Friday, August 24, 2012

less ness, man

Hero for the ages

Puppet on a string

Construction and destruction operations cease this evening.  We imagined characters thank you for hating us, despising us, throwing venomous spite and denigration our way, and generally pre-judging us in ways that have taught much about projection and tribalism.

Charles F. Oxtrot
Karl Franz Ochstradt
Hyman Mittelman Lohmann
We fart in your general direction!

logical ex-position

Using the ...errr... ahhh... ummm... y'know... like... uh, "logic" behind the accusation "homophobe" as used by gays, lesbians and PFLAGs, I've discovered some interesting things.

1)  Progressives who run around hating on Reactionaries actually are not progressive at all, but instead want to move backward in time and cultural reality.

2) Gays and lesbians who hurl "HOMOPHOBE!" at breeders are actually crying for help in making the transition to the terrifying land of fucking the opposite sex.

3) Democrats who use the epithets "Evil Rethuglican" and "Repuke" are acutely aware that they, themselves as Democrats, behave in repugnant ways toward others because of a callous disregard for the other's feelings, handicaps, or other situational details.

4) Feticidal blood-lusters who like to pick at foes of abortion actually are very well aware of their having a CHOICE in whether to create a CHILD at the time they decide to have sex, but would prefer to ignore that reality (choice IS available to prevent creating child) in favor of destroying a CHILD after the time for the choice on procreation.  Everyone wants that god-like level of power over another's life!  Naturally!

what's hot? what snot!

Hey there fellow Progressives!  I have the late-Summer version of IN vs OUT on the cultural landscape.  Dig it!


* Feeling sorry for Israel's status as the most put-upon people in the Middle East.  If everyone was out to get you, too, then you'd have to be dangerously offensive in every encounter.

* Idolizing the badass Israeli military and wetwork squads, and worshiping Israeli torture specialists.  They show us how it's DONE, bro!

* Hating on Iran and its horrific anti-Semitism.  Ahmadinejhad's statements prove Iran wants to nuke Israel to "wipe it off the map."  SAVAGES!

* Pissing on Ayn Rand because she didn't like Big, Powerful, Coddling and Comforting Federal Government.  Only Reactionaries question the size, scope and power of the Federal Government.

* Shitting on Paul Ryan because he admires Atlas Shrugged.  Anyone who likes that book, or any part of that book, deserves to be lobotomized if not killed after extensive torture.

* Stealing dead fetuses from the Friendlyville Postfuck Birth Control Facility and throwing them at Mitt Romney.  Unless we can use the little buggers for stem cell research to help humans live forever, albeit synthetically and artificially.

* Pouring feces/semen milkshakes on customers at Chick-Fil-A, because they deserve it!  We'll FORCE THEM to accept gay marriage by ass-fucking each other right there in the ordering line!  We'll MAKE THEM understand gay rights by giving each other blow jobs while eating chicken in the seating area.  We'll EARN RESPECT by trying to offend them.  That's the only way to get respect from stupid, evil Reactionaries -- offend them!

* Insisting that everyone else is gay or lesbian but they just can't accept it yet, and that's why they're -phobic.  It's true.  Everyone knows it.  Everyone who isn't in the closet, that is.

* Defending the loss of civil rights as prudent homeland security, because Glenn Greenwald's okay with it.  Appearing to criticize the loss of civil rights, while actually offering convoluted excuses for why those losses have occurred, that's what earns him the BIG BUCKS, bro!  You know you want to be him!  He's a hero!

* Canonizing Chris Hedges for his courageous willingness to admit there are poor people in America.  Without Chris Hedges, we comfortable Progressives might never know that in dirt-eating Reactionary America, poor people watch Fox News, like NASCAR, chew oxycontin, and therefore are stupid, pathetic, Republican-voting MORONS who need gentrification and organic food, but never our pity or understanding.


* Reactionaries.  'Nuff said!

* Fox News.  DITTO!

* Christians, Mormons, and any other religion that White People follow.  Aside from Judaism.  Which remains cool and acceptable even if as white-powered, patriarchal, destructive, murderous, rape-apologizing, spiteful, childish and sociopathic in its current practice.  Remember, the Holocaust excuses everything!  Especially Israel's imitation of Goebbels-Himmler-Rohm-Hitler tactics.  Especially that.

* Heterosexuality.  This abomination, which arose among the 6% of humanity that found eating, licking and playing with feces to be nauseating, and who found the glorious asshole repellent but those ugly, repugnant vagina-things somehow bizarrely curiously attractive for inexplicable reasons, has been exaggerated to now occupy at least 75% of humanity.  We know better, don't we.  It's 10% at best.  There's a lot of denial going on right now.  But it's a great opportunity for Deprogramming Systems business.  So, while breeding is cold, making money off conversion could be hot!

* White people.  (Except Progressive ones.)

capital of alaska, Part II

...that if you use a handle that riffs on military slang, people think that's an inside joke they can share with you

...that if you use a handle that sounds Irish, people make nothing of it except to assume you're white

...that if you use a handle that sounds Germanic, people will assume you tend toward Nazism and definitely assume you're white, and reactionary

...that if you use a handle that "sounds Jewish," people will assume you are anti-Semitic

I don't know about you, but as for me?  Well I spend the whole day running around the InterToobz looking for superficial evidence that will support, in my view, what eventually may become speciously fabricated bigotry of various types.  As I scan the Toobz I am talking myself into massive offense at these fabricated articles of bigotry, and leaving ring-and-run "insults" wherever I find such bogus specks of purported evidence of prejudice and hate. 

Yes, it's exhausting.  But also rewarding.

I find it a lot more rewarding, personally speaking, for my general mental health -- better than, say, actually getting to know people before judging them finally and negatively on the most wispy imaginings my paranoia and/or victim status can conjure.  Honestly, that sounds like a lot of pointless work right there.

One of the most satisfying things I do in my day is to find blogs that appear to me as Concrete Proof He (or She) Belongs To The Hated Other Tribe.

By which, I mean The Reactionaries.

If I can find a member of that Other Tribe, and commence piling tons of hateful accusations on his or her comment threads, I've solved global problems.  I've progressed humanity forward.  I've defended the oppressed and rescued minorities. 

And I've shown those horrible Reactionaries, once and for all, how evil and wrong they are.

I'm sure most of them appreciate my superior moral stance, and understand precisely what I'm doing when I scathe them, berate them, insult them, denigrate them, demean them, piss on them, shit on them, throw aborted fetuses on their doorstep.

I'm sure it's made very clear through all that destructive, negative behavior just exactly what I'm saying.

You know what I'm saying, fellow Progressive.

What I'm saying is, "Reactionaries are wrong, and when Progressives rule America, Reactionaries will be purged with concentration camps and extermination facilities."

Let's all join together in this fight to rid America of the psychopaths known as The Reactionaries.

the fireworks are hailin' over Little Eden tonight

August's award winner spent a lengthy 16.23 minutes with us yesterday, trying to make her points known.  We were busy raping and pillaging and generally reactionary-ing at the time, but luckily one of the victims of our pillaging knew stenography... so without further delay we present Ms Faggina and Mr Lohmann:

Sandra Faggina:  I wish I had a handgun right now.

H.M. Lohmann:  Here's one of mine.  Do you need ammo?

SF:  Whatever will blow your head off fastest.

HML:  That'd be the hollow-point.  Here, let me load the clip for you.  (loads 9mm clip with hollow-points and hands it to SF)

SF:  How do you shoot this thing?

HML:  I'm sure you've seen it a thousand times on your TeeVee, laptop, tablet, iPhone.  Just pretend you're Valerie Solanas.

SF:  It's so heavy.  I can't even lift my arm if I'm holding it.

HML:  Yep.  The ladies always say that.

SF:  It's strange.  I'm getting a little moist just holding it.

HML:  Yep.  That's what the ladies always say.  Here's a little secret.  The more you fight it, the tougher it gets.

Stenographer:  Are you two going to just sit there naked playing with your toys, or are you doing to start the interview?

SF:  To hell with the interview, I have something else on my mind.  Or... well... not really on my mind, if you want to be liter- aaaaah-  aaaaaaaaaaah - aaaaaaaaaaaaaah - aaaaaaaaaaaaaah - AAAAAAAAHHHhhhhl.  Hey, cut that out!

Stenographer:  Sorry, too late, already transcribed.

SF:  I wasn't talking to you.

Stenographer:  Then why were you looking at me when you said it?

SF:  I was trying to make you jealous.

Stenographer:  Of what?

SF:  Me.  And this guy right heeeh - eeeeeeeh - eeeeeeeeeeeeh - EEEEEEEEEERRRRrrre.  I told you to cut that out!

Stenographer:  Sorry, already transcribed.  And listen honey I'm just transcribing, doin' my job.  I don't care what you two are doing while the interview goes on. 

HML:  I'm ready.  Can we get started?

SF:  I think you're a BIIIIG reactionary.

HML:  Yeah, obviously.  Like that hurts me.  "OOOOH.  Scary label!  Lady thinks I'm a caveman!  OOOOOOH!  Scary!  Gonna ruin my day!"

Stenographer:  (chuckles)

SF:  Obviously you support ray - aaaaaaaaay - aaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy - AI! - aaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyppp.  Stop.  Wait a minute.  Let me catch my breath.

Stenographer:  I'm paid by the hour, so fine by me.

HML:  Where's that 9mm?

SF:  Oh I've got it right here.  I'm gonna put it someplace you can't reach.  But you have to lay back and close your eyes so I can hide it.

Stenographer:  Can I take a smoke break?

Thursday, August 23, 2012


...for your protection.

You know it has to be that way because we men, we can't do anything but rape.  That's all every single genetic XY human does.  Rape.

Take this post, for example.  I'm raping your mind with it.

Okay, you can smoke now.


In order to make this post and every other post made before it as well as every Toobz comment and every piece of email or legal work or fictional work or non-fictional work ever typed at this machine I've raped the living fuck out of this here keyboard.  Violated its tranquil, buttons-static-and-standing virginity.  Raped 'er a trillion times, I reckon.  Lost track.  She don't care.  She's got grooves worn in her!  Depressions in her landscape from my digits!  Probably don't feel a thing.



I'm pissed at Steve Albini.  He got way out ahead of me with his band name, Rapeman.  Right up to that point I was busy gestating a superhero identity for an inverted, distorted urban landscape.  What ended up as Rorschach (movie version) is a pretty good approximation of what I was thinking.  So that means, also:  Damned Alan Moore.  And again, Damned Steve Albini.  Why'd they have to take things so seriously and actually put serious effort into them?  I was wanting to loaf along another 20 years before unleashing those ideas.




Why do people invest so much in certain words?  They don't realize they water down concepts when they inflate something or over-use it?  Especially when used as a bludgeon, as an emotional weapon in argument or in drive-by put-down.  You may as well just replace the word with "asshole".  Or "shitbird."

Instead of looking for a reason to be offended by someone's words, why don't you look at the person's deeds?


That's right.

You can't really do that across an internet connection without video cameras, can you?  You can't do that at all!  You have to just project ideas onto the person's words typed onto a blog page or comment box.

Go ahead and do that.  Go ahead and decide, without meeting me, what I am.  What I've done.  Where I've been.  What I've seen.  How I was raised.  How I've been treated by other humans throughout my life.

You surely know all those things, just from reading one post, or one hundred posts, that I put up at a blog where the point is creative outlet.

You'd rather assume this is the diary of a madman, and that it's all straight from the heart, and that I'm on the verge of an Anders Breivik moment.

It just has to be that way.

Because you've imagined it to be so.

And you're never wrong.


Especially about this stuff.

Because some old girlfriend, or boyfriend, or wife, or husband once told you you have a gift for reading people.

And people never say those things when they are in love, regardless of truth... or when they want to have sex with you, regardless of truth.

You believed them.

And now, you think that when you project a personality, an identity, a background, and an outlook onto someone's blog post or comment, YOU ARE INFALLIBLY CORRECT, down to the last detail.

holy fucking fuck.

You better check yourself there, bub.


"Lohmann, I bet you never experienced anything that can trigger horrible memories, or else you'd understand these trigger warnings."

You must lose big when you go to Vegas.

Your snowflakeness is a construct, not a truth.


With respect to the word itself, I think Kurt Cobain tried pretty hard to get a similar point across here.

I'm not imposing or projecting anything else onto his use of the word.  I'm just saying, he used it, directly, and I wonder how many SWPLers might have been tweaked by that, offended by it, angered by it?

Were you?  Were you one of those people who wouldn't buy In Utero because it had "that song"?


Back to the title and first block of text.

For your protection the management of Collaborative Dissipation, or whatever this blog is called, has decided to remove all blog links except the links to those blogs which the management does not really like very much.  If you have been removed, the management is concerned for your security.  If you have been retained, the management is allowing your security to be compromised by affiliation with this obviously dangerous psy-op outlet known as Cremated Dragonscales, or whatever this blog is called.

HomSec rating: Deep Red/Orange

bilateral contract

Okay Doofus Pwog Visitors Who Blog Regularly Or At Least Comment Frequently If Not Blogging,

I have a proposal for a deal.

You stop reducing the problems of America to these things:

* Paul Ryan admiring Atlas Shrugged
* Mitt Romney being a Mormon
* Reactionary Cracker Christians trying to change Sophisticated Progressive Culture
* Democrats really are a significantly lesser evil
* The problem really IS that Evil Rethuglicans are reactionary Repukes
* Whatever possibly negative things done by Obama/Biden or the Democrats, it's not their fault
* Whatever possibly negative things done by Obama/Biden or the Democrats, the Repukes are WORSE
* Disgusting Repukes want to force you to have babies when you're raped
* Filthy Evil Rethuglicans are trying to destroy gay marriage by denying gays and lesbians the church ceremonies they deserve
* Obamacare is great because Obama proposed it, but it was horrible when Romney proposed it under no different plan except the name.
* The problem is Citizens United.
* The problem is Corporations.
* We can spend our way out of this economic collapse, with federal government help.
* Minarchism = blood in the streets.
* Glenn Greenwald is a hero who tells the whole truth, and nothing but the truth

If you stop all that, I'll stop making fun of your sainted, special, protected classes of people. 

* Jews
* Israelis
* Gays & Lesbians

And maybe we can talk about the problems as they stand, instead of me hearing and watching all of you ignoring those problems in favor of image/identity politics and your favorite SWPL tactic of being offended on others' behalf.

Maybe you'll admit that you don't have any problems right now, and further, that you choose to be offended on others' behalf so that you can ignore the REAL problems suffered by people with whom you may have some marginal ideological beef.

If you look at the comparison, I'm not the one who is spending the most time spewing hate or seeking power and control.

You are.

So maybe have a little moment, or hour, or day, or week, or month of GOD DAMNED HUMILITY?

new traditionalists

Since I am foremost a follower, lemming, and imprinted Lorenzian duckling, I have decided to do what all the Cool Blogging Kids are doing these days, and that's to reinvent myself with a new "handle."

Everyone's doing it.

Like the handles used by the coolest of the cool kids, my "handle" has a little tiny joke within it.

This recent handle reflects my true childhood, so those 4 stalkers who just can't stop stalking me and obsessing about their imagined pictures of me and what I'm really like -- y'all can stop now. The new "handle" is the real me. My most recent flattering photo:

How y'all dew-in'?

me in my dreams as a 7-year-old:

You may call me Shin Hayata.  Post-Beta Capsule.

me as a teenager:

No seriously I'm picking up DC101.

me after finishing grad school, at first job:

This office kicks ass, I HATE windows and love being downstairs.

promotional photo for the dust jacket of my first novel:

It's okay, everyone wants to be me.

While researching my first novel, I visited the detective bureau of a major metropolitan police department homicide squad.  Their sketch artist did a rendering that projected me 30 years into the future, much like they do when all they have to work on is a 30-year-old photo of a younger Unsub.  Here's the result:

I think I look pretty good for my age -- 27.

The biggest question is whether any of the 5 who read here got the points of my recent tirades.  Probably not.  Most likely they caused people to think, "that Ochstradt hates everyone and wants to go on a mass murder spree -- and probably will, soon."  Or, "damn, he's a bigger anti-Semite than Hitler and David Duke combined."  Perhaps "oh he's DEFINITELY in the closet!  you can tell by the way he, ahhhh, ummm... by the way he... errrr... y'know... by the way I project that onto him!  Yeah, that's the ticket.  Say, why does my woody always show up when I'm out with my bros doing guy stuff?"

I'm voting with the latter, myself.  There seems to have been a lot of that lately.  A lot of "Ochstradt is in the closet because I'm gay and I want everyone else to be gay too" or "the only reason someone would make fun of gay men is because he's gay himself and can't admit it."

Because really, no gay men ever do anything mock-worthy.

Not like when some cracker-ass upper middle class kid named Trent Oglethorpe IV pretends he's a Black gang-banger from the worst, most violent battleground of some big American city.*  That right there is funny.

But when some dude acts completely like a Barbie doll, and isn't working a role in a play or movie?  DO NOT MAKE FUN.  DO NOT LAUGH.  NOT AS FUNNY AS WHIGGER.  EVER.



Whigger got hissef choooses, yo.

SallyAnne was made that way by genetics.  Says so right here in the Journal of Specious Research Conducted by Closeted Gay Lab Assistants.  Out of 4 subjects tested for genetic origins of homosexuality, 3 found positive and 1 found inconclusive but not negative.  PROOF, bitches!  PROOF!  There's some weird hypothalamus thing or something.


I wonder how much Hate Boil happened when all these little poodles of prudish protectiveness watched In Living Color and saw the Men on Film skits.




* Apologies to Chris Hedges and "Jack Crow" for busting their acts.  Go on, Chipper and Bink.  Resume your natural postures.

intersex shun

Feti Seidal Frank was driving down Blastomere Boulevard, which is controlled by traffic signal where it intersects with Toddler Turnpike. As Frank approached the signal, Annie Abortionfoe was driving on Toddler Turnpike.

Annie had the green light.

Mr Frank had the red one.

Mr Frank drove on through, without slowing down. He t-boned Annie's car, crushing Annie severely. The EMT crew used the Jaws of Life to pry open Annie's car and got her to the hospital as soon as they could. 16 hours later Annie was in the recovery ward, paralyzed from about the sternum down through the legs and feet. All of her ribs on the left side were fractured. She luckily avoided rib splinter puncture of her pleural sac, pericardial membrane, or heart tissue itself. But the damage was severe.

Annie's insurance company, Everlast Indemnity Co., determined to sue Frank to recover the massive medical and car damage expenses it paid on Annie's behalf. Frank was served with the summons and complaint, and immediately called his insurance agent, Steve Slickwell, who was a captive agent for The Parsimonious Assurance Co., which insured Frank's car.

TPAC filed an answer on Frank's behalf, as well as a counter-claim against Annie.

The counter-claim advanced a novel legal theory. As articulated by TPAC retained counsel at Annie's motion to dismiss, the theory alleged to be grounded in solid metaphysics and denied magical thinking, hysterical fabrication, or divergence otherwise from reality.

The judge challenged TPAC counsel Sol Yppsist:

"Mr Yppsist, what are you really trying to tell the court? I'm not interested in your ethereal arguments, your puffery, your distractions, or your pretense at eloquence. Just tell me: what is your theory?"

"Your Honor, with all due respect to the plaintiff, we feel that she and the police are mistaken about the traffic signal colors at the time of the intersection."

"Mr Yppsist, you probably didn't know this, but before I came onto the bench I worked as an internal lawyer at the state department of transportation, and I am familiar with the signal recordkeeping. I've reviewed the records from the time of the accident and it's clear to me that the signal was green in the plaintiff's direction, and red in your client's direction."

"Your Honor, with all due respect, and I mean that most sincerely -- I would never try to tell your honor what to think -- but Mr Frank does not think "red" accurately describes the color of his light."

"Mr Yppsist, I have no time for sophistry. I have a busy docket. Look in the benches behind the rail, Mr Yppsist. There are a lot of people waiting to be heard after you today. Don't waste their time. Don't waste my time. Get to the point."

"Your Honor, Mr Frank believes that "red" is accurate only when the light has been red for a sufficiently long period to be not just metaphysically "red" but actually "red" according to Mr Frank's unique personal criteria for redness."

"Mr Yppsist, I've warned you once about sophistry. I'm going to ask you one more time to give me your position, on behalf of your client. I am prepared to dismiss the counter-claim right now unless you can provide concrete proof that the light was, in fact, not red in Mr Frank's direction."

"Your Honor, with all due respect, the subject of redness is not this court's area of expertise. It is, rather uniquely, an area of expertise that is completely subjective. The light is not red unless Mr Frank believes it's red. If he looks up and sees something other than his own version of redness, it is not red. That is the gist and essence of Mr Frank's argument here."

"Motion denied. Costs assessed against the defendant/counter-claimant in the amount of $4,000 for court administrative fees, plus whatever the plaintiff can demonstrate as counsel's fees for responding to the counter-claim. And Mr Yppsist?"

"Yes, judge?"

"If you try that argument again, I'm going to recommend you for discipline from the state bar. Stop wasting the public's time and my time with arguments you know are completely false. I won't tolerate them. The public deserves better."

kaw tawk

My truck was running poorly the other day.  I tried a little mechanical detective work to figure out the source.  It came down to the combustion cycle, the quality of the spark, the propriety of the air/fuel mixture, and the question of whether there was a bum cylinder due to piston ring wear or head gasket seal failure.

I am pretty confident in my mechanical abilities, but there's a whole lot of experts out there in the InterWebToobz.  Many of them pose at great intellectual prowess, eidetic memory horsepower, and a universally broad knowledge base.  I asked a few of them what they thought.

Well most people think it's micro-, like air/fuel or combustion cycle stuff.  But I think it's about the price of gasoline.  You probably paid too much for your gas, and this is the result.  Macro is where you should look here, not micro.

--owen paine

The first automobile was designed by __________ and prototyped in __________.  It ran on what today would be _____ octane gasoline.  The gasoline was refined by what today is called Amoco, or American Oil Company.  If we merely examine the history of spark plugs the answer will be obvious.

--Jack Crow

First of all, we need to consider the views of those who might be offended by slang terminology, which often is misogynistic and offensive to women and, most especially, gay men who wish they were women.  Consequently the term "spark plug" needs to be stricken and replaced with Device for Combustion Ignition Electrical Impulse Across Metallic Gap at Regular Intervals.  To protect the sensitive.  Once you have done that, the answer will be obvious.

--Michael J. Smith

I learned all about internal combustion engines when the New York Times assigned me to cover the construction of a Ford Motor Co plant in Brazil.  I saw one assembled on the factory line.  I've driven cars before.  You can believe me when I tell you that I know as much about this subject as the most skilled automotive diagnostician or mechanic.  I'm for the little guy!  Trust me on that one!

--Chris Hedges

The problem with this particular gasoline-powered motor vehicle is that those reactionary Republicans have controlled the Congressional discussions of EPA regulation for far, far too long, preventing average Americans from learning just how evil the Republican Party is, at its core.  (footnotes omitted)  As a staunch supporter of Americans' civil rights from my Brazilian bedsit, I can tell you with great confidence and authority that we'd know just exactly what is the problem if only the Republicans would stop meddling in EPA regulatory affairs.  (footnotes omitted)  Obama's been trying to fix that, but there is too much power in the Republican Party for Obama to overcome.  (footnotes omitted).  *UPDATE*  An astute reader has reminded me that John Dingell is a Democrat.  **UPDATE II**  Obviously he's a DINO and just one bad apple in the bunch.  It's still the Republicans' fault, mostly due to Bush/Cheney.

--Glenn Greenwald

The problem should be regressed to its original cause. In this case it is a matter of symbology, of semiotics. The spark plug represents something far more primal. The spark plug is just like a shofar sounded at the close of the day on Yom Kippur. It represents divine judgment on the adequacy of the air/fuel mixture. If you had read any single one of my many, many published works you would not have needed to consult me on this. I'm growing tired of these Q&A sessions. I'm ready to move to a nice squat in Tel Aviv and spend my millions on hookers and blow, Israeli style, leave all this behind. But I made my promises to MIT and Uncle Sam, and I'll abide by them. Barukh atah Adonai eloheynu.

--Noam Chomsky

We must begin by examining the concept known as The Wheel. Most people assume The Wheel is and always was and forever will be. However, there was a time before the Wheel and there will be a time after the Wheel. Right now we are in the Time Of The Wheel, so it makes sense to start there. If we examine The Wheel, we notice it is round, and is made up of roundness, round-ish-ness, sorta-round-ness, and then everything that isn't round is just not related to the Wheel. You're with me here, right? Of course you are. This is typical of my era, communicating like this. What am I communicating? Well, I'm giving you words. And punctuation. And syntax. Blank spaces, inked spaces. Alternating. In patterns. From all this, it should be clear: if we simply allow the spark plug to be in control of its own destiny, and stop letting gasoline be the basis for valuation, you will once again be in control over the combustion cycle. You, and not the spark plug or the gasoline. You. With the ignition key. In between you and the ignition key are several stages, which must be visited or else you will not have the key in the end. In each of those stages you will give up more and more control over the combustion process. But this is natural, and is necessary in order to eventually get the key. Confusing? It is to me, too! But don't worry. By the time you're reading this, I've been dust for over a hundred years and couldn't care any less. Viel Gl├╝ck!

--Karl Marx

today's apex

As of today, there ain't nuthin' cooler, hipper, radder, more _________ than you,

than a gay jew who hates reactionaries and admires labor studies, Karl Marx, and "economics" and hosts a hydrablog where his 6 imagined sub-personae feign superiority and starched-collar righteous rectitude.

Go git 'em, "Mike Flugennock."  We're all convinced your characters are separate people!  Good thing your fellow faculty members haven't figured out you're a "radical" Kar Tune ist and "hilariously intellectual" blogger!

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

jeeez. for just once, maybe try a little self-confidence?

I like RZ's perspective most of the time.  That's more than I can say for 99.9% of the sites I visit.  Often I get an idea from something at RZ.  Sometimes I agree, sometimes disagree, sometimes a little of each.

This time:  disagree.

People want you to believe I'm the only one who could see this.

I've said it probably 10 times before at least, but I saw these capitalism endpoints without ever reading Marx.

Without ever reading "economics."

Without ever reading "marxists" or "socialists" or "social theory."


There's a whole fucking industry built up around the works of Karl Marx and the ideological progeny he sired.  Some bastards, some apparently accepted by a majority of Proper Society, but lots of progeny.

I waded into a few of their websites after determining capitalism was flawed.


How did I see the flaws?




Two complete fabrications.  Both manipulated many times over, creating "value" that has nothing tangible behind it, other than what people imagine.

No possible way that can be durable.

No way you can "grow" something when the measure of growth is shown only in pure sophistry.

And from studying ecosystems at micro and macro levels I knew that natural resources are a stone cold heartless killer of any conceptual form of "growth" that assumes infinite resource availability.


Nobody told me to synthesize those ideas into an eventual collapse endpoint.  Nobody drew a road map for any part of the journey.  Nobody I talked to suggested I weave the notions together as a critique of human social organization, of the idea of "value," of the concept of "money," or generally about integrity in the intellectual games surrounding "what if?"

Still, when I first encountered a few Marxists, they insisted I'd read Marx, or one of his acolytes.  Or that I'd been influenced by The Glossy One himself, or one of his Acolytes.

What a fucking con game Glossy Karl pulled.  Though probably not intentionally.  He probably DID think there was much value in his absurdly twisted-round-itself writing style that did more intellectual 3-card-Monte than it did explain ideas.  Many of his followers sure seem to think so.  But the few times I've tried to read him (all of them in the last 5 years), I've found his writing pathetically pompous, indirect, puffed up, meandering, superhyperjargonized, pseudoscientific, pseudoprofound.

Those are the qualities I hate most in any thinker who bothers to write down his thoughts.  In other words, in any writer whose writing is supposedly an intellectual journey, or a road map for one.

Reading Marx reminded me of that fucked-up NOT scary "horror" time-thief known as The Blair Witch Project.  I was like one of those phony, helpless characters who didn't know that when you're near any of the Seneca Creek tribs you're never far from "civilization" and you're surely not "lost" -- just go to the stream, head downstream.  Fucktards.

Same with Marx.  Get to your fucking point already, you Glossy Fraud.  Shit.


Once you head down a path of making money manipulable so that it's just the concept of money that matters, everything will inevitably get commoditized -- and this is true in the absence of Marx supposedly saying it first.  He didn't really say it very clearly -- it's just what his Acolytes sorta agree upon, as a synopsis.

It's fucking obvious.

What's the premise for "value" once you allow interest in the mix?


Someone tells me David Graeber's recent book is about this subject, sorta.  I tried reading some of that thing and got bored instantly by the stupid historicity of it.

"Here, let me impress you with these historical facts.  They support my case by being the product of research, but not really by the way I show their relevance.  Their relevance is implied by my using them.  Because I'm smart, and you're not.  See -- you're reading MY book.  You've deferred to me.  Just stay with that theme, please."

That was my impression.


Value is either tangible, or it is not.

Production either is tangible, or it is not.

This is the divide.

That bullshit meandering done by Marx is irrelevant.

Just walk up to the divide, reader.

And ponder it.

Fuck Marx.

You're smart enough to get this without passing a PowerNoggin Parchment Qualification.


Here's 2 good questions to ask yourself.

1) Why would people want to move from durable value to ethereal value?

In a prior blog I created a fictional early ("primitive" or "rural") community in which a dentist, a farmer, a seamstress and a woodsman lived in a little patch of land and figured out ways to barter among themselves.  You know.  A dozen eggs if you'll cut down that tree for me.  I'll fix those tears and holes in your pants if you can fix my bum tooth.  Then one day the farmer needs a tooth pulled but has nothing to give the dentist in exchange.  How do they handle that?

You're welcome, Graeber, for that earlier essay.

2) If natural resources are finite, but ethereal resources potentially infinite, yet humans must live within the limits of their natural resources, why should ethereal values take primacy over durable ones?

I know the answer here.

Do you?


Do you need to puke?  Did you just swallow something toxic?

I have a remedy.

Go read Progressive Perfection at ICH in the form of Ira Churnus (no, seriously, that's his name):

Why Are Americans So Confused?

Be forewarned:  it's pure pwoggism.  Churnus (whose name ironically reminds me of "churning", a type of stock/securities trading fraud) is basically saying this:

The Democrats are geniuses.
Some Americans actually don't agree with the Democrats!

He reminds me of that flaming teenager who got onto YouTube screaming at everyone to LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!

Both morons, both have an identity wrapped up in something completely detached from themselves, both seem to live-or-die, attitudinally, depending on whether their external Hero is respected in ways the spineless, soul-less externalizer demands.


It's pretty funny how Tom Feeley pretends ICH is "alternative" when it's just roping stray mules for Team Donkey, and running that bizarre inverted pro-Zionist mindfukk with comments that are just cartoonish Goebbels crap.*

I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to find connections between Rahm Emanuel and ICH.  Hidden with intermediaries, etc.  But they'd be there.  I'd bet on it.

I'd bet there's no danger of the site shutting down for lack of funds, and I'd bet that it would operate fine even if nobody gave money.  The "publicly funded" thing is an emotional heartstring puller that has long been used by NPR and PBS.


* Make anyone who talks about Israel or Zionism look really ignorant, which implicitly makes people who support Israel and Zionism look elevated and smart by comparison.  It's a twist on negative publicity, and it works really well with highly manipulable, over-emotional people.

you still read newspapers? you moron.

"But it's a habit, Ochstradt.  Besides -- where else am I gonna get information?"

About what?

"About the world."

About what aspect of the world?

"About what's happening in the world."

What part of global affairs affects your life, right now, right here, at this moment?

"uh... well there's... errr... aaaaahhh..."

No, please -- take your time.

"at the very least, there's... ummm... y'know..."

No.  I don't know, honestly.  That's why I'm asking.

"For example, the situation in Iran."

I see.  And what about Iran is relevant to you, right here, right now?  What events in Iran will affect you here, today, where you are right now?

"Every time I turn around I am hearing about how Iran is dangerous to Israel and I wonder what we can do about that, what are we going to do about it."

We?  Who makes up the group you refer to as "we" there?

"The world.  The world can't just sit by while Iran threatens Israel."

You're right.  That truly is the biggest problem in your life right now.  You have $120k in an investment account, you're current on your $650k mortgage and your $48k car loan, you make $143k/year reported 2011 income plus whatever you don't report, your kids go to fancy private schools and you've already paid the '12-'13 year tuition for both.  Your wife just got new tit bags, face lift and collagen injections and looks from 15 feet or further away to have turned the clock backward by 15-20 years.  Your mistress is a 23 year old intern at your office and you can have her for lunch any day you wish.  The best 3 players at your club have asked you to be the 4th in their Four Ball team entry, and your swing and putting are at an all-time best level thanks to $5k worth of lessons over the past 2 years.  You just put a carbon driveshaft on your Porsche.  What could possibly be a problem for you?


Except for Iran.

"Except for Iran.  Right.  Don't you think we have an obligation?  As Americans?  As the foremost democracy and top superpower?"

An obligation to be honest and to mind our own business, yes.

"How can the world's foremost democracy NOT promote democracy wherever it has a chance?"

Where does this obligation arise, this thing you're talking about here.  What suggests we have to do this --what'd you call it?-- "promoting democracy"?

"Leaders always have a greater burden than the less popular, less powerful, less influential."

Sounds to me like you're talking about a fraternity officers election, or maybe the directorship for a new foundation you're creating as a tax dodge.

Why should any money, energy, effort, attention be spent looking at Iran right now?  I realize you don't have any problems, but what about those Americans who are struggling?

"They need jobs.  We need to boost the economy."

Okay, let's assume that's the solution.  Shouldn't money that could be spent on Iran be saved for more critical issues here at home?  Like this jobs problem you just mentioned?

"We can do both.  That's the burden we have as the world leader.  We have to spend a bit more than other nations sometimes."

And on domestic issues?  How many different ways are there to help the economy?

"I see only one, to be honest.  The government needs to spend more money on creating more powerful and vibrant sectors of the national economy."

You read that this morning, didn't you?

"No, I heard it on NPR.  I heard that there were many sectors that just aren't vibrant and are struggling."

Such as?

"People have stopped taking out 2d mortgages.  That's one place.  Fewer people are sending their kids to the more prestigious colleges and universities, which means those schools have reduced tuition income these days, which threatens those schools' vitality."

I'm sorry.  I thought most schools received way more applications than they could accept.

"They do."

So I don't think that's a problem for the schools, despite what you may have heard.

"But education is the best path to a more progressive economy and culture."

And the sky is blue and the sun is yellow and the earth is round.

"I don't get it."

You're not saying anything meaningful.  So if more people went to college, we'd be a better society?



"We'd have better educated people.  We'd make better decisions."

Such as?

"More people would recognize that the government is the answer to all their problems.  For example, take this recent poll of Washington Post readers. 67% of a sampling of 3,130 Americans understand that “there are many goods and services which would not be available to ordinary people without government intervention.” Only 29% disagree."

Wait a minute.  Did you just say 67% understand that the government is essential?  Understand?  As in, it's a proved fact that some just might not grasp?


And that's what you want "education" to fix?  You want that number to be 100%, not just 67%?


You've got to be kidding me.

pwoggy stay 'tis

Fake-radical CIA hangout master Chris Hedges has a new "interview" where he provides "street cred" by saying he's "down with the proles" reporting on their hellish lives.

Note he's not forsaking his life of comfy privilege and living among the proles.

Note that.

Note it closely.

Hold it in mind.


When a Pwog wants to show his/her "humanitarian" side, it's always through triangulated pseudo-experience.  This forms the essence of the core Pwog Perspective, which, when not focused on Achieving The Fancy, it's focused on Being Offended On Behalf Of Others.

Polly-Anne Pwogwell will lecture you, given the opportunity, on how devastating meth is for working class people.  Has Polly ever done meth?  Has she ever lived with meth-heads?  Has she ever worked closely with meth addicts?


If she had, she'd know:  the problem isn't meth.  It's the situation that drives people to seek escape in whatever thing, and in the case of meth addicts, it's just meth.

Pwogs themselves have escapist routes.  The Fancy is a big one.  Having fancy stuff makes a Pwog feel elevated, refined, tasteful and discriminating.  "I shop wisely!" says the Pwog, "and only buy the very best.  Buying the very best is more like an investment, so I'm not being excessively wasteful when I upgrade my 54" TeeVee to a 72" model.  On the bigger model, I see Jim Lehrer's face better, which lets me tell when he might be exaggerating.  I've seen that Tim Roth TeeVee show.  I know that you can tell someone's honesty by watching facial tics."

Uh huh.


Read through that obnoxious "interview" and you'll see Hedges mention, time and again, the need for "labor organizing."

This is a 1950s theme.  Backward-looking.  REACTIONARY, an honest Pwog would call it.

Except it's coming from A Heroic Pwogwessive Journalist.

(please ignore 2 decades apologizing for MoBroSam murder, pillage, displacement, torture of innocents 'round the globe)

People don't need "labor organizing".

That assumes that mere "jobs" is the key.  This is the sort of bullshit you can read any fucking old day at Pink Chipmunks -- this bullshit statistical analysis of statist "economic assistance" for improvement of  "employment figures."

Some think merely getting others employed will answer the problem adequately.  How fucking many times do we have to remember to remind ourselves that merely having a job is just more slavery?

If your job doesn't give you these 3 things, you're not going to find it useful in the long run:

* an opportunity to use your native or acquired skills/talents/interests

* autonomy -- a sense of personal productivity and authority, a real personal input into the work itself

* social value -- a feeling that what you are doing is useful to others in a real way, not some imagined way defended with sophistry or statistical wizardry*


The problem with Pwogs and Statists (oops, redundant in part, but remember there are Elephantine Reactionary statists too) is that they don't want economic reform or better employment opportunity.

What they want, solitary reader, is retaining their position on the Great American Social Totem Pole.

"I spent 8 years getting my ugrad and doctorate and it cost me 350k in loans.  I'll be fucked if I'm going to let them abolish my do-nothing, big-title, big-salary job.  I earned the right to earn big bucks doing nothing valuable."

"As a 30-year professor of labor studies, I insist that labor studies are the most important branch of academia, even when they never get down in the working trenches.  (Because, why would we do that when we went to Fine Parchment Factories in order to avoid dirty-hands manual labor?)  To recognize or even suggest that labor studies is wasteful, excessive, un-necessary, or perhaps misleading and destructive?  That's sheer jealousy coming from those who lack the chops to finesse their way into a confidence racket this good!"

"Since everything I read about, hear about or watch on TeeVee talks about economic impacts, I am convinced that economics is crucial.  I subscribe to four fiscal - slash - economic periodicals and read them cover-to-cover, religiously.  I always come away with new insights into why we have economic problems.  I'm not sure what to do about those problems, but I'm sure Paul Krugman knows.  He's syndicated and oft-quoted, so he must be a genius!"


Simulated beavers, busy building dams of distraction.


Now, Hedgy-poo obviously still thinks in the post-WW2 "leftist" Statist mode, the mode of managed capitalism, advanced consumerism, etc.  He talks of revolution being needed, while the sorts of revolution he imagines, they're nothing more than tinkering with the fringes.

It would be like a 70s band issuing a "revolutionary" new album by recording the same 7 songs as their last album, but with new lyrics and putting it in a different kind of printed-upon cardboard sleeve.

"Whoa!  New songs by Pwogtopia!  So rad!"

"The album cover is so cool, I wonder who made the art!"

The title of the album would be "Total Revolution," of course.


I'm tellin' ya, he's a first-rate fraud.  And if only you bothered to think skeptically and critically when reading his shitty essays and "interview," you'd see this.

Unless you can't remove your Pwog Lenses of Visual Acuity, that is.


* Instead of reading or listening to some boring, jargon-laden and highly pompous bullshit from some Ivory Tower sociology, economics or labor relations professor, you can get a much better feel for these points in two different ways.  

The first and most useful is a bit tougher, because it requires you to actually be able to live among, work among, and be accepted by working-class people -- a very, very tall order for most Pwogs, who spend an entire life sprinting at full speed away from working-class EVERYTHING.  The first is to go live and work among them, and talk to them as friends.  This is something the Pwog will never do.  Notice how Hedgy-poo got his information.  Does Hedgy-poo come from working class stock?  No.  He'll say he did, but it's revisionist history, hagiography, bullshit.   He got his info by being an "expert" who deigns to glide down from his exalted cloud and give the proles a moment of his valuable time.

The second and most indirect but still useful way is to read one of two books, both of which are far superior to anything Hedgy-poo has done because they're written by people who come from the dirty-hands, simple-words, basic-foods segment of American society (the proles).  Here they are:

The Mind at Work, by Mike Rose

Working, by Studs Terkel

sure I can

The 6-pointed model is the most deadly of all.

Paul Craig Roberts:
Any American citizen accustomed to travel America’s “wide open spaces” prior to 9/11 must be astonished by the sudden rise of the intrusive Homeland Security, a gestapo-sounding name if there ever was one. Porno-scans and genital feel-ups have spread from airports to bus and train stations and to the public highways, despite the absence of terrorist events. No one in their right mind could possibly think that a 90-year old grandmother in a wheel chair is a terrorist whose diaper needs to be checked or that blond and blue-eyed parents would have strapped a bomb around their 5-year old daughter’s waist. No one except the gestapo Department of Homeland Security.
(emphasis added)

Actually, it's very understandable. It's informed by paranoia. Jewish paranoia. Zionist paranoia. Michael Chertoff's paranoia. The Chicago Gang's paranoia.  It's how Israel looks toward all its neighbors, through paranoid eyes, with a suspicious heart that longs to strike pre-emptively to prevent the horrors Israel's nutjob murder-lusting "leaders" are so convinced will happen unless Israel strikes first with lethal, overwhelming force.

It's how a lot of Jewish people I've known over my life look toward the despicable, primitive, dirt-eating goyim too.*

From that perspective, it makes perfect sense for American "Homeland Security" to treat obviously non-threatening people as definite suspects in mass-murder.

You know about projection,** don't you, solitary reader?

At a certain point, if you're a crazy, magically-thinking Religious Nut, and a lot of others around the planet you dwell on have mis-treated you over the history of your religion, it's high time you examined what about your dipshittery "faith" or "philosophy" or "worldview" is causing you to have enemies in so many places.  You might want to examine what your followers are up to, in their moralizing and hateful behavior toward the non-believer / other-believing segment of the global human populace.

It's what a lot of Americans, both Jewish and non-, insist about the Christer reactionaries.  Isn't it?


You didn't see that?

You don't get that?

You think it's acceptable, expected and even preferable when the only harshness dealt, the only insults hurled, the only hate emanated is issued in the direction of "Christers" and "Mormons," eh?

You can fuck right off, bigot-boy and prejudiced priss.  Right into whatever you consider "hell" in your particularly superior "worldview."

And please hurry.

* Not all, of course.  In my teen years I was friends with a lot of people who considered themselves "cultural Jews" and never went to temple, didn't go to Hebrew School when younger, weren't obsessive about staying within the tribe in their social interactions.  Of course, that's how they became friends with an atheist Son of Eire, because they weren't tied to tribal boundaries real or imagined.  But the ones who tend to imagine themselves being the same thing as Judaism, or as Israel, or as Zionism -- ones who cannot look objectively at Israel, at Zionism, at Judaism but instead must always defend and apologize for those constructs -- their particular brand of insanity and triangulated identification with a more powerful "other" was always and still is obnoxious to my sense of how people who profess their own "tolerance" should be demonstrating the tolerance they proclaim.

** I'm not saying the linked article is the last word on "projection," but it does give a clear enough example for the purpose of this entry, its closing paragraph especially:
Projection can take a range of forms. For instance, if you find that you dislike someone, you may decide that he or she doesn't like you, responding to social norms which dictate that people should all like each other and get along. By deciding that this person doesn't like you, you can justify your decision not to like him or her, thereby setting yourself up for a self-fulfilling prophecy, because most people end up disliking the people who dislike them, even if they didn't start out that way. Projection may also cause you to assume that other people are as competent as you are at a specific task, or to think that other people share your political and social beliefs.

sick of ants

You think you're gonna have a picnic of progressive foodism?  Think again!  They have other plans!

Earlier this morning, solitary salivating blogstalker Unctuous Cloying Sycophant wrote in to ask if Ochstradt Industries, LLC ever retains proof of what it writes at others' blog comments threads.

The answer, U.C. Sycophant, is no.

All posts done by OIL are first-take, no substantive edit (other than additions to clarify partial thoughts) matters and comments done elsewhere are off-the-cuff no-edit no-preview with no record kept.

The rest of Toobzland needs multiple rewrites to approach half my wit, I know.  And to approach 1/4 of my writing ability, I know this too.  And to approach 1/25th of my analytic skills.  All true.

Imagine the workload required to turn out shit like what OCL does, or what The Reactionary Killer (Corey Robin, soi-dissant SuperBrain) wrestles over.  Imagine the work involved in wallpapering and whitewashing while sounding "radical" in the way Chris Hedges does it.  Imagine the google-search expertise at cut-and-paste required to do what The Crowbar does.


Please stand in awe of the great con-men of the Toobz.


Y'know, the way I see it, I'm just proud of what my grey lump can do, and I'm just showing that I have such pride even when it's been a source of harassment and ostracism, socially speaking, during my formative years.  We all need to be proud.  Sure, you'll hear a sexually confused kid talk about being "harassed" for always wanting to give "back rubs" for "muscle cool down" to the wrestling team, but hey, he's proud of being just like everyone else.*

After all, isn't arrogant looking-down-a-huge-nose-dismissively the very soul of "owen paine" and company over at the pink chipmunk hideout?

Why would someone mock that?  It's normal.  It's what humans expect of each other, expect it affirmatively, with welcoming eagerness.  Everyone wants someone else to piss on their parade, shit on their doorstep, fart in their MiniCooper.

Especially Christers, crackers, reactionaries, rednecks and misogynists.

And anarchists.

And minarchists.

And those who are skeptical about The State.

And those who see through the confidence racket known as "economics."

They all want to be mocked by a system that completely ignores their interests and hopes for a community.

Because deep down inside, they know -- the Leftists, the Progressives, the Marxists, the Liberals all know best.  Better than best, even.



* The depicted behavior is normal for all adult human beings. Everyone does this, all the time.

today's hipness pinnacle

Whoever uses "reactionary" the most, in obviously dismissive and disparaging ways, is the winner.


The word now just means "everything I hate about everyone who isn't just like me and doesn't see the world exactly as I do: as a progressive."

Woman gets raped?  REACTIONARY did it!

$75k new SUV gets keyed?  REACTIONARY did it!

Your public water supply sold to a multinational death-dealing corporation?  REACTIONARIES at fault!

Obama gives himself Ultimate Dictatorial Power over every American's life?  REACTIONARY interests FORCED HIS HAND!

Your wife left you for a guy who actually IS open-minded, rather than you who simply TELL OTHERS that you're open-minded?  Obviously, her new man is a REACTIONARY!

Your daughter got pregnant?  Obviously it's because REACTIONARY interests won't let the school give her an abortion on school grounds, on the public dime!

Obama caught in a Las Vegas hotel room gay sex orgy with executives from Monsanto, Goldman-Sachs, Northrop Grumman and General Electric?  No!  All lies!  Lies created by REACTIONARY journalists who are IN THE CLOSET because they're REACTIONARY!

Your favorite pro sports team lost to your most hated "rival"?  Obviously, a REACTIONARY fixed the game with Koch Bros money!

yuk yuk yuk

Unfortunately, the # doesn't work in Africa

just a reminder

According to some, this never happened.

...from the Pontiff of Pwogwessive Paw-iticks:

The thing you must fear MOST right now --between now and November's Momentous Election-- is Reactionary Christers and Redneck Crackers.

Please don't forget to completely ignore whatever you may hear from anti-Semites regarding alleged torture, murder, displacement being conducted by Israel against its neighbors.  In all cases those reports are written by lying anti-Semites who want to see a New Holocaust, and who support Iran's desire to wipe Israel off the map.

The truth of the situation is that Binyamin Netanyahu is actually Superman, while you're going to hear anti-Semites describing him more as Dean Corll.

The truth of the situation is that Iran is a bunch of savages, while Israel is a sophisticated, technologically advanced and sociopolitically progressive nation.  It is remarkable what Israel has done in 65 years, considering the horrible genesis of the nation.  After all, it arose from the Worst Genocide Committed By Nazi Germans EVER during their 16 year reign of terror.*


* However, when compared to other genocidal purges committed by other nations against a hated people, it's pretty small potatoes.  For example, over 1 million Iraqis have been killed by American forces in Iraq in just 9 years time.  And what the British did to the Irish?  Let's just ignore that one, shall we?  It's the sort of thing that tends to tarnish the legends created to justify and excuse Israel's continual history of murderous rampage both in its immediate region, and elsewhere around the planet.

the shivers

When I woke up this morning, I was in a cold sweat.  I had a strange nightmare.  I dreamed that everyone in my town had become SuperPwog overnight and when I went out of my house for groceries & supplies errands, everywhere I looked people were sporting some kind of Angry Command! style of bumper sticker, or Shocked At The Intolerance! tee-shirt, or Declaring My Lifestyle Is Superior! personal reusable grocery bags.

Even at the hardware store.

When I got there, a bunch of people who vocally support The Carlyle Group's new ownership of Missoula's water supply because it means we can now implement long-needed modernizations of the water such as new chemicals to "purify" it, new space-age monitoring devices for flow control switches, and the prestige of being owned by such a successful corporation with its expertise in so many areas of human life (or death) were semi-circled around the herbicides and pesticides display.  At the center of their halfmoon was a teenage boy, maybe 15.  He was being badgered angrily and endlessly by all of the semicircled Preachers.

"You're ruining MY water supply."

"Don't you DARE pollute MY water."

"What kind of trailer trash are you, that you would use such deadly chemicals on MY water?"

"Give me your phone RIGHT NOW!  I'm reporting you to The Carlyle Group!"

The confused lad was trying to make his way through the arc of arrogance with a container of non-polluting pheromone-based insect repellent for his family's vegetable garden.  Which, incidentally, was created and is maintained without any petroproducts, and also without "organic" labelled "nutrients".

I walked up behind the semicircle and said, "Steve Inskeep just walked in the front door and is e-autographing people's tablets and iPads, if you hurry."

The hecklers immediately turned and nearly sprinted to the front door.

I walked on, down the aisle, and got myself a small spray bottle to use when working on bike parts that need cleaning with alcohol.  Then I got some rubbing alcohol.  I moved on to the cashier and paid with cash, while several people stood and pointed at me for using cash.  "Poor trailer trash man doesn't even have a debit card!" one of them said.  "Typical!" said another.  "This town needs some beautification work," said a third, "it's a shame that such ugliness persists even after all the money, prestige, modernization and status that have come to town in the last 5 years."

As I took my container of alcohol in one hand and spray bottle in the other --because, as a poor trailer trash man I don't have a Personalized Reusable Shopping Bag which declares my complete superiority in a "green" consumerist lifestyle-- one of the former semicircle members turned and blocked my path.

"You poor man.  Here's $5.  If you drink that alcohol it will blind you.  My car is the green Lexus SUV outside with Texas plates.  Please do all the windows."

I looked at her with a smile and said, "madam, I'd be most appreciative if you'd go fuck yourself with a glass-impregnated baseball bat," and walked out the door.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

gum on shoe not same as gumshoe

Oh.  I see.  You went and looked at the goodreads page of someone.  Did it make you feel more informed about something?  What did you assume about the person who wrote all those reviews and gave those marks to those books rated?  What did you assume about the intent behind the goodreads activity?

Naturally you'll draw your own conclusions which will serve as the daydream propelling your hackneyed sleuthing attempts, or as the nightmare informing your bad dreams. 

Run with those assumptions, little one.  Mind how that bit of chewing gum keeps staying with your left shoe's sole.  It sorta gives you away as a piker who imagines himself more skilled than reality would suggest.

But don't mind that, don't mind it at all.  Around here, we're used to pretentious PowerNoggins who think their mental fabrications are the whole territory itself, and not just a poorly drawn map.

hey nonny biscuit

Hey you little fruitfly, bringing your Male Handbag (Gucci) full of Precious Kitty Feces to my doorstep, dropping it, putting daintily a splash of safely-carried flammable fluid on it, and lighting it with a swishy Take That Sister! move, and skipping smugly away.


Talkin' to you.

You don't know the author of this blog -- at all.  You haven't ever met the person.  You don't know the person.

So stop dropping by and leaving accusatory statements about the person.

They'll always get deleted.

If you believe you know anything about the characters imagined here, and wish to level accusations against them, and want your accusations to remain posted, then I suggest you start getting factual, and start using logic to tie the facts into your accusations.

I'll happily leave those comments up.

The others?

They get shitcanned, bro.

And you wanna know why?

Because, like The Crowbar's Life Partner, it gives me a feeling of great power and humanity to destroy things that someone might not want at this exact moment for reasons too obscure or embarrassing to offer in justification. 

Because it's inconvenient, it must be destroyed.

And your insults are a big obstacle to the life I have planned for myself, nonny biscuit.  So they get aborted.

Get your fucking imagined laws off the body of my blog, nonny biscuit.

reasons to feel superior, never to be superior

Leftists both mild and megalomaniacal imagine themselves the pontiffs of progress.  In their minds' glaucoma-riddled eyes, everything must "progress" always, and whatever is or was an established, customary way of doing things automatically is wrong and needs "progression."

Q:  Now, how fucking 25 I.Q. is that sort of thinking?

A:  Completely 25 I.Q. and possibly even lower.

You know where this shit comes from, you stupidfuck reader of retarded reactionary blogging efforts?

I'm'a tells ye right nah.

The Fancy.

The muthafuckin Fancy.

And it's related to The Story of Blimpie, which I related this morning.

Can you see how it's related to Blimpie's tale, you god-damned moron?  Can you breach the 25 I.Q. barrier and get yourself into the 70s?



I thought you were a fuckin' MENSA member, Mr PowerNoggin, Ms Angry Feminist Drive-By Scather.

What explains your huge fuckin' blind spot on this?


If you're not participating in the physical world and trying at all times to escape it, you're actually not living as a human being.  You're anatomically one, biological descriptors such as Homo habilis might not apply (too regressive, too reactionary) but even those angling toward Creation Science would agree you're Homo sapiens.  From all visual angles, that is.  But where your behavior is concerned, are you living as a human?  Or are you living as a holographic projection of a Space-Age Human Living Indirectly?

It's the latter.

Which, in your view, is a significant step upward.  You don't want to use any tool other than your grey lump, or the highly-sophisticated emulations of the grey lump (I think you pretentious assholes call them "smartphones" and "tablets" and some other crazy irony of a name, "kindles").  You've evolved past that.  A callous would ruin your beautiful palm's complexion.  No more hand modeling for you.  No more buffing your wonderful manicure when you're out for Manhattans with your metrosexual bros.

No sir.  Your hands will NOT get dirty.

Not literally.

Not with what your actions otherwise incur, indirectly speaking.

You won't see feel taste or smell the blood of those your PowerNoggin efforts injure or kill.  You won't smell the burning flesh of those your PowerNoggin efforts set afire with armament excused by your sorry need to feel safe and secure with Daddy Government and your willful ignorance of how Daddy roams the neighborhood destroying lives, homes, livelihoods and future enjoyment with his violence, his always sexually-informed violence.


You're gonna worry about what some stupid fast food restaurant manager might think regarding gay marriage... when you're not even gay yourself, and don't think this or that, one way or another, about marriage whether between straights, gays, straight and gay, straight and bi, bi and gay, bis, transgendered... oh hell, you do the fucking Chi-square, Mendel.


You know what I'm saying here.

You're just a pretentious little fucktard, getting angry on behalf of others.

Because it makes you feel important, relevant, necessary.  As a protector of others.  As a hero of your own creation.  As a Don Quixote.

Because that's what happens when you build a life around The Fancy, and you don't ever have to take care of yourself because your life IS The Fancy.

Whatever humans had to fear, existentially speaking, as recently as 1k yrs ago -- irrelevant to you.

Fer pedro's sake, you buff and polish Big Medicine because you are convinced it can solve anything life throws your way, and do so with wondrous technologies, fantastic pharmaceuticals, or in your occasional moments of spookedness run rampant toward imagined rescue-by-technology, merging with machines to become immortal.  Yes, Pwoggy.  Yes, Leftist.  Yes, Liberal.


This is your imagined life.

The Fancy.

You know only triangulated threats, remote discomforts, detached sources of possible non-standard experience.

So you build worry into things which aren't your business -- AT ALL.


And you ignore those real threats whose existence is certain but occurrence too remote, either temporally speaking (if it's not happening now, it's never happening is your unspoken guide there) or it's just too damned confusing, anxiety-producing or surreal, from your regular perspective, for it to be conceivable.  If you did sense its possibility for a moment, it caused you such angst that you had to dismiss it immediately.

"They're not passing all those civil rights restrictions to gear up for police state tactics.  It's just a bunch of loony reactionaries controlling that legislation.  It's because the Evil Rethuglicans gained seats in 2010.  I trust Obama to not misuse that power."


Because he's half-Black, 'n' shit.

Because he's articulate, 'n' shit.

Because he's a Democrat, 'n' shit.

Because he seems to support gaysnlesbians, 'n' shit.

Because he's giving us Obamacare, 'n' shit.

Because he's not using the power right now against me, 'n' shit.

slaves & johnson

The reason pretentious PowerNoggins play at some Epicurian Of Sex pretense is because they don't know anything about working in The Physical World.

Their only experiences in The Physical World are shitting, pissing and fucking.  Everything else takes place in the lump of neuronal tissue in the cranial vault.

And they like it that way.

The physical world scares the living fuck out of them.

This causes them to create niches in society for themselves, niches where they can fabricate all sorts of bullshit that they can then either use to sell something (manipulations of currency), or which they can sell directly (as a "writer" of sorts, though honesty or integrity never enter the scene... or as an "academic").

Because The Physical World scares them so much, they think their participation in sex makes them really really elevated and super-hip.

There was a complete sub-plot on L.A. Law, that obnoxious 80s TeeVee show about lawyers, devoted to this very thing.  The Venus Butterfly.

A PowerNoggin doesn't really know how to experience something and just value the experience itself.  No, no, no, NO!  That will NEVER do!

The experience must be described in some way, to some other person, as if to elevate the PowerNoggin.

The PowerNoggin now is trying to compete with you on sex.*

Or, if a really-existentially-fucked-up PowerNoggin, he or she is trying to cajole you into having sex with him/her by relating some sort of ethereal description of an experience he or she isn't simply pleased to have had. 

It's fucking hilarious.

The PowerNoggin is merely an ape, thumping his chest.  Or an ape-ette, doing some passive-aggressive thing toward other ape-ettes.

Once again, we see how the PowerNoggins are just about the opposite of how they imagine they present themselves to others.  Not enlightened, not refined, not rarefied, not special, not superior, and definitely NOT interesting.

No, they're just boring critters who are walking hypocrisies on display, imagining themselves the opposite, naked in a parade, thinking they have fine robes on.


* (He grimaced) What f--king Ian guy?! Laura doesn't know anybody called Ian. There's no Ian in her office. She has no friends called Ian! I'm almost certain she has never met anyone named Ian in her entire life. She lives in an --"Ian-less" universe. (He picked up a letter on the mail table in the hallway of his apartment building - it was a cable service bill to Mr. I. Raymond) 'I. Raymond' Ray. 'I.' Ian. (He crumpled it, then spoke to the camera) Mr. I. Raymond, "Ray" to his friends and more importantly, to his neighbor. The guy who, until about six weeks ago, lived upstairs. I start to remember things about him now. His horrible clothes and hair. His music: Latin, Bulgarian, whatever world music was trendy that week. He had rings on his fingers. Awful cooking smells. I never liked him much then, and I f--kin' hate him now. (He remembered how he and Laura had laid in bed together) We used to listen to him having sex, upstairs.

--Rob Gordon in High Fidelity

your tax dollars, spewed out the tailpipe

As I work from a computer sitting in front of a window on the street side of my property, and the view points at a mailbox, I usually get to watch MoBroSam's Fly Like An Eagle service delivering the day's dosage of printed advertisements and enticements toward sham opportunities.  Now and again The Eagle delivers something essential like a payment to me, or an expectation/demand for payment from me.  But usually it's the ads and medium-con enticements.

This week a new Eagle driver is behind the wheel of The Eaglemobile.  It's a skinny diesel who wears a biker wallet on a chain.  She completely floors the pedal between mailboxes, as if her very masculinity were at stake in the demonstration of elapsed seconds between mailboxes.

Anyone who knows a whiff or speck about internal combustion engines in motor vehicles knows that if you're always bashing the Big Rectangular Powerpedal to the floor, you're gobbling down Dead Plants & Dinosaurs, and spewing a lot of post-burn product at the exhaust end of things.  There isn't any efficiency to speak of when smashing the gas pedal.  None, in fact.

Since I know a thing or two about how to make a car go fast, I can tell you with honesty that Skinny Diesel Eagle isn't getting from box-to-box any faster with her pedal-mashing.  All she's doing is trying to be a he.

On my tax dime.

Sisterman, I'm not paying for you to work out your existential angst over the divide between Pussy Having and Penis Envying.

What you need to be doing is hanging out at Occupy: Missoula, singing angry feminist folk songs while imitating the Indigo Girls or some such shit.

There's only so much of that Dead Dinos & Plants to go around, butchie.  So lay off the pedal.

red neck, not red color party

Why the fuck is it that Marxists can't see that Nazi Germany = Glossy Karl's endpoint of capitalism AND dictatorship of the proletariat?

Why can't those arrogant ponces see that?

Is it because they're too busy patting themselves on the back for reading all that stupidly convoluted bullshit written by that con-man Marx?

Holy fucking idiocy.

Holiest of holies.

sadists projecting the cause of their pain

Israel's treatment of Palestinians is like the Christer cracker redneck reactionary NASCARfan porkrindeater fatfuck aesthetically-obnoxious-to-pooftahs jerkwater who comes home from work as a carpenter's assistant at a McMansion development where the GC runs around insulting (for no good reason) everyone the GC considers to be serving his interests in the "development project," and the GC insulted the jerkwater 3x that day, so the jerkwater comes home and kicks the living fuck out of the family dog.

The dog had never done a thing to harm or threaten harm toward jerkwater or anyone within the jerkwater household.

It was kicked once to the point of needing surgery.  That was when jerkwater was working a prior McMansion development with a different GC who basically treated all the subKrs the same way as the one just mentioned.

This recent kicking put the dog in a coma from which it will not recover.

Now, why is jerkwater being such a sadist toward the dog?

What did the dog do to jerkwater?  Anything?

A sensible, non-paranoid, non-emotional-reactor would see that jerkwater's beef is with one of several things other than the dog.

It's with the GC.

It's with the system which allows a GC to treat subKrs that way.

It's with the overall commercial system that rewards maltreatment and corner-cutting profiteering.

It's with the infotainment media who have been lying to jerkwater all his life.

It's with the politicians who have done the same.

And it's with jerkwater himself for allowing all this to go on, because he was focused on a new big-screen TV, or a hot new truck, or a new deer rifle.

chicks for free

Islam -- usury is wrong, never loan money and charge interest.

Judaism -- being moneychangers who impose interest is one of man's highest callings, and a good reason to require Pilate to order the murder of one who speaks against greed.

Christianity -- we're confused about money, Jesus tells us greed is wrong and to not value money (or other triangulated idols) above people, yet many of our evangelicals operate a church solely to rake in the scratch (and that doesn't mean Old Scratch, who isn't raked in but rather is invoked for the money-raking)


The entire picture of Israel, its behavior, Zionism, "anti-Semitism", murder and displacement of Palestinians, and the bullshit psy-ops of entities like the ADL, all of this can be explained by the 3 summaries above.

How fucking huge is the IRONY of Jewish leftists praising non-religion and separation of church and state in America, while defending Israel -- a nation premised on church/state lines being blurred beyond distinction, a nation premised on murder of innocents (Palestinians) in order to assuage wrongs committed against a people by some entirely unrelated group (Nazis in Germany)?


You want to follow Judaism, bubke?  Go right ahead.  But don't subject me to your bullshit about hating on Christers for their insane magical thinking.  Don't pretend you're defending women from violent rape by every single fucking XY chromosomal pair holder while at the same time you defend Israel or that fucking insane YHWH from the OT who demanded blood-for-blood but exponentially increased. 

And for sure don't go taking your own god-damned paranoia about everyone being "against you" or "disapproving of you" because of your fucking Jewishness, while projecting that shit onto me with accusations of homophobia or misogyny.

The shit won't wash, bubke.

And I'll happily discuss that with you in person.  With fists.  If you like.  Leave your poisons, your knives, your guns, your garrottes at home, and deal with me like an adult male capable of defending himself with his bare hands.

I'll welcome the chance to help you test your skills.

Or you can go back to being Blimpie the Chiseler and Shyster, if that's your choice.  And it IS your choice, bubke.

So what are you going to make of it?

pudgy, soft, unfit for physical labor

It's some point backward in human history, the precise date being relevant only to pretentious PowerNoggins because it's not about historical accuracy but instead about the impulse being described, and that impulse has been with humans since the first human walked the land.

In this random and vague past situation, there is a group of humans gathered by a stream in what seems to be a fairly permanent encampment.

Five males ranging from 15 to 26 are talking about the food stores for the upcoming winter.  The tribe has 16 members right now and the present stock of food can support them for about 2 months.  The winter is 4 months long.

"I propose we do as much hunting as possible between now and when the animals slow down or move away for the winter."

"I can help with that."

"I can do some extra fishing, I've been getting pretty good at catching fish even when the water is icy cold."

"Blimpie?  What about you?"

The ball-shaped 22 year old turned red.  He didn't have a plan.  He couldn't contribute.  He was winded after 10 steps of walking.  He couldn't hold a nocked arrow, he wasn't strong enough.  He couldn't fish.

What he liked to do was tell stories, especially ones that involved complex lies.  In fact, he lied so often to his tribespeople that by this point in Blimpie's life, they considered leaving him behind when winter broke next spring.  The lies were so extensive and continual that nobody could trust him.  And he wasn't contributing.

Blimpie thought he was just being creative.  "I've got an amazing ability to lie and make people believe me," he told himself in those moments where he worried and agonized over his pudgy unfit physical state and his inability to contribute to the work needed to support his tribe.

"I'm working on it."

"Blimpie, you're always 'working on something' and we never see any results.  We're giving you one moon to start contributing.  Everyone has to contribute here if we're going to survive."

Blimpie again felt abandoned and hated by his tribespeople.  He blamed them for not seeing his prowess at telling tall tales and sounding convincing.  "Surely those talents are worth something in the tribe," he told himself, "but how can I make them work for me?"


While he slept that night, Blimpie had a dream in which he travelled to another tribe's camp and began telling tall tales of the huge surplus in grains and fish his tribe had accumulated.  The other tribe's elder told Blimpie that they needed grains and fish for the winter, but had an excess of meat and hides.

That's when Blimpie woke up.

As he rubbed his eyes, it dawned on him.

"I can travel to other tribes' camps, and promise to bring them abundant supplies if only they will give me supplies in trade to take back with me," he thought to himself.  "This is my salvation."

Blimpie ran outside and approached Stalker, the tribe's lead huntsman. 

"Stalker?  Hey, Stalker?  I have an idea!"

"Okay, let's hear your big plan Blimpie.  I'm sure it's an interesting story."

"I can travel to other camps to see what other tribes have extra, and we can trade whatever we have extra."

"What do we have that's extra here, Blimpie?  You don't know.  You don't participate in any of the hunting and you don't help the ladies in the seed or grain gathering, and you don't help the ladies make things out of the hides.  How would you know what we have extra?"

"I'm just assuming."

"Based on what?"

"Based on..."

At this point Blimpie saw his problem.  He couldn't tell them he dreamed it.

"...on a vision I got last night, when I was visited by the Spirits of the Tribal Elders."

"YOU?  YOU got a visit from the Spirits, Blimpie?"

"Why... yes.  Yes, I did for sure, Stalker.  They were dressed in the same celebration clothes that our legends describe."

"Uh huh.  Describe for me those legends, would ya?  I think I may have forgot them."

"I'm telling you, it was just like the Legends we tell every year at the first moon after winter breaks."

"WE?  I've never heard you recite one of the Legends, Blimpie.  Though you do like to talk."

"In this Visit from the Spirits, a Spirit with a deer's head told me I should become what he called a 'trader', and he suggested I travel from camp to camp trading our extras for other camps' extras."

"A spirit with a deer head?"


"Male deer or female deer?"

"How do you tell?"

"Did it have any horns?"

"Uh... ummm... errr... aaaaahhhhh..."

"Blimpie, did it have any horns?"

"Uh... yes?"

"And what did the horns look like, Blimpie?   How many branches to the horns?"

"Branches?  It had horns coming out of two spots on its head."

"And how many points did each horn have at the other end, the end that wasn't attached to the deer's head?"

"Uh... five?"

"I see.  Perhaps this means something."