Saturday, August 18, 2012

a space empty of matter

A comedy in one act.


G. Rowan Payne - 76 years old, male, Upper West Side resident, reads Torah nightly, hates Palestinians, despises Islam. Changed name to something more WASPy before leaving for college. Born as Gurwitz Rudelman Piro in Tel Aviv to loan shark Shmuel Piro and his prostitute mistress Gesh Rudelman.

Foux M. Anschuh - 31 years old, hermaphrodite, Internet resident, applies anti-aging cosmetics nightly, hates complete sentences, despises conversations or correspondence that don't include him/her/it. Changed name and identity in order to attempt to "out" misogynists and homophobes. Born with silver foot in mouth.

Tal Cobbler - 58 years old, male, lives in the NYPD stables in Central Park, visits bath houses nightly, hates heterosexuals, despises heterosexual women for fucking the straight men Tal wishes would screw him. Changed political parties after a random Log Cabin Republican shoved a firecracker up his arse at Bohemian Grove. Born wearing white gloves.

Harald Purnow - 37 years old, male, lives in a hipster neo-commune* in mid-town Manhattan, watches LOST reruns nightly, hates people who smell like they might not be Leftists, despises anyone he fears is smarter than himself. Changed his underwear after seeing a triple-ecks marital aid video in which a guy with a Karl Marx mask was being shtupped by a strap-on equipped woman in a Sarah Palin mask. Born envious.

Ted FitzHume - 66 years old, male, lives in The Land of Poutine, gives self pep talks in the mirror nightly, hates people who refuse to see the economics angle of whatever's under discussion, despises people who don't follow the herd instinct. At age 17, changed his childhood hero from Mr Peepers to John Maynard Keynes. Born in wrong century.

Sprytel J. Chimchim - 59 years old, male, lives in an imagined universe where everyone views life (and life's challenges) through the prism of WWBOD?,** takes nightly virtual strolls down memory lane by re-reading a book that nobody else would bother to read -- ever, hates people who refuse to be managed by well-credentialed bureaucrats, despises others who enjoy autonomy. Changed his favorite ice cream from Pralines'n'Cream to TuttiFrutti after a coarse-looking dirt-eater laughed at him while pulling a carton of PnC from the cold case at a grocery in the Catskills. Born to lose.

Dylenne Anson - 24 years old, female, lives in Highland Park,*** daily lunch routine includes reading her favorite book by Anne Enke, hates reactionaries, despises people who use curse words. Changed pubic hairstyle every 3 weeks while in college at Bryn Mawr. Born without a penis, and angry about it.

Wightman Vell-Bheetagh -- 53 years old, male, lives in complete denial,**** hates freedom and self-reliance, despises those who won't submit to authority. Changed label for his political ideology (from "progressive" to "leftist") when his Senegalese housekeeper told him she was a "progressive" who was proud to see America elect its first Black president. Born to delude himself.


A political blog, highbrow in vocabulary, narrow in scope of issues covered. Small readership but devoted comment clique of regulars. Tenor of both blog entries and comments thereafter is formal -- if it were a dinner party, there would be engraved invitations sent to the select few, and the dress code for the dinner would be formal evening wear.*****

We approach the blog on a Monday morning at approximately 10 AM EST.


Recherchez le chaise longue

Of course we'd be remiss if we didn't fondly reminisce about the various purchases we've made this summer in preparation for the pivotal annual event, the arrival of New Blood after Labor Day.

(apologies to those of you unfortunate enough to be paid insufficiently yet still required to pontificate earlier than September)

Our finest acquisition in this glowing, amber-hued Autumn of Summer was, we do believe, the very much sought-after treatise by the tragically un-discovered genius, Mike Davis: Ecology of Fear.

posted by Sprytel J. Chimchim at 9:53 a.m. on Monday, August 20, 2012.


1. While I adore you all, I wonder if you couldn't bother to go back and find a book written by a woman, or at least a trans-gendered man. I find myself being drawn regressively toward the 12th Century if I am forced to read a man's work.

Dylenne Anson

2. Dearest Ms. D. Anson, we simply selected the finest work we reviewed this summer. If you have favorite womyn authors you'd like us to explore, please share with us. We appreciate a community perspective here.


3. I would like to support SJC in his appreciation for a community perspective. We strive for inclusion here. We won't tolerate misogyny.

Tal Cobbler

4. an sun
I'm blue
its true

but mostly
for you
I feel it
but not
as honestly
not identically
to you


5. Whose the fuken rackshinerry hear? Kant we geddim out da hair hear over there? Kepe this upp wur gunna hafta shit or get off thapott. Fuk Ur.

Harald Purnow

6. I should apologize for Mr Purnow. He doesn't know how to work the software and since he has no hands or feet, we have to use a vocalizer-transcriber program and the software has a few bugs. Normally we do not encourage, and never tolerate, the kinds of vulgarity found in his comment. This is a trigger-free space.


7. if it likes..., ,.. .,. perhaps my lithe fingers will play,.,.. over the,,, glance..,. i am flexible and sexually adventurous in my coming of which we speak frequently...,,. he blushes ... or does ,,, she., blush?

Foux M. Anschuh


* a/k/a luxury condominium

** What Would Bertell Ollman Do?

*** in St Paul MN

**** about everything

***** humorous, "ironic" cummerbunds and bowties tolerated if the guest in question is sufficiently high-profile on the Left, and the motif of the "irony" is, for example, a Christian cross or a dollar sign.


Ted FitzHume said...

I read the noted work and found it frighteningly encouraging toward anarchy. It has been demonstrated throughout history that anarchy is tantamount to murderous, rape-filled berserking and wilding among the less desireables, who carry their violent impulses into such places as where I live, work, and dine out.

The impact upon our once-vibrant economy is going to be terrible. People will stop dining out. Food artistry will cease in its progression. An entire informational and news media complex will be without its primary asset -- namely, foodism. And every statistic I've reviewed shows foodism to be a major driver of the American economy in 2012. The only sectors doing better are health care, defense spending, and mass-scale information brokerage. Do we really want to lose or impede one of the top 5 sectors in the economy? I think not.

Wightman Vell-Beetagh said...

I'm rather inclined to side with FitzHume here. The economic analysis simply is lacking from all of Davis's published work, and he consistently gives labor questions short shrift. Where, for example, will I find his analysis of the minimum wage question?

Davis also fails to thoroughly analyze the root cause of our problems: not enough people in college or university, and not enough colleges and universities promoting economic and labor studies. Managed capitalism needs to be encouraged, in order to grow the economy in the regulatory and enforcement sectors wherever American business is thriving. The only way to spread the wealth in the thriving sectors is to let businessmen dictate policy in the legislature, while giving a show of concern with more spending on regulation and enforcement.

As a strategic matter, it is highly crucial to direct that spending toward favored pro-labor interests. This will enable us to to attack two problems with one spending effort.

Perhaps there will be a small pinch in the way of increased income taxation to fund these essential growth sectors, but in this best of all possible worlds, sharing the costs is our burden for living in a technologically advanced society of the 21st Century.

Harald Purnow said...

Fukken corpa rayshuns are 2 blem. Make corpse illegal. Probbem sawved.

Sprytel J. Chimchim said...

Once again I apologize for the mishmash coming from the software used by Mr Purnow.

I would remind Mr Purnow that our pact requires us to gain control over the corporations, first, and then dismantle them. If we don't first gain control over them, we can't dismantle them.

Reforming the economy requires seizing the reins of power over the corporate businesses working in America. Our clearest path to that goal is expanding regulation and enforcement, and making sure that highly credentialed persons of color and of gender neutrality assume control over the corporate regulation and regulatory enforcement.

Eventually we will have fully staffed every regulatory entity and enforcement squad, and at that point we can begin dismantling the reactionary business form presently known as the corporation.

Foux M. Anschuh said...

is no one noticing..,. the soft fluttering,, ..of my,. when we last spoke of,... yes I am very nimble and flexible..,, she told himself

Dylenne Anson said...

You patriarchs (just kidding) are overlooking the positive side of the death of foodism. When foodism dies, so does the patriarchal image of women just being vaginas who cook for their men and nurse the children.

In the post-foodism era, patriarchal reactionary regressives will see women as vaginas who nurse their children, and that's progress. If you're like me, children are off the list, and men's access to my vagina is off the list, so that's complete freedom.


rp said...

an sun
as long
as its
okay by
shulchan aruch
I'll stand
with you and
piss on the
grave of
foodism as a
like a blood
pact it will
be a peepact
pee siblings
to the

Tal Cobbler said...

It's a shame we can't sort out that bug in the Purnow transliterating software. I'm growing concerned about the loss of readership resulting from the tacky use of blue language and other potential triggers for people whose sensitivities deserve our protection.

In the meantime, I'd like to offer a translation of Purnow's most recent comment. Purnow was saying:

Foreign corporations are found in Toob Lam, a tiny island nation where the natives use meritocratic regulatory capitalism to drive their economy. The history of their business model framework arose out of the need to dispose of corpses in a sanitary fashion. Burial was out of the question because the water table was so high and all drinking water would be contaminated. Incineration was not acceptable because pieces of flesh from the recently deceased were and are used in native spiritual rituals, and those rituals are integral to the Toob Lam community's harmonious operation.

As Purnow's closing comment might suggest to those of you well-versed in his language, the problem was resolved by sawing the bodies into small pieces, and setting them out to sea-burial.

While such reactionary customs might at first blush seem reprehensible, nauseating, savage, disturbing, or otherwise untoward in a sophisticated modern technologically advanced and complex society such as ours, they have much to teach us.