant at all.  Nice work.

AM:  It's not polite to gloat.

HC:  What is the penalty for rudeness, in your world?

AM:  Generally we like to offer polite... now wait just a minute, Mr Caidagh.  I must remind you that we are here to discuss your views.

HC:  We're not doing that?

AM:  I'm still waiting for you to be forthcoming.

HC:  What's the structure here?  If I'm thirsty, can I take a break to get a glass of water?

AM:  I'll have someone bring you a bottle of Artisanal Hydrator (TM).

HC:  I can get my own, thanks.  You trust those water bottlers to give you something good?

AM:  We've vetted Artisanal Hydrator.  They do not fund any Evil Rethuglican candidates.  No connections to the Koch Bros.

HC:  Who are the Koch Bros?

AM:  Your ignorance astounds me.  You don't know about the biggest financial orchestrators of Evil Rethuglican obstructionism and reactionary politicking?

HC:  Can't say I do.  You're telling me that some brothers are behind all the problems you face today, in your view?

AM:  Absolutely.  Diligent investigative journalists have exposed the Koch Bros as being the masterminds of all political efforts to undermine, sabotage and derail the noble work of the Democrats.

HC:  Who was the journalist that uncovered this dastardly scheme?

AM:  Quite a few of them, actually.  A great team of racially and sexually diverse people.

HC:  A rainbow coalition?

AM:  I would call them that, if it were not trademarked already.

HC:  You know, I thought the Cook Brothers were makers of mountain bike parts in the 1990s.  I'm amazed at what they've been able to do in the 15 or 20 years that have passed since then.  So now they control all politics in America?  Pretty impressive.  What do your team of journalists say is the key to their rise to power?

AM:  Hatred.  Pure, unalloyed hatred.  Hatred of everyone and everything that isn't exactly as they wish.

HC:  What do you think is the source of this hatred?

AM:  Intolerance.  And a reactionary view.  They just can't accept that America has moved past the 18th Century.  I think it's absurd that they want to turn the clock back some 250 years.  Apparently they want everyone to die from simple bacterial infections.  They would rather people travel on foot, or horseback.  And they can't stand to see anyone being comfortable with modern conveniences and scientific advancements.  They're flat-earthers.  I'm sure they think we could sail right off the edge of our flat world.

HC:  You seem to have a lot of hatred yourself.  Your face got red and pinched when you talked about these Cook Brothers.  My memory is that they were trying to improve MTB technology.  You angrily say they are luddites.  But you used a lot more words to convey that message.

AM:  I think we're talking about different Koch Bros.

HC:  If you say so.

AM:  The Koch Bros tried to stop gay marriage.

HC:  Really?  You mean they went into a civil wedding ceremony and disrupted it?

AM:  No.  Nothing as innocent as that.  They are trying to prevent everyone from allowing gay marriage.

HC:  How?

AM:  Public opinion engineering.

HC:  How is that done?

AM:  Hateful statements about homosexuals being corrupt individuals.  They call them deviants.  Or worse.

HC:  Now that's interesting.  I have seen a lot of human corruption in my lifetime.  I haven't really seen it confined to certain segments of humanity.  Whatever the skin color, or belief, or sexual behavior a person may have, that doesn't seem to bear on corruption.  Corruption crosses all kinds of boundaries.  It's pretty egalitarian, corruption.  Maybe even universal.

AM:  I must hasten to disagree.

HC:  Please do that, then.  Don't tell me you're going to do it.  Go on and do it.

AM:  Thorough and honest investigation has shown that corruption is limited to Evil Rethuglicans, reactionaries, homophobes, misogynists, bigots, racists, and libertarians.  Especially libertarians.  They are the worst, of course.  All that Ayn Rand reference certainly is nauseating.  I'm growing ill just thinking about it for these few seconds.

HC:  Forgot your Ativan, did you?

AM:  Modern pharmacology is one of the things the Koch Bros would deny us.

HC:  These Cook Brothers are a kind of obsession for you, aren't they?

AM:  I would not be surprised to learn that you are on their payroll.

HC:  I would.  You say they are influential and rich.  If I were on their payroll, do you think I'd be living hand-to-mouth?

AM:  Oh I'm sure you have a secret account somewhere and receive transfers of Koch Bros money in that well-hidden account.  That would surely explain the homophobic, misogynist content of your blog.  Quite handily, in fact.

HC:  Judge, jury, executioner!

AM:  That's not funny.

HC:  Facts be damned!

AM:  I am distinctly unamused.

HC:  Well I'd suggest you eat an Ativan but you've obviously forgotten them.  Look at your face!  You look like you're choking on something.

AM:  You are an incredible misogynist.

HC:  What, because I'm observing what's happening?  That's misogyny?  You have an interesting dictionary.

AM:  I'd like to suggest that your blog is sponsored by the Koch Bros and various interests who are trying to protect the NSA.

HC:  Wait a minute.  Don't you support the President?

AM:  Of course I do.  I am an integral part of the Democratic Party.

HC:  And doesn't the NSA serve the President's interests?

AM:  Your naivete is amusing.  The NSA is an old-boy network, patriarchal and bigoted.  They hate the President.  They tried to have him defeated in 2008 and 2012, but thankfully, the progressive view is stronger than the NSA's antiquated reactionary perspective.

(end Part I)

Saturday, November 9, 2013

bwaaaah hah hah hah hah

Frilly-bloused copycat with a bleeding anus sez:

Yeah, well, I don’t recall Glenn ever being a big attacker of corporate power

blah blah blah blah continues the stupidass sockpuppet NegPup vector.

Can you dig it, brutha?

Pseudo-Critic is pretending like he's really been rough on Keencall, and has really been tearing apart Keencall's empty "journalism".

P-C would have us believe that P-C always has worked from this perspective -- specifically, adverse to Keencall's interests.

But in truth, P-C hasn't.

He's still not running any lines of rhetoric against Keencall.  What he's doing when he appears to negate Keencall is just some catty pooftah snark being tossed.  Not chewy snark that bites, stings, and emasculates.  But foofy, frilly-blouse snark.  Gay inner circle snark.  Faggot flounce snark.  "Oh honey, this is just a Christopher Street Celebrity Roast, sweetie."

This is not really surprising to me, as I've seen Pseudo-Critic being a rent-boy for Keencall consistently, going well beyond the services required for the rental fee paid, for the past 5 years.

P-C blamed all of Keencall's dilatory revelation (of the Snowball Treasure Trove) on Warding-Off UK's editors who "controlled" Keencall's "story."

In doing this, P-C was suggesting that Keencall is a decent, honest, sincere journalist who truly is aiming at delivering true breaking revelations, but sadly, his editors would not allow that to happen.

And that's just on the Snowball-Keencall-O'Boisterous buncombe.

Prior to that, P-C ran around the internet following me wherever I commented on Keencall's bullshit, with P-C "attacking" me using more spurned, wish-you-would-be-my-boyfriend-you-handsome-breeder cattiness, like "seems like you're obsessed bro" or "you're just jealous bro" or "you lust after Glenn" or "get out of the closet already bro".

Someone who does that is protecting Keencall.  And P-C has a 5 years history of that protection.

Who else has run around the internet for the past 5 years protecting Keencall with accusations of jealousy, homophobia, obsession?

Oh, shit.  Almost forgot.

It's been Keencall himself doing that.  And he's been caught doing it, along with deleting undesired comments from his Un-brained Fairy-story blog and his subsequent fashion magazine "journalism" job websites.  Several of his handles were exposed.  So it's only natural that now he'd continue the pattern, but try to hide it with a new "creative" method of Protecting the Keencall Income Stream.

Even now that P-C has shifted his perspective to try to sell the angle of "I'm here to show you how smart I am, by taking weak swipes at Keencall on the Snowball-O'Boisterous-WardingOffUK gambol," he still barely ever scratches Keencall's skin.

The quote I began with is about as direct and eviscerating as P-C ever gets.  And as you can see, it's just catty snark.  P-C may as well be making a snide remark about Keencall's hairstyle, or his choice of shoes.


When did P-C begin shifting his series perspective?

After Laurence Lange chastised him.

He went from telling Lange that Lange was just "jealous" and "obsessed", to copying Lange's suggested perspective on Keencall, and adopting that perspective as his (P-C's) own.  Once P-C had deleted all of the Lange comments which embarrassed P-C by exposing how and where P-C was wrong in his assumptions about & arguments protecting Keencall, P-C began writing with Lange's perspective as his own.

P-C did not see Keencall's bullshit.

P-C still does not believe that Keencall is, and always has been, offering bullshit instead of truth or useful facts that haven't been widely disseminated previously.

Why is P-C not attacking the core of Keencall's Famous Investigative Journalist e-Persona?

I've already told you.

P-C is Keencall.

P-C is working a NegPup angle to keep Keencall a hot topic of discussion, so that Keencall can seem relevant to the dipshit "progressive" infotainment consumer base who will be buying subscriptions with Frottage-Bois's new entity.

Examine their work.  Look at how they snark when questioned.  Look at how they deflect with snark on non-issues.  Look at how they delete posts which really expose their emptiness and fraudulence.

Anyone can have numerous online identities as well as numerous Twitter accounts.  Someone who isn't working (like Keencall) can spend huge blocks of time each day surfing the WebToobz, looking for indicia of his fame or infamy, and desperately savaging the infamous talkers with sock puppet snark.

The P-C vector is just a new modification of the Rick Ellensberg, Carl Ellers, Ellis, Wilson, etc. sock puppetry for which Keencall was embarrassed publicly in 2009-2010.  It's assuming the public embarrassment is in people's heads, so it's doing the Mossad-esque angle of reversing it, owning it, and using it against those who originally gained from the exposure.

It's got the kind of shrewdness that only a pathological narcissist can construct and implement.

But I've known since 2005 that Keencall is a pathological narcissist.  I learned it by having exchanges with him at Un-brained Fairy-story.  As with P-C deleting Lange, Keencall deleted comments which showed his naivete about various things (Democrat complicity in the post-9/11/2001 era, CIA helming of Chavez assassination attempts, functional power equivalence between Ds and Rs).

They're the same person.

Don't be fooled into thinking P-C is some wise hero.  He's no more wise, and no more a hero, than Fake Eddie Snowball.

Friday, November 8, 2013

the problem with you, and you, and you

...and every other one of you. 


You see the pinnacle role for you in this life, at this moment and every other, as boosting.  Praising.  Doing PR for it.

You boost yourself.  You boost whomever you worship or admire.  You feel it's your personal obligation to "progress" whatever interests you.  If you're an athlete, you want to play a role in "growing the sport."  Or "progressing" it.

Your world revolves around this.  You tweet.  You facebook.  You blog.  And in those acts, you're mostly praising something or someone else, hopefully in an angle toward some kind of eventual commercial advantage, monetary percentage, value stakeholding, or derivative interest.

You want to see others reflect your choices.  You're not sure of those choices.  You don't know, for example, whether you really like M.Ward or Fleet Foxes.  You listened to them and weren't really moved this way or that. 

So you check your friends.  Do enough of them like M.Ward?  Then maybe you really do like M.Ward yourself.  Did some celebrity tweet about M.Ward?  Well.  Now we're getting somewhere.  Affiliation with that celebrity, via joint M.Ward admiration, is sure to grow your self-confidence.

What are your political views?  Well, that depends on what's trending right now.  When you were in your early 20s, you fancied yourself an environmentalist and bought yourself a pair of hiking boots that you used once.  When you tried to wear them again 5 years later you found your feet had fattened and lengthened.  As had your whole body.  Fattened, I mean. 

Maybe it's because those boots only got used once, and only to go shopping at REI.  For a Gore-Tex parka that you wore a few times more than the boots.  Mostly, for return trips to REI.  Or for that one time when a friend invited you to a benefit for the Sierra Club.  It was 65 out, but you persuaded yourself it might rain.  So on went the Gore-Tex.  It's outdoorsy.  You'll fit in better at a Sierra Club gathering.

As you realized you weren't really an environmentalist apart from liking the way that image felt as you basked in it, you started aiming toward a new invigoration.  What were the admired "intellectuals" talking about?  Go to the library.  Do they have Mother Jones?  Or The Nation?  What is Katha Pollitt griping about? 

Aaaaah.  Feminism.

Here's a good one. 

You're not a woman yourself.  But if you can "stand in solidarity with" women, you might get laid after the next Progressive Democratic Singles meetup.  It's the 90s.  Women want a sensitive man.  You don't know much about feminism, but you know that rape is bad.  You know that those dirt-eating rednecks are famous for domestic violence, and you know you hate those rednecks because a lot of 'em vote Republican.  Look at this:  you're building an entire persona out of this triangulated, extrapolated perspective.  You're a hero, standing up for women!  You hate those misogynist rednecks! 

The new invigoration is truly invigorating.  You start looking for opportunities to accuse other guys of misogyny.  Or sexism.  One of your friends remarks on a woman's ass as she passes the two of you, and instead of admiring the woman's ass yourself, you begin to feel shame.  Shame at your own sexual attraction toward the woman.  "I should NOT be feeling this.  It's sexist.  It's misogynistic."  You begin browbeating your friend about the hateful rape fantasies he's hanging onto in his brain's box o' fantasies.  "Dude, you need to stop looking at porn.  It's turned you into someone who objectifies women."

Your friend looks back at you, as if you're a total stranger who just threatened him with violence.

"What the fuck are you talking about, dude.  A few months back you told me about the great ass on some girl you had a one night stand with.  You went into great detail.  That's okay for you but not for me?  Who is it okay for?  Anyone?"

You have about 2 seconds of empathy and understanding, and then your conscious drive to feel radical, intellectual and special kicks back in. 

"Man, I just can't believe what a misogynist you've become.  I bet you have raped several women."  Your voice is now ramping up because you saw an attractive woman within earshot.  "Women are not just sex objects put here for you to jump on when you feel horny.  Sheesh."

You notice the dark-haired woman look over at you.  So you continue.

"You know, I think you really need to consider just how sexist you are, and how much you objectify women.  They're human beings too.  They deserve your respect."

These generic statements seem to be working.  The brunette just said something to her friend and has turned toward you, and is closing the gap between you.  Suddenly she's right there, almost in your face.  You assume she's going to admire you, or chastise your friend.

You're wrong.

"You're a wanker.  You're being so loud and obnoxious with your fake-feminist bullshit.  I saw you ogling me while pretending to be Mr Sympathetic.  You were looking at my tits as you called your friend out for 'objectifying women.'  What are you, some kind of weasely 'male feminist' who uses that schtick to try to get laid?  You're pathetic."

And with that she turns and walks back to her friend.

You turn to your friend and say, "bitch is probably a Republican anyway."