Thursday, April 23, 2015

let me congratulate myself and link to myself with praise

Fishing, just casting a line, while working the same theme worked in 2008 and 2012 on behalf of Obama (he's Black, so he's "for the little guy") we can see the willing Langley dupe working 2 of the 5 heads on his dragon corpse. 

Remember who got "arrested" in the fake "arrest" at Occupy:NYC with Chris "2 proud decades serving the NYT-Foggy Bottom-Ft McNair-Langley-MIT gang" Hedges?

The cat wrote an okay book in the early 90s but that doesn't mean his fake "arrest" with Hedges proves modern era bona fides.

However, the 2-of-5-heads animated by the voice of Langley assure us that this time, notwithstanding the bogus charade arrest at O:NYC, things are serious.

Why are the 2 heads deflecting onto a non-issue right now?  Why aren't they talking about the bullshit "rape" allegations at TomJeffUni?  Why aren't they talking about the other shit that's going on?  More importantly, what do these 2-of-5 cabezas, o los tres otros, know about anything outside hot guy-on-guy personals ads?

The Ding-Dong assures us it's all above board.  We know the Ding-Dong is reliable, since he's all about the social signaling of his pwogwessive pyooowitty (chapter 57:  now I'm a leftist, previously a donkophile, always progressing society with my opinions). 

Look at the little twisters go!  I bet there's all kinds of twitter one-upmanship (or is it one-upfemmeship?) happening.  Genius, really, when you think about it.  Gaytopia needs goat-roping too.

--Karl Franz Ochstradt, nemesis of numbskulls everywhere

Sunday, April 12, 2015

the secret? maize.

Have you ever seen the Australian version of the TV series called The Slap?

Well, if you have, you might understand why it's so difficult for people of a certain temperament to attend parties in a certain Northern Rockies "mountain town".  It's due to the frequency of encountering children like spoiled, boundary-free, still sucking Momma's tit at age 4 named Hugo and overindulgent, uninvolved parents like Rosie and Gary who would let their little Hugo break a video game controller, bite another child, get into a record & CD collection and leave it a shambles with possibly ruined vinyl and/or discs, spit on an adult, pick up a cricket bat and swing it at other children threateningly, again spit on yet another adult.  Who will set boundaries for this child as he terrorizes the setting and people there?  Obviously not his parents!  They are progressive!  They are pacifist!  Boundaries are for bogans!

The show sets up one of the most pervasive problem dynamics in human culture during the 21st Century, and milks it for 8 episodes.

Of course the terrible beastly reactionary woggy bogan is typed in the one human whose patience with Hugo the Heroic wears to the breaking point by the time Heroic Hugo is swinging the cricket bat at children including woggy bogan's own child.  Woggy bogan picks up Heroic Hugo and carries him away from the cricket bat and the children at whom the bat was swung repeatedly, and deposits him nearer his uninvolved father.  Heroic Hugo then kicks the shin of woggy bogan, whose now-exhausted patience finds him delivering a slap to Heroic Hugo.  Hence, violent reactionary.

To the progressive, woggy bogan shouldn't even be alive.  No response from woggy bogan would have been adequate for the progressive.  The progressive thinks Heroic Hugo should just be allowed to fuck with everything and anything in his Hugosphere.  Which, incidentally, is the entire universe.  It's all Hugo's.  Everyone else is just an annoying hindrance for Heroic Hugo.  Everyone, except for overindulgent momma Rosie and her always-available teat.  Rosie, you see, is Earth Mother.


Having lit the match, thrown it onto a well-created pile of fatwood kindling, and then tossed napalm onto the roaring fire lit in the first episode, the series creators spend 7 episodes exploring different perspectives on the event that gives the series its title.

The primary tension suggested by the series is that Rosie's friendship with others requires the others to defer greatly to Rosie's Earth Mother role.  Only one character is allowed to tell Rosie what she thinks about Rosie's parental skills (non-existent with a child for whom leave-it-alone is destructive rather than needed; there is a continuum between hovering and uninvolved), the rest walk on hot coals around Rosie, who sees herself as the champion of Violence Against Children, Which is Bad.


Violence is a piss-poor way to get points across with children.  It teaches them about violence as power tool and usually has the opposite result of what's desired.  Well, with certain children its result is opposite.

But as with involvement in a child's life, violence sits on a spectrum.  What Rosie imagines herself defending against is not what woggy bogan actually did.  Woggy bogan did not set up and continue a pattern of violence against Heroic Hugo.  It is the pattern that destroys a child, not the single occurrence.  If you have a leave-it-alone style of uninvolved parenting like Gary & Rosie, you get a child like Hugo.  If you have a constantly-hovering style of overinvolved parenting like some other humans I've encountered, you get a child who is a different isomer of the Hugo model.  You get a different kind of can't-support-self child.  You get the kind of child who thinks someone will take care of me no matter what rolls my way.

Both styles create, or tend toward creating, the kinds of adult who later become Social Justice Warriors if their aggression is passive, and manipulative Carl Icahns or Ivan Boeskys if their aggression is free-range and overt.  Sometimes you get a John Wayne Gacy, if the behind-closed-doors activity involving parent(s) and child are, shall we say, sexually questionable.

Several scenes with Hugo in his own home suggest the sexually inappropriate setting is there.


The hype potential for this series is massive.  It's obviously inflammatory.  It lets progressives and reactionaries pick up their rhetorical pugil sticks and commence the warfare.

I have 2 episodes left to watch.  Will the Social Justice Warrior perspective prevail?  Tune in anon.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

norwegian folk tales? in maryland?

I'm really mad at "my troll".

Last time I looked around, "my troll" was pissing me off.

The sorry state of my life is entirely the fault of "my troll".

I've been reduced to self-medication, to deal with "my troll".

But it's not working, as you can plainly see.

At this point, sanity is entirely vestigial -- if in fact it ever was there.

Friends suggest I was mellower when younger, but do I look mellow here?

Just yesterday, I snapped at a co-worker for no reason.

I got ready for my talk with my supervisor by evoking sympathy.

"This is strike two, Jeffrey.  I've warned you about personal activity on the clock."

But...but...but...I blame the caffeine!  It controls me!  And scares me!

"Don't bring that work friction home with you, Jeffrey.  I have a show coming up."

"Dad, I'm busy getting ready for graduation.  Stop hovering!"

It's the same old story.  Everywhere I go, nobody worships me.  It's frustrating!

My shrink was no help, stupid question, "How does it make you feel?" 


Tuesday, April 7, 2015

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Saturday, April 4, 2015

...but they're gay, and they're such geniuses!

Yeah right.  Flop-wristed Tarzie, light-in-loafers Glennie, both pretending to be the great sages of our era.  Both pretend they have the gouge on Ennay Essay Eh.  You hear/read either of these poofties talk about this?

Naaaah.  'Cuz bein' gay is all you need from these two fruitflies.  They don't have to know jack (crow) shit, do they?  Naaaah.  Just gotta be ass pirates.  That's good enough for you. 

Good one, little half-a-man almost-a-pair.  Be proud you're such great liars.  Or such a great liar cloned.  Whichever it may be.

--Paul Behrer, signing off.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

CFO interviews KFO

The entry below was written by Karl Franz Ochstradt in 2012, but for reasons unknown to me was never published.  I bring it to you now as a sort of, well, gift -- if you like.

--Chet Redweld


In a rare, crossing-astral-planes interview, escaped and retired blogger Charles F. Oxtrot finds himself resurrected and offered the chance to interview the questionably-existing blogger also known as The Undersigned.  Please don't ask how it was arranged.  I had nothing to do with it.  Oxtrot appeared out of the ether and demanded my assistance with his momentary return to blog-voice-projection.  I couldn't refuse.  So many people have tried to describe him to me, indirectly, through the mistaken assumptions they harbor when throwing accusations his way.  Or sometimes my way, mistaking me for him.

Your're following me here, I'm sure.

No more words, here's the stuff.


That's right people, I got a few nags on my spiritual, eternal and ethereal conscience, and I aim to voice them right here right now.  I'm gonna let Ochstradt help me.  If he can avoid getting confused.  

No worries, Chuck.  It's under control.

Karl, what the fuck is up with the people who are optimistic and excited about the present and future implications of this recent bit of ivory tower / Big Technology / Whored Science chest-thumping?  Have they forgotten all about Fukushima?  Or Chernobyl*?  Or Three Mile Island?  Or any of the other 55 nuke no-no's that have happened in SuperMerica?

Chuck, the nearest I get to understanding things would run something like this.  Americans worship technology just as strongly as a devout Christian praises God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, amen.  And probably even stronger.  On average.  Their idea of a better world for their children is one in which the child never goes outside, but instead stays inside and lives vicariously through a combination of smartphone, video game console, and babysitter software.  Progressive babysitter, I mean.  Soft touch.  Lots of praise.  No boundaries.  Just a soothing presence.  And growing more lenient each year starting at age 4.  Realistically by age 16 the babysitter software is now a tool that the child manipulates, hacks, modifies, tweaks to fool his/her parents into thinking all is well.** 

So if there is some particle-physics discovery that promises to change reality as we know it, radically so, like when we all knew the earth was a ball and not a cube -- like how that changed virtually everything for everyone who never travelled beyond a few miles from home -- well some if not most Americans are going to herald its announcement, because that means sooner, rather than later, they will achieve their fantasy of having technology make every aspect of their life automated and, best of all, performed by a technological substitute for human effort.

What are you saying, Karl?  That people would become cybernetic if given the chance?

Many would, yes.  I believe that.  I think a lot of people don't worry about such things as RFID chipping because they foresee a world where thanks to implanted communication devices of a nano- scale,*** they simply imagine a Starbucks beverage, and it's waiting for them when they arrive at the Starbuck's drive-thru.  Or their home "kitchen" dispenses 3 little pills for "dinner" and the "dinner" tastes just like the rare, exquisite meal they fantasize about eating in Paris -- but without the travel or cooking at home, and just as satisfying, plus LOW FAT et cetera.  People's use of Bluetooth devices and the like suggest I'm correct here.  I'm sure there's a segment of America that finds the Bluetooth slow, antiquated, annoyingly externalized, and far below what true cyborgs can achieve.  When Future Valhalla arrives, I mean.

That's what I think.  For now.  But what about you, you're the one who wanted airtime?


* If you actually are reading this blog and are young enough to have been born after Chernobyl, and didn't come here by accident, and have visited more than twice, that's gonna surprise Oxtrot.

** Good thing abortions are so easy to access, because that way lots of kids' parents never have to experience the anxiety of knowing how to keep everything quiet and get the problem solved without anyone knowing.  Best if only the boy and girl and helpful feticidal practitioner are the only ones who know.

*** How exciting!

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

tolerance, diversity, anti-racism



Well, the lawsuit is over, and GRH LLC got its well-reamed arse handed to it.  Judge Flappe was removed from the bench for impropriety in chambers, and lawyer Lyspe has been disbarred.  Our private investigator has learned that GRH LLC asked the Neuwestia Secretary of State to remove its LLC status and dissolve the entity, and mail sent to GRH LLC is returned with Return to Sender, Address Unknown stamped on it.

Rumors have circulated regarding Glenn Greenwald's notice of the lawsuit and eagerness to revive it with appellate proceedings, but it's our understanding that such rumors are engineered by lawyer Lyspe, whose fantasies continue to invigorate his detachment from reality.

In other news, a sadly insecure blogger out there in blogtopia -- a member in good standing of the semi-dormant BlogTrust, in fact -- has taken it upon himself to revitalize the Doc Pomus hit, "You're Oxy and You're a Misogynist Psychopath Rapist Teap Artier Repthuglican Closeted Homosexual who Can't Get Laid."

However, given the death of Top 40 radio and its supplanting by vectors like Pandora, we wonder how much Hit Potential the insecure blogger's revival attempts will earn.  In any case, we remain amused at the sad projections used by sad insecure blogger, since those projections tell us all about sad blogger's psyche and nothing about what sad blogger believes he "knows" about people he's never met.  After all, how can you know the psychological profile of someone you've never met?  We are reminded to return to Paul Behrer's famous quotes on the right margin ---->

All in all, it's been yet another Victory Season for UNSF and its roster of retired jerseys.  We await, most eagerly, the sad blogger's unfortunate attempts at rewriting history for his ego's sake, and our breath is bated for the potential star calibre appeal action of Glenn Greenwald stepping in for Butz, Cox & Dynia.

It's a great season, truly, to be an inactive blog writer whose past writing gets misunderstood by people who pretend to be literary geniuses.  Truly.

Your humble correspondents,

Chet Redweld
Paul Behrer
Karl Franz Ochstradt
Hyman Mittleman Lohmann
Charles F. Oxtrot

Friday, June 27, 2014

drip coffee > cowboy coffee

I don't think you'll find a more empty and meaning-free defense of drip-drip-drip couched in references looking at those not holding power.

Wish I was Joey Ramone, settling for Pompous Fraud instead

Thursday, June 26, 2014

the james bond car had a wicked dashboard switch for belching smoke to drop a tail

So when a pseudo-intellectual gets his or her smoke-puffing engine warmed up and starts belching those opaque clouds:

Conventional wisdom sees a transition somewhere around the 17th century between ancient ‘science’ and the genuine article we know today. Astrology gave way to astronomy, alchemy to chemistry, and the old doctrines of ‘armchair philosophers’ were finally abandoned in favour of hypotheses that could be empirically tested. Galileo’s experiments on motion are a school-room paradigm of the modern scientific method, while Aristotle’s idea that stones fall because they want to get to the centre of the Earth, and fire rises because it belongs in the sky, is typical of the unscientific approach.

you can see the tailing vehicles smashing into smoke-obscured obstacles, spinning blindly off the pavement, or driving off a cliff.

Stones DO want to get to the center of the earth -- that's what the pull of gravity does, and that's what the more meritocratic field of physics eventually realized.

Fire DOES want to get to the sky -- this was shown, again, by the meritocrats studying physics. Warm air rises, cold air sinks. But hold on a minute.  Any climber or hiker or backcountry skier or alpine runner or bicyclist who plays in the mountains will tell you:  temperatures drop as you gain elevation.

Wait, is observing this also some kind of magical thinking?


Blah blah blah. Just because you actually composed an essay-length gathering of facticity it doesn't mean your essay is clarifying anything for us. As with Jack Crow, you are using all manner of logical fallacy in your argument. Confirmation bias and appeals to authority are your biggest flaws.

I'm sure your audience Brights agree, though. That magical thinking is definitely what gets Richard Dawkins' nose out of joint, so it must be an existential enemy ripe for the purging.

you must be this tall

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

more on conduits

I've been watching Boss over the past week or so.  In the first several episodes, I noticed an odd channeling of another actor's style of diction and demeanor.

The guy who plays Ben Zajac (how are you not supposed to imagine Vanna White turning letters when you hear that name?) seems to have channeled the acting of the guy who played Broyles on Fringe.  It's weird at first.  But then as the season progresses you see how Dan Quayle-ish is the Zajac character, and it begins to make sense that he'd just adopt the familiar persona of a TV character who is a well-respected Black man in a position of hush-hush government authority, who has a steely reserve and a tiny bit of the Joe Friday stick-to-the-facts curtness.  It's an inversion referencing Obama as solid in humor as Chappelle's Clayton Bigsby.

He also plays a bit of the Kingfish/Slick Willie, but the driving reference is Broyles.

Kelsey Grammer is good as Kean -- did they intend to give his character the same name as the NJ guy who played a big role in the post-9/11 frenzy of creative distraction and empty analysis?

Kean's daughter is played by a UK actress who can't manage to stay in character, accent-wise.  Watching her preach to her mostly-empty rows of pews or whatever they're called in this fictional (or not) First Presbyterian Church of Chicago, it's almost as painful as watching Will Ferrell try to be funny.  The accent makes me ask a dead-horse question:  why are directors, casting directors or "showrunners" using xenothespians when we seem to have a shit-ton of Americans speaking the dialect and preferred accent and at least 100 of them have to be suitable in every other way for your acting talent and physical presence needs?

I'm guessing it's the SWPL-ish thing of having "exotic" reference points.  "Oh when I was running Pederast Place, I had 2 Aussies, a Scot, an Irish, and a Bangladeshi in my cast of talent.  It was like curating a piece of television history.  Besides, American actors are so boring."

I don't know who cast Kathleen Robertson, but give that person a raise and a bonus.

alex p. keaton says "deregulate and explore outer weed"


"David Stockman is THE MAN!"


"When I'm not reading/commenting at reason, I'm diversifying my portfolio."

You're not less obnoxious and not less obviously a greedy asshole just because you ditched the GOP and traded in the Gordon Gekko for the bacefook Trends Director urban woodsman pseudo-slacker costume.

I understand the urge to separate yourself from the other hipsters, the ones who think they're the vanguard of taste/style culture** while you're the vanguard of the business/consumerism culture.  They're obnoxiously PC and it doesn't take much time in their presence to start dry-heaving.  But why did you run back to the ethics/outlook of Bud Fox's mentor as your identity flagstone?

From where I sit, both of you hipster subcategories are sad, narrow-view tribalists with plenty of hubris in your public stances.  And no, your lame attempts to be bipartisan on pretending at owning irony, while practicing something which isn't that but which you call that anyway in your (as said) hubristic self-certainty -- they don't give you a pass on being obnoxious.  You're not parodying yourselves in a way that's like a knowing wink guaranteed to earn a back atcha

This grasp you fail to have on humor probably corresponds directly with your long-term social outlook.  In your view, "long-term" is 90-120 days.  Build a bubble as an Entrepreneur of the Ether.  Use modern psychological warfare (in your lingo, marketing) to convince people they can't live without this idea or thing you've imagined is profitable if only you can move X units.  If you can make money on it, that's the test of your greatness and the greatness of your idea/thing.  Utility is measured only in terms of whether you can get it to market long enough to move X units. 

It's no wonder your "humor" isn't funny and isn't even sufficiently dark, cynical or sharp enough to qualify as a knuckle-dragging pre-understudy version of irony.  Everything in your world is like the adult life of the mayfly.

If only your adult life matched its, though.  In duration, I mean.


** Known, variously, as progressives or leftists or social-justice-minded-Democrats.  Don't let the different labels fool you, they're all the same:  Daddy State will protect us because Daddy State is staffed with Good People Like Me Who Went To Good Schools and Who Have Noble Intentions.


You'd prefer to listen to Greta van Susteren, Nina Totenberg, Alan Dershowitz, Radley Balko or Glenn Greenwald when it comes to legal matters, and that's because you're stupid AND arrogant. 

Stupid because those listed people are not legal pontiffs, but rather quasi-legal spin artists.  Arrogant because despite what I just said, you continue to think that only the media-sanctified Experts can know anything about that broad subject on which you know absolutely nothing:  the Law.

You'll also think that Tarzie is "on point" because his gay lounge lizard snark toward Greenwald makes you think he's got Greenwald's number (as it were), but Tarzie doesn't know jack shit about the Law, nor about anything outside the universe of the essence of flamboyant downtown gayness.  If you want to know new blow job techniques for use at your favorite sex bunker filled with people like you (XY+XY), seek out Tarzie's wise counsel.  If you want to know what makes Greenwald a bogus artifice, maybe ignore Tarzie as readily as you'd ignore the reason commentariat or Glenn Beck.

I don't recall Greenwald, Balko, Dershowitz, Totenberg or van Susteren telling you what is the problem with modern po-po interpretation of 4th and 5th A rights at stake when they (po-po) want to dive into your iPhone's contents.

However, I do notice that the Supremes just handed down a 9-0 smackdown to Holder/Obama/Emanuel/Rubin/Israel on the subject of po-po leniency where iPhone snoopage is concerned, and I notice that I was correct when I told you earlier what's at stake on the Q.

Naturally, you should continue following your chosen tribal klaxon and partisan expert, because they tell you that you're a genius who needs no deeper investigation or understanding.   There's no way I could know anything on this subject, as I'm not a gay lawyer who lies about his expertise, not a trustafarian twitter-based ripoff of the guy who wrote Live from Golgotha acting as the catty-sphere's hottest purveyor of gay snark, not a Libertarian, not a Zionist, not a familiar NPR voice, and not a bad advertisement for facelift surgery.

Also, as the great sages Krogh Barr and diane! and Sprytel J. Chimchim have told you, I'm just a stupid reactionary who doesn't have sufficient respect for the Lefte Banke's colony of trinket-acquisition-based-progress.