Sunday, May 24, 2015

I killed my dog, but at least in the process I gained some social media fame

Some people are well-suited to animal companions, others use the animal as a punching bag/kicking target, or as a triangulated way to build a Social Media Brand.

It's totally worth it to destroy your dog's hips & shoulders just to get bragging rights on having the "fastest trail dog."

Totally worth it.  Your 15 warholian seconds of fame definitely trump your animal companion's well being. 

--Karl Franz Ochstradt, who (unlike you) understands that your freedom to do dumb things sometimes affects other living beings.

whom would you crown?

Blogger who does best job of ghost-writing different "people" who "comment" at blogger's blog?

(A) Tarzie
(B) Chris Floyd
(C) John Michael Greer
(D) Michael J. Smith
(E) Tom Feeley

When grading the above candidates, please consider the number of "different personalities" ghost-written, the names chosen for the "different personalities," and the images attached to the respective puppets.

Please also consider which blogger writes under his/her own actual name.  Those who do, those who can be identified in meatspace by the name under which they blog, by an actual physical address for home, and by an actual verifiable background supporting the "wisdom" he/she shares on that blog, should receive greater weight for ersatz authenticity, balancing against their sock puppetry skills.

Negative scoring shall be attached to those bloggers who imagine themselves doing a satire or parody, yet who fail mightily at such striving.

Positive scoring shall be granted to those bloggers who, despite imagined satirical/parodic content, ironically are doing little more than exacerbating the problems about which the blogger pontificates.

Also, please be aware that the true king of sock puppetry is not in the running.  This contest is more about discerning who is the next-best sock Geppetto -- please identify the blogger who, in your view, best emulates the true king's practice.

Finally, please do not confuse this poll's focus with any person's habitual practice on such formats as facebook, twitter or reddit.  Several of the candidates may have a sideline of sock puppetry on one of these non-applicable formats, but such sideline activity does not count in this poll.

Friday, May 22, 2015

youthful merit

Plenty of great CVB songs, but this one's up there in the clouds.

I think Doug Martsch listened to this song over and over while working up Perfect From Now On. Greg Lisher deserves influence credit for that album even though he didn't play on it.

CVB played this song 20 years later, it lacks some bite, Lowery's no longer invigorated by absurdist sarcasm and sounds like he's smoked a few cigarettes and drank a few 750s of whiskey, but really it isn't bad at all:

oh, the prince of fabricators!

This song is reputed to be a foreshadowing of "Edward Snowden" and his Modern Genius conduit, much like Gaddis's JR foreshadowed Milken, Boesky, Icahn.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

chuck'll along shortly to comment on Super Sock Puppeteer's latest duck-and-dodge-by-accusing-others-of-what-self-does, but in the mean time, have you ever noticed that it's really typical for the ziophile to excuse himself and his ideological and action-oriented fellow travellers by anticipatory strike rhetoric? 

It's a little like having a step-brother you don't like and who was forced upon you by your parent's remarriage to a new spouse you dislike worse than the new step-brother.  You may try passive-aggressions if you're of a certain weak-willed and spineless temperament. 

Let's call new step-brother "Hymie." 

One day, you come home from school and are hungry.  You look in the refrigerator and you see nothing that appeals to your adolescent sugar cravings.  In one of the cabinets is a large box of cookies that your mother is saving for a dinner party two days from now.  You like those cookies and start thinking that the two-days-off dinner party can go without, you want them now.  You raid the cabinet, taking the cookies down to your room, shutting the door behind you and chomping away.

Several hours later, your mother returns.  She begins her dinner fixing and in the process notes the cookies are missing from the cabinet.  Since she knows you like that kind of cookie, she heads straight to your room.

"Jonny, do you know what happened to that box of cookies in the cabinet?  I was saving them for the dinner party two days from now.  I don't have time to go to the grocery between now and then, and now I'm without cookies for the dinner party.  Do you know anything about this?"

You resist the temptation to beam ear-to-ear with personal pride in your clever chicanery, and offer your mother a look of compassionate concern.  "Have you looked in Hymie's room?  I think I saw a cookie box on his bed."

Your mother heads to step-brother Hymie's room and finds a cookie box empty of all but a few crumbs, and maybe another quarter-cup of crumbs is scattered on the bed coverings.  "Oooooooooooh.  That Hymie!" you hear your mother say. 

That ear-to-ear grin previously stifled now appears mysteriously on your face.  Victory is yours, once again!  And gained solely through deception! 

There are big things in store for you when you get older.  Aren't there, Jonny?

This household fable brought to you by Paul Behrer, your friendly neighborhood atomizer of reality

Monday, May 18, 2015

hoe pan chain djinn

The progressives assured us it was a major step forward, levelling the playing field, making health care more affordable.

Some people here at UNSF contested those assertions, saying this was a windfall for insurers, TPAs, and other financial vectors (including the health care providers themselves -- i.e. MDs, RNs, hospitals, etc).

Perhaps the progressives were correct, and the real improvements are hiding, waiting for their moment to shine.  Meanwhile, we get this.

This interim development sure makes UNSF look prescient.  Thus, there must be some lurking benefits waiting for something like October 2016 to reveal themselves.

free bee

(not a drone)

Systems analysis seems beyond most people.  Most try to split hairs already split 1000s of times, in order to carve out a tiny niche of expertise.  This pushes people into narrow views.  Holism is dead, long live the infinitesimal niche, over which one is Absolute Lord.

Apparently people think this is useful.  Everyone an expert, and a proper gathering of experts leads to a meritocratically wise consensus. 

Using an automotive analogy, can you imagine this being good/wise/respectable?  Instead of being able to take your ailing vehicle to a single garage/mechanic, you have to go to an infinite number of them.  One for your braking system.  One for your exhaust system.  One for your transmission.  One for your differential.  One for your driveshaft.  One for your clutch.  One for your steering assembly.  One for your intake system.  One for your camshaft.  One for your valves.  One for your carburetor/injection system.  One for your ignition system. 

No mechanic could possibly do all those things!  Not as an expert!  IMPOSSIBLE!

If my metaphor continues in the same way I've watched other dimensions of American culture continue, soon that list of individual mechanical specialty experts will be expanded.  Exhaust expert fractions into exhaust manifold experts, exhaust tubing experts, catalytic converter experts, muffler experts, tailpipe experts.  Then further into specific expertise:  not just an exhaust tubing expert, but a Ford exhaust tubing expert.  HE KNOWS NOTHING OF CHEVROLET EXHAUST TUBING! says sideline fanboy/shadetree pseudo-mechanic on the internet.FN

It's all pathetic at best, lampoonable on average, and puke-inducingly destructive at worst.

What could you possibly know about any of this, Redweld?  You're an internet construct and your C.V. is not posted, and even if it were, you couldn't possibly hold prestigious degrees in every subject you have addressed since assuming control over this blog!  I bet you don't even have a degree, let alone several, much less as many as needed to be a Real Expert and True Genius of Everything!

I hear you, random internet idiot.  Loud and clear. 

But it sounds mostly like static.


I would suggest you spend some time looking into this guy's overblown areas of wisdom.  Nobody could know what he knows.  He hasn't properly specialized in a microscopic niche!


FN - Shadetree know-nothing doesn't realize exhaust tubing doesn't care whether it gets connected to a Fiat, a Lada, a Yugo, a Cadillac, a Ferrari, a Bentley, or a Lamborghini. 

Saturday, May 16, 2015

not true until authorities say it's true

The 99% Are Ignorant, But We Can Educate Them
by Chris Hedges
Disinformation Clearing House
May 15, 2015

Currency valuation rigging?  By banks?  Or currency traders?  NEVER!  They are merit-ful people who gained their stations through prestige parchment and immense native talents of the sort you'd never hold, let alone develop adequately. 

The finest people work hard to achieve positions of worth.  If someone is an executive making decisions for a financial entity, rest assured he or she knows more about financial affairs than you.  Otherwise it would be you making those decisions!

People in positions of decisive power deserve to be there.  And in those positions, they exercise great care and rely upon preternatural talents to make far-reaching decisions for the benefit of all.  They would never make decisions which benefit only a small percentage of humanity.  If they were that imbalanced and overselfish, they would be you, sitting on the sidelines, complaining about the decisions. 

Everyone rises to their appropriate station.  The system we have in place circa 2015 ensures that merit, and not graft or favoritism or old-boy-networks, determines who gets to climb the ladder.  It's most probable that if you see a decision which appears to be corrupted by powerful influences, you just don't know enough about the subject or applicable landscape to understand the decision and its holistic impulses.

As a journalist who spent 20+ years covering global matters for The New York Times, I am familiar with those Americans who toil in the corner offices spread throughout the financial world.  I did occasionally encounter someone whose abilities or agenda were in some minor way questionable and perhaps untoward.  Yet in every case where I found such a person, the system prevented him from advancing further.

The system we have works well.  It relies upon merit and talent.  To prove this, I got arrested at Occupy: Wall Street, where I was protesting about one of the few financial executives (a Republican, of course) who wasn't in his position because of merit or talent.  He was installed there by GOP cronyism, and I wanted Wall Street to know that I knew this.  Basically I was threatening Wall Street with my journalistic exposure of the GOP crony.  As a result, Cornel West and I were arrested, mostly because NYPD is run by GOP operatives. 

As you can see, the real problem is the GOP.  It's not our financial system, which is 99% pure in motive and noble in purpose.  And I beg of you to notice that this fallacious story was run by The New York Times after my tenure there ended, so it is of marginal importance and questionable veracity at best.  I would urge all good progressives like myself to be skeptical of such GOP propaganda.  The once-honorable NYT has been in an embarrassing backslide since my days working there.  We can count on Elizabeth Warren to change those reactionary regressions in our media, and to spot and expose chicanery wherever it arises on the financial landscape.

Remember, I'm for the little guy.  And you can trust me when I tell you that Wall Street is, for the most part, also in favor of helping the little guy, the average American.  As a regular guy yourself, you should know that I'm sincere when I say this, because I was arrested when trying to help the 99% avoid the nefarious cronyism worked by the GOP's one-percenters. 

Friday, May 15, 2015

hand = short

If you can point me in the direction of one person on the internet who actually knows what she or he is talking about, and isn't merely restating what someone else said from a position of greater illusory expertise, I promise to begin making a list of Real Geniuses for your reading and researching ease.

Alternatively, we could list all the "experts" who write interesting plagiarisms of others' supposed wisdom but presented as their own.  However, I don't think I have enough hours left in this mortal realm to compile such a long list.

Maybe we should look for another topic.  Here's a good one.

I don't think the Venn diagram will help 98% of Internet users.

Well then, how about this one?

Perhaps the subtlety is too nebulous there.  Let's try another.

That one is pretty obvious in suggesting the difference between Irony and hipster irony.  Yet it may still be too obscure for most.

Inigo may be funnier than Mandy.  Is that ironic?

Let's go back to Parody vs Satire, though.  I know a lot of people who think Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart and Bill Maher are/were satirists.

If the only thing your schtick does is tell its audience they are superior for being not what you are mocking, that's not satire.

Things get murkier at the alleged "home of Internet satire" known as The Onion.  La Cebolla imagines itself a font of satire, but it's actually a nerve center for parody.

Let's recap.

Throughout the history of the Internet, participating internet commenters and writers have repeatedly demonstrated the following:

* most people label as "ironic" things which are not

* most people call parody "satire"

* most people encountering satire call it hate, prejudice, ignorance, or anything but what it is

* many people who fancy themselves writers can't tell irony from parody from satire

This fellow would not be surprised:

Enrico Fermi would ask why the Expert Meme applies to a fellow who copied Fermi's ideas and claimed them as his own.

--Hyman M. Lohmann

Thursday, April 23, 2015

let me congratulate myself and link to myself with praise

Fishing, just casting a line, while working the same theme worked in 2008 and 2012 on behalf of Obama (he's Black, so he's "for the little guy") we can see the willing Langley dupe working 2 of the 5 heads on his dragon corpse. 

Remember who got "arrested" in the fake "arrest" at Occupy:NYC with Chris "2 proud decades serving the NYT-Foggy Bottom-Ft McNair-Langley-MIT gang" Hedges?

The cat wrote an okay book in the early 90s but that doesn't mean his fake "arrest" with Hedges proves modern era bona fides.

However, the 2-of-5-heads animated by the voice of Langley assure us that this time, notwithstanding the bogus charade arrest at O:NYC, things are serious.

Why are the 2 heads deflecting onto a non-issue right now?  Why aren't they talking about the bullshit "rape" allegations at TomJeffUni?  Why aren't they talking about the other shit that's going on?  More importantly, what do these 2-of-5 cabezas, o los tres otros, know about anything outside hot guy-on-guy personals ads?

The Ding-Dong assures us it's all above board.  We know the Ding-Dong is reliable, since he's all about the social signaling of his pwogwessive pyooowitty (chapter 57:  now I'm a leftist, previously a donkophile, always progressing society with my opinions). 

Look at the little twisters go!  I bet there's all kinds of twitter one-upmanship (or is it one-upfemmeship?) happening.  Genius, really, when you think about it.  Gaytopia needs goat-roping too.

--Karl Franz Ochstradt, nemesis of numbskulls everywhere

Sunday, April 12, 2015

the secret? maize.

Have you ever seen the Australian version of the TV series called The Slap?

Well, if you have, you might understand why it's so difficult for people of a certain temperament to attend parties in a certain Northern Rockies "mountain town".  It's due to the frequency of encountering children like spoiled, boundary-free, still sucking Momma's tit at age 4 named Hugo and overindulgent, uninvolved parents like Rosie and Gary who would let their little Hugo break a video game controller, bite another child, get into a record & CD collection and leave it a shambles with possibly ruined vinyl and/or discs, spit on an adult, pick up a cricket bat and swing it at other children threateningly, again spit on yet another adult.  Who will set boundaries for this child as he terrorizes the setting and people there?  Obviously not his parents!  They are progressive!  They are pacifist!  Boundaries are for bogans!

The show sets up one of the most pervasive problem dynamics in human culture during the 21st Century, and milks it for 8 episodes.

Of course the terrible beastly reactionary woggy bogan is typed in the one human whose patience with Hugo the Heroic wears to the breaking point by the time Heroic Hugo is swinging the cricket bat at children including woggy bogan's own child.  Woggy bogan picks up Heroic Hugo and carries him away from the cricket bat and the children at whom the bat was swung repeatedly, and deposits him nearer his uninvolved father.  Heroic Hugo then kicks the shin of woggy bogan, whose now-exhausted patience finds him delivering a slap to Heroic Hugo.  Hence, violent reactionary.

To the progressive, woggy bogan shouldn't even be alive.  No response from woggy bogan would have been adequate for the progressive.  The progressive thinks Heroic Hugo should just be allowed to fuck with everything and anything in his Hugosphere.  Which, incidentally, is the entire universe.  It's all Hugo's.  Everyone else is just an annoying hindrance for Heroic Hugo.  Everyone, except for overindulgent momma Rosie and her always-available teat.  Rosie, you see, is Earth Mother.


Having lit the match, thrown it onto a well-created pile of fatwood kindling, and then tossed napalm onto the roaring fire lit in the first episode, the series creators spend 7 episodes exploring different perspectives on the event that gives the series its title.

The primary tension suggested by the series is that Rosie's friendship with others requires the others to defer greatly to Rosie's Earth Mother role.  Only one character is allowed to tell Rosie what she thinks about Rosie's parental skills (non-existent with a child for whom leave-it-alone is destructive rather than needed; there is a continuum between hovering and uninvolved), the rest walk on hot coals around Rosie, who sees herself as the champion of Violence Against Children, Which is Bad.


Violence is a piss-poor way to get points across with children.  It teaches them about violence as power tool and usually has the opposite result of what's desired.  Well, with certain children its result is opposite.

But as with involvement in a child's life, violence sits on a spectrum.  What Rosie imagines herself defending against is not what woggy bogan actually did.  Woggy bogan did not set up and continue a pattern of violence against Heroic Hugo.  It is the pattern that destroys a child, not the single occurrence.  If you have a leave-it-alone style of uninvolved parenting like Gary & Rosie, you get a child like Hugo.  If you have a constantly-hovering style of overinvolved parenting like some other humans I've encountered, you get a child who is a different isomer of the Hugo model.  You get a different kind of can't-support-self child.  You get the kind of child who thinks someone will take care of me no matter what rolls my way.

Both styles create, or tend toward creating, the kinds of adult who later become Social Justice Warriors if their aggression is passive, and manipulative Carl Icahns or Ivan Boeskys if their aggression is free-range and overt.  Sometimes you get a John Wayne Gacy, if the behind-closed-doors activity involving parent(s) and child are, shall we say, sexually questionable.

Several scenes with Hugo in his own home suggest the sexually inappropriate setting is there.


The hype potential for this series is massive.  It's obviously inflammatory.  It lets progressives and reactionaries pick up their rhetorical pugil sticks and commence the warfare.

I have 2 episodes left to watch.  Will the Social Justice Warrior perspective prevail?  Tune in anon.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

norwegian folk tales? in maryland?

I'm really mad at "my troll".

Last time I looked around, "my troll" was pissing me off.

The sorry state of my life is entirely the fault of "my troll".

I've been reduced to self-medication, to deal with "my troll".

But it's not working, as you can plainly see.

At this point, sanity is entirely vestigial -- if in fact it ever was there.

Friends suggest I was mellower when younger, but do I look mellow here?

Just yesterday, I snapped at a co-worker for no reason.

I got ready for my talk with my supervisor by evoking sympathy.

"This is strike two, Jeffrey.  I've warned you about personal activity on the clock."

But...but...but...I blame the caffeine!  It controls me!  And scares me!

"Don't bring that work friction home with you, Jeffrey.  I have a show coming up."

"Dad, I'm busy getting ready for graduation.  Stop hovering!"

It's the same old story.  Everywhere I go, nobody worships me.  It's frustrating!

My shrink was no help, stupid question, "How does it make you feel?" 


Tuesday, April 7, 2015

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